i want to get into a rich all-boys boarding school so i can wear my pajamas around everywhere and if any of the other students try to haze me i will just punch them because their frail silver-spoon bones will be no match for my middle-class fists

[a few of my favourite things] • 28/02/17

In an attempt to stay positive in the midst of some not-so-great times and a bout of exam-period anxiety, I’m channelling my inner Fraulein Maria and reminding myself of my favourite things in the bad times (some of these are more superficial than others - actually never mind, they’re all pretty superficial). These are a few of my favourite things:

  • my phone, which is nice but actually isn’t working at the moment so I can’t use it
  • a half-burned candle that I couldn’t be bothered to light just for a photo (go figure, considering I staged the rest of this photo) but it smells nice and looks nice
  • my watch, which I literally wear everywhere I go
  • my laptop, which I depend on even more than the aforementioned watch
  • a cute pen that has featured in basically every other picture before this
  • a super warm chunky knit cardigan which doubles as an aesthetic throw blanket of sorts (just for the ’gram!)
  • and last but not least, one of my favourite feel-good books because (heaven forbid) it’s one of those fluffy trashy romances - if you look closely (or maybe not because of my terrible phone camera quality) you can read about my #1 fictional crush who I legitimately am in love with. I am in love with him to the point where if he somehow broke the fourth wall and jumped off the pages of this book into real life, I would marry him in an instant.

I wear my pink triangle everywhere. I do not lower my voice in public when talking about lesbian love or sex. I always tell people I’m a lesbian. I don’t wait to be asked about my “boyfriend.” I don’t say it’s “no one’s business.” 

I don’t do this for straight people. Most of them don’t know what the pink triangle even means. Most of them couldn’t care less that my girlfriend and I are totally in love or having a fight on the street. Most of them don’t notice us no matter what we do. I do what I do to reach other lesbians. I do what I do because I don’t want lesbians to assume I’m a straight girl. I am out all the time, everywhere, because I WANT TO REACH YOU. 

Excerpt from QUEERS READ THIS - A leaflet distributed at pride march in NY - June 1990 - Published anonymously by Queers

hmmmmmmm i wanan vomit

my grandma was talking about me getting a summer job at a camp and my mom loudly announced that “ITS A CHRISTIAN CAMP SO YOU CANT WEAR SKIMPY INAPPROPRIATE CLOTHES”

“mom i wear long sleeves and jeans everywhere”


“mom i don’t own any pride shirts”


Just painted these piggies a shade of my favorite color, blue 🔹💙🦋

I love my warm, fuzzy slippers! I’ve been wearing them barefoot or with sweaty, fuzzy socks since around Christmas time. I wear them everywhere.. hanging with friends, grocery shopping, running errands, I even work in them sometimes! I’m thinking once they’re good and worn or when I get another pair, I’ll retire these to whoever wants them the most! 👃🏼🐇☠️👟

Any offers…?

anonymous asked:

Sorry if you've answered something like this before, but do you have any recommendations for stim toys that are on the subtle side and can preferably be kept on the person?

It’s fine! You can always check my ask tag to see what’s been answered, but I understand if you’re not able to flip through five pages of asks (and tags are harder to access for mobile users, although I keep the tags pages linked in my user description to make it easier). You might like to look through this previous ask for ideas, as it discusses lanyard-clipable stim toys! In addition, if you’re in a classroom or desk office setting, some of the stationery items mentioned in this ask might be workable as stealth toys.

I’m not sure what kind of toy you might be after (chewable, fidget, etc) so I’ll list everything I know of that’s both on-the-person portable and subtle/stealth. Jewellery is like to be your best option. This is a little harder for people like me who prefer not to present in ways socially-coded as feminine, but, thankfully, most of these things don’t have strong associations with a binary gender.

Stimtastic really does have some of the best offerings for teenagers and adults after subtle/stealth stim jewellery.

Fidget jewellery that’s perfectly stealth: Roller Ball Bike Chain Bracelet | Extra Wide Bike Chain Bracelet | Spinner Rings (link to category, in various colours and designs) | Double Circle Earrings | Concentric Circles Necklace | Scented Vial Necklace (I have the cinnamon one and I love it - it’s small enough to be unobtrusive/merely decorative and it smells divine) | Snake Twist Necklace (a subtle Tangle alternative) | Mobius Flower Earrings (I took these off the earring backings and turned them into necklace pendants strung on a leather cord - gender neutral and nobody knows it’s stim jewellery) | Heavy Bike Chain Bracelet | Interlocking Bike Chain Bracelet | Light Bike Chain Bracelet | Wrist Coil Bracelets (like wearing a hair tie on your wrist - unremarkable) | Zipper Bracelets.

Fidget toys that can be attached to a bag or belt loop: Rolling Bead Lanyard | Large Bead Ring | Squishy Panda Charm | Jumbo Bead Ring.

