i-was-craving-it

I remember when I used
To crave connection,
I could burrow with a
Body until the moon

Returned to slumber and
Streaks of pink warmed
The morning sky, it seems
Self defense has hardened

My edges and now personal
Space is a treasure I can’t
Seem to get enough of, I
Dream I’m an alien always

Ready to return to my home,
A place where this void is
Normal, this lack of desire
Expected, accepted.

I’ve fallen over the edge.

Dear Ana,

I’m not a perfect daughter. I’m not even a good one, really. I binge as often as I starve and the rate I lose at is abysmal. I don’t know why I am like this, but I can’t stand to be anymore.

I will become your best. I will learn to fight my binges. I will ride through the cravings and the self-destructive urge to ruin progress. You want me to be happy, and I want to make you proud.

I will be skinny, for both of us.

Playlist for “A Gilded World” by Jincerity

So Jincerity’s “A Gilded World” is probably my YoonJin sanctuary so i made a playlist of songs that i personally think, fit the situations of the fanficiton. I included lyric snippets of the songs to show why i think they fit. Hope you like them :)


Seokjin -> Jungkook

If I was dying on my knees
You would be the one to rescue me
And if you were drowned at sea
I’d give you my lungs so you could breathe

I’ve got you brother
I’ve got you brother

Jimin -> Seokjin

“Give me love like never before,
‘Cause lately I’ve been craving more,
And it’s been a while but I still feel the same,
Maybe I should let you go
——————–
“And that I’ll fight my corner,
Maybe tonight I’ll call ya,
After my blood turns into alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya.”
——————–
“ My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love. “

“I don’t want them to know the secrets
I don’t want them to know the way I loved you
I don’t think they’d understand it, no
I don’t think they would accept me, no”
——————–
“ I loved and I loved and I lost you
I loved and I loved and I lost you
And it hurts like hell
Yeah it hurts like hell “

Jimin -> Taehyung

“If I told you that I loved you
Tell me, what would you say?
If I told you that I hated you
Would you go away?
Now I need your help with everything that I do
I don’t want to lie, I’ve been relying on you
——————–
“Fallin’ again, I need a pick-me-up
I’ve been callin’ you “friend, ” I need to give it up “

——————–
I’m sick, and I’m tired too
I can admit, I am not fireproof
I feel it burning me
I feel it burning you
I hope I don’t murder me
I hope I don’t burden you “

“Oh simple thing where have you gone?
I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you’re gonna let me in
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
——————–
“ And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go
Somewhere only we know? “

Seokjin -> Yoongi

“ I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions

——————–
“ Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start “

“And your heart’s against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck
I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet
And with a feeling I’ll forget, I’m in love now
——————–
“ Kiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
We’re falling in love “
——————–
“ Settle down with me
And I’ll be your safety
——————–
“Yeah I’ve been feeling everything
From hate to love
From love to lust
From lust to truth
I guess that’s how I know you
So I hold you close to help you give it up”

“ And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse? “
——————–
“ Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
——————–
“ When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

“ We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time’s forever frozen still “
——————–
“ So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home
——————–
“ Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know
——————–
“ Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier, “
——————–
“ And if you hurt me
Well, that’s okay baby, only words bleed “
——————–
And I won’t ever let you go

Yoongi -> SeokJin

“ Oh, my soul
Oh, how you worry
Oh, how you’re weary, from fearing you lost control “
——————–
“ And no one would blame you, though
If you cried in private
If you tried to hide it away, so no one knows
No one will see, if you stop believing “

“ You think that you know my heart
And you probably do
——————–
You’re my other half
You’re what makes me me
What makes me smile
When I fall down and can’t get back, get back, get back up
On my feet “
——————–
“ You’re a beautiful thing “
——————–
“ We make hours turn into seconds together
The weight of the world feel like a feather
'Cause we’re holding it right in our hands

——————–
We’re a beautiful thing together

“I’m gonna pick up the pieces and build a Lego house
If things go wrong we can knock it down

