i-love-these-little-fuckers

My Man

Jimin request by anon: “Hi! Can you do a scenario with Jimin? Where he gets really angry at you? With happy ending~”

Well, first of all, thank you for requesting. I absolutely love this greesy little fucker, gosh, he’s so adorable and stupid I just can’t… >A<

Kitty helped me to understand why would a guy even get mad with you (forever alone tbh) so thank you Kitty. <3

Hope this will be to your liking.

-Admin Lizard

Weekened finally. 

As you stepped inside the apartment, you noticed Jimin was already waiting for you. As soon as the door opened, he flew straight into your arms and hugged your waist tightly.“Jagi…” he pouted while looking straightly into your eyes, “I missed you.” he motioned his lips forward. 

The way this boy knew how to make your heart flutter amazed you. At a sign of his cuteness, you gently pecked his lips and smirked. “Minnie, let me in first, you silly willy." 

But Jimin refused to let go of his hold, so you had to drag him along to the bedroom after you’ve locked the door. You wandered around the house with Jimin clinging to you, hands on your waist and head on your shoulder as you placed some of your stuff in place. 

You noticed the pajamas he brought for the sleepover, and burst out in laughter. "What?” he shot with his eyes wide open. 

“And you call yourself a man." 

"What! There’s nothing wrong with bears! Bears are manly!” he placed his hand over his heart, looking offended. But you didn’t buy it. 

Instead, you just laughed at him. “Well, bears are cute.”

“And manly." 

"Whatever makes you feel good.” you patted his shoulder and walked off to the bathroom. Ten minutes later, you were both in your pajamas, munching on some popcorn and watching cheesy romantic movies. 

Of course that with Jimin watching movie means cuddling and making out, but it’s not like you didn’t like it.

While stroking your hair with his right hand, Jimin took a glance at the phone. You got a text from your best male friend and he sighed when seeing it, feeling the anger starting to build up in his stomach.

“Where did you get this from?” he took your left hand gently but quickly, holding it so you’d look at the ring on your ring finger. “_____.” you answered bluntly, looking at him in slight confusion at his sudden question.

Jimin’s face wore a serious expression and you sensed enmity upon his hearing your best male friend’s name. “Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’?” you stared at him in utter confusion. Somehow the mood suddenly changed and became more stressed, hostile. “He just gave it to me, that’s all.”

“Then why did you accept it?”

“I can’t turn it down, he’s my best friend! Besides, I like this style of rings." 

"But I’m your boyfriend. I should buy you things. I’ll go buy you new rings, so take it off.”

“What? Jimin, stop it. I don’t need anything from you.”

“But you need from _____?” he sounded angry.

“That’s not what I meant, I-”

“So you like him more than a friend? More than me? How about you date him, huh? He’s already buying you stuff so just go and be his girlfriend!” he waves his arms angrily, letting his voice grow louder. 

“Jimin! What’s gotten into you?!” you started yelling as well, not knowing why suddenly you were both standing up and screaming madly at each other.

“You never spend any time with me anymore!”

“Well, that’s because you’re always in rehearsals!”

“But even when we’re finally together, you text him! I saw your text, you said 'Oh wow _____, you’re so handsome!” he shouted angrily, then mimicked a girly voice with mockery.

“Well, he sent me a picture of what he is going to wear for a date! With a girl! Stop being so jealous!”

“So what?! You’re always with him and barely with me! Sometimes I feel like you don’t even love me!” he looked down, before his frown grew bigger and his fists, which now rested by his sides, tensed up. You noticed his eyes got a little watery, but you weren’t sure, and now wasn’t a time to pick up on him about it.

“Jimin…” you sighed softly and got closer to him. You took his hands in yours and when he finally looked up, you offered him a soft smile.

“Jimin, I’m sorry if I make you feel jealous. I know it might look like I spend more time with him, but, no, I just…” you sighed, “he’s my best friend but nothing more than that. He’s not my boyfriend. You are.” you looked into his eyes.

“A-Are you… _____,” he sighed, “I know you’re not in love with him but it’s just that I… Well, I-”

“You feel intimidated by him?” you completed his thoughts and he nodded in approval. “You shouldn’t Jimin. Because although I love him, he’s like a brother to me. The one that I truly love is you, silly. You and only you. So no one is going to steal me from you, Minnie." 

Jimin stared at you for a long moment before sighing and smiling in relief. He hugged you close and buried his face in the crook of your neck. "I’m sorry I yelled at you. I know you love me and I love you too.”

“I know you do.” you stroked his back, then added, “how can I not love someone so cute and cheesy who’s wearing pajamas with cuddly bears on it?” you laughed.

“Hey!” he faked insult, “Bears are manly! I’m a man, a manly man.”

