i-shall-not-hate

The Hatred, by Pietro Pajetta. 1896 Pajetta’s Hatred takes its inspiration from Lorenzo Stecchetti’s Song of Hate (Canto dell'Odio) which tells the story of a rejected suitor who takes his revenge on the corpse of his beloved. “I shall with mine own nails dig up the earth by your virtue made dung and split asunder the foul planks which hold your infamous carrion Ah, how in your heart still vermillion shall I quench the hate of old Ah with what joy shall I protrude my claw.”

10 Signs you have/had toxic parents/been abused/childhood trauma

-you’re passive aggressive towards yourself
-“it’s my fault, I didn’t do it but it has be my fault somehow.”
-self-harm because you deserve it.
-if my parents hate me, I shall hate myself as well.
- I’m not being abused, I’m just trying to make myself believe that I’m not a nuisance to my parents.
- I shouldn’t bother my parents/abusers with my feelings.
-if I deserved love and affection, I should’ve got it a long time ago.
- If I’m not good enough to them, I’ll never be good enough to anyone.
- they’re always right, I’m the one who’s wrong.
-“we’re the best parents, but you don’t deserve how kind and compassionate we are”

| Nightmare | Charles Xavier

[permanent + fluff tag]: @mrs-myself

You didn’t know where you were.

All you could register was fear. Utter, clawing, desperate, raw fear.

You thrashed, tears streaming down your cheeks, voice screamed hoarse. You were alone and helpless and drowning and then suddenly he was there, and you were no longer alone but you were still screaming.

“Y/N!” He gripped your shoulders tightly, shaking you, attempting to wrench you from the living nightmare. You could not hear him, could not feel him, unreachable to the touch of the outside world.

Charles hissed a hot sigh through his teeth. He bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut.

He promised. The memory was clear in his mind, the exact moment he’d promised you he’d never intrude your mind without your permission.

You screamed again, a heart-wrenching sound that sent his mind into haywire and his heart shriveling behind his ribcage.

He had promised but that was then and this was now, and you were starting to tear the sheets underneath your fingertips.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered into the air before he touched his forehead to yours and he was gone, only to be swept into a current.

Charles inhaled a deep breath as he stood knees deep in the ruins of your mind.

“My God,” The murmur escaped his lips. The emotions slammed into him all at once. An angry tide of rage nearly knocked him over, sweeping him into the waves. The barriers of your mind were weak, plaster, failing to keep the contents in their confines. Your reality was bitter chaos, and there was wind in his ears and insanity lurking on the edge of the horizon, terror weaving through the broken remains of whatever was holding you together. And there you were in the middle of all of it, high above the ground, suspended in the monsoon, eyes wide and mouth opened in a silent scream.

Charles watched with swirling blue eyes, impossibly calm in the midst of the hell.

“Oh, Y/N.”

He bent slowly, touching his fingers gently to the sea floor of your mind. Then his entire palm came to rest down, spreading his fingers out till he was threading roots, stabilizing.

Y/N,” He exhaled shakily, eyes fluttering closed, lips parting. “Come back to me.”

His voice was snatched up into the tornado but it was like it was the voice of God, and the turmoil was cut through like a knife in thick sludge. He raised another hand, mending the broken pieces, cooling the hurt, settling your thoughts. Surely you started to descend, no longer stuck in a perpetual state of horror but staring up into the white blankness as if seeing into the universe. Charles slowly rose to his feet just in time to catch you just as you fully returned to the ground.

Your eyes opened with a snap, greeted by his unnatural blue, the deep pigment of the rolling sky on a summers day, arms steadying you, anchoring you to his body and in a way to sanity.

“Y/N,” He repeated again, searching your eyes as if he could see through to your soul. There were so many questions to be asked. What were you so afraid of? Were you okay? What would you do now?

You expected all of these questions and none of them at the same time, but all he did was squeeze your shoulders.

“Hello,” It was a grounded, serene sound that filtered through you to weaken your knees.

“Hello,” You replied, softly, so soft he wouldn’t have heard you if it wasn’t for the fact that he was in your most private place, and your thoughts were literally humming in the walls. You gazed at him, perplexed, weirdly calm for the events that had just passed. Your gaze traveled his features, settling on those eyes. “You are in my mind.”

