i-really-hate-myself-for-doing-this

anonymous asked:

how do i stop cutting i'm so sick of hurting myself and hating myself

1) Remember what made your heart skip a beat before cold metal ever did.  Throw yourself back into dance, literature, art, sports, whatever your passion once was.  Its still in there if you search hard enough.

2) Throw out your razors (including that one that one you were going to hide for when you’re really desperate. Get rid of it)

3) Tell somebody about your struggles. A family member, a friend, a therapist.  Its so nice to have a listening ear even if they don’t fully understand.

4) Every time you look in the mirror and think a hateful thought, write one thing you love about yourself and stick it on the mirror.

5) Buy some washable paints and make art on your skin every time you want to cut.

6) Remember that its okay to struggle.  Getting out of bed is going to feel like climbing a mountain some days, and you are going to conquer it.

7) Take up yoga. Learn to breathe.

8) Wake up and go to bed with the sun.  Make yourself tea.  Go for Walks.  Fill your days with brightness and soon the brightness will come searching for you.

9) Remember that you are completely unique to this universe and it wouldn’t be the same without you. Allow it to love you.

azzandra said: Yes! I wrote a post about Solas’s character development a while ago, and this scene is exactly what motivated me to write it. I do believe he undergoes character development, but we have to infer a lot of it because it’s not made explicit.

What a coincidence. I’ve been thinking about writing a post like that myself, focusing on the ways in which befriending him and not befriending him affects his character development and why that choice would be significant enough to end up in the Keep.

Also why that choice means Mythal did not kill Fen’Harel to possess his body.

It’s just really remarkable – you can do four major things:

  • If you rival him, you make him hate you and reinforce that he created a world without any value, which increases his guilt and his likelihood to become a loaded gun.You’ve essentially created an unhinged man who has nothing left to lose and has no attachments to stop him from detonating himself on you.
  • If you befriend him you can: A) Reinforce that he should be trying to value and keep the past sacred in every single meaningful way, and remind him that he has the strength to return the world to what it was (which just reinforces how guilty he actually was of everything in the first place).
  • B) Make Solas see that the modern world does have value, and that if he keeps trying, he’s bound to eventually succeed, even if there are negative consequences in the mean time. Your make him see the value in the people at large and actually absolve him of a bit of his guilt by reminding him of how complex any given situation is.
  • If you romance him, you have an added layer to either friend option A or B of making him really invested in the modern world and making it real to him by giving him a place there. He doesn’t feel alienated and disassociated from it any longer, something he is warring over at the end of the story and clearly influences his decision because it *changes his tarot card* – This is the ONLY thing that can change his card from The Tower, so I feel like it’s significant.

I wanted to post this to just put this out there for all of the people telling me to stop liking drag queens.

Guys, ever since I started watching Drag Race and getting more into drag culture and the community I have been so much happier. I’ve realized that I can say ‘fuck you’ to the people who mock what I do or hate what I do. I’ve realized that I can be whoever I want to be. I’ve realized that I can do whatever my heart desires and I can really change the world in whatever field I work in. Though, the most important thing I’ve learned is that I should love myself.

Some people learn those things by listening to One Direction. Some people learn that by reading Twilight. Some people learn that by looking at paintings by Pablo Picasso. Some people learn that by listening to MCR and FOB and PATD. Some people learn that from YouTubers and then there are people like me who find that by watching and listening to Drag Queens and I’m not really sorry if that offends you because they helped me like the people who you look up to helped you and I for one don’t see what they are doing as a hate crime or something wrong. What they do is art. They know it and they say it on a daily basis.

anonymous asked:

Do you identify as aromantic?

I read the definition of aromantic and I guess it’s partially true but I hate all these terms tbh it just ends up making me more confused…. I would like a relationship but for a number of reasons unless the “right one” comes out of nowhere I don’t really plan on pursuing a relationship and I’m perfectly content with being by myself

anonymous asked:

do you ever think you will never move on? I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and we broke up last year but we still talk and things. I feel like he is the one but hes sometimes abusive to me and it makes me hate myself sometimes that I con't leave him alone :(

okay i haven’t really felt like answering advice questions lately but i felt like this one was important

