i-look-like-sATAN

ISSA STORYTIME

Ok I’m bored so ima tell y’all a wild ass story that happened to me first semester of my college experience; the story of when I got laced by a wild thot with some CRACK. Let’s get into the tea gorls

So I went to art school for communications design. I dont go there no more because it was hella racist, but a different story for a different day. The campus I went to was way up north, in Utica. Never heard of it? Didn’t think you would. Just imagine if the worst neighborhood in Detroit was an entire town with like no people and cows. I don’t know about y’all but at my school we had this thing called late night where we get snacks and shit in the cafeteria after dinner. I was one of 6 black boys in my entire school so it was always dry. So this particular late night I had got a pink wig and started fucking around and giving these crackers some life to entertain myself. My extra ass being who I was did stand-up for the entire night. Since it was early in the school year tho I aint really have no solid friends, so the people who I was gonna go smoke with finished their food and left me like some fucking snakes. When I was done I was deep in my feelings lol because bitch…..you gon spark up…..without me???

I was like “y’know what idgaf, I don’t need you niggas” because I’m likable, right? I could talk to anyone I wanted and make friends. That’s what my dumb ass thought even though I knew damn well these all were some back woods ass white people from Cousin Fucker Nowhere. So I’m standing in front of the dorms like “ok, if I was a white person who loved giving free weed to negroes, what would I look like?” and as though Satan himself heard me, this girl wearing dem Jerusalem B.Cs (you know what I’m talmbout) and a bright jacket that had to be from the thrift store because it smelled like pickled dick and horse radish extract walked past. I was like DING DING DING, gotcha Becky!! So I was like “omg hi sis, I always see you in class and I think your style is so cool blah blah” and all that fake shit. Naturally Linda felt gassed af and immediately offered to let me smoke with her. Yeah, yah boi got it like that.

But mama ain’t raise no fool and I seent Get Out so I don’t go nowhere with a white person without at least one other poc with me. So this couple I’m good friends with now was walking out of the dorms, we just gon call them Peanut & Jelly. They were quiet and both shy people so they didnt hang out much yet. They were also native and latino which was good enough for me so my loud ass was like “Aye, y’all smoke??” it’s 2017 so of course they smoke and I invite them to come smoke some of Margret’s weed. Consider it reparations. Since they ain’t have no friends they were happy to come join us. Smh y’all if you see this I’m so sorry I got y’all into this lmao. Anyway Trisha was like “Super duper the more the merrier, let’s go :))” with her wild ass. But I remembered I still had some of my own weed left so we ran to my room and got it, but I ain’t have no bag to carry it in. So Ingrid said “Oh, I have a bag you can put it in” and pulled out this ashy ass ziploc bag. RED FLAG NUMBER ONE. But my clueless ass thought she just had some plaster or some shit in there before since we went to an art school. Smdh.

Originally posted by ihiphop

Shortly before we depart Peanut and I are getting everything together and making sure there’s no smell. While this is happening Jelly watches Rebecca spread some “dust” on her gums. RED FLAG NUMBER TWO. This nigga thought it was candy dust or something. No one in this equation is particularly bright. But anywhore, we started making moves to this parking lot/roof that we usually hung out at. I was hoping my friends fake asses would be there so I could ditch Jill’s ass. Peanut & Jelly I ain’t mind because they were cool once you got them to talk. I could tell they weren’t feelin Harriet tho lol and tbh neither was I but would your ass turn down a completely free spark up??? Didn’t think so. We get to the roof finally and I start checking my jacket to find I forgot my mini bong in my room. So Elizabeth is like “Oooh awesome we can smoke out of my pipe!” and I’m like lol you bougie ass bitch just call it a bowl. But my fake ass just said “Litty gorl, load that shit up!” thats exactly what I get. She starts loading her “pipe” up and I notice both my weed and hers lookin a lil ashy. AND THATS RED FLAG NUMBER THREE

It’s like 11 at night tho and we only had street lights so I didn’t wanna call Susan out and end up lookin a fool if it was nothing. So I just let her do her thing and pull out my lighter so we can make it do what it do ya feel? So we smokin and I’m having a pretty good time. I feel proud of myself and shit for scamming little Mary Ellen and getting a full spark up after my niggas rolled out on me. I’m like “haha bitch you did that and you high as fuck”. Me being the funny nigga I am in my head, I make myself laugh. Then I realize for someone who smokes pretty regularly and only had two hits, I was already shmizzed for some reason. I look over at Peanut & Jelly and both them niggas lookin like

