“I’m going to murder
these dwarves,” you say, ducking to avoid getting hit from a bowl.
These dwarves just popped up out of nowhere
and you were NOT happy about it. While Biblo was more subdued, you were not.
You always spoke your mind and if it meant yelling, so be it. You and Bilbo
were basically opposites. Your house is going to be in ruins if they keep this
They noise pauses as there is a knock on the
“He is here,” you hear the wizard
mutter. Seeing that you’re closest to the door, you go to open it.
The sight that greats you is that of a very
regal looking dwarf. He must be very important. He nods at you as you let him
in. You did not want to say anything in fear you might offend these dwarrow and
stab one of them.
By now the others have gathered around.
“Gandalf. I thought you said this place
would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice,” he says, nodding at who I
remembered to be Dwalin, Dori and Ori. You watch carefully as Ori and Dori come
close to bowing. He must be VERY important. “I wouldn’t have found it at all had
it not been for the mark on the door,” the dwarf states as you close the
“There is no mark on that door! It was painted
a weak ago!” Bilbo exclaims as the dwarf hands his coat over to Kili, finally
joining the unexpected party.
“There is a mark. I put it there myself. Bilbo
Baggins. I would like to introduce you to the leader of our company, Thorin
Oakenshield,” Gandalf introduces and you make sure to remember his name.
Thorin smirks, looking at your brother and for
some reason it infuriates you more than it should have.
“So this is the hobbit. Tell me, master
baggins. Have you done much fighting?” Thorin asks circling Bilbo and you
clench your fists.
You may be 10 years younger than Bilbo, but you
were still very over-protective.
“Pardon me?” Bilbo asks, sounding confused
which makes sense. He wasn’t much of a fighter. You were. He didn’t know that
of course, but that’s a story for another time.
“Ax or sword? What is your weapon of choice?”
Thorin asks again, still eying him over.
“I do have some skills in conkers if you must
know, but I fail to see how that is relevant,” Bilbo replies, straightening
himself out to look not frightened.
Thorin smirks again.
“Thought as much. He looks more like a grocer
than a burglar,” he states making everyone laugh.
That is it. You swiftly grab Thorin’s sword
from his belt, twirling it a bit before pointing it at the dwarf’s neck.
Everyone looks at you in shock. They did not
understand how you could take Thorin’s weapon from him so easily.
“You do not, Mr. Oakenshield, get to come into
our home and insult my brother. He was gracious enough to feed the mouths of
those that we do not know. I think he deserves some respect,” you growl out.
Thorin is glaring a hole through your head.
The doorbell rings again and you finally lose
“If this another one of you fucking dwarves, I’m
going to fucking castrate every single one of you!” You shout, moving to open
the door again.
Instead of a dwarf, it’s your worst nightmare.
You’re frown deepens more as you are met with the pig face of Lobelia Sackville
“What do you want Lobelia?” you ask coldly. “I
just wanted to tell you that you and your brother are making too much noise. It
is not proper of a Baggins-“
“Listen here you utter twat! You are not a
Baggins. You are a Bracegriddle. And for your information, we are also Tooks.
Now, I am tired of seeing your ugly mug. So would you please do me the favor of
kindly fucking off,” you shout, slamming the door in her face.
You turn towards the company and hand Thorin
back his sword.
“I’m going to turn in before I just murder all
of you,” you say, pushing pass the company and walkin to your room, but not
before hearing Kili and Fili say, “we need her on this quest.”
Ian Dory is strong. In the last year he has sent Wheel of Life (9a+), Paint it Black (8c) and competed in American Ninja Warrior. In this short film, Ian Dory discusses the process, heartbreak, and triumph of working mega-projects.