“Yes, yes, Of course you are. You’re my man.” you kissed his lips sweetly. “Promise to never get jealous again?” you looked at him with a smile, “Pinky swear?”

“Pinky swear.”

“oh i never want a beardie, they are so big, and you have to feed them fresh veggies every day, and they have such sharp nails…”

“…this beardie needs a rescue, I will just rehab him and get him set up and healthy and then rehome him somewhere lovely…”

“…I LOVE THIS SPIKY LITTLE FUCKER AND WOULD GO TO THE MOON AND BACK FOR HIM”

EXO Member Dating Profiles

Suho: $u-daddy rollin in dough. He’ll draw up a hot bath of dollar bills and rub credit cards into your hair. Because fuck shampoo. He is a little short, but worry not! It’s all that money he’s got in his wallet weighing him down. Money is where it’s at, and Su-daddy got plenty-o-dat!

Chanyeol: This boy can whisper in his own huge ears, but he prefers to do it in yours. With one flap of his marvelous ears, he can show you the world. Enjoy his smile because that’s all you’ll see. Eventually it’ll cause nightmares and you will fear sleeping at night, but that’s what love is all about.

Sehun: This little shit will make you want to pull all your hair out. But not to worry, he has plenty of wigs lying around since there’s no way his own hair can handle all that chemical hair dye. 96% sure he’s balding. But besides that, his cold eyes will remind you of a serial killer but luckily his adorable lisp will make you giggle while he slowly stabs you.

Chen: This dinosaur troll bastard is the perfect man. He enjoys laughing at your pain and misery. So if you are having a heart attack or stroke, call this man up because he will give you a few laughs before you succumb to your death. Look, he’s laughing at you now because he just trolled you and you didn’t even know it. Cheeky bastard. 

Kyungsoo: This 5 foot 7 inches of pure Satan juice enjoys staring into your soul. His favorite hobbies include allowing you to live, being in his presence, and on occasion, a cuddly hug. If you enjoy a man of danger, look no further! He will never let you out of his sight because his Africa sized eyes will forever follow you to the depths of Hell, where he awaits you. 

Lay: Provide this lil shit his daily dose of that green ganja and he’ll sing you songs about unicorns. Occasionally, he may hover over you late at night, shining a flashlight on your frail body, trying to heal you. He think you gon’ die but that’s just his hallucinations. It’s not a thing of worry because he’ll make sure to treat you as his “HIGHness”. Will you be the bud to his leaf?

Kris: Gotta add my boy in here! Yes ladies and gents, he’s looking at you with that sensual smile. His eyes are calm and gentle, until you realize they’re glazed over with thoughts of a galaxy far, far away. His artistic skills may remind you of a donkey trying to have sex with a porcupine (painful to watch), but you will be in awe when it produces a masterpiece of nature. 

Kai: Also known as the dansheen masheen. When he’s not busy fondling air tits, this lil shit will make your heart flutter with his exotic hip thrusts that put Shakira to shame. His gargantuan lips will constantly need chapstick, so be up for the task of providing the much needed moisture (hehe). If you are prepared to be air humped by this lil fucker, waste no time in claiming him as yours!

Luhan: This feminine deer bastard has been searching far and wide for someone prettier than him. He enjoys showing off his manliness with his eyeliner game. Don’t be intimidated if he puts your makeup skills to shame. Take that hand of his and show him what he can do with it (;]) because most likely, he only uses it to caress his precious Baozi’s man balls.

Xiumin: Speaking of the Baozi, this man is 25. Yes. He’s fucking 25 and doesn’t look a day over 5. If you are okay with feeling like a creepy pedo, he’s your guy. He controls his Xiuharem with an iron grip. His small stature can be overlooked by his fluffy cheeks and constantly changing hair color. He dyes it to feel like a pretty stripper working the hot corner on a busy Friday night. Accept this man and make his five-dollar blowjobs sign useful ;]

Tao: This Wushu, stick wielding lil fucker looks intimidating, but he’s the biggest pussy out there. Take him on dates to a haunted house for shits and giggles. Be aware, he’ll slowly drain your bank account when you realize he wants that Gucci purse more than you. Take your revenge by taking a picture of him without his makeup. Spread that shit like wildfire because I would personally love to see it. Claim him as your one and only and laugh at his tears when he realizes you like him.

Baekhyun: Lastly, we have this cheeky lil fucker who loves to—- ERROR. Profile Not Found. We gon’ let Taeyeon take care of this one. ;]]]

For my preciousssss shaileeheartsbb

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Is it strange that this song is like my new jam? And I feel really bad for Foxy, Chica, Bonnie, and Freddy? ;-;