“Already??? Huh, that’s weird”, young nigga Kam thought to himself. But once again it was free weed so I shut my Nancy Drew ass up and let it go. Debra passes the “pipe” to me and I hit it harder this time because I ain’t pay for it so ima get mines. Because I hit it so hard I kinda taste it and bitch, that shit tasted like Mary J. Bliges leather boots and plastic. So I’m like “yo Amanda, what’s good with your bowl the weed taste weird?” And it ain’t like weed has a particularly good taste but I know it damn sure don’t taste like that. Emily proceeds to say “I don’t think anything’s wrong with the weed, might be the other stuff tho” As soon as she said that shady shit Peanut and I’s heads snapped to look at her like “Bitch….what other stuff??”

Jelly at this point is checked the fuck out, like this nigga is walking through space or some shit. That might just be him tho cause that nigga always acts weird when he high smh. That ain’t the point tho. This raggedy Ann ass hoe starts giggling and laughing like someone said something fuckin funny. I’m sitting there confused and high as shit still got the fucking pink wig on, Peanut got her ass riled up and with good reason because we both know we just asked ole girl a question. So Peanut says one more gain “Did you put some shit in the fucking weed?”. By now I think Amber realizes the joke is nay and she’s close to getting stomped out. Here comes the climax of the story y’all. This bitch gon roll her eyes like we being extra and say “lol it’s fine, we just smoked out of my crack pipe and I haven’t cleaned it yet” When I tell you the entire world went silent, I heard SZA wheezing into her microphone miles away. My ass, Peanut ass, and even Jelly incapacitated ass was all like

“…wut?”

Jelly just started laughing like he just heard the funniest thing ever in his whole life. Peanut was staring at Tina like she was preparing her alibi for the police when they find that lil girl’s body. And me, you ask? I was just thinkin bout my girl Whitney. Like sis, is this how it started for you? I was looking at Rachel all hurt. Et tu Becky? All a nigga wanted was some weed and now my ass sitting on a roof high off crack. Suddenly time returns to normal and the only thing my faded ass can muster is a “Pardon me???” Helen continues to chuckle like she Tiffany Haddish up in this bitch and tells us that she smokes crack and weed out of that bowl sometimes, and that we had placed the collective weed in her coke bag. Jelly stupid ass still in the corner laughing to keep from crying because I knew that baby voiced nigga was scared. I’m so astounded at this point that I can’t even drag this wild ass bitch. Peanut however, is not me. Lort I never seen anyone but my momma yolk somebody up so fast! She smooth slid across that asphalt like

Grabbed Ellie, and said “BITCH HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND?? ARE YOU SERIOUS??” and started shaking that bitch like she was tryna give her shaken baby syndrome. Jelly managed to get himself together enough to try and keep his girl from going to jail. What was I doing? Well I knew I had a choice, I could help Peanut throw Taylor off the roof, or I could help Jelly keep our good sis from catchin a charge. So I chose the smartest option. MY ASS STARTED TO HIT FOOT.

That shit wasn’t none of my business no more!! Bitch the link up is over! The deck is DONE. I could already hear my momma belt whoopin my crack head ass in my mind, no thank you ma’am! My black ass was done for the night. As I’m running back towards campus I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around to find Jelly running behind me, dragging Peanut along by the hand. Chloe however, is nowhere to be found. I ain’t stop running tho. Was it fear, was it anger, was it the adrenaline pushing me to run? Nah I was on crack so it was prolly that lol. We run until we’re two blocks away from campus and I’m finally too tired to run, which surprised me because I always assumed crackheads were just like the enegizer bunny. So we’re catching our breath and I’m tryna keep from falling over because I feel hella whoozy, but I manage to ask “What happened to Bobby?” Peanut proceeds to tell me she took one good fist, and dropped Katy like a bad habit. I was proud of sis too because she’s twig thin and I thought she was meek af. We start walking back to the dorms and all 3 of us are just silent. Ain’t nobody got shit to say bitch we on crack. Peanut and I lived 2 doors down from each other so they go in her room and I go in mine after we say our good nights. I go in my room and my roommate is there with his boyfriend. Immediately my roommate is like “lol you’re high af” and my overly trusting ass gon tell him “This girl laced the weed with crack”. This cracker ass bitch gon look at me and say “oh really…..are you ok?” like I just got into a small argument. Like nigga….I GOT LACED WITH CRACK DO I LOOK OK???

