“I love you, Yu…” “…I know…”

I sketched my son all over my sketchbook. Send help. I miss him so much already. Prayer circle for season 2. Please join me. I’m the sucker crying on the ground -̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩___-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩

And there she is, having adventures with him. Going to concerts, having fun, and living life. And here I am, lying in bed. Still wondering what I could’ve done different for her to stay with me.

It’s been so long and it’s eating me up more and more each day. People tell me that it’s easy–that I should stop and use my head for once. But how could I do that when all I could think about is you? It’s you. It was you. And it will always be you.

—  LA // excerpt from a book I’ll never write

If you’re reading this:

I love you. It’s been months, and I still love you. The substances, the sweat, and saliva from strangers cannot mask the pain I have stored inside.

I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you needed to be loved. I didn’t understand. As each day passes, I figure out more and more. I’m so sorry.

I miss you. I pray for you; I don’t know who I’m praying to, or what, but I hope someone or something hears me and makes sure you’re okay.

I’m sorry that I still love you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

—  Dear NJC, this is for you. (s.s)

i. i send you i love you’s in the form of of broken haikus
i’m not much good with syllables these days
and i wish there was something more i could do
to ease this pain
(i have yet to find something that works)

i climbed to the top of the fire escape
i was escaping more than the fire inside my head
my mom told me not to run away from my problems
but she drinks three cups of coffee each day
she buries herself in work, shuts the door
and forgets to say goodnight
i don’t bother to tell her
that she’s running away too

ii. i send you i miss you’s in
the form of paper airplanes but they always crash to the ground
after a metre of being airborne
and if my heart didn’t feel like
it was being ripped out of my chest
i could probably find a metaphor in that

i want to tear my skin off my bones
and replace it with skin you haven’t touched
and sometimes breathing becomes too much
because there are holes in my lungs
that you used to fill but that’s gone now

iii. i send you screw you’s in the form of slam poetry
spitting each word so it hits you harder than a freight train
you reel back from my words
and i reel back from the pain but it
still isn’t enough

my dad doesn’t stick around much
and his sorry is worth thousands
it’s written in cheque books
i tell him it’s worthless to me
that he should save his apologies
(he does)

iv. i send you i hate you’s in the form of carefully practiced lies
and i bite my lip until it bleeds
there are tears in my eyes
and you try your best to walk away without looking back

v. i send you i’m sorry’s in the form of
tear stained cheeks and
you stop checking the mail.

—  A.S.Lipstick Stained Envelopes
Another day has gone by and you still haven’t spoken to me. I sit checking my phone constantly, debating whether to text you.. my friends tell me not to, that you’ll come to me once you realised that you miss me.. but why do I not think you will? I just want to tell you I love you and I miss you. I just want to show up on your doorstep with flowers and takeaway and watch your favourite tv show. I’m dying more and more each day and it’s not getting easier. Will it ever? I’ll never find anybody else like you, and I know you’ll look for me in somebody else. I want you to regret shutting me out and letting me go. I want you back so bad. Fuck! I am so in love with you. I know I should let go but I don’t want to. I’m holding onto hope and it’s crushing me slowly.
I miss the way you told me you really loved me, but that’s what happens when a couple breaks up; the love fades, and you have to get used to not hearing, ‘I miss you,’ or ‘I love you,’ anymore. And the rest of your days are spent on trying to let go, or trying to move on. Or convincing that still hopeful heart of yours, that there isn’t a chance left in the world that you’ll both end up being together again. Then you have to face the heartache that comes with the thought of your love being with someone else, and realize your chances of ever being with them again are getting more and more thinner each day. Until one day, you finally move on.
—  Daily Tumblr Love Quotes

Too tired to finish doing up the summary for Waku Waku Gakkou 2016 ~ Kyocera Dome 18.06.2016, so just the starting for now.  Summary completed and posted here.

Note: pardon for mistakes in translation or things I missed.

I miss the way you told me you really loved me, but that’s what happens when a couple breaks up; the love fades, and you have to get used to not hearing, ‘I miss you,’ or ‘I love you,’ anymore. And the rest of your days are spent on trying to let go, or trying to move on. Or convincing that still hopeful heart of yours, that there isn’t a chance left in the world that you’ll both end up being together again. Then you have to face the heartache that comes with the thought of your love being with someone else, and realize your chances of ever being with them again are getting more and more thinner each day. Until one day, you finally move on.
—  Daily Relatable Love Quotes
Her memory is fading
No more stories
No more songs
No more celebrations, nor gifts
Her life is gone
But her soul lives on
In deep slumber
Captured Kodak
Unspoken words
Resting on a tombstone
Flowers cannot ease the pain
Each day that passes,
365 times eternity
There’s no after: life has met its end.
I miss her.
I miss her but her eyes are just shadows now.