(Note: how stealth these ones are depends somewhat on how eclectic you are in presentation. I can attach a bead ring or a squishy to a belt loop and have no one remark on it, but I’m the kind of person psychologists politely call “quirky”.)

Fidget toys that can fit into a pocket and hide in your hand/palm when someone comes over to your desk: Spiky Animal Fidget | Boinks Fidget | Mini Prickle/Hedge Balls.

(Note: I’ve found the animal prickle fidget toys in multipacks in the party sections of dollar shops and Toys R Us, $4-$4.50 AUD. I’ve also found the mini prickle balls in multipacks in the party sections of dollar shops and Big W, $3-$5 AUD.)

Chewables that are closer to stealth: Chewable Dulcimer Necklace | Chewable Trapezoid Necklace | Chewable Doughnut Necklace. (These are the smaller or plainer chewable pendants, and I assure you, I’ve seen folks wearing non-silicone versions of these. I’ve also walked around various cities, stores and markets wearing the Braid Pendant and nobody has once thought anything of it if they don’t see it in my mouth. Oversized jewellery, especially for femme-leaning folks, is pretty fashionable.)

DIYs: If you want to make your own roller bead lanyards, here’s the tutorial. If you want to make your own bead rings and make them even more stealth, here’s my tutorial on making bead ring necklaces. Nobody has ever treated these as anything more than funky necklaces, and I wear these everywhere, every day.

@caseydickdanger​, if you’re located in the US, makes some seriously unique handcrafted pieces. Most things have textures if you’re just after a necklace pendant to touch and handle. The really stimmy in-stock items include the Nautical Bottle Necklace, Mocha Tubez Bracelet and the Mermaid Sand Tubez Bracelet.

@spacerobotstudio has a phenomenal selection of funky, unique fidget necklaces: Spirit Level Necklace in Red | Spinner Pendant Necklace in Copper and Teal | Bronze Double-Sided Compass Necklace | Pink and Blue Saturn Spinner Necklace (oh, god, want) | Dots and Brown Spinner Pendant Necklace | Blue Glitter Globe Necklace.

Banggood or ebay also sell tiny squishies. Mochi squishies are perfect for holding and hiding in one’s hand (links to many individual ones in this post) but most of the cheap squishy assortments include smaller bun and cake squishies as well (and these have strap attachments for adding to bags).

(If you’re after more bag or lanyard-attachment fidget toys, here’s the ultimate post on where to find edamame poppers!)

Etsy has a wealth of spinner rings. There’s a wide variety running from affordable to bespoke.

You can also find the wrist coil/telephone cord bracelets in cheap multipacks in every dollar store - look in the hair accessory section. Also available on ebay! If you’re not the kind of person who wears bracelets, I’ve seen them as lanyard clips in many dollar shops (link to listing on Banggood).

Chubuddy and Amazon also have chewable telephone cord bracelets, if you want something unremarkable that’s chewable and a fidget.

Chewigem has several silicone raindrop pendant chewables that look just like oversized funky pendants.

In short, there’s a lot of options, especially jewellery-wise. However, most of these sellers are based in the US, so if you’re an international stimmer, be prepared for international shipping rates and conversion fees. While there are therapy-focused stim toy stores internationally, most of them don’t offer a lot in the way of subtlety!

Good luck. If this doesn’t help you enough, please let me know. If there’s something I should have included and didn’t, please also let me know!

{ five’s company // ch. 9 }

a/n: today is my birthday (and philip hamilton’s too)!!! this is how we’ll celebrate haha! enjoy!

It was getting closer to the ball. Hercules was almost done with your dress, and was excited for you to try it on.

It fit perfectly, of course. Hercules always made things that way-–especially for you. He had made the last alterations to your gown and you got to take the dress home from Hercules’ studio. 

Today was the day. It felt like you were coming into your own. Tonight, you’d have dinner with some of the most famous politicians, their assistants, and other members of the press in New York City. You were so small, insignificant to the veterans of your field, but it gave you hope and comfort knowing that maybe you could one day be there too. 

Your hair was in rollers thanks to Herc. He liked to play with your hair and helped you get ready as Laf made sure John and Alex were looking sharp. The boys finally had taken their showers. Your sweet perfume mixed with the boys’ cologne and you filed on your nails. You were trying to keep calm. It was just a little party. You’d be all right. 

Keep reading

Going to the eyedoctor

My eye sight always sucked. Like I was wearing glasses since I was in kindergarden. Until I went and saw my new eyedoctor - that dude hooked me up.

When ur a kid and you wear glasses it’s totally obvious that your gonna be a nerd. They’re like this magnet that brings bullies to you, along with a fondness for comic books and bein good at math. No matter what I did, it seemed like I couldn’t NOT be a nerd so eventually I grew into it. Right down to the sweatervest and khakis I was wearing when I went in today

I used to be that guy…you know the one. That dude with the gleam in his eye cause he knows everything

The doctor saw that right away too.