So I sit down and start watching videos on my laptop to try and distract myself from my anxiety because a nigga was SHOOKT to the core. My roommate and his boyfriend were just watching me like I was a good ass episode of something. I don’t blame ‘em tho, I looked wild af. I was twitching, teetering, and sweating like shit even though it was late September in upstate New York. Now this fake ass bitch gon take a snapchat video of my crackhead ass trippin and put it on his story for everyone to see. Needless to say after that day ain’t nobody fuck with Molly ever again. One good thing did come out of it tho, Peanut, Jelly, and I became real tight after that. And what became of Becky you ask? She made sure to steer clear of all 3 of us and my friends lol because they threatened to cut that hoe. Moral of the story children? Don’t trust white people.

girlgroups changing their concept (esp if from girl crush/whatever to cute): oh my god here we go again .. cant they just stick to one thing ..  absolutely no identity.. how do they plan on being remembered that way?? disappointed.. i miss their 1895 BC era.. this is trash and the reason why im not a big gg fan.

boygroups changing their concept: oh my god!! im SO excited . oppas are finally coming back (for the fifth time in a year)!! kings. digital monsters. i love that they experiment so much! they are never the same boring thing. thats what real artists look like.. i would let satan eat my ass with his tail for theml!!! 

shit my friends insist i said more than once sentence starters;
  • ❝can you believe my sister commented on my last instagram picture that i look like satan?❞ 
  • ❝listen… i may be tiny but my kicks can reach very high don’t try me. ❞
  • ❝ actually, you’ve got it all wrong, darling. my middle finger salutes you. ❞
  • ❝ i look like shit, this is exactly why no one wants to date me. ❞
  • ❝ did you know in that in eighth grade i kicked someone’s knee and broke it? ❞
  • ❝ he deserved it, no one fucking compares me to a semi-trailer and gets away with that. ❞
  • ❝ do i look like my brother’s keeper to you? ❞
  • ❝ the best thing that happens when couples combine their names on facebook is that you can block them both in one press. ❞
  • ❝ you know, it’s so weird that the saying is butterflies in your stomach, it should me just flies because usually the person you fall for is a piece of shit. ❞
  • ❝ you know you should all just break up with your boyfriends and just date me, we could be each other’s sisters wives. ❞
  • ❝ yes it is morning, good however it is not. ❞
  • ❝ why do birthdays happens only once a year? i want to get birthday gifts every week.
  • ❝ i’m literally the biggest sinner in this city. ❞
  • ❝ how does my grandma always sees me from her window, for fucks sake, there’s a building in front of hers! ❞
  • ❝ i just hope my grandma won’t tell my mom she saw us kiss.. ❞
  • ❝ if you piss me off one more time i will throw my phone at your face. ❞
  • ❝ scaring people is kinda my thing. ❞
  • ❝ what do you mean thanks? bow down to your fucking queen. ❞
  • ❝ what do you mean thanks? lose your clothes. ❞
  • ❝ why yes, throwing water balloons at our boss is a good idea. ❞
  • ❝ well you see there’s thing thing called google, how about you use that instead of driving me nuts. ❞
  • ❝ oh for the love of god, all i wanted was a bit of silence and rihanna’s voice is that so fucking bad? ❞
  • ❝ we should watch porn together, that will be fun. ❞
  • ❝ who’s idea was it to do this again? ❞
  • ❝ i swear i’m a nice person once you get to know me. ❞
  • ❝ i am not a midget! i’m 5′0 for godness sake! ❞
  • ❝ when will the aliens save me from this awful planet? ❞
  • ❝ do you think anyone will notice if i burnt down the school? ❞
  • ❝ honestly, who cares, i mean if i break my leg then i will get babied by you so just push me off the bar i beg of you. ❞
  • ❝ i wish i was an ice cream cone. ❞
  • ❝ you can’t handle being punk rock, you can barely handle being cheesy pop. ❞
  • ❝ if you punch me in the face i’ll give you a dollar. ❞
  • ❝ honestly i’ll give everything for the hulk to fight me. ❞
  • ❝ i feel as if someone is baking me in an oven. ❞
  • ❝ do you think i’ll be a good wife? ❞

anonymous asked:

Hi! I really love your art and style and literally everything about it omg. You are my idol! but I wanted to ask you a question if you don't mind: How do you choose the colors you're going to use together because you use colors that are like the completely opposite but somehow they always look amazing after you've blended them. When I tried this, it looked like satan threw up a rainbow. Do you have any tips for me? ~ a very thankful anon :) (I'm sorry my english isn't the best)

LOL why thankyou!!!! tbh i used to rely a hell lot on overlay layers to harmonise my colours after i was done with them but warm colours always came naturally to me?? reading about colour theory didnt help me much either bc i’m someone who just relies on trial and error and going with your gut feeling.

you could try to get a sense of the range of hues that you natural find yourself gravitating towards and start small? just like how i used to just rely on and explore red:

and now pastel/peach!

anonymous asked:

kurt asking ur dad to marry u

Originally posted by orchid-bud

Title: Questions.
Pairing: Kurt Wagner x Female!Reader.
Words: 673.
Rating: T(Mentions of sex).


Kurt looked at your father with semi-serious eyes. There was a rather smothering atmosphere surrounded the two of them as he patted his fingers against his knees. They’d gotten through introducing themselves, though, in all technicality, that had met before. Once, if you really thought about it. Back then, your father was almost certain you weren’t going anywhere with Kurt, that it was what he, quote unquote said, “a dead relationship”.

“Would you like more tea?” Your mother finally had the guts to speak up, directing her question at Kurt, who simply smiled and shook his head.

“No, thank you.” His accent bounced around the room, and seemingly made your father flinch. “We… Well, really, it’s myself who came here with one thing in mind.”

“This house is mine, you are not moving in with (Name).” Your father sounded bemused, almost annoyed.

Kurt swallowed, “It’s not that, sir. It’s…”

Keep reading

  • Furihata: I wonder what Satan looks like .-.
  • Izuki: Well, first off, his name is Lucifer and he's a fallen angel. According to the Bible, he was supposed to be super gorgeous.
  • Furihata: Really :0?
  • Izuki: Yeah. I guess you could say he was ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)…
  • Hyuuga: Don't (-_ლ)
  • Izuki: …Fine as hell ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
  • [Izuki in hell with Satan] : (☞゚ヮ゚)☞ ☜(゚ヮ゚☜)
Hi my name is Akutagawa Ryunosuke and I have short ebony black hair (I also have an ability!) with white tips and black eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like satan (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Dazai but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a human but my teeth are pointy and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a mafia member, and I work for the Port Mafia in Yokohama (I’m twenty-one ). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly dark colours. I love the mall and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black coat with a white shirt under it and black pants, and black shoes. I was wearing a white shirt with a cravat. I was walking outside Yokohoma. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. Atsushi stared at me. I put my middle finger up at him.
—  Akutagawa Ryunosuke

okay I think the specific lighting of my room n the quality of my mirror in it makes me think I look really pretty…. whenever I look @ myself after I take a shower n I’m in the process of my skincare routine my skin honestly looks flawless. It’s like dewy peachy beautiful-ness but anytime I leave the house n I look @ my reflection in the car mirror I look like fucking satan on a bad day. *inserts oprah’s gif of so whats the truth*

When the whole squad looking fresh af
-
14 / 1 / 2015
This started off as a bad day for me, I thought I had missed out on the tickets for the signing and had cried on the train for an hour or so, only to find out that when I got to Melbourne that my sister had gotten the tickets for me (bless her soul) and I was good to go. When we got there, I can just recall going through that lineup, confused as to where to go, the table being well and truly above me, I knew I couldn’t get over there or close to them, but I looked up to see Matty staring at me, bopping around in his seat with a smile on his face, waving me over, soon realising that I couldn’t get through, Big Tam moved the barrier, welcoming me behind the table. I just remember Matty jumping down from the platform and basically skipping towards me with his curls bouncing around, quickly waving the other guys over. I remember being shocked by how tall George, Adam and Ross were, and how it was hard to speak to them due to the height difference, Matty seemed to be pleased with my wheelchair, almost running himself over whilst doing s, we laughed and he joked about how I “took my time.”, giving me a hug which somehow made me feel like everything was at peace- like they were more my friends than people in a band. As we got a photo, Matty was quick to sit incredibly close on my wheelchair. He took my CD, signing it, which I later realised he had written my name, which had confused me because I hadn’t told him until after. The rest of the guys walked over once again and signed the CD, me thanking them for everything they have done, then joking about how I felt so small around such tall people, to which Matty responded with a laugh and saying “Other than me, I’m tiny next to these lot. But here love.” and sat on the floor, to be at my height and talked to me for awhile longer, while my friend Sophie began to talk to the other guys, whilst I quickly handed the letter I had written to Matty, simply explaining that I wouldn’t have time to have a proper conversation with them, because I knew what those things were like, to which Matty raised his brows and said “Oh really?” then continued to talk for as long as he could before they had to go back, I can just remember him holding up the letter I had written, waving it around and saying “Well I have some reading to do then, hey?” with a grin, doing a dorky little shooting sign with his fingers, George and Ross taking selfies on our phones before thanking me for coming and returning to their seats. If you do ever get the chance to meet this band, do it, they are some of the most genuine people I’ve ever met in such situations.

