Sometimes I think abt the fact that Jake drunk texted Amy a shirtless pic of himself eating a Chinese chicken salad sandwich on the subway and I just

How often do u think she uses that as blackmail

This mixer has been pretty awesome so far, and although I’m super drunk, I’ve managed to make out with with three people. A pledge for SAE, a KKG member and one of the bartenders out back. Who says alcohol wasn’t the greatest invention ever?

ilikebigassbuttsandicannotlie asked:

Also picture (if you don't mind), teacher, yellow, and zoo :3

Picture: Post a pic of your lovely face.

Well, I don’t really take selfies and this is the most recent photo of me (i have pink hair now and my last photo before, is me blond, anyway) I’m the one with the arrow above the head, sry I couldn’t find a better one!

Teacher: What do you aspire to be?

Still not sure, something to do with technology/computers, that’s for sure.

Yellow: What’s your favourite colour?

Black. I also love red.

Zoo: What is your favourite animal?



Here’s my set from last night which is definitely not the best set I’ve had. I’m probably going to cut the opening bit because it didn’t read as well as I thought it would. I also decided to take a more observational route this time around because I don’t think my usual absurdism would have gone over well at a place like this. I don’t know, it could have gone a lot better, the crowd could have been a lot bigger, but this is a far cry from my worst set.

(Also, that one-liner that I got published on collegehumor (lol) four years ago has been getting quite the workout lately.)

The Pack

I had to hang out with a pack of straight guys last night and I think I managed not to embarrass myself! It was pretty funny, I was in bed with my best friend when he got a call on facebook at like 1:00am from two guys he worked with who wanted to come crash. I tried to express how much I didn’t wanna hang out with some of his work rando’s but I guess I’m not nearly as emotive with my eyes as I thought. I kept giving Nathan shit because I was drunk and didn’t feel like putting on a sociable persona for his friends and he was like ‘don’t worry they are cool but I should warn you Dylan can be like, kind of gay.’

So these two guys show up while I’m trying to watch MST3K and instantly they start making jokes about stuff and then Austin jokingly warns me about how gay Dylan can be when Nathan interrupts and is all ‘Actually Dylan is gay’ and suddenly they are both backpedaling and asking me to confirm that I’m actually gay while apologizing(not that they did anything offensive they were just caught of guard) and I just laughed it off.

We ended up going out for a smoke and the other Dylan who everyone kept warning me about kept chatting with me which was nice if not kinda weird. We were talking about hooking up with chicks at work and he turns to me and is like, ‘man I totally prefer anal though, ass is so much better than pussy’ and I’m like ‘no argument here man’ laughing it off. Then he kept mentioning to me how much he loved getting BJ’s in his car and how ‘a hole is a hole’ and I’m sitting there thinking ‘what is the point of this conversation’ at which point Nathan and Austin went inside to fill up his bong. Dylan then started asking me some vague questions about my sex life like have I ever sucked a dick and questions about whether I was a top or a bottom and I gotta say I was getting some weird vibes from the guy at this point. He then suggested we go grab a pizza in his car for everyone but Nathan and Austin came back out so I used the interruption to disengage myself from the conversation.

Basically, I totally felt like this guy was coming onto me, but I could also just be a conceited douchebag who doesn’t understand the nuances of chatting with your typical straight white boy.