i-wish-i-could-just-spend-my-days-making-things-like-this

5

It’s so fucking hard…I want him here all the time…but instead, he’s gone for days at a time at work…24hr shifts, 48’s, and my god those 72’s are killer. When he’s here he’s either studying for a drill he has to give for his next shift or he’s too tired & I don’t want to get in the way or be a distraction. I wish sometimes that things could be different and we could see each other whenever we wanted…just like all the other couples I see…but we aren’t like them.. I know this will turn out to be such a strong relationship! When we do see each other, we don’t take any second for granted! He’s so happy around me because neither of us would want to waste time being mad or fighting about anything stupid…it adds more stress that neither of us need! Him being away for work makes us miss each other more, and spending that alone time together we rarely get is so special! I just want him to know…I’ll be sad or a little bit upset only for a little while but I will love him and be there for him…always!! I want him to physically be there for me when things get tough…I know through his words of encouragement I’ll be ok…I get it…and I support it! Only because I’d be too stupid to let go of the one guy in the whole world who makes me the happiest and treats me so well!! I know he treats me like a Princess because he knows it’s not easy to be in a relationship with him because of his all this distance and time apart…I really did come into his life at the hardest point. Dealing with him being gone most of the time…it’s a lot to handle especially so early into a relationship where you want to spend every minute of every day together! This first year is tough…but I know once probation is over it only gets better! He is willing to fight for me and take care of me! I’ve never met anyone who is more mature and loving & gives me nothing but the best in every situation. I’ve finally met my one & only ❤️
To everyone in the city, he’s a hero…saves lives and fights fires..but in my eyes, he’s already saved me, and continues to fight for our love 💪🏼

I wish more than anything I could sleep 😞

I feel mentally exhausted.

I know I need to get over it and move on. But when you’ve talked to someone almost every day for 2 years, and then they turn around and throw it ALL back in your face. It’s so hard.

I still don’t know if I want to go to Canada. Everyone says I should. But I know it’ll just make me more depressed knowing I don’t get to spend those 4 days I booked specially (despite what he says), for him at the end to FINALLY hang out. 😞

I just feel so betrayed and used. I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore because they just walk over me.

I wish I could tell the girl what he did to me. So she knows what an ass he is. But it’s not my business. I just feel sorry for people going blindly into things, when they don’t know how badly other people have been treated.

I’ve been so looking forward to going out there since last YEAR when I booked it. It’s been the only thing that’s been keeping me going.

I’m literally devastated. I never knew someone could be so cruel. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on.

Last night I could hardly sleep and just had thoughts going round and round in my head. I wanted to die because I’m so tired of battling with this feeling. But it scares me too much to do it.

I had to pull over in my car earlier when I went food shopping because I just broke down. I’m so STUPID for doing this again and for thinking someone at last might actually GIVE a shit about me. Most of the time I feel like I don’t even exist anymore

The worst part is. I just can’t see an end to it anymore….I feel so alone. 😞

There are so many things I want to tell you. I was silly to ever think that someone like you would ever want me. I’m just thankful that God gave me the time I got to share with you. Not a moment goes by that I don’t think about you. You truly are the one that got away. I just wish I had the chance to have you back again. You are my one and only. I knew it the moment you walked through my door. I know my feelings for you will never change. This isn’t something temporary and the time I have spent apart from you has proven that to me. I know I probably won’t ever get a chance to make it up to you but God I wish I could because I plan on spending the rest of my days showing you how I feel. I know without a doubt I would walk through hell and back for you. And being with you would be such a privilege. You are the smile I see in my dreams. You are the clearest thoughts in this twisted rambling mind. You are the voice that instantly calms my soul. You are so deeply rooted in my heart that I will never be able to rid myself of you not that I want to because that’s not the case. I never want to be without you.

thewiccanmechanic asked:

Aiden could feel the tears well up her eyes, both sad and tired of fighting with him. "I just need you to see that there's no way of breaking this deal. You and I both know that. I want us to spend time together. Make the most of it. Please. I need you to understand that. I don't want us to spend the rest of my time here fighting."

       “You’re asking me to just ignore the fact that one day you’re going to be in hell? That one day some hunter is going to have to bring you down.” His head was shaking, he could do a lot of things. He could overlook a lot of shit, but this? This wasn’t something he could let slide. Not when he knew first hand what she’d be going through. “Aiden, I can’t. I wish I could, but I can’t. This isn’t some cancer, this isn’t you being sick and wasting away. This is like…knowing someone’s going to get murdered and when, and not doing anything to stop it. ” He hated seeing her upset, but he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t just pretend everything was okay. Just looking at her would bring all this charging back up to the surface. “At least if I’m fighting, I’m doing something.”