I developed feelings for someone who was my best friend, & I didn’t even plan on it. I’m still struggling with my sexual identity & everything, but with her I wasn’t ashamed to fall for her. I’m in a committed relationship, but for some reason I thought she had feelings for me, too.
We did everything together. She comforted me when I was sad, when the world was crumbling down, when I felt weak. She said I kept her head on straight, & I believed it. I still care for her so fucking much & I miss her more & more each day. I finally told her I had feelings but I did it in the worst way possible…she admitted to having feelings for me, too but didn’t want to be the third wheel in a relationship that was already established. during the time she said she needed & I gave her, she got a girlfriend…
It hurts like hell & I feel my heart shattering, but if she’s happy then I’m happy. I’m just sad I fucked everything up. She thinks she was just a sexual conquest but she wasn’t, if I could, I would wife that girl & try my damned hardest to make her happy…I had her as my best friend & I messed that up…
We stopped talking & I tried messaging her, told her she hurt me, she said the same thing. I pray those are the last words I hear from her, but if they are, I’ll remember them as long as I live, & carry her with me until the day I die. She’s still so special to me, even if she hates me.
Three months had passed, and you still hadn’t woken up in your own time. And truth be told, while you felt guilty about it, you didn’t want to leave your new friends, or the Barnes family.
You were really getting along with Steve, and with each passing day, Bucky filled your heart more and more. While you missed your parents, you didn’t have friends like this back in your time.
You were still staying with the Barnes family. They seemed quite happy to have you. You tried not to get too excited by the notion that Bucky especially was happy to have you around.
You had been working in the flower shop, and with your money, you had bought some clothing that suited your taste a little better than the dresses Mrs. Barnes had been lending you, and even a few knick knacks for the room you were staying in. And, more importantly, you gave some to Mr. Barnes every week, for board and food.
You had no idea how to get back home. So, you tried to live as normally as possible. You tried not to think too much about your parents, and you tried not to think too much about what life would be like once you left Bucky behind. Because you weren’t sure you could be happy with your old life now.
You were walking back from work one evening when you encountered Steve, sitting on a bench, trying to sit as straight as possible. He didn’t look very well, and you were so worried.
“Steve, are you alright?” you asked, sitting next to him.
“I will be soon…” he replied, wheezing.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
He nodded. “Talk to me.”
You nervously began talking about your day at work. A wedding was coming up for a well off local, and you were so busy in the store trying to fill their order and serve customers that you had no time to even eat lunch!
Steve smiled at your stories as you told them, and soon, he seemed back to his usual self.
“Are you alright?” you asked again, rubbing his shoulder gently.
“I’m alright now. I just felt an asthma attack coming on. People talking to me helps me to calm myself down.”
“Did you use a puffer?”
“A what?” Steve looked confused.
Little did you realise that puffers would not be available for another decade or so. How am I going to play this off?
“Sorry, I can’t remember the name of the treatment…” You said, a nervous laugh escaping your lips.
“I have a nebulizer at home. Mum paid a lot of money for it before she died…” Steve explained.
His mum is…
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Steve said sincerely.
You shook your head. “You don’t need to apologise. I just didn’t realise. I’m so sorry.”
You pulled him into a hug. He was stiff at first, but soon enough he relaxed into you and returned the hug.
“Well, I shouldn’t keep you. You must be starving!” Steve said after you separated.
“Are you going to be ok? I can walk you home if you want,” you offered, worried he would have another asthma attack.
“No, I’ll be fine. Buck’s meeting me soon. He’ll make sure I get home ok,” he explained. You worried that maybe you had offended him. The 30s was definitely a different time, and you weren’t sure how a man would react to such a suggestion from a woman.
You searched his face, but he didn’t seem offended. In all honesty, over the course of your friendship you had learned that he was a very progressive person. He might even like the 21st century.
After saying your farewells, you returned to the Barnes home, and ate a quick dinner. Breakfasts were often eaten together as a group, but dinner was much more relaxed, with people’s obligations and schedules not always coming together.
After showering and changing into pyjamas, you sat down on the bed in your borrowed room, and considered the day, before pulling the book you were reading toward yourself.
You were lying on your back with your legs stretched out up the wall, enjoying the strange predicament the characters had found themselves in, when you heard a knock at your door.
You expected it to be Mrs. Barnes coming to say good night. You had learned weeks ago that Mrs. Barnes was a very relaxed woman, so you called out for her to come in, without righting yourself.
When you saw Bucky’s figure, albeit upside down, your face flushed, and you immediately maneuvered so that you were sitting up on the bed. Your book flew across the room.
“You never fail to make me laugh,” Bucky chuckled, retrieving your book, and passing it to you, as he sat on the edge of the bed.
