i;m still crying over it a day later

anonymous asked:

i'm in the uk and i read your post about how you were in a weird depressive state for a couple days after seeing CMBYN and weirdly the exact same thing's happening to me. two days later and im still all melancholic and weird. i've never been truly in love so it wasn't that i was identifying w it, but idk: i feel like through encapsulating the beauty and wild joy of life and love, it makes you feel the deep pain of knowing it's ephemeral... sorry im like... crying all over your inbox lmao

no it’s fine it was weird, the second time was much easier but the first time was really really tough? i mean after reading the book i also felt very empty and melancholic, which is unlike me generally so it was super jarring.

i think for me it’s less about love – i’ve been in love and fallen out of love and had “ones that got away” but it was so much more about like, the idea of loss, or waste, or missed opportunities. esp the book, i know other people on here have much more positive outlooks on it but what i took away from it was that elio had wasted his life, essentially, never being able to move past this really formative connection that he forged with another person. and it just makes you think like, what the fuck, what if that happens to me? what if i fall in love with someone, whether platonically or not, and when i lose them my life essentially ends? i get that feeling A LOT about my father and knowing that my life will alter so intensely when he eventually passes away that i wonder if i’ll ever be like, whole, or able to live up to my potential, without him in my life. so for me it was like, the terror of loss that really sat with me.

and i think that train scene just!!!!!! fucked me right up!!

i hope you feel better though and i promise you the second viewing will be better <3

anonymous asked:

what are the saddest cherik fics you know?? i feel like crying tonight

I’m sorry this is a late response. Most of these fics have unhappy or tragic endings, and as such proceed with caution! I’m also the world’s biggest wuss and get emotional easily, but I’m pretty sure these are sad enough to bring a tear to anyone’s eye. *rolls up sleeves* 

White Noise by Tawabids (T, 16k) 
Charles, like the consort Scheherazade of Persian myth, must keep the king of Genosha occupied with stories every night or be hanged for treason.
Ending’s Comment: Written in a very unusual style, so it’s not for everyone, but this will tear your heart out. It’s set in an a/o universe and honestly left me devastated for days. Tawabids has a lot of bittersweet fics, but this one huuuuurts.

the fisher king’s son by spikeface (E, 8k)
Charles is a merman.
Ending’s Comment: The writing is beautiful in this. It’s almost like reading a poem. This fic will devastate you, so use caution. Charles is a merman and Erik is Erik, and things go well… until they don’t.

Robbers by americanpsycho (E, 29k) 
The Bureau of Investigation are after Public Enemy Number Two, bank robber Erik Lehnsherr. Charles Xavier is fiancé to Special Agent Moira MacTaggart. A closet homosexual, Charles visits the Manhattan pansy club scene and meets Max Eisenhardt. Only as time goes on, Max Eisenhardt turns out to be Erik Lehnsherr. Public Enemy Number Two.
Charles learns exactly what happens when you accidentally fall in love with a male bank robber in 1930s America.

Ending’s Comment: Beautifully done and tragic as hell. The characterization is spot on and the ending had me crying all over myself for a good hour. 

The Attempt by Yahtzee (E, 16k)
Written for this prompt: Charles knows everything about Erik, knows how obsessive and self-destructive he is, how Erik would do anything, give anything, in his quest for vengeance against Shaw. But he also knows that Erik loves him in ways that aren’t exactly platonic. I’d like to see a completely straight!Charles, out of pure love and care of Erik, initiate a romantic relationship with him. It can be because he wishes to give Erik something positive in his life or because he thinks it might help change Erik’s mind about Shaw, the reason is up to author. Also, while Charles finds intimacy with Erik strange and awkward, he does enjoy the new, non-romantic layers that have developed in their relationship. 
Ending’s Comment: Owwwww. Owwww. This one hurts because it feels very real. It’s a story about different kinds of love, and how sometimes, one of them isn’t enough.

Ritual Self-Torture by TurtleTotem (T, 144k)
Shaw is King, Charles is his royal consort and Erik is a Knight/Lord. Shaw is sterile but his kingdom can’t find out, so he asks Erik to impregnate Charles.He doesn’t know Erik and Charles are in love. 
Ending’s Comment: Unlike the other stories on here, this one has a happy ending and I’ve managed to reread it, but I cried on and off throughout. The emotion is intense and it covers years of love and suffering.

