i-tried-to-make-a-funny

I honestly feel like I’m gonna be one of those grandparents who’s head is always filled with random memories.

Like my grandkids are going to be talking about the legendary Sir Harry Styles and I’m gonna have to be like, “Every one used to call him Hazza, or Harold. We always knew he was a legend and an icon in the making back in my day. But one thing that hasn’t changed about him, is that he still reminds everyone that he used to be a baker.”

“Yurio is too young and he’s being sexualised also Otayuri is pedophilia ew” says the thirteen year old pubescent girl who wears revealing outfits and wants to get laid by men in their twenties.

I was listening to random music playlist on youtube when Uptown funk started playing and one of lines made me think about Gramander (shocking, I know).

Imagine Newt hanging around Tina, waiting for her to check documents for his animals before they take them to mister Graves to sign them. Now, Newt hasn’t met that man yet - not the real one - and he wants to make good impression. Wasting that man time on incorrectly filled forms wouldn’t be too nice.

Suddenly, there are many of “Good morning, sir!” behind Newt. Tina raises her head from above one of forms (it’s the one for nundu; Newt thinks he should be more specific in explaining how Elizabeth’s breath isn’t dangerous any more because Tina doesn’t seem too happy about her) and she stands up, scolding her expression into something more neutral.

“Good morning, Director, sir!”

“Goldstein.” A husky, low voice speaks behind Newt, footsteps of that person getting closer. “And your guest is…?”

Newt doesn’t need Tina’s pointed look to stand up too. He turns around, raising his gaze to look at mister Graves’s face and not his feet and —

Woah.

Grindelwald pretending to be mister Graves has been good. Great even. He’s been radiating confidence by just standing in one place, his magic so strong everyone around him could feel it. But there has been something almost sinister in how Grindelwald has been looking at people - like at tools to be used.

The real Percival Graves is nothing like that. 

He walks with complete confidence but not like he owns the place, so unlike Grindelwald, but like a person who fully knows his value and capabilities. He keeps his powers tightly around himself yet Newt can feel it and it gives him shivers. Then mister Graves stops right in front of him and Newt’s breath catches in his throat - it’s not fair for anyone to look this fine. Newt can’t help but notice just how good mister Graves looks like in his finely tailored suit, filling it in all right places as if he hasn’t been starved by his kidnapper for a few months. Even his cologne smells more than great.

For a brief moment Newt wonders how anyone could mistake Grindelwald for this man but then mister Graves is speaking again and Newt’s brain turns into a butter.

“Mister Scamander, if I am correct? What does bring you to New York this time?” Those dark eyes focus on Newt and Newt is definitely not prepared for the force of nature which is Percival Graves focusing solely on him. “I hope,” he adds in the most smooth voice Newt has ever heard, ever, “no creature of your is going to break into the zoo this time.” Mister Graves’s lips turn up into a small smile. 

Newt’s legs almost give up under him. No, he’s not prepared at all.

“I-I promise to not cause any problems, mister Graves, sir.” Normally Newt doesn’t use “sir” yet there is something about this man that makes one say it without thinking too much about it. It sounds right. “Tina – Auror Goldstein is helping me with forms.”

Mister Graves looks at Tina and Newt almost sighs in relief. These two talk for a moment about some other reports Tina is supposed to deliver to mister Graves’s today - Newt feels a pang of guilt when he realizes she could be writing them instead of helping him - before mister Graves excuses himself. Only when he walks away Newt feels like he can breath freely again.

“What are you thinking about?” Newt barely hears Tina’s ask. “Newt?”

With his eyes glued to the strong line of miser Graves’s shoulders, Newt says the first line he can think about - something he has heard during the war from one of soldiers trying to woo their nurse.

“He makes a dragon want to retire.” Isn’t mister Graves in fact like a dragon? Dangerous and powerful, watching everything with that intense gaze? In the corner of his eye Newt sees how Tina is looking at him with her mouth open and Newt feels himself blushing. It’s not like im to voice something like that aloud. “You know, he’s… hot?” 

The Auror, to whom mister Graves is speaking, suddenly gasps, looking straight at Newt, her eyes widening. Everyone in the room are looking at Newt and he immediately knows that he has spoken too loud. 

Oh.

Newt wants to die.