“Glad I amuse you. What’s up?” you asked, hoping Bucky hadn’t noticed the way he was affecting your breathing.
“I just wanted to thank you for today,” he said.
“Yeah, for helping Steve. He told me all about it. Not a lot of people would do that for him…”
“I didn’t do much really, just blathered on about work.”
Bucky shook his head. “You did more than that. You showed him, and you showed me, that you care about him.”
“Of course I do. He’s a wonderful guy,” you replied, trying to shift the attention off of yourself. The way Bucky was talking about you filled you with confusion and hope.
“He is, but only a rare few see that past his exterior.”
“Exteriors aren’t important. Besides, I of all people should not be judging people by their appearances,” you said quietly.
Bucky looked at you, confusion all over his face. “(Y/N), you are absolutely beautiful. Outside and in. I’ve never met a girl as beautiful as you before.”
You blinked. Then you blinked again. Did he just call me beautiful?
Before you could attempt a faltering response, Bucky leaned toward you. When you didn’t protest, he leaned in all the way, and kissed you.
His lips were so soft against yours. All of a sudden, you had the feeling that your lips had been designed for this very moment. If your brain was working, you would have wondered when you had become such a romantic.
When Bucky pulled away, it was with a goofy smile on his face. It seemed, despite the differences in experience that you guessed were there, that the kiss had had the same blissful effect on him.
“You’d better get used to being called beautiful Doll,” Bucky said, returning to his normal confident and cocky persona.
It’s been almost 5 days since you broke up with me. Although it’s been less than a week, I find myself falling in love with someone else more each and every day.
That person is myself.
Losing you has made me realize that throughout my entire life, no one will ever stay forever and in the end, it all comes down to yourself. We came into this world alone, and we shall leave the world alone.
So in a way I should thank you.
I still miss you, but that feelings dies a little more as the time passes. You fucked up. You lost someone who would give their life for you. You lost someone who saw the world in you.
do you ever wonder what our lives would have been like if someone took five minutes to read us a bedtime story?
i’m watching the tide of the sea and thinking of the colour of your eyes staring back at me.
they are not the same colour
but the rage and the torment that bubbles
between every casual wink that you throw my way, is there,
each wave of the ocean tide, is a reflection of the sadness in your lines.
if we’d been loved as children,
do you think we’d be better today,
more well rounded, more loveable.
more capable of loving. just more.
we sleep walk through each day
and wonder if this is enough.
if we are enough.
sext: i have been missing
you so long that it feels like
eating an apple, like listening
to music, like breathing.
perhaps if our parents were like
parents and less like spectators,
maybe we would’ve known how
to love each other.
Are you kidding me????
No are you literally kidding??? @t0ll-ian and I are currently sophomores in band right now. And let me just tell you… I have no physical idea how people don’t classify this as a sport. It’s more than a sport.
I have given up hours, days, weeks of my life. Of instead of being with my family, of going out with friends, of studying, I am trying to better myself. I’ve missed three of my families birthdays, and will for two more years. From Monday until Saturday I am at the band hall, from dawn till dusk.
Now let me break down the traits of sport; Teamwork, points, a victor, and teams competing against each other. I would put more, but I literally just got back home after being away for 7 hours.
Teamwork; we rely on every single person in the band. I rely on them, and they rely on me. To know my music, my drill, my movements, everything.
Points; yes there is a point system. For both concert and marching. There’s boxes for MB, boxes one through five. We’re judged from one being worst, and five being DCI level. For concert we have 1,2, and 3. One being best and 2 being the worst. There’s no overtime, there’s no up till 50 or whatever, there’s a strict judging. You’re either good or bad. You can’t make a foul shot, or flags or anything.
A victor; admittedly there is no noticeable victor for band. You could have won by 99.7 and second in place being 99.2. For concert band, the victors win sweepstakes.
Teams competing against each other; where I live, bands from ALL around the state come in. There’s charter buses from cities three or five hours away. They’re not going home that day.
And another one, you can’t give up, if you get hurt, if a trombone or a flag hits you, oh well. You can’t pause the show or call in your backup or have a moment of silence. You have to breathe through the pain, and keep on going. A stage person last year was run over by a prop, she had to wear a cast and brace for months, did she leave the field and call in another band kid??? No, the show goes on, with or without you.
I make family, I make memories, I develop a passion for music. Now I don’t know what makes a “sport” in your definition, but before you blindly throw out such ignorance, you could ask someone in your school’s band ((:
And please don’t bring out the activeness in sport. We run miles, we run up and down the stairs, we do 10 minute cardio, c'mon.