“Hi,” he said. “Do you want to get red of those glasses?”

Yeah, duh doc. But contacts make my eyes itchy.

He had me take off the glasses and read a chart. It was so blurry I couldnt see any of the letters.

“lets make an adjustment” he said and clicked a piece of his equipment

It’s weird how you always get cold sitting in a doctors office. I shifted in the chair. His agro air conditioning was pushing through my basketball shorts and tshirt easily.

“How’s that?” he said

“I can see M U…then it gets blurry”

Click. Another adjustment…

I was shifting again in my chair. My muscles were totally sore from today. First I’d tossed around a football with the guys, then I’d gone and lifted. It was a good sore….

“I see like a M U…then it’s blurry… then there’s an S and some more blurry letters.

"How about now?” he clicked in another adjustment.

The chairs in these offices are always too damn small for a guy like me. It’s my own fault…but if u could put on muscle like I can, you’d pack it on too

“It looks like M U S C L E S…and then it gets blurry again…”

“Hm,” said the doc. “I think we’re getting close.”. He snapped on another adjustment.

This air con really was super bad. I don’t know why I wore a stringer top here…I mean I wear one like everywhere I guess. These guns just don’t fit into most shirts, and u gotta show off what u got anyhow.

Click. How about now he asked?

“Super close doc…” I said. “M U S C L E S somethin U somethin”. Lol, what did that spell? My brains so foggy that I can like barely read bro…whatever, reading was for nerds.

“Okay,” he said. “One more.”. And the world clicked jnto focus.

Shit…I had a total hard on tenting out my tight little gym shorts. If I moved wrong the doc would probably see my dickhead pop out.

“What do you see?” he said

“M. U. S. C. L. E. S. L. U. T….” I said.

We both sat there for a sec. I shifted in my chair and the head of my cock escape its shorts. The doc was looking at it. He wanted this.

“So…doc… do I need glasses?” I asked.

That broke him out of it. “No,” he said. “Glasses are for nerds”

I gave a deep laugh. No way was I a nerd. I looked in the mirror above his desk…my thick jaw and muscled body made me unquestionably a jock. And my dull eyes didn’t have a trace of smarts to em.

“So doc…” I said, peeling off my tank. “Just how do u like to get paid?”

Newt Scamander x Reader- My Eyes are Different, Darling

Newt Scamander x Reader- My Eyes are Different, Darling

A/N: As promised, here is another Newt x Reader! I was originally going to post this later, but I figured why the hell not now? I hope you enjoy, it is currently past 2 am and I am so dead right now. This is also a lot longer than what was originally intended. I think I should have a Credence x Reader up soon. Thank you to all the lovely people who are reading and enjoying my imagines :) Summary: Reader’s friend makes the reader insecure and Newt finds out and comforts them.

Warnings: slightly angsty but full of fluffy stuff, mentions of insecurities. Also, I wrote this to kind of comfort my own insecurities in a way, and if anyone is ever feeling down, I’m here. YOU ARE ALL SPECIAL AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE MUCH LOVE TO YOU
Please enjoy:

A melodic tune of piano notes danced and intertwined itself with the smell of coffee beans, wrapping the building in an aura of comfort. Shifting in your chair slightly, you made yourself comfortable as you waited for your friend to arrive at the busy café. The two of you had not talked face to face in some time, and a lot had changed between the last time you met and the present day. For one thing, you were now in a relationship with none other than the famous Magizoologist himself, Newt Scamander. The beginning of your relationship was a bit awkward, but the two of you soon seemed as if you had known each other your entire lives. Though you had each gone to separate schools in the past, with Newt attending Hogwarts and you attending Ilvermorny, you two managed to cross paths and fall deeply in love. Newt found you just as fascinating as his beasts, if not slightly more, and of course as majestic as the shining stars above. You were his everything, and he was yours.

You dabbed your napkin on the table to soak up the droplets of coffee that splashed from your cup as you picked it up. You slowly indulged in the hot drink in contentment. As you set the cup down again, you heard a familiar voice echo throughout the shop.

“Y/n! I haven’t seen you in so long,” your friend cheerfully spoke, however something seemed slightly off. Nontheless, you still rose from your chair to greet her with a hug.

“Hello F/n, nice to see you too.”

“Oh I am absolutely famished! Let’s see what this run down place has. You know I would have thought that you would have chosen a better meeting spot, but this is still um….pleasant.”

You were taken aback. This wasn’t the friend you previously knew from your letters. She was different, morphed into a sort of prissy person in your opinion. You began to take in her appearance more. You noticed that instead of the simple necklace she typically wore being laced around her neck, a flashy chain coated in green gems glittered oh so proudly in its place. As well as that, her sensible yet elegant style had been overthrown by a frilly coat and gold stained dress that looked like it cost more than the place that you and Newt shared. She had not only discarded her usual outfit, but she discarded her sweet and caring demeanor as well. You didn’t particularly like this shift, but she was your friend after all.

