My brother ate two Christmas pies so now he has to eat two more.

Hey. You might remember my turd of a little brother from when he ate all my Halloween candy so I forced him to watch 40 minutes of nothing but commercials.

I’m back home for the holidays, and that little sh*t is back at it again. Our angel of a grandmother, who cooked Christmas dinner two days ago, brought two pies for dessert. Everyone was stuffed, so she couldn’t even give that shit away, and left the pies for my family to eat at our leisure.

Fast forward to today, and my father opens the refrigerator and looks in the bags to find two empty pie tins. Just left there. Empty. As if to mock him.

Haunted by unfulfilled hopes of apple crumbcake and pumpkin pie, he went apeshit yelling at my little brother. That motherfucker ate one whole pie the day after Christmas, then the other whole pie yesterday. No one got a single piece. I honestly don’t even know how he did it– it must’ve been while my dad was napping and I was running errands– twice. TWICE. TWO DAYS IN A ROW. This kid is 19 years old. He went to preschool but apparently failed to retain the concept of “sharing.”

As my dad kept yelling, Chris’s remorseless laughter kept escaping. Because he is a monster.

After threatening physical violence over the loss of pie, my dad exited the house. I assumed it was to cool down, but I was wrong. He comes back into the house with two pies. Oh, good, I thought, He’ll make Chris watch while we eat pie and he gets none.

Wrong. That brilliant, pie-loving bastard instructs me to take a slice for myself and a slice or him, and then makes Chris sit down at the table. He must now eat one and a half pies without getting up from the table. They’re both apple and I hope he doesn’t barf. He says he’s feeling fine but he still has a whole pie to go.

Petty Revenge: Internet`s best petty revenge stories are here. | cr


“I Left My Chill At Home”

I met my new lifting partner off of tumblr and holy shit she is so cool. Shout Out to the Community for bringing us together. We even lifted matching bracelets that say “Partners In Crime” (how cute and ironic)

So there’s a lot of prices so I’ll just give the grand total.

Together, we lifted $1,786.17 

And the highlight was that every single store we went into had absolutely no care in the world. Nobody even approached us. Like the lifting gods opened up Heaven for us. UNATTENDED FITTING ROOMS AT VS. ZERO FLOOR ASSOCIATES AT ULTA. HOT FREAKIN DAMN.

New method I used at VS was that I bought this huge purse from H&M (mostly because I couldn’t believe I found such a nice bag for not $100 and it was a perfect lifting bag) And I went into VS and stuffed all the lifted stuff in the purse and put packing stuff over it. That way my actual purse is clear and if they look, its just a brand new purse in my giant bag

Anyhoe, thats all for today! Feel free to ask questions ♥

anonymous asked:

What happened to give you bad luck??

idk i like?? i used to dream about my grandfather a LOT but i havent in?? months?? and last night i dreamt about going home and he was there and we shot the shit over smtn stupid and i left. and then i woke up and like,, i went downstairs to get breakfast right? the first bowl i go to pick up is lodged into another one absurdly badly so i get the next one down. i pour my cereal and open the fridge and woop. no milk. so i pour the cereal back intot he box and turn around w my foot out to cross the kitchen and knock one of the dogs food bowls across the kitchen, leaving a wake of kibble everywhere. so im like well fuck this ill just get water. but between getting ice in my cup and walking to the sink i dropped the fucking cup and the ice went everywhere. so im like ??? !!!! ill just get a poptart and leave but lo and behold!! were out of poptarts.

so im hungry and cranky bc what the fuck. 

anonymous asked:

How long were u in school for

i did 2 years of mostly generals & a few nursing classes at a big school but i wasn’t in the right mindset and just crammed before my exams and wasn’t retaining any info. i was getting good grades but realized i didn’t know shit and in that profession i could kill someone if i didn’t know what i was doing. Also all i wanted to do was go home…so I left, took a year off, went back to a tiny tiny school closer to home (where I’d actually be held accountable for my knowledge because my teachers know me personally, rather than a professor not even knowing my face/name & who could give a shit less if I was doing bad), and started all over again (minus some of my credits transferring)…that took me 2 years to get my associates degree. 