——————–
“ And it’s dark in a cold December, but I’ve got you to keep me warm
If you’re broken I will mend ya and keep you sheltered from the storm that’s raging on “
——————–
I’m out of touch, I’m out of love
I’ll pick you up when you’re getting down
And out of all these things I’ve done, I think I love you better now  “
——————–
“I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind
I’ll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now “
——————–
“And out of all these things I’ve done I will love you better now”


“All I am is a man
I want the world in my hands
I hate the beach
But I stand in California with my toes in the sand “
——————–
Touch my neck and I’ll touch yours
You in those little high waisted shorts “
——————–
“And what I think about
One love, two mouths
One love, one house
No shirt, no blouse
Just us, you find out
Nothing that I wouldn’t wanna tell you about no”
——————–
“ I don’t mind if there’s not much to say
Sometimes the silence guides our minds to
So move to a place so far away “
——————–
“ The goosebumps start to raise
The minute that my left hand meets your waist
And then I watch your face
Put my finger on your tongue
'Cause you love the taste yeah “
——————–
“ 'Cause it’s too cold whoa
For you here and now
So let me hold whoa
Both your hands in the holes of my sweater “
   

“ I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning “
——————–
“ I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you “

“ I met you in the dark, you lit me up
You made me feel as though I was enough “
——————–
“ Then you smiled over your shoulder
For a minute, I was stone-cold sober
I pulled you closer to my chest “
——————–
“ I knew I loved you then
But you’d never know
'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go
I know I needed you
But I never showed

But I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old “
——————–
“When you looked over your shoulder
For a minute, I forget that I’m older
I wanna dance with you right now
Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever
And I swear that everyday you’ll get better
You make me feel this way somehow “
——————–
“ We’ve come so far my dear
Look how we’ve grown “
——————–
“ I wanna live with you
Even when we’re ghosts
'Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most “
——————–
“ I’m gonna love you till
My lungs give out
I promise till death we part like in our vows
——————–
Just say you won’t let go
Oh, just say you won’t let go

Taehyung -> Jimin

“ The club isn’t the best place to find a lover
So the bar is where I go 
Me and my friends at the table doing shots
Drinking fast and then we talk slow
And you come over and start up a conversation with just me
And trust me I’ll give it a chance now 
Take my hand, stop, put Van The Man on the jukebox
And then we start to dance
And now I’m singing like “
——————–
“ Last night you were in my room
And now my bedsheets smell like you
——————–
“ I’m in love with the shape of you
We push and pull like a magnet do
Although my heart is falling too
I’m in love with your body  “

If this is love
Why does it break me down?

——————–
“ It’s been a long time since I felt the way that I do now
Like I need you, but I don’t know how
It’s been a while since I smiled
And I meant it from my heart
But the idea of leaving this behind
It tears me apart “
——————–
“ Kiss me now and remind me why
I ever wanted to make you mine “

“ If I stay here would you come back
If I stay cool would you be mad
Would you want me if I want you
That way

——————–
“ Isn’t it strange that every time
I look at your name I’m suddenly high
For you to feel the same I would do almost anything
I’d give away this, give away that
All of my shoes and all of my hats
All I need’s you and a bit of music “ 
  ——————– 
“ 'Cause all I can think about is coming over, coming over “

Hoseok and Namjoon (Goes both ways)

“ Gumdrop, lollipop, boom a little candy shop
I wanna feel your sugar rush through my veins
Whipped cream, jellybean, sweet and sour tangerine
I wanna feel your sugar rush through my veins
 ——————– 
“ Sugar, sugar, oh you’re no good for me
I got a sweet tooth – it gets the best of me
And you’re like candy, you go down so easily
Sugar, baby, can’t you see, you’re going to be the death of me