The two of you carried on conversing, well, more like she carried on conversing. For the past thirty minutes, she droned on and on about her new boyfriend’s lavish life and how they met. Apparently he was some bigshot in the ministry in England she met while at some party, and you now realized how she afforded her new style so easily. Your beverage turned plain, much like the conversation. While stuffing a croissant in her mouth, she asked you what was going on in your life for the first time since she walked through the door.

“Well I fixed up a place a few minutes away from here, and also-,” you were just about to talk about Newt when she cut in.

“That’s wonderful,” she interrupted, “Now all you need to do is fix your appearance and you’ll have a man to match!”

You were shocked. What did she mean?

“What, what do you mean?”

“You know what I mean Y/n, no man is going to want you like that. I mean look at you, you used to be so lively and pretty.”

You couldn’t tell if you heard mugs clinking or your heart breaking to pieces with every stinging word that poured from her lips. Her words were venom, piercing you fragile heart. You had always been a little insecure, and she knew this, yet here she was, stabbing at you like food on a plate. Plus you didn’t think you had changed that much.

“I-I’m the same person though,” you muttered.

“But you lack ‘wow’ Y/n. I mean look at what you’re wearing, it’s so boring,” she paused and leaned a bit closer to whisper, “kind of like this place.”


“And your hair could use some work. Your figure…hmm… I think I passed a corset shop on the way here. Oh and your face, I could probably fix it up back at my place where all my supplies are, oh and I almost forgot about your height.”
Tears began to swell in your eyes. You began to wonder if this was how everyone saw you, if this was how Newt saw you.

F/n munched on her last bit of the baked good before looking down at her watch, which was also encrusted with shimmering jewels. Jewels that were far more beautiful than you were.

She gasped with croissant still shoved inside of her perfect plump red lips, “My goodness, I must be going, my darling and I need to get ready for the dinner ball my friend Lucille is hosting. Oh but today was wonderful Y/n, next time we’ll do it at my place so I can do your new look on ya!” With a smile on her face she air kissed your cheek with a faint ‘mwah’ and clicked away in her heels. She opened the door and left the café, however your true friend left months ago.
You didn’t bother to hold you sobs back anymore. You cleared your space off the table and began to walk back to your shared place. The chilly air grazed against your face and froze your tears.

Maybe she was right. Maybe you did need some work on your image. What did you know? She was stunning, all decorated and gleaming in her illuminating outfit. You thought Newt loved you for who you were, but after that encounter with F/n, you weren’t so sure.

You trudged up the stairs to your door and slipped the key out of your pocket. Once the door was unlocked, you crept inside with your dread and insecurities trudging right behind. The shoes you wore were taken off and left next to Newt’s own large pair by the door. As a sigh ghosted over your lips, you painted a smile on. You couldn’t let Newt see how you were feeling.

Just as you were trying to move your hair around, footsteps pounded as you stood in the hallway. From the other room pooped in Newt, clad in his waistcoat with his sleeves rolled past his elbows. When he saw you his eyes lit up like a child on Christmas, and he walked over to wrap you in his warm hugs.
“Hello love, how was your lunch?” he questioned, still lovingly holding you.
“It was great Newt,” you lied. It was far from great, the exact opposite actually. A run in with a Hungarian Horntail probably would have been better, but you sealed your mouth.

Newt kissed your head and then began to ramble about the shenanigans his babies did while you were out. You couldn’t help but smile a bit when Newt went into great detail as to how Dougal managed to “Go missing” for an hour causing him to panic since he thought he got out again, but instead he was just invisible and playing with the occamy babies. Newt continued to ramble about the Nundu and the Bowtruckles and the Niffler, until he paused in realization.

“Oh love, I almost forgot, Jacob and Queenie wanted us to come over for dinner tonight. Tina is working with MACUSA so unfortunately she won’t be there, but we can still go and have a good time with them surely.”

You in no mood to go out anywhere, but it was Jacob and Queenie.

“Of course Newt, I’ll grab my coat,” you spoke as you gave him a kiss on his cheek, to which he gladly swung you in his arms to return the favor.
When he let go, you once again slipped on your coat, with negative thoughts clouding your mind once more.

‘Am I really wearing this? My hair is everywhere I need my brush. I can’t eat too much or else I’ll become bloated, then Newt will notice and mention it for sure…’
You couldn’t shake your demons off your sleeves. All you could do was smile and act like everything was okay. Just as another round of harmful thoughts came about your head, Newt emerged in his coat and scarf wrapped around his neck. His case rested in his hand and his wand lay in his mouth. Handsome as ever of course, yet you felt like you looked like a troll next to him. You took out your wand along with Newt and you both whisked yourselves away to dinner.

