• what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: now i think it's quite clear that i'm comfortable here, floating, as pickles do. i wake up, i float. i float all day. did i used to float? no, i damn well didn't; i used to play drums for an acclaimed rock and roll band, a band so good that The Beatles, our enemies, quit making music, grew mullets, and opened up a really good pizza shop in Cleveland. yes, we were on top of the world, but you let the music get away from you, you idiot men, you blew it all on wine and trampolines! did it ever occur to you, Steven Rootbeer, that i loved you and your mustache? well i don't any more, and i see you've shaved your mustache, you idiot - and Gene, you were like a brother to me, but pickles don't have brothers, clearly. in short gentlemen, i don't care if you're getting the band back together, you can't - you can go to a baseball. the day we broke up was the best day of my life. now, if you'll excuse me, i've gotta float, because that's what pickles DO.
I was just playing baby (Wilford x reader)

You and Wilford sat on your couch. Wilford’s head laying in your lap as you played with his hair. The silence would be broken at times when Wilford began to rant how his manager was yelling at him for killing all of the contestants.

“I mean he was just begging for it could,you blame me!” Wilford finished waving his hands to add more dramatic effect.

“Wilf you said the last time.” You laughed softly as he grunted in response. Ever since Wilford started dating you he tried his best to keep the killing to a minimum. But then again he’s Wilford Warfstache. And he doesn’t take shit from anybody.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this. Who’s you’re favorite out of all the egos. ” He finished with a grin as you rolled your eyes. He asked you this almost every week just to make sure he’s you’re favorite.

“Well Wilf I like the original versions of things. So I’ll go with Mark.” Wilford shot up from your lap looking at you with his mouth open.

“You’re lying (Y/n).” Wilford narrowed his eyes at you. You could feel Wilford’s annoyance, you loved the man but he did have a temper.

“What can I say. I love a man with a clean cut. Maybe I should break up with you and date Host..or maybe even Dark. ” You shrugged knowing that even though Wilford would stab or shoot anything that annoyed him this much, he wouldn’t lay a finger on you.

You saw Wilford inwardly flinch. He never liked Dark. Though he had to get along with the emo ego. If he could get rid of him he’d do it in a millisecond. Before you could say anything else Wilford stormed off mumbling curses before you heard a door slam. Then the sound of gunshots were shortly after.

The rest of the week Wilford ignored you.

He’d see you in the hallways, turn around and walk away.

You’d say hi to him, all you got was a grunt.

He once caught you hugging Mark and he almost went ballistic. He went outside and began to shoot everything in sight.

But he still refused to talk to you.

- One week later -

You had finally had enough. Wilford ignoring though peaceful made you want to cry. You missed you’re pink maniac. So you finally woman upped and went to apologize.

Before you could leave you’re room there was a knock at the door.

“Wilf if that’s you I’m sor-” If they weren’t connected to your head you’re eyeballs would’ve fallen out of your head.

There stood Wilford in all his glory but… Missing a mustache.

“Omigod. ” You held your hand to you’re mouth.

“Well what do you think. ” Wilford coughed awkwardly before sitting on your bed.

“Oh baby I was just joking. I love you and your mustache.” You laughed as you saw Wilf’s ears turn red.

“Thank god I cannot deal without my beautiful mustache. ” And with a snap of his fingers, his pink mustache was back in its former glory.

You grin before sitting on his lap. Running your hands up and down his suspenders.

“I missed you baby. ” You whispered in his ear as you heard him let out a low groan.

“Let me show you how much I missed you. ”


they’re going on a mission undercover
code name: mustache trio

(click for better quality!)