Mister Graves turns around slowly (and Newt’s brain shouldn’t be picking up this moment to admire how that coat is moving around him) and if his gaze has been intense before, now it’s completely devastating. Newt cannot turn away from it no matter how much he wants to. He feels himself blushing and he opens his mouth to apologize, but mister Graves interrupts him:

“Bring those forms after ten. I’m sure Auror Goldstein will have everything ready by that time.” Without further ado mister Graves nods at him and then leaves, his steps loud in the complete silence. 

McDougall, one of senior Aurors, is the first to break it.

“You know, Scamander, that there are easier ways to kill yourself, right?”

Newt slides onto his chair, mortified. He has made a wonderful first impression, indeed.


Newt doesn’t go with Tina to mister Graves’s office with forms for permits. He has had to hear enough of jokes and teasing to not want to spend any time alone with that man. And if he’s lucky then permits won’t be needed at all. The ship back to England is in a few hours, Newt can buy a ticket and never again come back to New York.

Good Merlin, what has he been thinking?

“What that poor sandwich did to you, mister Scamander? You’re looking at it as if it hurt you.” 

Spooked, Newt looks up. He has chosen one of empty rooms to eat his lunch without any interruptions - he is supposed to give a talk about magical creatures to Aurors later and he’s not looking towards it - and he hasn’t expected anyone to find him here.

Mister Graves is leaning against the doorframe, looking at Newt with curiosity, not anger, which is more than surprising. He’s not wearing his coat anymore and Newt wants to bang his head against the wall for noticing how fine those trousers fit him. He should be apologizing, not admire this man more!

“Mister Graves, I…” Newt stands up, forcing himself to look at mister Graves and not the floor, feeling how his cheeks are becoming red. “I’m so sorry —”

Mister Graves puts a finger on his lips, shushing Newt, who doesn’t even think about disobeying him.

(Actually, he’s thinking that he wants to touch those lips and when has he become such a pervert?)

“I was thinking…” mister Graves starts, again in that smooth, rich voice. He walks towards Newt, every step of his echoing on the stony floor. He’s looking at Newt like Newt is his prey and Newt… he doesn’t feel like running away. “I owe you at least a dinner, don’t I, mister Scamander? For your help with capturing Grindelwald.” Newt nods without thinking. 

Mister Graves is standing definitely too close, so close Newt can feel the warmth of his body. He smiles when Newt nods but it’s not like his previous smile; this one is a smile of a predator who captures its next meal. 

“Perfect.” He fucking purrs. Newt wonders if it’s possible to die from feeling too much attraction to someone. “Let’s go right after your lecture.” Mister Graves raises his hand and smoothes wrinkles on Newt’s shirt, looking straight into Newt’s eyes with such hunger Newt would be afraid of his life if his brain hasn’t decided to stop working the moment mister Graves has touched him. “I’m already starving.”


Somehow is turned into “Percival Graves is too hot for his own good” post. I swear it wasn’t my intention orz I kind of run of ideas at the end orz

Anyway, back to the main point: words “Too hot (hot damn)” made me think about Percival and then Newt losing ability to speak the first time he sees the real Percival.

BTS reacting to you eating their food and them catching you in the act red handed:

Anonymous said: exo or bts reacting to *you* eating their food from fridge all the time and in the end they catch you read handed in middle of night 😎💓👏 btw true story.

I tried making a little funny and decided to go with BTS instead of EXO. Hope’s that okay with you and I hope you would enjoy!!

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We’ll Remember These Nights

Pairing: Viktor and Yuuri

“You look just like the poster in my room,” Yuuri slurred, barely holding himself up in Viktor’s arms, “but you have more clothes on.” He giggled. The words hit Viktor hard, and he didn’t know how much more his weak gay heart could handle. He barely even noticed Yakov leaving the room with his head cradled in his hands.

Or in other words, what really went down at the banquet last year, and what that meant for them now.

Humor and smut (yeah it gets pretty explicit at the end). 

This is just under 5k words so click the cutaway if you want to keep reading!

Also on Ao3

「Yuuri slid his hands over Viktor’s sides, clutching his shoulder before stumbling into his arms to keep from hitting the floor (or even worse, Yuri Plisetsky). The skater clung to the fabric of Viktor’s suit as if his life depended on it, and when they locked eyes Yuuri beamed. The boy looked up at Viktor as if he was the most astonishing thing on the planet and it sent shivers down his spine.