Once you arrived, you were greeted with an ecstatic Queenie as she engulfed you and Newt into a hug. Jacob was setting up the table, without magic of course, even though at this moment he wished he had magic in him like his girlfriend. Queenie led you two in to hug Jacob and sit down to enjoy dinner.
“It’s nice of you to join us Newt, you spend so much time in your case I’m afraid I won’t see you on some days,” Jacob chuckled and Newt followed after.

As dinner carried on, you ate slowly. Yu put food in your mouth fast enough to make it look like you were enjoying the food, but slow enough so you wouldn’t wound your figure more. While Newt and Jacob chatted about how popular the niffler bread was still, another wave of dark thoughts hit you.

‘See he doesn’t like you, he would rather talk to Jacob than his own ugly girlfriend. I’ve eaten too much today, I should stop. I wish I looked like Queenie. How does Newt stand being with me, I’m repulsive? My hair looks like the dead pelt of a possum, and my face is too round and coated with-,’you thought to yourself.


Your string of anxious thoughts was cut short, as Queenie took notice.

“Why are you thinking like that? You’re a lovely person and Newt adores you sweetheart,” she spoke, but you didn’t believe her.

“Queenie, please don’t read my mind right now please.”

“But Y/n you’re hurting yourself with words that are far from the truth. I know you aren’t like that, so does Jacob and Tina and Newt of course.”

“Queenie I’m fine.”

“Y/n you need to speak to Newt.”

“I can’t Queenie. Please don’t tell him about this,” you whispered as tears threaten to cascade once again.


“Please,” you uttered. Now even your voice was terrible. Newt probably thought it was annoying. Your voice gave a small crack in defeat, not allowing more words to flow out.

Your eyes changed to a hazy version, the joy being glossed over by insecurity.
Newt stopped talking immediately when he took notice.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“N-Nothing,” you choked out, restraining your waterworks to break lose, “I just, I think I forgot to locked the door on our way out. I’m going to go check.”

“Y/n,” he called, his eyes displayed extreme concern. He couldn’t figure out what was wrong with his girlfriend.

With a thank you to Jacob and Queenie for the splendid meal, a kiss pressed lightly to Newt’s cheek, and a wave of your wand, you disappeared again.

You arrived back home to all the lights shut off because you found it fitting. Who would want to see you anyways?

You found yourself in the bedroom that you and Newt shared. The bed was neatly made and crisp, but you were more interested in the mirror residing in the left corner. Your coat was removed once more, leaving you to scrutinize yourself from every angle.

‘Fat. Ugly. Hideous. Pathetic. Worthless. Shame. How the hell could Newt ever see anything nice? Everything about me is nothing more than a pile of garbage. I’m holding him back. He deserves a beautiful person. I’m not beautiful, I’m not beautiful, I’m not-,’ you thought once more.

And with that, your heart entirely broke. Your composure slumped to the floor like a lifeless corpse. The ground shifted below you as your hair hid your face from view. Behind your hand were fresh tear stains, as you sobbed rivers upon rivers. Breathlessly, your chest heaved up and down rapidly as more sobs were ripped from your core. You looked once more into the mirror. With puffy eyes and a dark cloud looming above you, you sat with you head in your hands. Your breaking point had been reached, and there was no one there to help pick up the pieces. No love, no joy, no happiness, just you left to wallow in your pathetic excuse of a life.

“Why am I like this, Why can’t I be beautiful! Why did I have to be this way? Maybe if I were gone life would be better. I just want to be beautiful and gorgeous is that so much to ask for!?” you screamed. More and more tears rushed down your face and onto your clothes. Who cared if you screamed? It’s not like you had anyone left.

Or so you thought.


A whimper left your shaking body as you turned from your spot on the floor to see Newt staring back with just as many tears in his eyes. Hi hair was usually messy, but now it was simply sticking out everywhere. A pink tint had become printed on his face as more tears glossed over his gentle eyes.

“G-Get out N-Newt. Don’t look at me I-I I am terrible,” your words stung him right through his heart. You didn’t want to hurt him. That was the last thing you ever wanted to do. Footsteps echoed once again, and you let a small sigh out as you assumed he listened and actually left. Another round of crying was about to ensue, but you became startled by two muscular arms wrapping around you.

“Newt stop. Please stop,” you pleaded, but he was having none of it.

“No Y/n,” his voice was sterner now, “I will not.”


“No Y/n. Why didn’t you tell me any of this? Do you know how much it hurt finding out about this? Queenie told me once you left and s-she said that you were f-f-feeling terrible about yourself and I just don’t understand why you would think that.”

“Because F/n is right Newt.”

“What do you mean dear?” his voice lowered. It was calmer, but still weighted with worry.

