i-want-to-stay-in-bed

In the evening, we walk the length of
the places we wish we had stayed
and throw stones into the water, 
always hoping they will not drown,
always knowing that we will be
disappointed.

There are pains in her side from 
thinking too hard about things that
have long passed and the thing
about wanting to forget is that you
never really get over it.

Every night is the same, still every
time she closes her eyes she is back,
beside him in bed as he fucks
another woman, and they ask her
why she does not sleep anymore.

In between shallow moans they 
ask why she is so quiet they ask if
she is sleeping they ask if she is
alive and they do not stop.

She is nothing like herself.

And like the stones, each night, 
she begs herself to stay afloat as
she ties cement or bodies or
promises to her ankles and walks
herself to the edge of the blackness.

Like the stones, she throws 
herself in. And she is disappointed.
She is always disappointed.

—  “on bad nights when the moon looks like it is hungry.” by Emma Bleker

anonymous asked:

Give a list of some of your favourite things.

  • Staying in bed and watching Netflix all day.
  • Days where you don’t have to stress or do anything.
  • Writing when inspired.
  • Long hugs.
  • Tea at the perfect temperature (roasting but not so much that it’ll burn me).
  • Watching the rain fall.
  • Storms - rain, thunder, lightening; I want it all.
  • Seeing someone for the first time in a while and catching up.
  • Meeting new people and instantly clicking.
  • Watching a new episode of a good show.
  • Reading a book start to finish in one sitting because it was too good to put down.
  • Reading a book and losing track of time because I just got so into reading it.
  • Watching a great movie for the first time.
  • Watching a great movie for the twelfth time.
  • Listening to the best soundtracks and getting goosebumps.
  • Comfortable silences with people where you don’t need to speak; you’re both just content in silence for a bit.
  • Laughing until I’m crying/it hurts.
  • Having a really good dream and remembering it when I wake up.
  • Seeing someone’s face light up when they see you or when you give them a gift or because of something you said to them or an action you did etc.
  • The feeling you get when your going down on a rollercoaster (the feeling of falling).
  • Nice messages from people you know or from strangers.
  • Watching your favourite movie that never loses it’s magic touch.
  • Singing a song really, really loudly.
  • Dancing really badly but not caring.
  • Finding out the song that you’ve been singing all day.
  • Looking at old photos and seeing how much hotter I’ve gotten (do it right now. it’s so uplifting)
  • Treating myself.
  • Working really hard and the work pays off.
  • Breaking the rules and being a bit rebellious.
  • Being happy.

But imagine a little sleepy Luke as his hair is all over his face as his arms wrap around you tightly when you try to exist your shared bed. He groans out a quiet “no, stay.” As he squeezes into the crook of your neck and breathes in the scent of your body wash. The way he’s holding you dangerously making you rethink your choice of leaving the bed. You sigh and say “But Luke, we both have to get up.” While he groans again. You look at him and groan, as you turn a little to your side facing him. Giving in to his request. “Five minutes.”  He says.

I am a little bit drunk and just wanted to pop in and say I love you all and I hope you’re enjoying everything I queued up for you and that everyone is doing well and I hope to be back in a couple weeks cause I really do love this blog and fandom and all of you are so great so I’m gonna go to bed. Stay excellent.

Well

My internal weather kicked up a storm and kept me from seeking out Diarmuid and Grainne’s beds. Having been with a Grainne once, I wanted a story to culminate there, in an imagined night on the exposed stone. But I couldn’t reach any of the places where the fugitive lovers supposedly slept.

I turned my attention to saints’ beds instead. Two upright stones, a slab in the middle. Sometimes just the slab, the upright stones fallen or crumbled. Most often it looks like a grave. Stay on one of those for the night and you could be cured.

I joked before I left for Inis Oirr that I might even try, not that I thought a night on cold stone would be good for my prematurely rheumatic joints. Is it better to sleep on stone for health than for love?

Faced with the actual thing in the mist that rapidly turned to rain and draped the landscape in silence oddly devoid of ghosts, I didn’t try. They told me to accept the weather on the island as it comes. But where there are no ghosts, there is something stronger that eats them.