A day in the life: andy calls wakes us up in the hotel. Stumble out the door and into the van for more sleep. Phone will not stop ringing for interviews and I miss you mores. Drive until the hunger outweighs the disgust of the food that will fill it. Tell jokes and fight in between sleep and watching dvds. Get to the club, (avoid) load stuff on stage. Make phonecalls home and try to not show my mom how much I am missing her. Play, each show has been amazing and different. Call up hey chris and tell him he is a dick for sitting at home instead of hanging out with me. Write. Stuff you’ll probably never get to see. Work on the new songs with patrick. Eat. Go to hotel. Shower if I am feeling too much like a vagrant. Play atari. Fall asleep. Repeat.
So glad you had a memorable vacation! But, just so you know, YOU WERE MISSED!!! Your perspective is always appreciated 😉
Oh thank you anon! It was a beautiful trip and I got to share it with the people that are my life. I wish you as much happiness as I am given every day whether in Paris or at the supermarket.
As for my perspective - save yourself from my insanity. The more I see, the crazier I think I am. But although I may be crazy, I AM NOT WRONG! WE ARE NOT WRONG. Those two idiots love each other desperately and work together to let us know. I know it. Believe it.
I’m extremely emotional today. To start the day off, I took a pregnancy test because I am having EXTREMELY similar symptoms with my last positive test. I’ve been having light period cramps for a couple days now, my boobs are getting more tender as each day passes, and I’m so emotional in is unreal. I’m absolutely exhausted during the day and can’t sleep at night. Anxiety through the roof, especially at night. I just bought some cheap pregnancy tests that actually said not to test until the day of your missed period. Well the bad thing about trying to get pregnant right after a miscarriage is not knowing when your next period will be. I mean, I could have ovulated last week for all I know. Which means I wouldn’t get a positive for a couple more weeks (if we were successful, that is). Never in my life have I had light cramping days before I got my period, though. Like clockwork, my boobs would hurt super bad the day before, the next day I would get sharp cramps and boom, period would start.
I remember getting my sore boob symptom last time, but then the sharp cramps never came and neither did my period. I just started having light cramping that was just really annoying because I kept thinking I was about to start and running to the bathroom. It just never came. So after about 4 days of the cramping, and 5 days after my missed period I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I got a negative pregnancy test this morning but I don’t know, I just can’t shake the feeling that I am. Who knows, maybe my body is just trying to get its shit together after what happened and it’s causing weird symptoms. Which, by the way, totally not cool because it’s getting my hopes up. I’m going to wait a few more days and take another test. If I am pregnant, my HCG levels will double in a couple days and it might be enough to get a positive. I just need to not jump the gun and be patient.
Although it’s hard to believe it was only 4 weeks ago, it’s also crazy to believe it has only been 4 weeks. I worked 7:45am - 4pm today and every single cry, every single baby, every pregnant mother or couple I saw actually shattered my heart. I think a lot of these last 4 weeks have been a blur. I’m just so focused on moving forward, and doing anything in my power to keep busy, that I really can’t remember how things have been. I never felt a whole lot of anger but I’ve definitely been feeling so angry these last couple days. So mad that this happened to me. I just keeping thinking that it isn’t fair and that I deserve it. So mad because I would be 10 weeks on Tuesday and so close to being out of my first trimester. So mad because I didn’t even get to see a heartbeat. So mad that I have to answer to people the next time I get pregnant, “This is my second pregnancy. I lost my first.” So mad that I have to actually cope with the fact that my first child never made it into the world. But then my anger turns into complete and utter sadness and the tears flood my eyes and stream down my cheeks as I image every milestone I am missing, the rest of my pregnancy I never got, the future of my child he or she never got.
As the driver drove them home, tensions between Judy and David were high. She was growing more and more tired of David’s disinterest with each passing day. They arrived home and sat down to dinner in near silence. After about 10 minutes, Judy finally spoke.
“I had a good day.. thanks for asking Honey. I missed you, too.”
David shot her a look across the table. “I was going to ask you that.”
“WHEN? You’ve had every opportunity for the past hour. I’m so tired of it all, David!”
It was true. Judy wasn’t sure how much more she could take. David’s lack of interest in her and the picture she was filming was palpable, and now that she had met Gene, she saw the embodiment of the perfect man for her.
David rose from the dining room without saying a word, and swung open the door to the basement. “Back to his stupid toy trains,” Judy thought. “as usual”. Judy planned on telling him of her plans for tomorrow night, but finally figured, “why bother? It’s not like he ever expresses any concern for me anyway..”
Gene was also dealing with martial problems. His wife, Betsy, was pregnant with their first child, and because of that, was becoming very emotional. Due to traffic, Gene was home from the studio an hour later than was expected.
“Hi Honey! I’m finally home!” Gene called upstairs.