“I am,” He replied, carefully, treading lightly as if you were porcelain that would break any second lest he do the right thing, say the right words. He looked around at the surroundings and couldn’t help but smile.

He knew where you were. It was the place you’d first met Charles, a tiny bar down the road where you had worked as a waitress for nine months. The setting was spot on, right down to the counter dusted with cheap red paint. At the moment you both stood on the stage, the instruments unused and gathering dust beside you.

You furrowed your eyebrows. Why were you so okay with this? Something nagged at the forefront of your mind, but it was like it was being laid over, covered with this false sense of peace.

Then you were breaking free from his hold, and the memories were coming back.

“You…” You gasped as if you had never breathed fresh air and stepped out of his hold, shaking. “…entered my mind?” Anger quickly overcame you. “But you promised.”

Charles winced, but did not attempt to step forward, knowing it would seem like he was cornering you. Right now you were a frightened animal and he needed to keep his distance.

“I did,” He reluctantly agreed. “But-”

“But nothing!” You said, in disbelief, in betrayal, and you could feel yourself retract from the man you had learnt to trust for years. “How could you?”

The stirrings of your turmoil began to reappear, whirling at your feet, lightning striking above your heads. Charles shot forward, wrapping his arms around you before you could fully realize it. You thrashed, scratching at him. Charles grimaced but did not let go.

“I’m sorry,” He brought you closer. “But there was no other way.”

“What an excuse,” You said with malice weaved in your tone. You knew deep down you were being insensible but you didn’t care. “I hate you.”

“Then I shall be hated,” He smiled sadly. You scowled.

“No,” You said, shoving him off roughly. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to say that and attempt to try and distance yourself from me. I know how you are. You don’t get to do that after you save me.”

Charles smiled again at you, this time with a glimmer in his eyes and you groaned when you realized what you had done.

“I still hate you,” You said halfheartedly, irritated but no longer pissed off.

“You are aware I am in your mind, right?” Charles let a slight chuckle vibrate through his chest. “You cannot lie to me.”

You glared at his handsome face, annoyed. He could be a brat at times.

Charles’ eyebrows went up in surprise before they settled on an unreadable expression. “Did you just call my face…handsome?”

Embarrassment rolled off you in waves and you shook your head vehemently. “I did not.”

“I’m sure you-?”

“No,” You said, but your thoughts were honest, and you heard your own self think off of the walls. You are the most attractive man I have ever met.

You wanted to die.

You backed away, voice catching in your throat, choking as Charles’ mouth fell open.

“Y/N,” He took one step forward for every one you took back, following you. “Wait.”

You were forced to stop when he caught your wrist in his hand. He gingerly took his place back in front of you.

He said nothing, merely looking at you, searching every imperfection of your face, the dip of your chin, the curvature of your features. His hand came up to delicately tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch lingering there and sending shivers through you in every place it passed. He cupped the side of your jaw, thumb brushing your cheek with a reverence you didn’t deserve.

“I,” He smiled nervously. “I also…” One minute his eyes were on yours and then they were rolling along your mouth and his thumb was just barely touching your bottom lip.

The implication hit you like a boulder, sending you spiraling down into a concordance of bursting emotions, flowering everywhere your skin touched his. He leaned forward, slowly - too slowly you were boiling from the inside out - until his breath intermingled with yours and you could feel his presence on your senses. He hesitated, and you knew he was asking for your permission. His eyes showed that he would back off if this was not what you wanted, but the intensity held behind the gates let you know that he desired your connection.

You held his gaze for a second more, closing the distance so that your lips just grazed his, shakily, inexperienced, but compliant. This was all the confirmation he needed and he held you against him to finally, finally press his lips to yours.

You almost moaned at the long awaited contact, above the clouds as he grabbed at your waist with gentle but strong hands. It was there and then it was over too soon, and he was looking back at you with swollen lips, trepidation and desire sparking the air, running through your veins.

“Again,” You whispered, and he had no argue.

Your nerves ignited at every place he touched you, and you exhaled raggedly into his mouth when he cupped your face lovingly, your hands grabbing at him everywhere, unable to stay still.