please please don’t be upset with yourself, love is a very powerful emotion (that sometimes makes us blind to reality) and a lot of times that emotion causes people to stay in situations or relationships that aren’t healthy but that’s no reason to hate yourself so many people have a hard time with letting go especially when there’s a long history like yours

i’m not sure if you’re referring to mental or physical abuse but neither of these are okay if you feel that your mental health, physical health (or even your life) is in danger please speak to a trusted person about this and if you are in immediate danger and don’t know how to leave the situation on your own the national hotline for domestic violence is 1-800-799-7233, if you don’t live in the US just search for domestic violence hotlines in your country and i’d recommend that you save the number on your phone because who knows when you might need it

remember this always: MOVING ON IS NEVER IMPOSSIBLE!!! :)

i was just talking to a friend about the fact that so many people leave a relationship thinking “i’ll never be able to love someone like i loved them, i’ll never be able to move on” that way of thinking is so toxic not to mention totally inaccurate especially when you know the relationship wasn’t healthy you just have to learn to cope with the breakup in a healthy way and soon you’ll wonder why you were ever so stuck on this person

how to move on in a healthy way:

1. assess why the relationship ended and realize that loving someone is not always a reason to stay: whether there was abuse, infidelity, someone got bored/lost feelings, you argued constantly, or it was just toxic, only you can decide whether or not the relationship is worth all the pain and if you wanna go through all this for the rest of your life

2. don’t contact them: “out of sight, out of mind” is a statement that holds very true– anytime i had trouble letting go of someone (whether it was a friendship or a relationship) it was typically because i was still in contact with that person or checking their social media, people slip up on this one and that’s okay because naturally we’ll miss them from time to time or we’ll get lonely or horny which i’m especially guilty of but at some point you have to decide that you’re done speaking to the person, you can not move on until you do! you will be surprised how quickly you’ll start to get over them

3: know that “history” or “time spent” is not a reason to stay, either: if you spent 3 years with this person really think about that, often people are crushed because they don’t want all that time to be a waste but if you’ve tried and the relationship isn’t right, refusing to move on will only waste more of your time… imagine you spent 2 more years or 4 more years in a toxic relationship, you’re unhappy and eventually it ends, during that time you could have been in a healthy relationship with someone who deserves you and makes you happy, you might even find that you’re capable of loving someone far more than you ever loved them

4. let it out: i’ve always liked to write, it’s how i express the way that i feel and sometimes it’s so therapeutic to write about everything you feel and whether or not you share this with the person or keep it to yourself is completely up to you

5. rely on true friends and family: talk it out with the people who support you and you will start to feel less and less alone, don’t shut people out because you’re hurting, i’ve done this before and isolation just makes things worse

6. have fun: have a fun night out and keep yourself occupied with new and exciting things, focus on your life and making yourself happy, do things for you! if you wanna have a drink or maybe even a one night-stand have one but make sure you’re doing it for you and not because you’re hurt, take things slow everything happens for people at different paces

7: go on dates but don’t rush it: go on dates to remind yourself that there are good people out there worth getting to know, i can’t tell you how often i’ve heard “they’re the one for me!! i’ll never love anyone like i loved them” and it’s not because these people are incapable of moving on or that they can’t be happy without the other person, it’s because they’ve gotten attached and are still holding on to hope that one day things will work out, once you let go of that you’ll realize that there’s 7 billion people in the world and there’s someone out there for you, but do not think that you need a relationship in order to move on because you don’t! if you haven’t gotten over your ex before finding someone new, it will be impossible for your new relationship to work and in the end it will only make it more difficult for you to move on from your ex

7. forgive: don’t hold on to any negativity, forgive any mistakes that were made by them and forgive yourself for any mistakes that you made… we’re all human and we all screw up and forgiving someone doesn’t mean you should go back to them it just means that you’re no longer holding on to the pain of what happened

8. past is the past: relax, each day should get easier, one day you’ll wake up and instead of seconds, you’ll realize that minutes have passed before you think of his name, you’ll eventually go a day without thinking of him at all, you’ll be able to remember him without feeling that pain and i think that’s when you’ve moved on :)

let me know if you need anything

anonymous asked:

How can I be happier? And less hateful towards myself?

It makes me sad that you’re struggling to like yourself. I used to have that problem and I still every now and then, but what I learned that helped me and was really important was to stop comparing myself to other girls/boys. I’m not sure which one you are lol. Just people in general. Comparing yourself to people who you’ll NEVER be is a waste of your time. It’s really hard to actually do and easy to say, and it’s especially hard on tumblr and with the fitness community, buts it’s something that’s really important to NOT do.