“ You ought to keep me concealed just like I was a weapon
I didn’t come for a fight but I will fight till the end
And this one might be a battle, might not turn out okay
You know you look so Seattle, but you feel so LA
——————–
“ And I love the way you hurt me
It’s irresistible, yeah “
——————–
“ You’re second hand smoke, second hand smoke
I breathe you in, but, honey, I don’t know what you’re doing to me
Mon chéri, but the truth catches up with us eventually
Try to say live, live and let live
But I’m no good, good at lip service
Except when they’re yours, mi amor
I’m coming for you and I’m making war “

Taehyung

“ Decisions as I go, to anywhere I flow
Sometimes I believe, at times when I should know
I can fly high, I can go low
Today I got a million, tomorrow, I don’t know “
——————–
“ Stop crying like you’re home and think about the show
We’re all playing the same game, I’m laying down alone
We’re unknown and known, special and a clone
Hate will make you cautious, love will make you glow
——————–
“ Make me feel the warmth, make me feel the cold
It’s written in our story, it’s written on the walls
This is our call, we rise and we fall
Dancin’ in the moonlight, don’t we have it all?

Yoongi

“ I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own “
——————–
“ One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand “

“ What’s the problem I don’t know
Well maybe I’m in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can’t stop thinking 'bout it
——————–
How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can’t ignore it if it’s love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don’t know nothing 'bout love “
——————–
“ Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn’t mean to do it
But there’s no escaping your love
——————–
We’re accidentally in love
Accidentally in love

——————– 
“ Jump a little higher 
If you feel a little lighter
Spin a little tighter
And the world’s a little brighter
Just get yourself inside her 

Love …I’m in love

Seokjin

“And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

——————–
“ Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep
(in too deep)
And it’s been two years I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

——————–
“ This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song

My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Jungkook

“ Am I wrong for thinking out the box from where I stay?
Am I wrong for saying that I choose another way?”
——————–
“ If one thing I know, I’ll fall but I’ll grow
I’m walking down this road of mine, this road that I call home “
——————–
“ So am I wrong
For thinking that we could be something for real?
Now am I wrong
For trying to reach the things that I can’t see?
But that’s just how I feel, “
——————–
“ Walk your walk and don’t look back, always do what you decide
Don’t let them control your life, that’s just how I feel
Fight for yours and don’t let go, don’t let them compare you, no
Don’t worry, you’re not alone, that’s just how we feel

I’ll maybe add more for NamSeok and Jimin as well as VMin later :’) I just adore this fanfiction and i wanted to share this with everyone. Hope you like it

Akshkshs i always forget how affectionate i am as a human like if yall meet me in real life and u need me to chill on the contact just tell me i dont mind i just dont notice im doing it i just crave physical contact and rly love hand holding and hugs i sometimes forget how extra i am

anonymous asked:

Does anyone else relate to not being hungry when you get your period? Like, idk I try to eat but nothing at all sounds good. I don't even get cravings.

I sure don’t 😭😭

Feeling pretty good today~

I’m super sleepy so hopefully I’ll take a nap later, but I want to stay awake for a while for right now.
I ate kinda badly yesterday… I didn’t eat dinner but I did eat half a Reese’s stick thingy? And an Olive Garden bread stick and a lot of pretzels last night while I was drunk. I also had that big bowl of lentil soup & pita bread/hummus for lunch, then a Rice Krispie treat & two pieces of chocolate after.
I felt a little worried about it, but I’m trying to remember that it’s not gonna ruin me. The weekends are cheat days, and I’ve definitely done the same or worse on other weekends.
I also realized my period is in about a week. I had sooooo many cravings yesterday and I was like “fuuuuck what’s wrong with me??? What’s happening??” And then I remembered that my pms symptoms are gonna be kicking in and I was like oooooh okay there we go. Lmao
But yeah. I took a body check this morning and still looked good even after all that crap yesterday, so I’m trying to remember that it’s okay to treat myself on the weekends. I always go back to my regular diet during the week so it’s okay!