“L-Let me,” He gasped, killing any space left between your bodies, tangling a hand in your hair, nose digging into your cheek. He was out of breath, licking his lips. “Let me try something, Please.”

Do it, you thought. You did not know if he heard you or if he could just read your face, but he reacted immediately, bringing you back into the embrace. Except this time it was different. Oh was it different-

His forehead pressed to yours, and suddenly you were no longer you but you were him as well. You could see from his perspective, feel the admiration that coursed through his blood whenever he saw your face, feel his pleasure when you tightened your grip in his hair. He strengthened the telepathic connection and it amplified everything else so that you were on a high.

You broke from the kiss, struggling to breathe. Your eyes flew open and you were no longer in the bar you had first met Charles but in your own bedroom, back in reality, the lamp burning in the corner and the darkness pressing onto your eyelids. But Charles was not a dream, he was still there, and you were brought back into another passionate kiss not even two seconds later, your abdomen dissolving into butter, minds delving and mixing with each others till you could feel not just his lips but Charles himself, everything that made him who he was on your tongue as he bit gently down on your lip.

You weren’t sure when it started but one moment you had been in the throes of passion and the next you were giggling, flushed, losing it. Charles was laughing too, your eyes were wet, and you realized it was complete joy you were feeling.

“I love you,” Charles said, and whatever had been going on was put to a stop as he rolled next to you to bury his face into your hair.

“I know,” You replied breathlessly. And you did know, because he had let you in on his entire being. “I love you too.”

“I know,” he responded just as sassily and you laughed some more, intertwined your legs with his, sunk into the pillows.

“Idiot.”


[MasterList] 

Originally posted by xmidnight-moonlightx

Dating Kim Minseok Would Include...

Huang Zitao/ Tao| Kim Jongdae/ Chen| Park Chanyeol| Kim Junmyeon/ Suho| Kim Minseok/ Xiumin| Oh Sehun| Kim Jongin/ Kai| Do Kyungsoo/ D.O.| Byun Baekhyun| Zhang Yixing/ Lay| Lu Han| Wu Yifan/ Kris| Mafia!EXO|

Main Masterlist - EXO Masterlist

In the Daytime

Originally posted by 12fools

  • Every morning starts off with a cup of coffee
  • If you don’t like coffee then you’re not going to get out of it so easy
  • Minseok is going to make you try every single coffee he can think of until he finds one that you like.
  • He will not accept mess
  • Good luck living with this clean freak because if there’s anything that’s going to annoy Minseok then it’s mess.
  • “{y/n} I swear to God, if you don’t clean the dishes you’re not getting laid for a month!”
  • “Can’t you punish me instead, baby?”
  • “Sure, let’s make it two months shall we?”
  • “I hate you sometimes.”
  • You can always tell when Minseok is anxious or worried about something because he’ll spend the day cleaning already spotless rooms.
  • Him being the best listener and always having the greatest advice with whatever problems you have. He’s always prepared with hugs at the ready if you’re feeling particularly upset.
  • Lots of park dates
  • Him trying to convince you to play football with him
  • “Pleaseeee”
  • Him always getting his way because he’s persuasive in all the right ways.
  • Plus his Aegyo is on point.
  • Sometimes he’ll give you piggyback rides around the house when you’re tired, and he can never reject you when you’re tired because you’re so cute.
  • He doesn’t appreciate other members flirting you thank you very much.
  • “Hey {y/n} you look beauti-” *stops when they see Minseok’s dangerous stare.*
  • Him getting you to help him learn Chinese.
  • Have fun being the third wheel to Xiuchen
  • Literally
  • Jongdae spends like 70% of the time in your place, you will have to battle for Minseok’s attention at times.
  • Him cooking for you most of the time
  • Since he’s amazing at it
  • You making him sing for you because he’s so amazing at it that you can never get enough of his voice.
  • Especially those high notes.
  • Minseok dancing sexily on stage when he knows you’re watching because he wants nothing more than to impress you and for you to be proud of him.
  • He would adore cuddling with you.
  • Working out together.
  • Him being the most amazing and encouraging boyfriend in the world.


At nighttime.