Doing stuff that makes you happy is also really important. Like art but aren’t great? Do it anyways. You’ll get better. That applies to anything, whether it be working out, drawing, writing. ANYTHING. Do what makes YOU happy and what YOU like to do, not because other people like to do it.

Figuring out yourself is really important. Make sure your belly is always full with yummy stuff you like, drink your water, get good amounts of sleep, hang out with people who don’t stress you out or bring you down, hang out with people that lift you up and support you. Listen to music you love and jam hard, like HARD. Dance and sing.

Basically what this post is saying, do stuff you love and that makes you happy. Once you surround yourself with good things, you don’t focus on the negative aspects, and I promise you’ll love yourself for it.

Chin up my friend.

anonymous asked:

I'm assuming there's damage I've done that I don't know about, but even that doesn't stop me, even though I'm terrified of the consequences that can come from that. So could you please remind/inform me on the dangers of doing this to myself? Because I feel like I'm too cozy in my disorder and I don't want to be cozy with my disorder. I want to rip it to shreds bc I hate it.

3/3

Check out this link for different health consequences of eating disorders (it includes anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder).  The main consequences that I have dealt with personally are (TW):

  • A minor heart attack.  My heart seems to have bounced back for the most part, but it still beats really, really fast all the time and my doctors haven’t been able to get it under control.  They think that the fast heart rate is actually the cause of a lot of my anxiety, rather than a symptom.
  • Bowel problems.  I have pretty bad irritable bowel syndrome, and although I haven’t abused laxatives in years, I still shit my pants sometimes out of nowhere.
  • Teeth problems.  I have a pretty advanced gum disease because of purging, my teeth are very sensitive to hot/cold, and I assume they are pretty weak, but I haven’t even gone to the dentist in several years because I’m afraid to actually know the damage I have done.

I used to think my body would recover when I did, or that it didn’t matter what I did to my body because I would be dead soon, but I would give anything to go back and get treatment sooner than I did.  I deal with these issues every day and it sucks.  It was definitely not worth it to be that thin for a while.  I hope that helps a little.

If you date me there’s some things you have to know,
1. There will be days where I get too sad to even get out of bed so please don’t get angry if I’m not replying.
2. I fight a war everyday inside my head.
3. I drink to forget the demons I’m fighting, but I promise I am faithful.
4. I’ve hated myself for so long it’s hard to be told beautiful words that weren’t made for people like me, so forgive me when I cringe when you touch me.
5. I care way more then I’ll let you know and I’m really sensitive, nothing else to that.
6. I get scared that everyone is going to realize how awful I am and that they’re going to leave me so I apologize for making you tell me why you love me all the time.
7. I’m bad at kind of everything I do but I swear I will love you the best I can.
8. I trust easily and forgive too often please don’t use that against me.
9. Thank you for loving me even on the bad days, I love you too I’m just not too good at showing it.
10. I may seem distant sometimes but it’s only because I don’t want to get to attached to you, in case you decide to leave me someday because you know, people always leave but even if I’m distant, that doesn’t change the fact that I love you more than anything.
—  (via another-beautiful-broken-soul)

anonymous asked:

I know that no matter how many times I tell you that you are enough, you would probably never believe me but you are. People suck, to some people you may not be enough and that's alright. You only have to be enough for yourself. I do hope you feel better soon, you are a lovely person and I hate to see you feel like crap.

I’m trying really hard to be enough for myself but it’s so hard when I despise myself so much

lunadarkshine asked:

I literally tried to apologize. I literally posted a goddamn apology. Maybe I have trouble with expressing emotion in a healthy way and fuck up cuz I'm fucking human. Kindly shut up

Ok I realize now I’ve been shit. I got worked up and didn’t handle it properly. So I wanna apologize to you and to anyone I upset. I tried to make a point but in doing so missed the original point entirely. So yeah. I’m really sorry. I’m still learning how to handle discussions without turning them into arguments and without blowing up or using insensitive language. Just cuz I think I’m right doesn’t mean I am and that’s what I gotta work on realizing. So yeah. Sorry

