i;m emotionally unstable

Who needs a Valentine when you can have… emotional instability

I hate myself for letting you do all those terrible things to me.

I won third prize in @earthprincewu‘s giveaway and boi do I scream

I ask for Cai, blind grey warden of mine and I couldn’t be happier! I was going to try colour them but firealpaca is too bad a program and I don’t want to ruin this beauty.

Thank you so much for doing this giveaway and drawing Cai!

I don’t think I’ve posted this on here, have I? I’ve been really busy, or rather tired, due to my internship, health, personal stuff (both good and bad) … that have made me be online less. But I’m excited for the new episode! Unfortunately I won’t be able to watch until Friday evening, when I’ve invited my best friend over for dinner and tv. I’m gonna need a quiet night bc I’m getting a nasty headcold! Although I actually always have a quiet night in, lol.

The photo was taken on my birthday last month, having coffee to celebrate. (A ginger and honey capuccino with oat milk … don’t judge me!)

2

ahaha okay so i wasn’t gonna talk about this because as a seiusa shipper this scene hurts my heart and also tends to be a scene the fandom reacts unnecessarily violently towards but i got sick of the void of empathy so here’s my thoughts

bear in mind two things: a) im not very good at analysing stuff and b) i’ll refer to seiya with she/her and i’m not arguing with regards to that (actually, im not arguing with regards to any of this stuff, this is just me attempting to shine a light on seiya’s motivations or perhaps, more accurately, lack of motivations)

for context, this scene comes at the end of an episode in which we are shown that seiya is preparing to move on from her “new life” as it were and this, unsurprisingly, is a difficult and emotional stage for seiya’s character. seiya, unlike yaten and taiki, actually settles really well into life on earth, so much so that she actually falls in love with usagi. this episode is the point at which seiya truly realises the extent to which she has fallen, when she sees usagi rather than kakyuu in her daydream about home.

i think, for a sixteen year old with a huge responsibility who is experiencing a new planet, that’s gonna be confusing as hell. seiya’s entire life and existence and purpose on earth has (supposedly) revolved around finding kakyuu thus far, with everything that came with being an idol just being part of the disguise. here though, we see that there’s more to it than that, and that seiya is indeed emotionally invested in her earth life and more specifically, in usagi. this has always been a part of her character but i think this is where it really comes to the forefront.

this all culminates in the above scene which has led to…pretty disturbing responses calling for seiya’s head which is…yikes, but anyways. it’s important to note that this scene comes after seiya has already prepared to say goodbye, after she sees the drawing of usagi and mamoru on the desk and comments how their time together has been short, but fun - there is no malice, nor motivation of any kind to change usagi’s mind or whatever. that isn’t part of who seiya is as a person and it never was.

however

whilst seiya frequently displays a casual side to her approach to her and usagi’s relationship, this doesn’t mean that seiya doesn’t have feelings too. and it doesn’t mean that she isn’t hurting as well. this is something i think the fandom at large either fails to pick up on or really doesn’t care about and like, idk, maybe it’s worth some thought.

seiya is upset in this scene. she’s upset and yes maybe she’s jealous, because she is there and she is protecting usagi and she cares so deeply for usagi. and this mamoru person (who seiya knows nothing about by the way - unlike the audience) is absent and possibly, in seiya’s perspective, appears to not care at all and yet usagi can still only think about him. and that’s going to be fucking painful. seiya doesn’t know the extent to which usagi is suffering either, because usagi up until that point has publicly kept it quiet because she is a brave little soul. 

and so, seiya slips up. and i cannot say that what she says in “am i not good enough” was the correct thing to say because of course it isn’t. she takes usagi’s pain and suffering and she does make it about her. but here’s the thing - seiya is also suffering at this point. seiya is also going through pain. and seiya reacts based purely on emotion at this instant. unrequited love hurts like hell and i personally can’t begrudge her the opportunity to make a mistake here in how she deals with that. this isn’t a planned line or something she necessarily thought would make usagi change her mind or anything like that. this is literally a teenager in love expressing pain and a lack of self-confidence and not being careful of usagi’s feelings whilst doing so, because she is wrapped up in her own pain - as is natural for her to do, because seiya kou also experiences emotion, and seiya kou also sometimes lets that get to her.

it’s a mistake yes, but it doesn’t make her a bad person. we all make mistakes, especially where emotions are concerned, and i think it’s important to make note of that. im not saying u have to love seiya or even like her, but baying for her blood because she fucked up slightly in an emotional moment is just too much.

emotionally-indecisive  asked:

More Heathers? Need me some angsty MatPat proclaiming his love for Steph by wanting to kill some jocks in "Our Love is God"

Matt never would really define himself as a clear headed individual. Not to say he was irrational, just that he’d gotten used to walking around in a fog. His mind was… dim. Everything felt like it was smothered under a nonchalant fog of ‘who cares? I’m leaving soon anyways.’ Medical books he’d read in between moves had informed him that having a constantly numbing mind fog wasn’t actually very healthy, but he’d never really had a reason to be concerned with his health.

Of course, then he met Stephanie and she’d pierced right through that fog, dragged him kicking and screaming out of his indifferent mental recluse. Suddenly he cared a little more, felt a little more. He’d been half in love with her from the moment he saw her in the cafeteria and that feeling had only grown since she tumbled into his bedroom a few nights ago wild eyed and full of vindictive self righteousness. By now, Matthew had developed something of an addiction to Stephanie; he could literally feel himself getting antsy and shaky the longer he went without seeing her, like he was some kind of junkie stuck in the worst kind of drug cycle except that he was completely fine with spending the rest of his life chasing a high only Stephanie could provide him with.

She was everything to him, and she was curled up on the floor crying over him as he slowly hauled himself off the ground. Matt couldn’t even feel his bruises and injures beyond the nearly unbearable pain he felt twisting his heart until the veins and arteries ripped and snapped apart at the sight of his Stephanie hunched over with tears clouding those beautiful brown eyes he’d been absolutely enamoured by since he saw her. “I’m so sorry, Matthew… I’m so sorry….” She was whispering over and over, hugging herself.

For one blissful moment, that fog cleared in his brain. He could see everything, feel everything. That shadowy, numbing influence dried up and shrunk away at the nearly molten rage he felt swirling inside his gut. Matt sat up and held out his arms, pulling Stephanie against his chest and letting her cry into his shirt. He could see now, this town was rotten to the core. With his cover of disinterest peeled back, he could fully experience disgust at the way these filthy people treated Steph.

In his book, people who could look at the beautiful, sad girl sobbing in his arms and decide she was just as wrong as them didn’t deserve mercy or forgiveness. They wanted to try and stomp out that addictive sparkle in Stephanie’s eye? Fine. Matthew would stomp theirs out first. Starting with those two sons of bitches who made her cry in the first place.

Holy fucking shit. I literally don’t even know how to comprehend what I just watched.

I don’t even think I breathed the last 15 minutes of the episode as my hand was too busy trying to hold up my jaw.

My heart shattered and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry for our baby…

AND I LOVED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SECOND.

It hurt like hell but it ABSOLUTELY needed to be done.

This is the episode that we have needed for so long and I’m so fucking happy that these issues were focused on.