Originally posted by veriloquentmind

  • He loves cuddling in bed.
  • He loves holding you in his arms and running his fingers through your hair.
  • He loves nothing more than holding you because it makes him feel secure and like everything is perfect in his life.
  • Sometimes he’s not this sweet
  • He’s literally either squishy or Daddy af
  • There’s no in between
  • Him whispering dirty things in your ear
  • Him feeling you up when he’s hinting he’s in the mood
  • Love bites
  • Scratch marks
  • Him marking you all over , just to prove to everyone who you really belong to.
  • Call him Daddy or he might just have to punish you.
  • “Say it babygirl, or Daddy won’t let you finish all night long.”
  • Him being dominant af
  • “Take off my belt, Jagi. I’m about to show you who’s really in charge.”
  • Him more than likely taking you for round two
  • And round three.
  • No wonder you won’t be able to walk in the morning.

The enemy have gotten so much in the way of intercepting our mails that I am afraid of seeing whatever I write spring up the Week after in Rivingtons Gazette. This obliges me to be cautious. Adieu, My Dear General. Let me beg you will believe that whatever change there may be in my situation there never will be any in my respect, esteem, and affection for you.


PS. Let me know if I could find any thing worth my while to do in the Southern army. You know I shall hate to be nominally a soldier.

— 

From Alexander Hamilton to Major General Nathanael Greene, 19 April 1781


I think the line ‘You know I shall hate to be nominally a soldier’ describes Hamilton quite well

I shall with mine own nails dig up the earth by your virtue made dung and split asunder the foul planks which hold your infamous carrion. Ah, how in your heart still vermillion shall I quench the hate of old. Ah, with what joy shall I protrude my claw into your shameless womb! On your putrescent belly, nestled up I shall forever dwell A specter of vengeance and sin, a monstrosity from Hell; And at your ear, which was so fair, shall I whisper insatiable sayings which shall set your brain on fire like glowing hot iron.

If you forget everything else about me, please remember this. I walked down that street and I never looked back and I love you. I love you. I love you so much that I shall hate you for ever for today
—  John Fowles, the Magnus
…Please remember this. I walked down that street and I never looked back and I love you. I love you. I love you so much that I shall hate you for ever for today.
—  John Fowles
10

Sometimes when we look at the elegant statues and columned temples of the ancient world we forget that they were people just like us. The Romans were passion  sporting fans, habitual gambler, sloppy drunks, and weren’t shy about it either.

The above pictures are one I took (with exception for the top picture, mine was fuzzy so I went to google.) of the brothel in Pompeii. The romans would call a brothel like this a Lupanar, or wolf-den. Lupa, the Roman word for a prostitute, being the feminine form of the Latin word for wolf. Recalling the myth of Romulus and Remus being suckled by a she-wolf, (or in some of the versions the farmer who found the twins beside the Tiber river’s wife, who was a prostitute). The Lupanar in Pompeii is a decent sized building from what i recall, with 10 little “cubicula” where the business got done. In the hall overhead were frescoes of various sex scenes, displaying different positions.  You’ll note that the elegant furniture shown in the paintings doesn’t live up to the brick and plastered Bed, which would likely be covered with a mattress and fine sheets, and I suppose the quality of the furniture wasn’t really on the client’s minds. The Lupanar was easy to find if you follow the Phallus’ carved into the road leading the way.

On the walls there is graffiti, showing us yet again how human, and down right vulgar the Romans were. From the Lupanar many are written and even responded too, in a dialogue of sorts between various clients and even the prostitutes. there are over 100 graffiti inscription from the Lupanar, So I’ve put a few choice ones below, for your amusement:

“Here I fucked many girls.”

“Lucky guy, you fuck well” Possibly “Lucky guy, you get a good fuck.”

“On june 15th, Hermeros Screwed here with Phileterus and Caphisus”

“I (a woman) was fucked here”

“Scordopordonicus here fucks well whomever he pleases”

There are also references to the girls who perform fellatio (and one reference which make indicate a male who performs fellatio). Two of the rooms (both on the south side of the building) contain Graffiti that talks about homosexual sex between men.  And one referece to cunnilingus, though this may be meant as an insult, as men were supposed to be the ricievers of pleasure and women the givers.

