chicago, los angeles, toronto
Chicago: What do you ache for?
I suppose… I think I could trace all my longings, my infatuations and daydreams and the pulls I feel when reading or looking at or listening to something beautiful to a deep and aching desire for my life to be poetic, or cinematic, or novelistic. I want a story like all the extraordinary people admire, not that I think I’m particularly extraordinary myself, but I’ve always wanted mystery and adventure put it down to being an avid reader since my developmental stages - I was reading Harry Potter by the time I started school thanks to my teacher mother). I love the Jeff Buckley quote ‘I just wanted to have a completely adventurous, passionate, weird life’ and I think that’s the primary ‘distant star’, the ache I have from which all of my other longings spring as a sort of attempt to find that strange, sometimes melancholy greyscale world I’ve always imagined I would live in.
Los Angeles: What would you change about yourself?
There are a lot of things about me which are probably not ideal, but maybe this is true of everybody and I think the main thing I struggle with about myself is my timidity. I’m not sure if it springs from any particular event in my life, I’ve just always been shy and I think it’s prevented a lot of things from happening to me. I have some horrible shyness which makes other people nervous to approach me. I’ve been trying to be more assertive (my new year’s resolution for 2015 was to ‘be ruder’) but it’s a struggle. Being shy, self-contained and generally happy with being alone means I can genuinely see myself spending most of my life on my own and I’m not sure how much I want that. I don’t know what I want! I also think it would make me a very hard person to live with.
Toronto: Describe your ideal partner.
Well, he (or she, who knows what will happen) would certainly have to understand and respect my need for space. I would have to be comfortable to do my own thing if we were living together, they would have to understand that being separate doesn’t mean we’re not together. They probably would have to read a lot, and go with me to the cinema and put up with me talking about films and books. I’d love to be able to have with them the conversations I have with my father - we’re both very interested in culture and arts and ideas and have really long stimulating discussions which is a very special thing to be able to have with someone. I would hope I trusted them with advice and they did me. They would have to prefer the city to the country, and enjoy travel, and wandering aimlessly about cities with me, just exploring. They’d also have to be very patient because I can be quite hotheaded, especially when provoked and I don’t think two hotheads in my case would allow for a peaceful relationship. They would have to have drive and passion for something (other than me) and value hard work. Also they have to like my cooking!! that is a deal-breaker!!!
thank you for asking xx