Gene walked upstairs and began searching for her. “Betsy? Where are you?” He finally found her in their bed, with the covers pulled up over her head. Thinking she was asleep, he came in and pulled them down. Betsy, who was very much awake, yanked them back up.
“GO AWAY.” she said to him sternly.
Gene was thrown back. What could have possibly happened to his sweet and (sometimes too) talkative wife?
“What the hell is your problem?” He asked her, surprised.
“I know how you feel about her!!” Betsy shouted from underneath the comforter. Gene could tell, she had started to sob.
“Who??” Gene inquired, “Judy?”
“Yes! I was at the studio earlier to pick you up, and I saw you knock on her dressing room door. You shut the door for five minutes, and then when it opened again, you two were hugging and being all lovey with each other. Tell me, Gene, do you love me?”
“Yes! Of course I do, Baby! I promise you, we were only talking about the picture! You’re the only one for me! I promise sweetheart! I love you so much!” Gene crawled into bed next to her, and attempted to wrap his arms around her, but she angrily jerked back. “Don’t you DARE touch me! Not after you’ve been touching her!”
“Betsy, did you hear what I said? I didn’t touch her! You’re not listening!”
“I am listening! But I know you’re a liar!”
Gene had had enough. With a huff, he said, “I would never lie to you. You know this. You know what? You’re just crazy”.
Betsy finally pulled the sheets down and glared at him. Her gaze was one Gene had never, ever seen before.
“You know what? You can sleep on the couch tonight.”
“Hell, it’ll be a pleasure. Have a goodnight, Mrs. Kelly.”
Gene quietly shut the door to the bedroom, and walked away shaking his head. Why wouldn’t Betsy believe him? They had just got married six months ago. He tried to chalk it up to hormones, seeing as now his wife was pregnant, but none of it made sense to him. He fell asleep on the couch, wishing he was in his cozy bed, but wishing more so that he was with Judy. She could make sleeping on the couch bearable, as long as he was next to her. Obviously, seeing her response, there’s no way Gene could tell Betsy about the dinner “meeting” he was going to have with Judy tomorrow night.. he decided to just make up an excuse after the fact as to why he was late. After all, what Betsy didn’t know couldn’t hurt her, right?
And so it was, though neither one knew it, both Judy and Gene went to bed that night, alone, each wishing they were in each other’s company. Neither one could wait to meet with each other tomorrow evening, only then would they come to realize very imporant things about each other, and themselves, too.
Hello! I'd really love a letter from Washington, they're courting maybe? It would be addressed to Jordie. 5'3", short brown hair, green eyes. I work in a bakery, and I'm constantly bringing things home. I'm a big animal lover, especially dogs! I also get very sick easily. //I'm not sure if this is what you need?//
For my wonderful Jordie,
I hope this letter finds you well, as I find myself thinking about you more and more each day. Courtship is hard when your love is back home and you’re on the battlefield. I miss you every day I’m not by your side and can’t help thinking about our reunion. The British are being driven out slowly but surely. Before either of us know it, I’ll be at your side again.
I look forward to finding what you’ve brought home from the bakery for the day. I remember how you would bring all manner of things for me to try. It really was one of my favourite parts of the day and I find myself lying awake some nights thinking of those days. I remember your green eyes sparkling as you gave me some treat or other and you laughing whenever I was surprised.
You’re not sick, I hope. I know your health was never the greatest, but I couldn’t stand the idea of you being sick again and me not being by your side. Your last letter mentioned an illness going around and I cannot bear the idea of you catching it. Please stay safe and stay in doors. It know it might pain you to do so but it might be best to leave the dogs outside for a bit until the threat of sickness dies down, though I also know you probably won’t do such a thing.
“Ugh, the Smosh Squad in this video? Where’s Ian and Anthony?”
“I miss it when it was Ian and Anthony, not these guys.”
“I think I’m gonna unsubscribe to this channel now. I miss the old Smosh.”
“Smosh is just making more channels for money.”
I’m not trying to be a nerd or anything, but Smosh was and still is growing bigger and bigger each day, which is the reason why they need more people to help them. There’s nothing wrong with the Smosh Squad, anyway. Ian and Anthony are probably also busy with other important stuff, I mean, they have a life outside of YouTube, as well. They’re probably planning what they’re gonna do for Smosh Live coming August 26th, am I right? And about the old Smosh? I don’t get it. If you miss the old Smosh then just watch their old videos. I mean, nobody has time for you to just keep complaining about how much you miss it when the Smosh Squad wasn’t there. And, with Smosh Games. Once again, Ian and Anthony have A LOT of things to worry about. And the fact that Smosh is just making more channels for money? Excuse me? They’re just doing that for our entertainment. They’re doing this for US. Either way, I’ve been a Smosher for a while now and I’ll always continue to be.