In other places a green road would lead to the sea. Here there was a stone road, light blue rocks wobbling underfoot. No sharp giving way to the ocean here, but levels of porous stone and shallow pools where the water rested when it was out of its depth.

When I came upon the holy well, it sat in a small walled field alone. Lore says that if you approach the right way and see an eel afterwards, you are cured. I looked in sidelong at the shallow water inside the round wall, just inches over sand-coloured stone, with a small blue-grey pool to one side.

That eel would have had to fling itself quite far from the sea, or if it was a freshwater eel, make its way underground and through the smallest of gaps to arrive in the clear well water.

Still I circled the pool seven times, never widdershins because that was bad luck, having plucked small stones from the side of the road. As I went, I lay down seven stones and left them there, in a dip of the larger rock. Five blue, one sand, one with a tinge of red.

No one arrived in the time I was there. No eel showed up either. But the water was cool and the sun burned the low clouds away as I took a new path back, birds flitting into the gaps in the walls, rare flowers sprouting between slabs.

The next day I came back and my small stones were gone. Of course, I thought, I shouldn’t have changed the face of the well. Thousands of years it had weathered. I would have circled again today and taken the stones away with me. But they were gone and strangely, so was my need.

What did I want to see but what was in the wide view? Here at the world’s edge, all I wanted was to make each step I took one that I knew I was taking with every one of my senses. To come back tired, relish the sensation of resting, and, waking with my mind awhirl, set down those thoughts.

I spent my life looking for places to love, and then for places to live, before beginning to learn to find life and love in my body, however unpredictable its conditions. Right now the storm lay low. And I was in right now, and right now, and right now, every step of the sea road home.

We’re staying with Josh’s sister, and she gave us her room to sleep in. This is what looks down on our bed.

I know I’m horrible, but it just makes me want to have rough dirty sex and laugh. We can’t though because it’s his sister’s bed, and that is way worse than fucking in front of the LORD.

dianamoonfall asked:

( GASP! Ship Meme: Do Althea and Larsh just cos! :D )

Send me a ship and I’ll answer:

  • Who wakes up first?: Larsh
  • Who is grumpiest in the morning?: Althea
  • Who cooks breakfast? : Both (but Althea cooks better than him)
  • Who serves the other breakfast in bed?: None (But if this will happen Larsh will do)
  • Who suggests the skip work and stay home?: Althea (because of her little brother)
  • Who falls asleep on top of the other?: Althea (because she’s young and the young always want more room when they sleep  … younglingsXD)
  • Who always has to be touching the other?: … (I think both but the depends)
  • Who stays up until 2 reading?: Both
  • Who kisses their partner while they’re sleeping?: Althea
  • Who is most adventurous?: Both
  • Who is most protective?: Althea
  • Who cares too much?: Althea
  • Who is most competitive?: Larsh (old stupid thingy!)
  • Who sings in the shower?:
  • Who is more likely to get naughty in inappropriate places?: Althea?
  • Rate this ship: 10000000
  • lunarilibration

Anonymous asked: Hi I saw u already did a bday for skye but sincs her real one is 2 juky I was wondering if u would make one on tht date and jemma wants to make breakfast for her but is actually a terrible cook :)

- Sorry this is late, I’ve been unexpectedly busy. Here we go!

_____

When Skye wakes up on July 2nd the first thing she notices is the emptiness of her bed. She had been taken out for drinks last night to pre-celebrate her birthday. Her girlfriend had stayed over, right? Yeah, absolutely. Jemma didn’t want her to start her birthday without her.

Her birthday.

Jemma.

A grin spreads onto her face and she covers it with her hands. She had never been excited about birthdays. Ever. Until she found out the real date and Jemma was determined to show her that birthdays were indeed a day of celebrating. Or in Jemma’s words: “If you don’t like celebrating this day because you’re inevitably growing older, Skye, at least be impressed by the fact that you’ve been around the sun another time.”