I was thinking that I could possibly lose the last 3-4lbs to hit 89-90lbs if I didn’t have cheat days, but I’m honestly just not willing to give it up. I’m home for a lot of the time and it’s really hard to not snack here & there. Plus I work all damn week and restrict all week and idk I use cheat days as a reward and it honestly helps to keep me on track all week bc I get it out of my system. Plus I keep remembering that I’m already technically underweight and I’d been worrying about my health and if I start going lower then my health is just gonna get worse and worse. And above all, my health is important. As scared as I am of looking fat, I’m also very scared of looking old. I don’t want to start getting heavy bags and wrinkles under my eyes or anything, even though I’m already convinced that it’s started. My hands are always so veiny and it’s kinda gross tbh but whatever. I’m also TERRIFIED of losing my hair, but who isn’t?
So I want to make sure that my body and health are kept up with, and if that means never hitting 89lbs then so be it. I actually already took the UGW off my profile because I’ve pretty much decided to just maintain the weight I’m at. I’m already restricting so much that my body has gone as low as it can without me getting into dangerous territory and I just have to accept that. Besides, 93lbs at 24 years old is good. (Something else I have to keep telling myself)
A lot of my friends have metabolisms that are slowing down and they don’t work out or watch what they eat so they’re slowly gaining. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever, they’re healthy and happy and I’m happy for them. But I have a problem and when it comes down to it, I love the fact that I’m underweight for my age and that I’m pretty much the only tiny one in the friend group. I know, that’s terrible, but this is what this blog is for! Lol for me to vent about my shitty mindset and be honest.

Anyway!!! I got off track.
I’m debating if I want to go to the mall to buy a shirt & jacket for next week’s house party. It’s Alice in Wonderland themed and I’m going as the white rabbit. I bought some super cute bunny ears and I’ll probably just wear a yellow crop top with high waisted jeans, a red blazer or leather jacket, and my creepers. I just need the crop top & jacket lol
Happy Sunday 🍓

I’m in a foul mood and just want to cry.

- I’m tired, a late night and early morning has made me wanna crash
- I offered to go home early, and the other girl was all good with it, then got shitty when she had to stay 30min late when I happily would (especially for the extra $70 in tips)
- A girl joel works with has stolen his day off so she can be with the guy she’s fuckn and now we only have 1 day off.
- I’m really really craving Joel time. It’s really hard on me to start work at 3pm, finish at 11, and then Joel works 8-330. I’m struggling big time
- Joel made stir fry for dinner.. again.. and I don’t want it, I feel terribly selfish.
- so I am being pathetic because really life is pretty great I’m tired.

i kept the key to the car i crashed and 19 other useless facts

1. i am a picky eater

2. i cling to myself and don’t like to be touched by others

3. i crave affirmation and validation above all else

4. i hate the rattle in my heart that shakes my hands and feet when i am restless

5. i want to enjoy for the sake of enjoyment and learn to be realer than i am

6. i know how easy it is to feel apart from it all but this does not keep me from allowing it to happen

7. i looked like an adult at the age of fourteen and seem to have sunken back in time to whoever i was before that

8. i am afraid of the dark

9. i am still so young

10. it took me years to stomach the idea of love and only minutes to spit it out

11. my favorite flowers are peonies and no one knows this other than me

12. i have so many people to talk to but i am close to no one

13. i have felt as though i am watching my finger nails grow before my eyes and i do not understand what i mean

14. i have a beast of burden tasked within me

15. i do not know when anything will make sense. i do not know when i will no longer feel alone

16. i used to cut my hair to feel alive but have since decided to grow it out

17. i cannot stand the sight of dead bodies. i cannot stand the idea of flesh without life

18. i am still drying in the sun

19. i am not myself to anyone else. i am not who i have been the past six months

anonymous asked:

Hello void, weird to say but I think I crave rejection because I like to feel like shit. What now?

This is an interesting - but not abnormal - situation. You should feel like a star, my dear, because you are truly made of stardust. You are lovely and thus should feel as such. If this is an ongoing pattern for you, perhaps you should talk to a therapist and find the root of the issue. For now, work on loving yourself like the Void loves you.