I tried. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I see how I could’ve responded better. God I hate myself sometimes ya know. Like I can’t identify my own emotions properly. I can’t respond in a proper way to conflict. And I gotta do that shit even when I’ve used all my spoons dealing with other unrelated shit. But ya know what thanks, anxiety for making me unable to shut my mouth until shit is resolved even though that just makes shit worse. Like I can’t even make a damn post saying I felt like shit because someone’s gonna tell me it isn’t valid and it’s my fault. Like don’t you think I fucking know it’s my fault? I’m trying

are not apologies (not to mention that you made both posts AFTER i made my post lmao)

I’ll even go a little into detail about why, because I’m a nice person who is honestly trying to educate you right now because you are hurting a lot of people.

“I got worked up and didn’t handle it properly.” You got worked up about the fact that you think you have a right to a slur that you don’t(not ok), and you spoke over disabled people(not ok) to try and prove that thinking error. You still have not apologized(not ok) for your repeated use(not ok) of the slur. You still have not apologized for harassing people(not ok). You still have not apologized for speaking over disabled people and are continuing to do so(not ok) by telling me to shut up. 

“ I’m still learning how to handle discussions without turning them into arguments and without blowing up or using insensitive language. “ It was not a discussion, it was not open for debate. Someone was saying cripple is a slur. You, a person who cannot reclaim the word cripple, said ‘cripple is not a slur.’ You went right off the bat and completely disrespected so many people, and still have not acknowledged a single goddamn thing you did wrong. Nowhere in any of these apologies do you ever specifically say where you acknowledge you fucked up.  

“ Like I can’t even make a damn post saying I felt like shit because someone’s gonna tell me it isn’t valid and it’s my fault. “ your emotions are valid, your claiming that your defense of the use of a slur by people who cannot reclaim it was ‘meaning well’ is not valid. correct me if i’m wrong (there’s been a lot of switching in the system and it’s nearly 3am) but i don’t think i ever said “it’s your fault”

but I feel the need to clear things up even though I know that isn’t really possible at this point

I can tell that you are trying, but most of this is you skirting what you need to apologize for and you need to address it directly.

here is a template to avoid doing that: “i (did this). (doing this) was (wrong/hurtful/ignorant/other adjective) and i should not have done it. (here are the steps i am going to take in the future to try and prevent this kind of mistake again). i am sorry for any (pain/triggers/hurt feelings/other outcomes) that were cause by (the thing i did). i understand and accept that people are going to still be mad at me, because I (hurt/triggered/manipulated/other action) them.” or, if you are trying to apologize but are not sure that you’re doing it quite right, add a little “please let me know if there’s anything else that I (can/should) do to repair this as much as possible”

also <rant>

Literally what I meant by the “means well, gets trapped in bullshit, tries to fix bullshit” post is that I literally have the worst time with expressing feelings properly so it creates bullshit and when I try to fix it I can’t so it’s a cycle of bullshit I brought upon myself. Like I can make a damn personal post can’t I? No I can’t because someone’s gonna misinterpret it and that’s the fucking bullshit cycle

okay but you know what? That was the same thing that you were doing to gayneptunian–. not to mention that you cannot mean well by fucking using and using and using a slur that you have been repeatedly told not to use by those it applies to. doing that and meaning well could not be further from each other. You continued to use the word cripple even though people were telling you not to, and by doing so triggered a lot of people. 

not to mention, you have not apologized for telling– no, daring– an autistic kid to ‘be mature’ because you did not like kits interpretation. which is soooo shitty considering i actually made a valid point in that original post. do you even understand how often people shut us down with that shit?  </rant>;

and, you keep using the phrase “spoons” which honestly makes a lot of physically disabled people uncomfortable when non-disabled people use it to refer to their mental health. like really uncomfortable. you probably didnt know that so im trying really hard to be nice about it. pls just use emotion phrases “im too anxious to (do thing)” “im too depressed to (do thing)” “im too drained to (do thing)””

8

jon snow + favourite book moments ≣ 1/?

He thought Ygritte might try to run, but she only stood there, waiting, looking at him. “You never killed a woman before, did you?” When he shook his head, she said, “We die the same as men. But you don’t need to do it. Mance would take you, I know he would. There’s secret ways. Them crows would never catch us.”
“I’m as much a crow as they are,” Jon said.
She nodded, resigned. “Will you burn me, after?”
“I can’t. The smoke might be seen.”
“That’s so.” She shrugged. “Well, there’s worse places to end up than the belly of a shadowcat.”
He pulled Longclaw over a shoulder. “Aren’t you afraid?”
“Last night I was,” she admitted. “But now the sun’s up.