Keep reading

I want to be the soft pink light pouring over your sunrise
The gap in between a place I’ve never known but but I feel it wedging between my bones
seems like it could be called “home”
I watch your back turned as you watch a world unfold before 2am and you leave stars on my eyelashes like new constellations sprouting shapes I’ve been looking for my whole life
You taste like October, like white Christmas
Like the candles on all the birthday cakes I never made wishes on
I want to wear your embraces like a sweater next to the warmest fire I’ve ever built
I want you to know when you’re an ice storm that I’m not afraid of avalanches
I want you to fall on me like a soft bed of leaves
And stay as long as you need
—  I want to wear your shirts

Me at 2pm: I just want to go to sleep.

Me at 4pm: I’m just gonna make myself stay awake until 8pm, and then I can sleeeep!

Me at 8pm: Oh hey, tv is on!

Me at 10pm: I FEEL ALIVE!

{I just wanted you all to know that this blog is still active (well semi) and that I do plan on getting to my 20+ drafts and 20+ messages I have received at some point. Maybe I will have time this weekend.

Anyway, I have been sick, which is no surprise, because I’ve been constantly sick for about 2 years now. On top of that I’ve been pulling 10+ hours at work which leaves me exhausted to the point that I come home and go to bed.

I hope everyone has a good weekend and stays safe no matter where you are in the world.

Oh! And thanks for hanging in there with me during my unannounced hiatuses.

-Jace}

I'll be at the house this weekend . . .

The ex is out of town and I didn’t want the child to be alone. She’s sixteen and I know she could handle it, I would just feel bad leaving her here alone, she is going over to her boyfriends tomorrow evening, so it is I that will be all alone. No big deal, I’m just mentioning it for words. I spent new years alone, why would I care about spending independence day alone. I hate being here at the house. I want to shit on the sofa, scratch obscenities on the walls, throw her shit on the front lawn and light it all on fire. I feel like I’m staying in a friends house and that if I look around too much, I’ll end up feeling like I am snooping. I won’t go into the bedroom. She had said in the past that I could sleep in her bed–yeah fucking right. That’s not going to happen. How fucking sick would that be–she can be a little tactless, lets not forget that a week after I moved out on what would have been our sixteenth anniversary, she wished me happy anniversary. Fucking idiot. She actually thought that would be okay to say that to the person who had wanted to stay and fucking fight for the relationship? I did, however, bring over a load of laundry and now I’m all caught up with that. I hate it here; things keep coming back and not good things either. How every year we’d get the cluster of housefly’s and eventually find the cast off shells from their births–if we happened to be early enough we could actually get to clean up a host if maggots and somehow stull have a bunch of flys inhabiting our airspace. And lets not forget the sugar ants that would eventually infest either at the sliding door to the back yard or the bathroom in the master bedroom. There were a few things I had wanted to get while I am here–mostly in the garage, but one time in the dim years of the past when she still had feelings for me, other than those fueled by guilt, her and daughter had taken a few day trip to the beach and returned with an ornamental knife for me. Nothing that would ever hold an edge but it’s nicely sharp at the tip. Lately I’ve felt a little concern over safety at home. Not that there’s any outward problems, you just never know. I have to leave the windows open in the evening and sometimes overnight in this heat wave we have been enduring lately and to have the pigstiker just in case would help me feel better. Really, the only thing I really miss about this place is the big fucking TV.