Photolog #4 of 2016

So yesterday was a bit of a shit day. I went to a roller disco training, and realised that not all things on skates appeal to me 100% - in particular, moving on the spot without actually skating is pretty tedious for me, as it turns out. I left after only 2hrs and went home to study a bit (also decided to give in to some of the unacceptable uses of the word “Cappuccino” that are out there, and trying out an ice one - not a terrible experience, but also not one I’m dying to repeat). Also I smeared my eyeliner at some point, and I have no idea how long I walked around with that on my face). I tried making a “diet pizza” but that went wrong and just shitty things happening all around. Yay. At least work is keeping my mind occupied.

I’m sad and lonely and I want to cuddle and be adorable and happy and I’m craving physical contact from someone I love but like not necessarily talking just lying there, head on her chest and being calm. but like k who do I do that with my mom just took my dog and left so I’m home alone. I just want to stop giving a shit about the world and have someone to cuddle and kiss and be cute with why is this so hard to accomplish

dear diary,

last night pillowtalk came out, the single and the video, and i woke up with my hands still shaking. i left my headphones at home but it was okay. mr rehak was being an ass but it was okay. after school we did scioly and it was great, stressful fun, it stresses me out but gives me such a sense of accomplishment. more than performing. projects and tasks give me such satisfaction. but yes then i went to coffeehouse which needed a better vibe and i always want to dance more, but i sang and i danced and people i respect said they liked my shit and i was w a lot of different people i liked and then we went to the game and it was emotional because (a) bridge over troubled water, (b) ally’s friends made a thank you speech, © standing ovation for ally, and then rigHT after that, (d) wylie said ms j is pregnant. i CRIIIEIIEEED sooo much I love her so much so theres a lot of reasons i cried today

im fuckin livid

I brought home a plate of food from the dominican shop gave a bit to my sister and left the rest for you know when I’m hungry…my mom decided to give my grandma some (whatever no worries) then tells me to come eat. I open the box and all that’s left is 17 grains of rice, a half eaten wing, cold hard plantains and piece of a drumstick soaking in oil.

i dont know if I should be upset at the fact that I paid money to not eat or that my mom really just tried me like that

I should have stayed home today. I should have agreed when my mom asked if I should go back to sleep. I should have told my mentor that things are bad. I should have told my roommate that I’m too tired to see anybody right now. I should have just packed my bag and left for somewhere. But what’s the point? It’s not exactly going to make me feel better, it’s just going to underline the fact that I feel like shit and that the help I’m supposed to recieve doesn’t work.

And I just… I don’t know, I just want to give up. I want to stay away from school, ask my mentors to leave me alone and let me feel like shit on my own.

I should have stayed home today

dtfstella asked:


I saw the ‘present’ your bitchass left in my dorm the other night. I actually didn’t know there was a dog park around here. So I’ll give you props for finding it. But you got the wrong bed. Now you have beef with someone you probably don’t even know. I give you props for that too.

Anyway I think I’m gonna dip. Do the home schooling thing again. This place stinks, even before your little dog crap prank. You’re a pretty solid chick though. Just not as great as me. Keep  fucking shit up. you’re not bad at it

The jacket Hardy has on in the picture, I shit you, I have one. Or had one, it was in my room before I left for England. I came home and my room had been done up. I flung all the shit my mother put in the attic out, my jacket wasn’t there. I’ve not seen it in like a year and she swears she hasn’t binned it. If she has binned it I swear to god I’ll be so pissed off. 


There are just days where I just want to be like “I’m fucking done.” Right now it’s one of those days mostly towards my boyfriend who I hardly ever talk or see. Seriously today is super bowl Sunday, which I give no shits about, but still he could’ve at least invited me to go with him where he was going to go watch the game after I was done doing my shit. All I did was go to a baby shower that I left early cause it was fucking boring and I text him if he was gonna be home and he replies saying that he’s not. So I message him back oh cause I wanted to see you cause I’m leaving the baby shower early, guess what I don’t get a fucking reply or anything. An hour and a half goes by and I say fuck it I’ll go to my friends house since she’s having like a super bowl get together to get it off my mind. Don’t get me wrong I had a fun time with my friends I love them to death they kept me distracted. There was a point though where I tripled text him “Why are you not home?” “I wanted to see you.” “ANNOYED.” I STILL GOT NO FUCKING ANSWER! Now it’s been three hours since then and it’s making me feel like crap. I haven’t seen him in a while, I miss him so much to the point where I’m just crying while typing this. I really hate him right now, I just want to punch him, hug and kiss him just so I can feel that he’s there. I know y'all might not even look at this or won’t care but I just needed a place to rant. I’m most likely gonna screen shot this and send it to him anyways.