Taylor if you see this, just know I miss you more and more each day ❤️ every day Kingston and I look at our photo and I remind him how loved he is by you. You have shown him more love than some members of his family and that means the world to me. He may not understand it now but he will appreciate it when he does. I’m so grateful he has you in his life. You’re family to him. He sees your photo as much as he does mine and his daddy. Thank you for that. I hope 5 years down the road, we can recreate his meet and greet photo and still see how he is still loved by you. So even if you think I’m some crazy mom, I just wanted to say thank you for loving my son.

anonymous asked:

MORE MORE MORE MORE MOARRRRRR!!! I need MORE from today's imagine! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEEEEEE!!!! It's so cute I just want to squish their faces together and tell them how much they love each other! MOARRRRRRR <3

With Unseeing Eyes

“What’s eatin’ at you, lad?” Murtagh asked gruffly, while crossing his arms over his chest. “Ye havena sat still the three days we’ve been gone. That eager to get back under both of yer uncles’ grimey thumbs?”

I snorted and shook my head. “No. I’m no’ one for being ordered around, as ye ken well.” Murtagh snorted at this, and I quirked an eyebrow at him, a smirk on my face. “I’m ready to done wi’ this useless task and get back to Mis–” I stopped, cutting off the name I was about to say.

Murtagh smirked. “Mistress Beauchamp, eh lad?”

I could feel the burn of a flush crawl up my chest and neck. I tried to deny it but there was no use. Murtagh shook his head and let out a laugh.

“Yer just like your Mam and Da. Once they put their mind to something, especially when they decided that they loved someone, they were boots first in deep.”

“I’m no’ in love wi’ her,” I tried to protest, feeling my ears burn at the lie.

“If yer no in love wi’ her, then I’m Dougal’s nursemaid,” he chuckled, slapping me on the back. “There’s nothing wrong wi’ falling in love wi’ a lass. Ye could do far worse than the clever Mistress Beauchamp. She’ll treat ye right, and love ye as fiercely as she is stubborn.”

“How are you so sure?” I asked, watching the burn ripple around waters that made my heart ache more for Claire’s presence.

“Because she’s the kind of woman who doesn’t do anything half-hearted. She’s a bonnie healer because she puts her heart into it. She didna ken us from Adam, but she gives her all to making sure we are all fair healed. No injury is left unattended, no matter how benign.

“And from the looks of that grin, ye are proud of her,” Murtagh stated, shoving his shoulder into mine.

“Aye.” The smile wouldn’t leave my face. “She’s bonnie in more ways than one, Murtagh. I canna understand why she would willingly be here. She has more to offer the world, than to heal a bunch of raggamuffin highlanders.”

“Maybe the lass stays for another reason. Did ye think she may be waiting for ye as ye have been for her?”

An image of Claire flashed before my eyes. Her hair tousled and tangling in the wind as it wrapped around both of our faces, as I pull her into a kiss. Her eyes smiling just as much as her lips. Her body, plump, soft, warm and mine, cuddled against my chest.

Aye, I could see her as my own. Someone to love and hold, an equal to share the burden of raising a family and the upkeep of Lallybroch. But that could not be.

“What could I offer her, Murtagh? A life on the run? Not knowing where she’ll sleep from one night to the next, nor where she may fill her belly?” I shook my head, erasing the images of Claire from my minds-eye. “Nay, I willna let her be homeless or a fugitive. She deserves more than a life as a wanted man’s woman.”

“Ye are a fool, James Fraser. A bloody fool,” Murtagh sighed, kicking a rock into the burn. “Come on then,” he called, “I’ve no’ seen the vagabonds Collum wished us to discover, nor have any traveling mercenaries wi’ the Mistress’s belongings come this way. Best we get back to Leoch, unless ye wish to make a run for Lallybroch?”

Climbing astride the beast Old Alec sent me with, I shook my head. “No. Even though she canna be mine, it doesna mean I’ll leave her to the tender care of my uncles. She’ll need more protection than anyone.”

As we rode back towards Leoch, the grumbling rumble of the wind could have been mistaken for Murtagh talking to himself about what an idiot his Godson was if he couldn’t see what was plain as day.

