I met @raindovemodel today and just wanted to say she is such a delightful person. So good at listening and eager to help others. Her friends and the people at tomboyx / =X were also really kind! I’m so excited for the future of fashion and film because people like Rain are making a positive influence. We need more representation in media of people who defy labels and the idea of a binary gender. Thank you Rain for taking time to hangout with me (: and more importantly thank you for being visible and for being yourself. Thank you to my roommate who always encourages me to do great things. I had to have her there beside me to make sure I didn’t freak out. Oswin had to be there because as a dog that doesn’t confine herself to gender norms, she loves Rain too!
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hoo boy this is a lengthy one obvious warnings for depression, self-harm, and death/suicide.
there are many, many Vocaloid songs that center around ‘emotionally heavy’ themes so i tried to stick to topics of ‘depression’ or ‘melancholy’ rather than others like ‘breakup’ or ‘loss.’
producer Nashimoto-P is like the king of Vocaloid songs about depression, so check out more of his work.
i would also like to share THIS song here…it is a piano cover by koma’n of sasakure.uk’s GUMI song Campanella. i listen to it when i feel like shit and it really helps me get some peace of mind again. i hope by sharing it i can help someone too.
Text her back. Phone her, do something while there is still a chance because that chance doesn’t last forever, trust me, it’s gone before you know it. Before you know it.
Sherlock grumbled, that night John’s words did let him sleep.
She’s a lunatic She’s a criminal She’s insanely dangerous
Trust you to fall for a sociopath.
Sherlock grumbled again. John thought he had fallen for her, but had he? What that even… He breathed in and out a couple of time and so, against all the odds, he decided to answer her, so he opened their conversation, finding 10 unread messages there.
Happy Birthday, sexy - IA
Yes, I remembered - IA You can’t be THAT surprised - IA I sent you a present, did you receive it? - IA Of course you did - IA The real question is, did you hide it? - IA Of course you did - IA I think Mrs Hudson would appreciate that, you know… - IA I ADORE that woman - IA Not more than I adore you, obviously - IA My 35 years old posh boy - IA
He laughed slightly at that before typing
Try again, Miss Adler - SH
A couple of minutes later, unexpectedly her answer arrived
37? - IA
He smiled for a second, imaging the Woman’s face in that moment, then he texted her again, liking that conversation more than he should have, probably.
Close enough - SH Good. I like being close enough - IA
He held the phone for some further seconds, hesitant, not sure if he wanted to go in that direction but in the end…
By the way, thanks to your completely unnecessary texts, now John knows about us - SH
He almost lost a beat and despite his intellectual efforts could not understand why. Then a further message from her arrived.
Us? - IA
Sherlock waited only a couple of seconds before sending the following text.
That we kept in contact - SH
He could almost hear the Woman’s laugh, he could feel her eyes on him. Then he heard her moan. More than one time.
Is that’s what we do, Mister Holmes? We… keep in contact? - IA Just that? - IA Nothing more? - IA If I disappeared, would you notice? - IA
And he couldn’t answer to that, so she kept tutoring him
Oh so we are back there, aren’t we? - IA Don’t you DARE to ignore me on this - IA Of course you would dare, wouldn’t you? - IA At least there are troubles in heaven - IA Because of me - IA It’s almost flattering - IA
He tighten his grip on the phone
What do you mean? SH John. I bet he’s jealous… - IA
Sherlock started shaking his head
No, not at all. I think he ships us - SH
The Woman’s answer arrived only some minutes later
You have to be kidding me - IA
Sherlock smiled, genuinely amused continuing
No, he wants us to marry, I bet he’s already bought us a house, white fences, a garden surrounding it… - SH 4 children, 2 dogs? - IA Sort of - SH
He hesitated again, then she continued
He said you would complete me as a human being - SH
I could, who knows… - IA But I would have never imagined that the doctor was a fan of mine - IA He is - SH
Sherlock could almost see her, her satisfied smirked, her challenging expression… He definitively is, he ships us, you said yourself - IA I had no idea you even knew the meaning of that word! - IA
At that moment he rolled his eyes, almost annoyed
You don’t know a lot of things about me - SH I know enough, I’ve seen you naked - IA
He almost blushed before writing
Woman! - SH
But she gave him no paused and texted again
I had no idea you felt ready to talk to John about me - IA
He looked at the screen of his phone confused for a while before typing
What do you mean? - SH
Her reply came in a bunch of seconds
You’re Sherlock Holmes, if Watson heard my texts is because you wanted him to - IA
He bite his lips, that was definitely something he hadn’t considered…
You’re always so confident, aren’t you? - SH Always - IA
He waited 10 minutes before texting again
How was the travel? - SH
Comfortable - IA
Her message was strangely short, as if she was trying to avoid the subject, so he insisted
Just that? Nothing to add? - SH
Then an answer he probably would have luckily avoided arrived
My husband kept me awake all night long - IA I don’t need to hear about that - SH
… asking about you - IA
He felt something in his stomach, something very similar to… relief. Then he replied her
… and what did you say? - SH
That it was none of his business - IA
Yeah, he thought, that’s definitively true to her character
Poor man - SH
What came next seemed harsh, angry or maybe just bitter, he couldn’t tell
A colleague needed my help, that should be enough - IA That’s what I am to you? A colleague? - SH That’s what you have chosen to be - IA
Sherlock really had no intention of continuing that conversation, but then he did
John thinks we should be something more than that - SH And what do YOU think? - IA
In that instant he rolled his eyes
Till the next time, Miss Adler - SH
Irene answered 3 minutes later Which may come before you know it, Mister Holmes - IA
What do you mean? - SH He asked without understanding
Be patient. You’ll know soon, love - IA
Once he read that, for the second time that day, he almost lost a beat. He was being sentimental…It was time to forget about her. Maybe. Or maybe not.
Luke enjoyed being this close to Ashton, they could never do this before but Luke was comfortable. Luke held onto his hand with pride as he smiled “I want you to be happy, and I also want to do this” his free hand run through Ashton’s hair before he leaned up and kissed him slow and tender
Ashton was quite satified at the response but he knew it wasn’t worth it. “I want you to also be happy..” He bit down on his lip, slowly reaching down to reach Luke so they were fairly close. “What do you actually want?” He asked, kissing his cheek, playing with his ear for a bit.