SAVE BIG BENNY AND HELP ME MOVE OUT! 

So, I hate, hate, hate feeling like a burden. But I need help. You can read the full story here on my gofundme campaign, but the short and thick of it is that I am trying to move out for university in an attempt to distance myself from my abusive father. However, my car’s engine recently decided to blow itself up, so this has taken all the savings I’ve earned, plus it has driven deep into the money I had stored for moving out. I’ve done everything I can think of: started working five days a week, checked into getting a dorm (which were all filled). But it’s like everything just seems against me. Like I said, I hate feeling like a burden, but I just cannot survive another year of living in an abusive home, especially not when I was so close to getting out.

Currently, my car will taken upwards of 1600 dollars to fix. You can follow the link here to place a donation. Anything, even just a dollar, is extremely appreciated! I wish I could do more for you guys besides just sit here and ask for your help without giving anything back in return, but I’m just out of options here. Thank you all so very, very much. 

Here is the link one more time: http://www.gofundme.com/fuzzyporcupine

REBLOGS ARE SUPER APPRECIATED THANK YOU!

Heteromantic Asexual... Hate?

Hi I’m heteromantic
Do you know what makes me tick?
When other asexuals
Don’t see me as one of their own

I’m not queer enough for you?
Then tell me what should I do?
I don’t see myself as straight
So what’s up with all the hate?

A used to stand for Allies
Now I see it’s all lies
Now A stands for Assholes
Who hate hets with all their soul

Well I know it’s not true
But it applies to some of you
Some are heterophobe pricks
Who really deserve a kick

We represent one percent
Of the entire planet
Might as well stick together
It might be best for ace future

To my ace sisters and brothers
We’re all in this together
I quoted High School Musical
What wouldn’t I do for asexuals?

On a last more serious note
Do whatever floats your boat
But just always remember:
Asexuality’s a clan, we’re the members

“Will you go with me to the moon?”
“I think you’re perfect all the time”
“You’re kidding me right? How do you not have a boyfriend”
“I’m one step ahead of you babe”
“But what about hugs”
“You make me feel these feelings that I haven’t felt in a while”
“It’s my job to make you happy" 
"I punched him because he was disrespectful to you”
“Don’t worry, now I have something worth fighting for" 
"You look beautiful all the time!!”
“I missed you all day”
“Haha you wouldn’t want to be with me, I have a temper" 
"Promise me, you’ll wait. Even if it’s not me”
“You’re amazing in every way" 
"Can we go to the mall and just eat pretzel bits together”
“I really really like you" 
"I’ll sing for you”
“I’ll teach you how to play the guitar if you teach me the piano”
“You’re so small and adorable!!" 
"I’ll be thinking about you the whole time”
“Paramore sucks live babe!! When you’re 18 I’m taking you to coachella”
“Hey, we all make mistakes okay? Don’t put yourself down”
“How did I get so lucky?”
“I’m here to help you silly!" 
"He was stupid enough to lose something as amazing as you”
“Send me selfies every morning so I can tell you how gorgeous you are”
“Will you be mine?”
“I want it to be perfect”
“This summer is going to be the best”
“I like the sound of you and I”

this is about to be weird even for myself because I hate to say it.

But I learned from a coworker of mine at an event who works in the world of cable news channels that Fox News really is one of the more accurate sources of info when it comes to the “Big 4” (Cnn,Fox, CNBC,MSNBC). The thing is that they are ran funded differently than the other 3, and that is they don’t get help from the government, so they could actually shut down if they’re ratings aren’t high and profit off of said ratings.

So what do you do? Feed a market that doesn have a voice- the radical conservatives.

Think about it, WHY do you think every headline or debate is outlandish or crazy? Because like the other sensationalized channels, they’re trying to get ratings or attention. It’s just that Fox News has more to lose and will do anything it can to get them ratings up.

you essentially have to sift through the bullshit and it’s there. I didn’t believe it at first until I really started paying attention. And he was right. As much as I hate to say it he was right.