We rode hard and made it back to Leoch before the noonday meal. I felt my chest begin to release tension I didn’t know that had been there, and my breathing came easier as I set foot on the grounds–a feeling I never expected to have at Leoch.

“She’s in the herb garden,” Old Alec said as he took the reins from my hand.

“Who is?” I said trying to mask my desperation to find Claire.

Alec clapped a hand to my shoulder and smirked. “Why Mistress Beauchamp, o’ course.” Hearing her name sent a thrill down my spine and excitement to flutter in my stomach.

“Dinna be tellin me,” Old Alec continued, “that yer wandering gaze is to find some other lassie?”

I felt the red flush of embarrassment creep up from my chest to the tips of my ears. “I ne’re said I was looking for anyone.”

“Ach, ye didn’t need to lad! I can see it as clear as crystal I can, and that’s wi’ my bad eye!” Alec chuckled tapping the patch when an eye used to rest.

I stared off towards the gardens, avoiding Alec’s gaze. I wasn’t ready to admit the feelings I held for Claire outloud.

“She feels the same as you do, lad,” Alec said softly. “She’s been a right state since ye left.”

I scoffed and shook my head. “I dinna believe that.”

“Believe what you will, but I’m tellin’ you the truth of the matter. Mistress Beauchamp fancies you, and I dinna ken why.” I felt him shrug and walk away leading the horses to feed and water, leaving me alone to ponder what he said.

Claire was crouched down in the middle of the herb garden when I finally made up my mind to find her. She didn’t hear me approach, nor did she flinch when laid my hand on her arm. Instead, she did something I did not expect. She covered my hand with her own and squeezed. Only then did she jump up, brushing my hand from her arm while her hand went up to her heart.  Did she not know it was me? Or worse, was she expecting the hand to belong to someone else? Her dead husband perhaps?

My heart felt like it was being torn from my chest with a dull blade. I couldna bear it if she rejected me.

“Miss me that much?” She laughed, when I mentioned Murtagh’s insistence on me finding her.

“Och, ye ken well I missed ye. I had to have Murtagh fix my wounds while on the road, and he’s no’ as pretty or gentle as yerself,” I teased her back. She was so bonnie with the sun hitting her eyes the way it was; I couldna breathe properly. Maybe I should ask her what would cause the ailment.

“Are you still hurt? Did you need me to help you?” she asked, worry laced her voice and expression.

“No!” I yelled, too fast. Clearing my throat I tried again, “I mean to say…no. I’m no’ hurt right now, but I would like it if ye were to accompany me to the hall for some lunch?”

“Of course,” she replied, her voice losing some of the bounce it had a moment before.

I smiled and held out an arm, she took it, I felt my body relax at her touch. This is how it’s supposed to be. She needed to know, I had to tell her my name, she needed to know me, no’ just as the stable lad McTavish, but as James Fraser Laird of Lallybroch.

“Wait right here,” I told her when we arrived in the hall, giving her hand a quick squeeze before I rushed to the kitchens for food.

“Jamie my lad!” Mrs. Fitz’s joyous tones preceded her embrace. “How are ya? You’ll be wanting some food I expect?”

She had already released me and began to pile a trough of food. My mouth watered as I saw the lump roasted stew and bannocks she piled together.

“Could ye give me enough for two? Or a second trough?”

Mrs. Fitz whirled around giving me a confused look. “Oh aye, I can, but why will ye be needin it? Murtagh’s already been in and had more than one helping of the supper.”

I stood straighter. “Mistress Beauchamp is joining me for my meal…to help me find out what I’ve missed the last three day.”

She gave me a knowing look, but didn’t say anything as she grabbed a second helping for Claire.

“You take care of that one, Jamie Fraser,” Mrs. Fitz whispered as she handed me the food. “I’ll no’ hear of ye breakin her heart. Claire is a good woman and she deserves the best, ye ken?”

I nodded slowly. “Aye, I ken well. What makes you say that I’ll be breakin’ her heart? Mistress Beauchamp has made no–”

“You ken fine what I mean. The two of ye pine after one another like two separated doves.”

I began to protest but she cut me off again with a shake of her head.

“Go, enjoy time with your woman. I expect to hear when the wedding will happen. If I dinna have the pleasure of bein’ there to witness, you best have a damned good reason.” With that she patted my shoulder and began yelling at a serving maid behind me.