Us by Pangea (M, 75k)
“Charles,” Erik says, and if his voice hits a pleading note then who can really blame him, “Charles, it’s me.”It takes several longer moments before Charles musters up the strength to answer, breath stuttering horribly as he tries to breathe. He’s shaking, entire body trembling.“Erik,” Charles says, his voice cracking, “Erik, I want to die.”
Ending’s Comment: What is happiness? This fic made me forget. I made the horrible mistake of reading this fic in public, and I’m pretty sure the man stuck on the train next to me thought I was having a break down or being dumped. Erik’s wish for Charles to agree with him comes true in the worst possible way.

By Faint Indirections by kianspo (M, 24k)
Erik is in his ~50s, and lonely and bitter. He survived the Holocaust and was only ~14 when the war ended; and even ~40 years later, living in a country that helped to end WW2 and the Third Reich, homosexuality is still a taboo topic. Then one day, he stumbles over Charles, who is young(early 20s) and bright and smart and cheeky and full of energy and beautiful. And moving in the same street where Erik lives. 
Ending’s Comment: I made it through he main fic with no tears, but I dare anyone to get through the sequel/epilogue without crying. Just emotionally devastating, yet not an unhappy ending at all.

We Should Scream by treasuredleisure (M, 26k) 
He sees Erik smile gingerly. The same lips descend on David’s head of hair in a quiet kiss. He gives Charles a brief pat on his back before he disappears behind the hallway wall. For reasons unbeknownst to him, he drops a kiss on his son’s head – in exactly the same place where Erik’s lips had been.
Ending’s Comment: This fic sneaks up on you and then rips your heart out and stomps all over it while smiling happily. There’s no good guy or bad guy here. It’s just all damn painful and unfair.

A Deeper Season by etirabys (E, 36k) (etirabys’ XMFC fic is no longer on ao3 but has been uploaded in mobi and epub by Cesare)
(nonmutant AU) Charles Xavier- rich, introverted, and academic- begins his senior year of high school in 1962. Erik Lehnsherr, despite his own efforts, is the first person to properly reach out to him. Both are astonished to find a human being on the other side.
Ending’s Comment: Spectacularly written and packed with emotional punches to the gut. I was in tears every time I thought about it for nearly two weeks, and even now it makes me a bit frowny.

Everyday Love in Stockholm by tahariel (E, 132k) 
Magneto is the ruler of the posthuman world.His only secret? Charles Xavier, the human he’s kept locked in his bedroom ever since his right-hand woman, Mystique, came to him pleading for mercy for her stepbrother, who accepted her mutant form and protected her as a child. The human he started fucking after Mystique was killed in battle, despite the guilt he feels at contaminating even this last promise to the woman who was integral to his life’s work and happiness.
Ending’s Comment: I don’t think I’ve ever simultaneously hated and yet felt so bad for a character as I do when it comes to Erik in this fic… Just, ugh! Ends in a semi-hopeful spot, but… stockholm syndrome, so who knows what’s hopeful? : /

Phew, I got sad just thinking about these fics!

Enjoy…? haha.

My other fic rec lists are here!

NaNoWriMo Day 6

Daily Word Count: 1373

Total Word Count: 10534

All of today’s word count went into a “drabble” with Ukitake and Kyouraku during the invasion arc. (It’s not really a drabble anymore, I’m crying so much. It’s 3k words of these two being adorable dorks over Kaito. No you don’t get to see until later, sorry not sorry.)

It’s gotten to the point today where I don’t know if I’m crying over the beauty of SSW and how important and amazing it was…. or how, only a year later, we’re in this current mess!!

I’m still positive about the future and, at the end of the day, it’s a soap so if they want to suddenly forget/magically forgive a bunch of stuff they will! It’s not exactly the first time… I’m going to try (really, really, really, really try) to enjoy what we’ve got coming up over the next couple of weeks…. for me it’ll make the reward better! As if we’ve actually had to ‘work’ for it!!

We have 10 weeks until Christmas! 10 weeks ago Robert was only just getting the sleeping pills and starting to drug Lawrence. While the story itself hasn’t actually progressed too much… a LOT of stuff has happened and that’s including the fact that the boys have disappeared for a week here and there. It’ll all work out in the end and then some day…. FAR FAR IN THE FUTURE… we can all laugh about this and be grateful the whites are no longer on the show!!

ten years later and we have an intro weew but hi im leigh and im currently in college most of the time studying forensic science and crying over stress. I live in good old Ireland so have a GMT timezone. I’m super dorky and have 5 naps a day ??If you wanna plot, shoot me an ask. But now, onto the important part, Fox.

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