i.....i....lolll

You know what, fuck him. If he really cared about me he wouldn’t have ended it now. If he still loves me like he claims, he would have waited three weeks until my exams were over. He doesn’t care about me at all. It feels like he wants to ruin my chances at getting good a levels and going to a good uni because he didn’t. He’s a fucking self centred mummy’s boy who doesn’t give a shit about anyone apart from himself. His precious mum doesn’t want him in a relationship because she’s alone, and this is why he’s ending it. I love him to pieces, but how DARE he try to ruin my chances at getting good qualifications. When I was in hospital (this happened twice btw) because of an OD, HE WENT TO BED BEFORE ID EVEN SEEN A DOCTOR. If alarm bells weren’t ringing then, they are now. I’m supposed to be his one love and his best friend and his world, well if that’s the fucking case then why now? Why try to ruin my life as well as my a levels, if he’s been feeling like this for a while he could have waited a few more weeks. I’d do everything for him, and he can’t even give me something back. If he wants to get back together (he’s ringing me tomorrow) he better fucking work for me, I’m not letting him back into my life that easy. It’s going to be hard but how fucking selfish of him to do this now.

MY MOTHER ASKED ME TO STOP WRITING ABOUT HER
 
  1
 
  When my best friend was a child,
  her mother used The Game of Life
  as a metaphor to explain sexuality.
 
  “You can have two pink guys
  or two blue guys, you know,”
she explained.
 
  My best friend is so straight,
  she doesn’t even masturbate.
 
  Still, she always knew that even
  if she wasn’t, even if someday she ended up
  shotgun to another pink piece,
 
  she would remain loved and supported.
 
  She wouldn’t have to ask for forgiveness.
  Of all the things she was taught to apologize for,
  love has never been one of them.
 
  2
 
  My mother doesn’t bring up my sexuality
  anymore. I think she is tired of arguing.
 
  She is sick of reading about her faults
  in my poetry. She hates my selective memory;
  how I only remember the sharp things,
  the slammed doors, the heavy whiskey.
 
  “I used to sing to you before bed
  every night,”
she reminds me icily.
  “but you must’ve forgotten that story.”
 
  Last week, she silently folded up her old flannels
  and placed them at the foot of my bed.
 
  I know this is probably just a coincidence,
  not a peace treaty or an attempt to understand me.
 
  But for my own well-being,
  I have to take this as a sign she is trying,
 
  even if it isn’t.
—  MY MOTHER ASKED ME TO STOP WRITING ABOUT HER, by Blythe Baird.
10

Bonus:

Fun Musician Asks

1. Favorite movie soundtrack
2. Favorite soundtrack piece from a movie
3. Favorite TV/anime show soundtrack
4. Favorite sad soundtrack
5. Favorite powerful soundtrack
6. Favorite instrument
7. Favorite percussion instrument
8. Your favorite thing about the instrument you play
9. Your least favorite thing about the instrument you play
10. Prettiest looking instrument
11. Prettiest sound
12. Your definition of band nerd
13. Favorite band piece
14. Favorite symphony
15. Favorite brass quintet piece
16. Favorite woodwind quintet piece
17. Favorite chamber ensemble piece
18. Favorite overture
19. Favorite symphony
20. Favorite opera
21. Choose one: brass quintet, string quartet, woodwind quintet
22. Piece that gives you energy/pumps you up
23. Piece that makes you emotional
24. Piece that makes you sad
25. Favorite slow piece
26. Favorite fast piece
27. Favorite piece to play
28. Favorite excerpt
29. Favorite Etude
30. Piece that kills your lips the most (or hands)
31. Favorite solo literature for your instrument
32. Favorite classical music composer
33. Favorite band composer
34. Favorite soundtrack composer
35. Favorite genre of music
36. Most musical inspirational quote
37. Favorite and least favorite note
38. Favorite orchestra
39. Who do you look up to most in the music world
40. Are you hoping to continue playing music past ms/HS/college?
41. If you could talk to a composer right now, who would it be and what would you say?
42. If you could bring a composer back to life, who would it be?
43. If you could learn another instrument, what would it be?
44. Have you ever cried while listening to music? What piece?
45. Have you ever cried on stage?
46. Embarrassing performance?
47. Performance really proud of?
48. What made you decide on playing your instrument? (What was your “Ah-ha!” Moment?)
49. If you are wanting to play music professionally, did you have an “Ah-ha!” Moment to decide that?
50. What was the first orchestral piece you ever played?
51. What is your favorite piece to listen that has a fantastic part for your instrument?
52. If you could make a living off your instrument, what would you be doing? (I.e. professional orchestra, freelance, etc)
53. If you were to compose a symphony about your life story, what would it be like?
54. What makes you want to throw your instrument across the room? (Pls dont)
55. What is the best instrument to use as a weapon?
56. Do you have playlists on your iPod? If so, what are your fav playlists/the names of them?
57. Have any random, good musical stories?
58.If you make a mistake during rehearsal, what do you usually do? (Do you make a face? A noise?)
59.what type of music do you listen to other than classical?
60. What do you do during long rests?
61. Have you gone to any music camps? If so, which ones?
62. Post a pic of your music binder/folder
63. Post a selfie with you and your instrument
64. Post any selfie at a band event/festival/honor band
65. Post any selfie of you with your HS or orchestra section
66. Post a practice room selfie
67. Post a picture of you right before or after an audition
68. Post your favorite pic of your conductor
69. Post a picture of your case
70. Post a picture of your practice area

vimeo

my film this year lmao

it’s a visual playlist