Claire and Murtagh were deep in discussion when I arrived back at the table, Claire looking more angry than I expected, but seemed to dissolve as she noticed me.

“So, Mistress Beauchamp, what’s the news we’ve missed since we’ve been gone? No one has tried to secure your hand, have they?” I added in a rush.

“Umm, no. No one has approached me. Besides I wouldn’t have humored them, or just anyone.” My heart beat so fast, I felt as though it were going to burst from my chest.

“Someone else caught your eye, Mistress?” I asked warily, praying for an answer to soothe my ache.

“You could say that.” She said while nodding. My heart sank to the bottom of my boots. My breath came short again, and I couldna quell the panic that rose up inside me.

“Ah, I see. He’s a lucky man,” I said, dejectedly looking down at my food, now shoving it from side to side, no longer hungry.

“Well, he could be. He doesn’t know I have…affections for him,” she said softly. I chanced a glance up at her face, and she was biting her lower lip, cheeks flaming pink.

“I see.” I reached out to touch her hand, pulling back just before making contact with her skin. “And do ye ken if he has such affections for ye as well?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know.” She looked me directly in the eye, “I haven’t asked him. What do you think he would say?”

I gaped, and faltered for words momentarily, “I think any man who might be so fortunate to win your affections would gladly reciprocate them in turn.”

For a moment, I thought nothing else could happen; the world was confined to the small space between Claire and I.

Murtagh cleared his throat with a gruff noise, breaking the bubble that surrounded us.

“What real news can ye tell us?” he grunted. Claire flushed and began to regale us with what had happened since we had been gone.

We sat there talking until well past the evening meal. Mrs. Fitz winked as she brought us fresh whisky to drink and ushered us to a warmer part of the room. Sat in front of the fire, I didna know whether or not putting my arm around Claire was proper or not. Before I had time to think too much on it, she rested her head on my shoulder. I wound my arm around her and pulled her tighter to me, breathing in deep the spicy floral scent that was all my Sassenach. She released a breath and relaxed further into my side. We said nothing, didn’t need to, the silence and each other’s company was preferable for the moment. I turned my head and kissed the top of her head gently, her curls tickling my face. I couldn’t help but smile and pray for the moment to never end.

“Mistress?” She didn’t stir. “Claire?” I asked slightly louder. She slowly lifted her head up and grinned at me sleepily.

“Mmm?” She asked, her eyes opening just a crack.

“I should escort you to your room. You’re falling asleep on my arm, and I think a bed will be much more comfortable than me,” I chuckled at her.

She stretched like a cat, nodded and staggered to her feet holding out a hand to me. I took it and held on tight, ignoring all of the looks–favorable and not–that were thrown our way. When we reached her door, my heart clenched; I had to say goodbye.

“Goodnight, Claire,” I whispered as she rested her head on my chest once again, her arms gripping me in an embrace I never wanted to leave.

Returning the hug, I let one hand wander to her hair and gently tugged loose the brown ribbon that secured her curls. She didn’t even notice as her hair fell about her shoulders, she only sighed and nuzzled deeper into my chest.

“Come on my sleepy one, into the bed,” I murmured in Gaelic to her while nudging her into the room.

The moment her head hit the pillow, she was deep in sleep, her chest rising evenly with deep breaths. I smiled, longing to join her, but restrained my urges and left the room.

My pallet in the stables had never felt so lonely. My plaid wound about myself, I pulled Claire’s ribbon from my sporran and brought it to my lips, tenderly kissing the silky strip and imagining it to be what Claire’s lips felt like. Breathing deep, I could smell her scent over the horses and straw. That aroma alone relaxed my body and I fell into a deep sleep, smiling while my dreams were filled with the squeals of children calling for their Da and Claire’s laughter.

One more day without you, another day where my mind wonders about you all day, and nothing I do seems to get you out of my mind. The other day someone told me to smoke away the thoughts of you, but I know that even if I did so you would somehow find your way through the smoke. I am getting tired of presenting this false me to everyone as if I am no longer in love with you. The past month I have done nothing, but miss you more each day. I don’t even know what to do anymore because I’m deeply in love with you and it scares me that even after all this time my feelings for you have never changed one bit. Even through all your mistakes and how bad you did me after our break up I am still here with some type of hope that you will be the person I someday wake up next to each day. Loving you takes over my mind each day and I just don’t feel anyone out there will ever make me feel the way you did. Even through all the pain I feel affection towards you as being the love of my life…
—  baefiveoneoh (Nov. 30, 2014)