“When I-I was out earlier, F/n said that I needed to fix m-myself so I could get a man.”

“Now Newt was beyond hurt, “But you have me.”

“But you could do so much better than, than this,” you cried as you gestured to your body.

“No I couldn’t.”

“Yes you could, I’m just so horrible to look at and I am annoying and gross and ugly and maybe I should look into buying a corset like F/n said so you’ll like me.”

“You will do absolutely no such thing,” Newt spoke roughly while still capturing you in his warm cuddles. He needed you to feel as loved and safe as possible.

“But I need to,”

“No Y/n. Whatever F/n said to you today was uncalled for. You don’t need someone as retched in your life. Now I want you to listen to me. You, and I mean only you, are the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing, kind, caring, smart and all around gorgeous person I have ever laid my eyes on. I’m still completely unsure of why someone as angelic as you decided to stay with me and accompany me for all this time. Your eyes, your hair, your smile, your personality, your body, everything, and I truly do mean everything Y/n, is exceptionally sacred to me. Not only do you look like a goddess Y/n, but you have a lovely personality to go with it. Your heart is so pure and gold, I’m surprised the Niffler hasn’t tried to steal it yet,”

At this you let out a tiny laugh. A small laugh, but still a laugh, and Newt pulled you closer as he continued on.

“Y/n, my eyes don’t see you like the other people do. I see you as real and spectacular and just, well you know, beautiful in and out darling. I would never dream of having anyone else in my life. I would never want to wake up with another person in my bed, another person making tea in the kitchen, another person caring for my beasts. I would never replace you. I never ever want you to look at yourself this way again. It’s not healthy, and it’s not true. You are beautiful on the inside and outside and I never ever want you to pull yourself down again. Don’t listen to what people say, they’re full of rubbish anyways. The mirror lies darling, the mirror doesn’t show you everything that makes you, well, you.”

Tears formed once more and you brushed them away before Newt could see. He did see and he used his coat sleeve to dry them.

“I-I’m sorry Newt,” you murmured.

“Love you don’t need to apologize, just promise me won’t do this again, or if you feel this way you will talk to me about it so I can make you feel better.”

“I will Newt, I promise,” you sniffled. Newt stood up with you and his arms never left you. Carefully he dotted your face with kisses as if he was trying not to break your delicate state. You nuzzled into his neck and let out a small noise as he picked you up. You comfortably wrapped yourself around him.

You were stupid for thinking Newt didn’t love you. This man had said more sweet sentences in minutes than you had heard your whole life. Newt still protectively held you, you were one of his babies too after all, and he had to make you feel loved. You were still a little insecure, a tiny itty-bitty smidge insecure, but Newt made your negative thoughts disappear. Your worry melted away as you heard his beating heart next to you. He leaned down to kiss you sweetly again, reassuring you that you were all he wanted. He loved you, and you loved him.

“I love you Newt, I’ll try for you.”

He let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding in. “I will always be here for you, I love you too darling.”

You felt him moving to the main room as you snuggled into him more, taking in his earthy scent. He sat back down with you on the couch after he pecked you on the lips. His affections continued as he once again opened his arms, inviting you to snuggle. He was all you needed. He was the only validation you needed, well besides yourself of course. Newt readjusted himself once more.

“When you feel a little hungrier there are some cinnamon rolls in the kitchen. Jacob knows how happy they make you,” he added.

You nodded and began to get up. You did love cinnamon rolls. Newt saw this and followed you, not once letting your hand slip from his.

“Thank you Newt.”

“You’re welcome sweetheart, I’m just happy you feel better.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. But can you do something for me?”

“What is it?”

“Call yourself beautiful for me, I want to hear you say it.”

You hesitated, “Newt.”

“You can do it Y/n.”


He waited patiently, hope swirling in his pupils.

“I, I-I am be-beautiful,” you spoke rather softly as voice trailed off, barely audible, but Newt was still over the moon with pride. He engulfed you in a loving hug.

“Yes darling, you are.”



anonymous asked:

you dont have to if you dont want to but, could you draw yourself? i really do adore how diverse your style is tho regardless! your varying face shapes and body types make me aspire to be as amazing as you! props to your hard work! 💕💕

sure?? I did the meet the artist thing for twitter a few months back, sO I actually have one drawn already lol; and thank you so much, that’s super sweet and v v flattering of you to say, goSh ;w;


Requested by Anon

She was tired.

Her head hung low between her legs, coiled in her own emotions she had accustomed too, and kept locked away.

She was very tired.

The tears on the brim of exposer, only added on to her misery.

She was alone.

Isolation; it was the thing she feared most, but wanted desperately.

It wasn’t her fault that she grew up alone, in a single floored house fit for only her and her parents. It wasn’t her fault that she barely had a piece of transmission with her family…she was shy and quiet – they thought she was different.