The taverns in Pompeii would also serve as brothels, with the barmaids being prostitutes. We even hear of a female proprietor of a tavern who indulged in prostitution. Indicating that the profession was not relegated to slaves, and thei presence of grafiti by the prostitutes themselves indicates that they were literate. Here is some examples of tavern graffiti, and they can tell an interesting story or two:

“Whoever wants to serve themselves can go on an drink from the sea.”(over a picture of a woman carrying a pitcher of wine and a drinking goblet.)

“I screwed the barmaid”

“We have wet the bed, host.  I confess we have done wrong.  If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot”

“Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates”

“Two friends were here.  While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus.  They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.” (Quite a Sum of money, 900 sestertii was the annual pay of a soldier at the time.)

“Weep, you girls.  My penis has given you up.  Now it penetrates men’s behinds.  Goodbye, wondrous femininity!”

“Apelles the chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar (the emperor), ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time.”

“Apelles Mus and his brother Dexter each pleasurably had sex with two girls twice.” (these two were really out on the town"

Tavern graffiti gives us a slice of every day drama:

[Severus]: “Successus, a weaver, loves the innkeeper’s slave girl named Iris.  She, however, does not love him.  Still, he begs her to have pity on him.  His rival wrote this.  Goodbye.”.  [Answer by Successus]: “Envious one, why do you get in the way.  Submit to a handsomer man and one who is being treated very wrongly and good looking.”  [Answer by Severus]: “I have spoken.  I have written all there is to say.  You love Iris, but she does not love you.”

The Romans weren’t shy about other bodily functions in their graffiti either:

(From a tavern or pottery shop) “Lesbianus, you defecate and you write, ‘Hello, everyone!’”

(outside the door of a house) “To the one defecating here.  Beware of the curse.  If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.” (I don’t blame this guy, If people pooped outside the door of my house, I’d curse them too.)

(Outside the city gate) “Defecator, may everything turn out well so that you can leave this place.”

 (At the public latrine, written thee times on a wall) “Secundus defecated here.” (Must have been his favorite spot.)

(On the walls of a public latrine) “Apollinaris, the doctor of the emperor Titus, defecated well here”

(On the wall of a water distribution tower) “ Anyone who wants to defecate in this place is advised to move along.  If you act contrary to this warning, you will have to pay a penalty.  Children must pay [number missing] silver coins.  Slaves will be beaten on their behinds.” (Good policy, no pooping near the drinking water!)

Finally a collection of graffiti from various places in pompeii:

(Vestibule of a haouse) “The finances officer of the emperor Nero says this food is poison.”

(Gladiator barracks) “Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here.  The women did not know of his presence.  Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.”

(On the wall of a possible brothel) “Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women.”

(Gladiator barracks) “Antiochus hung out here with his girlfriend Cithera.”

(On the wall in the street “Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog” (I guess teenagers in every era are the same.)

(Gladiator Barracks) “Celadus the Thracian gladiator is the delight of all the girls.”

(Wall of a house) “I have buggered men.”

(Another brothel wall) “Blondie has taught me to hate dark-haired girls.  I shall hate them, if I can, but I wouldn’t mind loving them.  Pompeian Venus Fisica wrote this.”

(In the Atrium of a house “If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girlfriend.”

(On the wall of a house) “Atimetus got me pregnant” (oops)

(On the wall of a house) “I don’t want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the world” (aww)

(Public market) “Secundus likes to screw boys.” (The same secundus who likes the same toilet?)

(Wall of a house) “My lusty son, with how many women have you had sexual relations?” (uh oh)

(Room of a possible Brothel) “Vibius Restitutus slept here alone and missed his darling Urbana”

(Above a bench outside the one of the city gates) “If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii.”

(In the Basilica, essentially city hall/courthouse) “The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian.”

(In the Basilica, essentially city hall/courthouse) “Virgula to her friend Tertius: you are disgusting!”

(In the Basilica, essentially city hall/courthouse) “The one who buggers a fire burns his penis”

(In the Basilica, essentially city hall/courthouse) “Epaphra is not good at ball games.”

Finally and perhaps most appropriately, from the walls of the Basilica “ O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.”

anonymous asked:

Upon further research (took very little) I noticed she is a holocaust denier and homophobe, proceed with the hate

I shall continue the hate and ridicule as per usual. I take no pity on her and her kind. >:)