IMPORTANT QUESTION. Vampires aren't suppose to enter a premise without being invited right? What if a hermit vampire was living in his falling apart old castle and some fuck bought it as a "fixer upper", would the vampire just glitch out on to the lawn or would he be okay since he lived there before?
Okay so this would depend on where you are in the world, and whether or not they had squatters rights (can’t be evicted and can apply for legal ownership of place once they have been there for X amount of years) but I mean, the dude owns the place, even if it is a run down mess he was still there first and there’s probably some ancient land ownership law which can’t be overwritten by modern laws (you find all sorts of weird things are still technically legal cause no one bothered to update the books since 1645) so basically whoever just bought this castle to turn it into a modern fixer upper, congrats, you also just bought yourself a vampire and he’s not going anywhere.
(Also now I kind of want to write this where a family buys it to turn it into a hotel/wedding venue and the kids find the vampire in the attic and he ends up being the weird uncle who gets roped into hilarious wedding related shenanigans?? Like
“Okay yes fine, you can host weddings here, but registrar only, no religious ones.” “But Theolodious, why?” “Really Sharon, really, do I have to spell it out for you. Really.”
“We really should increase the lighting for photographs, what about skylights?” “No.” “But—” “How about I just set all of you on fire while you’re trying to sleep.”
“Please, for the love of god, please don’t let people throw confetti or rice, I’m begging you.”
“Okay what’s our final head count for the night?” “107.” “Are you sure?” “Did I fucking stutter Steve?”
“Uncle Theo, why does the groom have “help me” on the bottom of his shoes, why is everyone laughing?.” “Because small one, humanity has failed collectively as a species and heteronormativity is a constructed lie designed to oppress over half the population for not conforming to arcane and chauvinistic ideals put in place by dead scholars who have long since turned to dust and have no place influencing modern society.” “…” “Permanence is an illusion.”
“Madame, flattering as your offer is for a quickie, you’re not my type.” “What is your type then?” ;) ;) ;) “O negative.”
“Whoo, what a day, I could eat a horse.” “Same.” “…” “…well obviously I’m not going to.”
“Theo…are you…are you crying?” “Yes.” “You big softie, I never thought someone like you would cry at a wedding.” “…I’ve lived a long life, Sharron. People come and go, the christening you bless will be the funeral you mourn in less than a century. But people keep saying “I love you”, that has to count for something.”
A friend of mine recently bought a second hand laptop from a busy garage sale, the seller said that the thing won’t turn on. Being the nerd that he is, my friend got it working and found a strange letter saved on it. He mailed it to me after I asked him if I could share it here. So here goes:
I’m writing to you to tell you that I know everything that you do not want me to know. I know you must dread hearing this- especially coming from me, but I really need you to listen to what I have to say.
jin: jin had raised his hand to push lightly against his aching temples when you had quickly gasped and took a step back away from him. “y/n.. wha-” “i’m sorry for arguing, please don’t,” you seemed so scared as jin stared at you with wide eyes. “i would never hit you baby, you know that.” jin reached forward and grabbed the hand covering your face and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles. the tension seemed to drain from your body as you slumped against him. “i love you, princess, so much,” he placed kisses along your neck, “i would never hurt you.”
yoongi: “leave me alone dammit!” yoongi would shout as you tried to get him to come home from the studio. you let out a sound of surprise at his tone and backed away with wide eyes. “baby, no please.” yoongi’s eyes would immediately fill with tears as he saw your scared expression. “ i would-” his sentence was cut off as he began to cry, “i’m so sorry.” you took a tentative step closer before curling your arms around yoongi’s neck, holding him close. “it’s okay, i love you.”
hoseok: “y/n shut up i’m trying to concentrate.” hoseok grunted as he practiced his dance again and again, determined to get it correct. “hoseok, please come home,” you begged. “dammit i said shut up!” he yelled as a water bottle was thrown in your direction, just barely missing your head. when you screamed in surprise and flinched, he was at your side in seconds. “baby, i’m so sorry, i should’ve never done that.” hoseok would cry into your shoulder as you both held each other, hoseok made sure to always spend time with you every day after that.
namjoon: “dammit!” you heard namjoon growl for what seemed like the 100th time that night as he couldn’t get the lyrics to the song he was working on to sound right. “joonie, maybe you should take a break?” you suggested. “maybe you should leave me alone?” he growled as he whipped around and stood up abruptly from his chair. you flinched back against the door at his movement and namjoon stood still. “baby no..” he would pull you into his arms, assuring you that he would never hit you, ever.
jimin: as soon as you flinched away from jimin, his heart would drop to his feet. his baby was scared of him. “babe?” he would question as he stepped closer to you, heart thumping in his chest. he knew he was scary while angry, but he never wanted you to be afraid of him. “baby girl?” he stepped closer and pushed your chin up to met his gaze. “i would never hit you, never.” he said firmly before he pulled you close to his chest. the rest of the day filled with kisses and cuddles.
taehyung: “taeeeee,” you said as you nudged tae’s shoulder to which he grumbled and turned away. “taeeeee,” you said again. “y/n stop.” you said his name again and he whipped around, “stop!” tae screamed and you flinched away from your spot next to him with wide eyes. the expression on your face pulled at tae’s heart as he immediately took your hand in his, “i’m sorry, please don’t think i would-” he cut himself off, “i would never lay on a hand on you that way,” tae would pull you into his lap and cover you both with a warm blanket, kisses and kdrama watching to ensue.
jungkook: jungkook was stressed and you had tried everything to help him, doing his chores around the house with the boys, making his favorite food and even watching his favorite movies with him. but one day, he snapped, “y/n! stop coddling me! i’m not a fucking baby!” the velocity of his voice and the swearing had you flinching in front of him as you brought your hands up in defense. jungkook took one look at you before he broke down in tears, “i didn’t mean t-to,” he would sob, “i love y-you,” you knew he hadn’t meant to scare you, he was just stressed, so you walked over to him and ran your hands through his hair. the rest of the night was spent baking his favorite cookies and drinking hot chocolate.
2x19 / 2x20 — #HE APOLOGIZES TO HER FOR DYING #i literally don’t know what to do with these two #he literally aplogizes for dying because he believes he let her down #it’s the first thing he thinks to say and i’m literally never going to stop crying #he loves her so much #*jumps off a cliff*
I never quite understood why girls would cry over their broken hearts, or whine about how much ‘he loved her’ or spend their days constantly thinking of him. But then I fell, I fell hard. And it all became so clear: the late nights, endless tears, the constant babbling. It suddenly made perfect sense.