There would be days where she would skip into the cornfield just in front of her home, feeling the surface of the leaves make contact with her skin, and sensing the small pebbles that scraped against her shoes. What she loved most, was lying down in the middle of the field, shaded by the arms of the plants, and hypnotized by the white linty clouds above her head.

There’s nothing better than this. She would always say.

She loved to draw; it simply fascinated her how someone could create such beauty with only a canvas and paintbrush. She admired the precision of the brush as it was dipped into the paint and danced across the canvas.

As a child, she would take from her mothers closet – her paints – and isolated herself in the shadows of the crops, painting what she saw – beauty. She would draw until the sun kissed the lake, (it was just a fence past Mr. Thomas’ house and a path to the left.) It would amaze her how the paints would stain her fingertips; the mixture of colours reminded her of the rainbow she drew once. Her mother – already infuriated with her for invading her closet – would always refuse to let her enter the house until her fingers were “so clean I can see my reflection”.

But she wasn’t a little girl anymore; all was just a faint memory. She lost her innocence at a young age,

Painting is for little girls.


Drawing can’t be a job? You’ll never survive on that pay

Her innocence tattered once she realized society craved power and money. She hated the manipulation of this generation, it was the reason why so many children dispose of their dreams and do what society tells them to do.

Fuck society.

She lifted her head from between her legs,

Help me.

She rested her head on the wall,

Why? You wanted this. Her mind reminded her, she scoffed.

No one would want this.


She shut her eyes,

You did.


Her mind was her constant battle, it said it told her the truth…she was delusional, tired and sick in the mind, which only frustrated her more…she couldn’t trust herself, she was unhealthy.

You need a friend.

She pressed her fingers hard against her temples, easing the migraine that consumed her thoughts.


I have a friend.

A smile curved on her lips as she thought about Elliot. She met him while almost missing the bus home; he moved his knapsack from the seat beside him and let her sit. She remembered him focused on the ridges on the floor,

“You know,” he started,


“The world’s a shitty place”


During the entire bus ride, it was the only thing he said…and she couldn’t agree more.


“It’s like we’re the same person,” she answered quietly.


The bus ride continued, she watched as the crowd became smaller. Her mind wandered as she stared down at her tarnished shoes.


She noticed that he kept tugging on his hoodie, and held his head low.


“Why do you wear that hoodie?” She asked, biting her lip nervously. He shrugged, lifting his head slightly,


“It’s my favourite hoodie…I wear it everywhere I go”


She nodded, knowing he wouldn’t be able to see her with his hood in the way.


“What’s your name?” He asked, finally turning to her,


She hesitated on answering; she was shy, and thought back to what her mother said to her about talking to strangers.


“…Y/N” The reply sounded uncertain, as if lying. He looked at her and gave her a small smile,


“Is that your real name?” His attempt at sarcasm resulted in him sounding as uncertain as she did.


“Yes” She chucked, it became a habit to look down while she laughed, she hated her smile, she hated her laugh…and she thought by looking down others wouldn’t be able to think the same.


“Elliot.” He said, extending his hand out of his sweater. Shaking his hand, she couldn’t help but let another smile leave her lips, while thinking of her having the unimaginable… a friend.


Elliot’s not your friend.  


The pounding in her head ceased to vanish, it only travelled deeper into her head.


Yes he is stop lying.

Her bottom lip was held between her teeth as she fought the urge to scream, she removed her fingers from her temples and brought her head back between her knees again,

Just when you thought things were getting better…


The blood pulsed in her ears, it was never going to get better, she would always feel like this…alone, isolated and dejected.

A faint knock was heard from her door,

“Hi” Elliot said, seeing his head pop in from the gap of the door.


“Is this a bad time?” Elliot asked, shuffling into her apartment,

“I mean, I can come back in an hour no pro-“

“Its fine,” she said promptly,


Elliot nodded timidly; he made his way to her kitchen and stuffed his head into the fridge,

“Do you ever eat?” He asked,

“Other than ramen noodles and sour patch kids?”

“No” she replied, peeling herself from the wall,

“You should eat,” He said, pulling out a sandwich from his hoodie,

“I made it for you” He placed the wrapped sandwich on her table.


Silence overtook the room, as she picked at her fingers.

“What’s wrong?” He asked carefully. He never liked to intrude into her personal life; he only asked when matters were drastic.

“I’m fine,” she answered, keeping her gaze low.

“I didn’t ask if you were fine, I asked what was wrong”

She stayed silent.

He’s not your friend.


She picked at her fingers harder,

He’s not your friend.


You don’t have friends.

“Nothing” She finally answered, meeting his gaze.

Elliot nodded, before motioning to her T.V.

“Binge watch a show?”

She gave him a weak smile and kindly obliged.

Elliot scrolled through the selection of shows, her eyes wandered and eventually focused on nothing.

You’re zoning out. Her mind teased.