“Viktoorr! My family runs a hot spring back home so why don’t you come over?” He slurred, flashing a self-satisfied grin when he saw the rage on Russian Yuri’s face. The Japanese skater had more guts than Viktor had first thought.

“If I win this dance-off, you’ll become my coach, right? Be my couch Viktoorrr.” Yuuri purred, wrapping his arms around the older man’s neck. Viktor felt the heat rise in his face, unable to hold back the gasp that left his throat from the impact of Yuuri’s chest hitting his own. Despite there being at least a hundred other people in the room who he was meant to leave a good impression on, he just couldn’t help himself.

“Hmm, a dance-off sounds fun, but my coaching isn’t free.” Viktor teased. He stepped back and slid off his suit jacket, throwing it carelessly to the Russian boy behind him. He fisted Yuuri’s tie, making him flinch as Viktor yanked him closer “So are you willing to pay the price?” Viktor leaned in, whispering hotly into the other man’s ear. Yuuri nodded eagerly, dropping to his knees, pupils blown wide. Meanwhile, Viktor loosened the collar of his own dress shirt, popping the top buttons to reveal smooth skin and a chiseled collar bone. He heard the click of his belt unbuckle, and Viktor was starting to feel wrecked before even taking his first drink –」

“While I would love to hear how this story ends, that’s not how it happened.” Viktor said, cutting Minako off. Her story was surprisingly accurate as to what happened at last year’s banquet, that is, until she got to the part about the blowjob. It’s a good thing Yuuri’s sister doesn’t understand English.

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GOT7 Reaction // When GOT7 and their s/o go through a haunted house together.

GOT7 MASTERLIST (X)

Hi there! Thank you I’m so glad you’re liking this blog so far. i’m pretty sure this is more of a scenario but oh well. I tried to make this request as funny as possible! ENJOY! ٩(^ᴗ^)۶ 


Mark

You and Mark had been planning this for a while, and once you actually got to the scary amusement park, he was already wanting to go home. Once you guys were in the haunted house, he wouldn’t stop gripping onto your arm. At one point, this scary clown came out of nowhere trying to scare you and mark ran away from you. He was so glad to be out of there once it was over.

“It wasn’t that bad.”

Originally posted by gsvnrewind

Jaebum

You were probably more nervous than him. In the line, he was constantly reassuring you that they’re just actors and they won’t touch you. He let you grip onto him whenever you wanted. There was a man with a chainsaw going after everyone and Jaebum even let out a scream. Now he was the one holding onto you. He told you to never speak of it again.

“Y/N! I’M SCARED I’M SCARED I’M SCARED!”

Originally posted by defsouljb

Jackson

As both of you went inside the haunted house, you held each other’s hands so tight and said you both were gonna make it out alive. Let’s just say Jackson didn’t. He could not get over the darkness and all the noises. Anytime something would pop out at him he would actually scream. When he saw a person with a chainsaw, he ran away and left you behind. You had to finish it without him, and then later scolded him for leaving you alone.

Originally posted by rapnamjoon

Jinyoung

He would probably be the calmest one in a haunted house. NOT. He knew what to expect and he saw everything coming from a mile away. There was a hallway of doors and he knew there was going to be someone popping out at him, but when it happened, he practically fell down on the floor. Towards the end of the haunted house, he let out a sigh of relief, only to see one of the actors with a knife chasing him. This made Jinyoung snap back and hide behind you for a shield.

Originally posted by deanrbll

Youngjae

Youngjae would be one of those people, from the moment they stepped in the haunted house, they wanted out ASAP. He made you go in front of him to lead the way, and used you as shield. “Please I don’t like this!” he cried. He thought that if he tried to be friends with all the actors they would go easy on him, yeah no. He was so scared he could barely make it through the haunted house. At one point, he was saying how much he loved you cause he didn’t think he would make it out alive.

Originally posted by ithadtobeyouforever

BamBam

Okay but for real. BamBam would be the calmest one in the haunted houses. Whenever someone would try to scare you guys, he would jump a little and just laugh. He started freaking out because he encountered a maze and had no idea how to get out of the haunted house. He teased you so much throughout the attraction. A clown popped out at you and you fell to your knees and he tried to pick you back up.

