Suho: $u-daddy rollin in dough. He’ll draw up a hot bath of dollar bills and rub credit cards into your hair. Because fuck shampoo. He is a little short, but worry not! It’s all that money he’s got in his wallet weighing him down. Money is where it’s at, and Su-daddy got plenty-o-dat!
Chanyeol: This boy can whisper in his own huge ears, but he prefers to do it in yours. With one flap of his marvelous ears, he can show you the world. Enjoy his smile because that’s all you’ll see. Eventually it’ll cause nightmares and you will fear sleeping at night, but that’s what love is all about.
Sehun: This little shit will make you want to pull all your hair out. But not to worry, he has plenty of wigs lying around since there’s no way his own hair can handle all that chemical hair dye. 96% sure he’s balding. But besides that, his cold eyes will remind you of a serial killer but luckily his adorable lisp will make you giggle while he slowly stabs you.
Chen: This dinosaur troll bastard is the perfect man. He enjoys laughing at your pain and misery. So if you are having a heart attack or stroke, call this man up because he will give you a few laughs before you succumb to your death. Look, he’s laughing at you now because he just trolled you and you didn’t even know it. Cheeky bastard.
Kyungsoo: This 5 foot 7 inches of pure Satan juice enjoys staring into your soul. His favorite hobbies include allowing you to live, being in his presence, and on occasion, a cuddly hug. If you enjoy a man of danger, look no further! He will never let you out of his sight because his Africa sized eyes will forever follow you to the depths of Hell, where he awaits you.
Lay: Provide this lil shit his daily dose of that green ganja and he’ll sing you songs about unicorns. Occasionally, he may hover over you late at night, shining a flashlight on your frail body, trying to heal you. He think you gon’ die but that’s just his hallucinations. It’s not a thing of worry because he’ll make sure to treat you as his “HIGHness”. Will you be the bud to his leaf?
Kris: Gotta add my boy in here! Yes ladies and gents, he’s looking at you with that sensual smile. His eyes are calm and gentle, until you realize they’re glazed over with thoughts of a galaxy far, far away. His artistic skills may remind you of a donkey trying to have sex with a porcupine (painful to watch), but you will be in awe when it produces a masterpiece of nature.
Kai: Also known as the dansheen masheen. When he’s not busy fondling air tits, this lil shit will make your heart flutter with his exotic hip thrusts that put Shakira to shame. His gargantuan lips will constantly need chapstick, so be up for the task of providing the much needed moisture (hehe). If you are prepared to be air humped by this lil fucker, waste no time in claiming him as yours!
Luhan: This feminine deer bastard has been searching far and wide for someone prettier than him. He enjoys showing off his manliness with his eyeliner game. Don’t be intimidated if he puts your makeup skills to shame. Take that hand of his and show him what he can do with it (;]) because most likely, he only uses it to caress his precious Baozi’s man balls.
Xiumin: Speaking of the Baozi, this man is 25. Yes. He’s fucking 25 and doesn’t look a day over 5. If you are okay with feeling like a creepy pedo, he’s your guy. He controls his Xiuharem with an iron grip. His small stature can be overlooked by his fluffy cheeks and constantly changing hair color. He dyes it to feel like a pretty stripper working the hot corner on a busy Friday night. Accept this man and make his five-dollar blowjobs sign useful ;]
Tao: This Wushu, stick wielding lil fucker looks intimidating, but he’s the biggest pussy out there. Take him on dates to a haunted house for shits and giggles. Be aware, he’ll slowly drain your bank account when you realize he wants that Gucci purse more than you. Take your revenge by taking a picture of him without his makeup. Spread that shit like wildfire because I would personally love to see it. Claim him as your one and only and laugh at his tears when he realizes you like him.
Baekhyun: Lastly, we have this cheeky lil fucker who loves to—- ERROR. Profile Not Found. We gon’ let Taeyeon take care of this one. ;]]]
my mom just opened a letter with $100 in it that this dude who’s basically like my brother sent to our house from colombia… and theres a little letter attached to it that says “For you and paco to have dinner”
im actually crying next tuesday is their 28th anniversary
I got so mad at Morrigan that I quit the game and then declared that I was going to lovingly throw her out of any window in the CIrcle that I could find. Lovingly, mind you. A little peck on the forehead before whispering: ‘I love you, you fucker’ and then going to push her but changing my mind because I can’t do that to her so I’m just going to sit on the floor and cry at her feet.
Favorite animal: Difficult, because it is sorta cats? But actually if I look at all the animals in the world, there are just so many! Soooooo I’mma go with racoons, because I really love the little fuckers.
Favorite video game: It’s a constant battle between Xenoblade Chronicles and The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, two very VERY different RPGs that both definetely deserve to be called the best for their own reasons.
Favorite character from anything: I think about that a lot and… I just simply can’t decide. There are so many fucking characters in the world…. L from Death Note, Melia from Xenoblade Chronicles, Ezio from Assassins Creed, Bartimaeus from the series of books by the same name, the Doctor from Doctor Who, N from Pokémon Black and White… I can’t decide on one, and even these here are just the ones I can think of at the top of my head.
💛 Night or day: Night. Definetely night. It’s the time of the day where I can just lay back, chat with my friends overseas and look at the stars when I want to.
Favorite Pokémon: Zoroark, both in design and awesome ability. Basically the Pokémon I always have in my team just to fuck with people. My favorite legendarys are Dialga and Jirachi by the way.
Active or relaxing: Ummmmm both? I usually enjoy relaxing more but I get sorta bored of it if I’m not being active at times…
💔 Coffee or tea: Coffee. I only recently even started not hating tea, I really couldn’t stand it for many years, but I’ve grown stockholm to it. Coffee has basically replaced at least 20% of my blood by now.
💕 Zodiac sign: Leo. NEXT
Favorite season: If I didn’t have to sneeze all the time I would definetely go with spring, but I do have to, so that one isn’t my favorite… winter or fall probably, I think fall is kinda boring, but the weather is okay, while I find winter absolutely beautiful but it being cold as balls can be annoying. Imma go with Winter.
Favorite song: Always a difficult choice, but I’mma go with “Last of the Wilds” by Nightwish, which is just a ridiculously beautiful piece of music.
💘 Pets: I have a black arrogant piece of shit cat named Freddie. I love him so fucking much.