Elliot wrapped his arm around her shoulder once he picked a show to watch,

“You’ll like this” He said, pressing play.

Her T.V flashed the show Friends, it was her childhood show, but she didn’t want to upset Elliot since he was so thrilled to show her it.

Her head rested on Elliot’s chest, something they always did when watching practically anything. Elliot involuntarily played with the ends of her hair, and she loved it.

“Like it so far?” He asked, she couldn’t help but feel his breath on her skin, and listen to his quickening heartbeat.

“Yeah” She said, becoming completely tensionless once she heard him chuckle. Elliot was like her, isolated from the world and hid in his own emotions…it was why they got along. Hearing him chuckle was like seeing a blue moon…rare, but exquisite.

She lifted her chin so she could face Elliot. His eyes trailed from the screen to her eyes. His eyes wandered nervously,

“Y/N?” He whispered, scanning her eyes. The moment seemed endless with anticipation. 

Without a moment more, his lips were linked with hers. The settling feeling in her stomach made her heart pound, she felt wanted.

Elliot pulled away, giving her a shy smile; 

“I like you a lot, Y/N” He said, 

“It’s kinda scary”

She gave him a smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she felt her cheeks turn crimson. 

Her attention was then fixated on the bickering of her vexatious mind,

He’s not your friend.

Shut up. She retaliated.

He’s not your friend, Y/N. You know it.

Aggravated, she turned away from Elliot and pressed hard against her temples.  

Shut up.

“Elliot-“ She turned back to where Elliot sat, but the space was empty.

“Elliot?” She called, leaving her current spot and scouted for him.


A firm pair of hands grabbled her torso and pulled her back,

“Relax” Elliot said, keeping her in his embrace. She felt warm tears stain her cheeks, as the emotions flooded her body. All the years of silencing her anguish trembled her body, she had no control. She turned so her face hid in his chest. Elliot’s hold became tighter, it was his way of showing comfort…it was his only way. 

“What’s wrong with me?” She dug her face deeper into his chest. Elliot pulled her from his hold in order to meet her eyes. 

“Nothing’s wrong with you okay?”

“You’re the only person I consider normal… you see the world the way I see it, a different way” 

Silence flooded the room, and Elliot pulled her into his embrace again, 

“Will you stay the night?” Her request came out as an almost inaudible whisper. Elliot stayed quiet for a moment. He then cautiously kissed the top of her head, letting out a comfortable sigh.



Yay first imagine! Feedback would be awesome! Hope you guys enjoyed :) <3

My shirt from @jeusus Redbubble arrived! It’s so frickin cute I love it a LOT!!!! Im so happy I went with the grey bg, it looks even better irl than I thought it would :D
(This is an XL men’s T-shirt that I modded into a muscle tank(ish) because normal tank tops look weird on me.)
Oh man I want to wear it EVERYWHERE (0_0)

anonymous asked:

amanda speaking of how extremely incredibly unbelievably visibly gay u are how do u achieve that level of irrefutably sapphic to everyone in a 10 mile radius bc i am a simple lesbian in a city of ppl who wouldnt know a wlw if she invited all 14k residents to her gay wedding & if anyone can help them itll be me channeling every amanda catsi lesson u have to spare. signed a lone lesbian in a city of harolds

ok i been thinking about this ask all day and here’s what i do:

  1. i have a necklace with two venus symbols linked. i literally never take it off. i wear it everywhere and make sure it’s always showing
  2. i have an undercut. this one isn’t necessarily sapphic but it helps
  3. i sit kinda gay. like futch to butch gay chicks sit kinda different so do that around people you want to know you’re gay
  4. my customer service voice is really high pitched and heterosexual but my real voice is pretty deep and gay. if you have a deep and gay voice don’t hide it. let that bass rumble
  5. my facebook banner is a gay pride flag
  6. my twitter handle was @lacklusterlesbo for a while
  7. make facebook posts about being gay. like on april fools day i made a post like “im straight. haha april fools can you imagine”
  8. but for real just generally like… being gay is a fundamental part of who i am and it permeates everything i do and i think that’s what makes me more visibly gay. like i talk a lot about gay culture, and the gay community, and gay dating, and gay movies and gay books and gay games and gay celebrities and gay tv shows and gay everything and it just kinda follows that oh, she’s gay

so like… if being gay isn’t as integral a part of the personhood u project that’s ok! it just is for me and i think that’s why everyone who talks to me for 2 seconds goes ‘oh yeah shes gay’

also, holy shit “A Lone Lesbian in a City of Harolds” killed me dead bye

my hairs a mess ive been 2 lazy to gel it down so i wear a hat everywhere hehe i need 2 cut my hair again im tired of my hair wth should i do w it now??ive had a many variations of short hair from buzzed to an ugly cut like WHAT now i dont do colouring 2 much effort theres no where left 2 go……