Originally posted by gsvnrewind

Yugyeom

You would be so chill about the haunted house, but then there’s Yugyeom trying to be chill but he’s actually really nervous. Once you got in the haunted house, he was immediately grabbing your waist and asking you to protect him. You had to keep him from accidentally hitting someone because of his reflexes. Yugyeom would let out a tiny scream whenever someone tried to scare him.

Originally posted by yugyeomism


This was so much fun to write hehe.

GOT7 MASTERLIST (X)

Not Enough Time - Poe Dameron X Solo!Reader

Could I request one-shot that Poe Dameron and Solo!Reader (You’re younger than Kylo four years) have secret relationship. You’re alike you father,Han Solo and one day your parents found their daughter and Poe kissing.

Originally posted by not-so-graceful-grace


I’m sorry it’s so short. I tried to make it funny though!

You let out a giggle as Poe pulled you close to his chest. Despite the literal, and figurative, darkness surrounding you, you were actually happy at the moment. “I missed you,” he murmured, kissing your cheek. Poe had been on a week long mission, so when he returned, he found you quickly before your mother could hand him another mission. “I missed you too,” and you felt him smile against your lips as he kissed them.

It wasn’t the most romantic thing, making out in a closet, but it’s what you had to do. You were not only General Organa and Han Solo’s daughter, but you were also the only hope some had to defeating The First Order; defeating your brother. The mood died down a little bit as you thought of your family, torn apart by the Dark Side’s claws once more. Poe noticed and stopped in his actions. “Thinking about him again,” he asked quietly, brushing hair out of your face. “Yeah, sorry,” you murmured, but you felt him place a reassuring kiss to your forehead. “It’s alright, it’s stressful,” he said, “but I know you can handle it. You’re amazing Y/N. So powerful and talented.” You let out a giggle, “I get that from my mother.” He chuckled, “the rest is all feisty smuggler,” you added. “Damn right,” he said, “that’s the best mix.”

You leaned in a pressed you lips back to his, savoring the feeling. There just was not enough time to spend saving the galaxy and hiding a secret relationship. Having to sneak around you parents was the worse, but you didn’t want them to worry about you when they also had to think about an entire galaxy. Your thoughts were broken by the feeling of Poe’s hands on your waist. You moved one of your hands to cup the back of his head, pulling him impossible close. Right before the kiss could get even more steamy, the closet door flew open.

“Dameron, Leia needs you and Y/N in the meeting room now,” You almost screamed when you heard your father’s voice. “Dad!” Han just rolled his eyes and laughed. “I already knew about this, your mother told me she saw you two disappear into your room one night and, while I may be old, I can put two and two together.” You just buried your face in your hands while Poe tried to speak, but all that came out was stutters. “I’ll see you both in the meeting hall,” Han said, walking down the hall, laughing loudly. You and Poe rushed out of the closet, pretending that everything was fine. “At least we don’t have to hide anymore,” you pointed out, but Poe still looked terrified. The meeting hall was practically empty, minus a few workers and the normal droids.

You saw your mother leaning a screen, scanning the article for any information on First Order plans. “G-general Organa,” Poe stated, bringing your mother’s attention to the both of you. “Ah yes, Poe this intel you gathered has been very helpful. We can now alert smaller systems to when the First Order will strike them.” He dipped his head at Leia’s praise. “Mom, what am I doing here?” You asked shyly, and your mother just smiled at you sweetly. “I just wanted to give the two of you my blessing, I figured it was about time.”  You glanced over at Poe who, despite his confidence and charm, was beet red. “Thank you,” you said, and Poe stepped forward. He opened his mouth to speak but your mother silenced him. “I already know that you’ll protect my daughter, all I ask is that if she gets to be too much too handle come to me.” Poe let out a nervous laugh. “Hey!” You shouted, but your mother only laughed. “You’re so much like you’re father, Y/N, and you know how he can be.” You nodded at her words, “it could be worse.” You almost wanted to slap yourself for referencing Ben, Kylo. Your mother’s face fell briefly, but looked back at you with a soft smile. “I know it can be, so I hope that you and Poe make things better.”

You glanced at Poe who gave you a smile, “we’ll try.” Your mother nodded and watched as you and Poe joined hands. “Dismissed,” she said and the two of you walked out. When you were out of earshot, Han laughed from his hidden spot. “They remind you of anything,” he asked, nudging Leia softly. She laughed, joy reaching her eyes, “yes, but our daughter has much better taste!”