10 people I want to get to know better

I was tagged by witchaj

Name: Jilyssa Holly

Nickname(s): Jil, Jily, JilyBean, Jay, Pixie, Peach (feel free to call me any of these)
Time/Date: Friday, July 3rd, 2015, 9:29, finished at 10:08
Average Hours of sleep: If I work the next day, HOPEFULLY 6-9 hours. If I don’t, I am either in bed all day long, in and out of sleep whilst watching whatever Netflix show I am currently binge watching…or I’m staying up super late and watching said show into the wee hours of the morn and waking up to do the same thing.
Last thing I googled: Chocolate Martini Recipes
Birthday: February 28th, 1991
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Height: 5’3” ¼ (gotta add the quarter…short people understand!)
Favorite color: Purple…. if I HAVE to choose….I’m an artist….colors are my life!
One place that makes me happy: The Beach with the comfort of my own mind with a great book in hand.
How many blankets I sleep with: 2-5…. SoCal weather is weird, don’t judge me.
What I’m wearing right now: acid wash jeans and a comfy grey tee
Favorite movies: I LOVE MOVIES!!! here’s just the top ones I can think of atm:  HTTYD 1&2, The Covenant, 10 things I hate about you, What’s your number?, Crazy/Beautiful, Rock-a-Doodle, The Avengers (and all the sub category movies, CA, CA:WS etc), and many many MANY others. Like i said…. I LOVE MOVIES.
Last book I read: Radioactive Man Volume One
Most used phrases: Son of a Biscuit eater, aaahduhh, mayyyybeeeeyyy
What I last said to a family member: Bye Daddy, I love you.
Favorite Beverage:  Non Alcoholic- Cherry Coke, Alcoholic- BEER.
Favorite Food: My mom’s Spaghetti or my step moms tacos (with pickles, its a must!)
Last Movie I watched: Underworld-Evolution
Dream Vacation: Euro Trip- MUST include birth place (Germany) for at LEAST 2 months in Europe.
Dream Wedding: Intimate outdoor wedding, preferably at a park, in the forest or on the beach. personal vows, being married by a mutual friend, with my Daddy walking me down the aisle.
Dream Job: Traveling artist or Art Teacher for high school students
Dream Pet: unobtainable- TOOTHLESS!!!!!!!! or Falcor :) obtainable- a split face cat to be able to name him or her Harvey, and a shiba-inu


Tagging (only if you want to!) : thefrostedfairy, killjoyinacape, remedy7411, shanology, thebestpersonherelovesbucky, yeahishipitbitch, sliceosunshine, pugglemuggle, confusseld, mgosche

Aries - Kids learn to swim by being thrown into the water and having to fight to save themselves. Baby birds get pushed from the nest and either have to learn to fly or that’s the end of them. I think you need to be pushed from the nest and find out if your wings work or not.

Taurus - We all spend so much of our youth angry at the world because they don’t remember what it felt like to be a teenager. When you constantly run into “most wanted” posters with your face in the middle and your eyes blur when you read that you’re wanted dead or alive.

Gemini - It’s nice to have found a distance between myself and the heavy sadness. Happiness weighs a lot less so it’s easier to forklift myself out of this bed in the morning.

Cancer - If you look around, I mean really look around, you’ll see two distinct sides forming. Your reasons to stay are diminishing and your threats to leave are growing. This town doesn’t seem so big anymore, does it?

Leo - Remember last summer when you hardly slept and you didn’t seem to mind? You couldn’t decide if you loved the moon or the sun more but you knew that you’d stay awake long enough to say hello and goodbye to them both.

Virgo - Dangerous goes hand and hand with self-destructive behavior when you’re growing up. I stumbled into houses in flames to save the boy trapped inside, and we were both coughing up ash. But when I found the boy who was wearing soot like warpaint, I left and decided to turn my lungs into a trick of the light, more smoke than flesh.

Libra - You always stay an enigma to us all and that’s why I continue writing poems about your disappearing acts.

Scorpio - These next nine months are going to fly by and I hope you stop and take the time to look around. You grew up here. You can hate it all you want but you wouldn’t be who you are today without it. And I know you’re finally happy with who you are. 

Sagittarius - When you were younger, you were royalty, you were a hero, you were the villain. As you grew up, you decided you wanted to be all of the above, all at once.

Capricorn - Maybe one of these days we’ll both learn how to stop being so stubborn and that keeping our guard up only makes us miss out.

Aquarius - I can’t find an in-between for you. I wish you’d see that this doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Let’s learn about compromises together.

Pisces - Please stop allowing yourself to feel so small. There’s a whole world inside of you. Don’t pretend that it doesn’t exist.

—  poetry for the signs, a.l.
  • Me:YEAH, I KNOW I'M ONLY 17 I ONLY GOT A FEW DOLLARS
  • Dad:that's because you're too damn lazy to get a job
  • Me:
  • Dad:
  • Me:
  • Dad:
  • Me:
  • Dad:
  • Me:i came out to have a good time and i'm honestly feeling so attacked right now