Professor Layton characters according to my nana
  • Layton: If I saw him walking down the street right now, I'd think he was... well I see he's a professor, but I wouldn't think he was a professor. I'd think he's in a play. Is he an actor?
  • Luke: He looks like a little boy with lots of energy.
  • Emmy: She looks like a person that rides horses.
  • Jenis: She looks like a genie that came out of a bottle.
  • Descole: He looks like a spy. No! He looks like a guy who has magical powers. He's a super hero that's hiding who he really is. Because he's covered up from head to toe.
  • Flora: Well, she's cute. She looks like you, to be honest.
  • Don Paolo: Oh my! He looks mean, he looks evil, I'd run and hide from him if I saw him. He looks like satan. He's satan.
  • Anton: He's a guy?!
  • Katia: She looks like me.
  • Sophia: She looks like a princess, ready for the ball, but she isn't at the ball. She's just walking around the castle.
  • Dimitri: He looks like Michael Jackson.
  • Clive: He looks like a nice, smart, young boy who I'd be friends with.
  • Claire: She looks like a mom about to go to work.
  • Arianna: She looks like a girl in uniform, about to go to school, in the 7th grade.
  • Tony: He looks like a French boy who has been riding his bike too long with a helmet. Because his hair is all WOOSH!
  • Clark: He looks like a doctor- WAIT NO! He looks like Trump.
  • Brenda: She looks like a mother with a baby and has been holding the baby, so her hair is pushed to the side so the baby won't pull on her hair.
  • Randall: He looks like a young boy attending college.
  • Henry: He looks like he tries to be smart, but he really isn't.
  • Angela: She looks like a pregnant woman who is upset.
  • Grosky: Oh my. He looks like a Russian mobster.
  • Desmond: He looks like a girl dressed as a guy. (Me: tells her that he's Descole) WHAT?! I knew he was hiding something!
  • Raymond: He looks very smart.
  • Bronev: Oh my. He looks like he's a teacher, presenting to the class about information he's gathered, but no one's paying attention.
  • Alfendi: Oh Jimmeny Christmas. He looks like a scient- No! He looks like a pediatrician. He's tall, and he's got the coat.
  • Lucy: She looks like a horse jokey, thinking about what horse she's gonna ride next...
  • Justin: *starts laughing* He looks like a clown that's not in his full outfit yet!
  • Hilda: She reminds me of Cinderella's stepmother. Her nose is in the air, acting like she's everything.

Hi my name is Kurt Wagner and I have short ebony black hair (I can also teleport!) with blue streaks and a long blue tail that reaches my mid-back and sunshine yellow eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like satan (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to warren but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a mutant but my teeth are pointy and white. I have pale blue skin. I’m also a circus performer, and I go to a school called Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters in Westchester where i’m in the first year (I’m seventeen). I’m blue (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly dark colours. I love the mall and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a blue sweater with black and red trim with a black shirt under it and brown pants, and no shoes. I was wearing blue lipstick, blue foundation, black eyeliner and blue eyeshadow. I was walking outside Xavier’s. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of students stared at me. I put my middle finger up at them.

anonymous asked:

AMELIA U ARE BEAUTIFUL AND UR SCHOOL PIC LOOKS AMAZING DON'T LET ANYONE SAY OTHERWISE I L O V E Y O U -totally 100% not jemnya

HECC U JEMNYA I LOOK LIKE SATANS POSSESSED DEMON SPAWN IN THAT PIC