i-want-some-jesus-time-alone

Who is my sweetheart - really?

No, not mine personally.  (His name is Steven and he’s had that position for 34 years).  Anyway… here’s the stuff going around in my head:

No chemistry at all between Sam and MM.  Boy, if I were her, I would classify that night as a very lousy date.

No chemistry between Cait and Tony but “hey, we’ve been friends for a long time and I’m glad you’re here.”  I actually liked that photo because that is the first little bit of proof that they actually have some kind of relationship - let alone that they really know each other! 

Sam’s face.  EVERY damn picture.  He was even caught looking for her when they were on the carpet and talking with fans.  Remember this is the guy who likes no room for Jesus to get between him and Cait.  He looked absolutely miserable when she was giving her speech.  He could not be who he wanted to be. He was given an acting job that night where he actually sucked as an actor. AND to boot, he didn’t win again.  Boy, gut punch to the heart and the gut.

Sam’s face.  And her’s.  When they are together the light just explodes from their bodies and their faces.  Light appears when they are close to each other and can feel each other’s warmth.

The BTS photo of Cait and Sam in “private”.  She grooms him.  He has his hand  in the familiar spot at the small at her back.  That quick little pic is so intimate.  They might as well be naked.  Well, really!  They cannot help it.

The BTS photo of Cait and Sam in “private”.  Damn!  Isn’t it amazing that a photo just happens to appear EVERY SINGLE TIME they are supposed to be with someone else that says exactly the opposite?  I know they know that there is never a “safe” place out of view to just be themselves.  I’m sorry.  I’m not so stupid to think that they don’t know what they are doing or what can happen when they are “alone”!

My ship will always be Sam and Cait.  This is my very first ship - very first fandom.  The people I know here are not the awful, mean, and insincere people that are described by those who hate shippers.  I am always supported by them and when I have a stupid question or thought - no one puts me down.  THIS is where I am going to stay.  This situation can’t last forever.  I know it’s been 3 or 4 years, but that is not gonna stop me.  They are both 36 years old.  Their desire to have a marriage and children can’t be put off much longer.  You can read that in Sam’s face.  EVERY DAMN PICTURE.  And she can’t hide what she feels for him.  In her speech, she did not acknowledge any of the other nominees.  She DID NOT thank Tony (her SO) for his constant support.  She NEVER looked in any direction other than in Sam’s.  She thanked him for being her “partner” EVERYDAY!  GOOD LORD.  In my heart and through my eyes, there’s only one woman for him and only one man for her.  What a tragic situation.  Don’t you think?

Alonzo Lerone Starter Sentences
  • Well, we know one job that’s too big.
  • Damn, I’m lookin’ like a troll today.
  • What the fuck did I just read?!
  • The Colonel told me to tell you: You ain’t shit!
  • That is too easy.
  • I’ma leave that one alone.
  • Why don’t you just tell him to take the whole bottle at once?!
  • I can’t do this.
  • That ain’t Jesus!
  • Lil burrito needs a lil reality check.
  • Rainin’ in the damn house.
  • Bullshit!
  • I’ve been in there for years!
  • I’ve never had that before.
  • Have you no shame?!
  • I can’t handle it!
  • That is some talented shit.
  • I am not– I refuse!!!
  • Alright, I’ll do it one more time.
  • Fuck it.
  • I just want them to hold hands and jump into a pile of fucks.
  • Someone please tell Blue to get a clue.
  • I’m not a mathematician but I don’t think that’s the daddy.
  • He just said bananas!
  • You need to get a refund!
  • Are those the same rabbits from last week?!
  • I’m not gonna read that shit again.
  • Oh my god.
  • That escalated quickly.
  • Whoa, is that real?!
  • Sorry, I had a vision.
  • Do what you got to do.
  • I’m just– I’m done.
  • The fuck it will!
  • All that for no reason.
  • Oh, fuck it. 
  • Shut it down! All of it! 
  • That is false advertisement because there is not one cock on that plate!
  • Next time, google something before you blindly believe it!
  • I feel dumb just reading that.
  • That is the troll of a lifetime.
  • What is up with this titty talk?!

yesterday morning I was talking with Jesus about how I realized for the first time that I often find my value in what I do, the titles I hold, and the way people perceive me rather than grace alone.

then I asked Him, “Lord, would I still be okay with myself if you took away the approval of man?”

instead of letting me wonder, last night He took it away. not from all, but even just a taste of man’s rejection was enough to know that my heart has some work to do in this area.

this morning I find myself wanting to dwell upon the details and words exchanged. instead, I am allowing truth to ring free in my soul. I am His. He loves me. I am righteous because of the cross. I cannot earn His approval. He loved me the same last week as He did last night. By His grace alone, always.