January 27-30, 2016: The day after Australia Day was rough. I went to work and barely made it through. I came home to all the girls vegging out. We spent the night watching shit tv and drinking tea. Thursday, early in the morning - Emma O left with Alex and Vicky to do their farm work. Emma was my first friend in the flat and the last of the original 108 girls to move out. It was sad to see her go, especially with Alex and Vicky as they were hella cool girls who I got on with really well. I woke up early to see them off, to give my goodbye hugs and to promise I will see them in Leeds! Work the rest of the week was tough but I made it through til Friday. Emma and Lilly were leaving the next day to Bali and then back to Germany so a couple of us went out to cargo to have some leaving drinks. It was an awesome night reminiscing over the memories we all had in 108. We all knew it wasn’t going to be the same anymore and I was sad to see my two favourite German girls leave. We drank beers and danced all night before heading over to the casino for a couple more. We actually tried to get into Pontoon first under false pretence that we were there to surprise Laura but that didn’t work haha. We had another drink at the casino before Anneka wanted McDonald’s. Anneka Lilly and I took a cab (as Anneka refused to walk lol) got our maccas and then made our way home. Saturday I woke up early and hungover. It was race day for joeys birthday so I quickly got ready and then hopped on the train to redfern. I met her boyfriend Saul’s friends - Emma and Jason and we drank bottles of wine before heading off. It looked to be a beautiful day and the racecourse itself was amazing. I liked it much better than Randwick. We bet and drank coronas and champagne and even won a couple races! I ate my first meat pie which wasn’t too bad. Although I don’t think I would choose to have one again haha. Then the weather turned super quick and we were caught in the middle of a massive storm. We gave up on the races and headed back to redfern soaking wet. We went to the bottle-O and picked up some drinks while having a quick beer there. Then the boys headed to dominos and picked up a bunch of $5 pizzas. I fell asleep, quick cat nap haha, before we all got up and had drinks in the kitchen. Emma and Jason ended up leaving as Emma had to work in the morning, but Joey’s roommates all came home and we ended up having an old fashioned kitchen dance party! It was so much fun and reminded me so much of home. Something I needed dearly. Amazing day and night and I’m glad I got to spend it with my tomato!

norted asked:

okay so. probably the only time i ever made a move on a guy irl, i didn't have my phone on me for some stupid reason... he was working the register at a convenience store and i brought my niece in to get her an ice cream before we dropped her off at home and i shit you not i literally made my mom turn around when we were almost home so i could write my phone number on a napkin and awkwardly give it to him. scariest thing i've ever done... and i've been on a motorcycle. u can do this, we believe.


The moment is over though haha, he left a long time ago! And it’s alright, you know? Just trying to tell myself things will happen when they’re supposed to haha, I shouldn’t be so desperate for things to start! But thank you so much, it’s so cute to hear your braveness!

omg I fucking hate math. I just took the final and I know I failed bc I was guessing on everything. My calculator crapped out and kept giving me error screens, so I failed it. I can just feel it. And then my teacher has the nerve to say “easiest final you’ve ever taken, right?”
And I’m just sitting here ready to cry bc I needed an A in this class and I have 85 percent and I left the extra credit at home and the only reason I took this fucking class was to get into my dream college and they deferred me so I had to reapply but idk if I got in yet so I can’t even drop the class at the semester until I KNOW that I was rejected and I just really hate math.
And I hate the fact that I gave up.
And I hate that I don’t even give a fuck about this shit anymore
I used to love school. I used to love math.

As soon as I get over one thing… There’s always another thing that’s literally killing me inside. And these situations aren’t something that manifests itself because I create it… It’s because literally my life is one fucking joke. My home life is so fucked up. My financial security is way over fucking due. People come and go. I’m an emotional fucking wreck. Literally, my life is a piece of shit. And it has been this way since my mom left… Trying my best to keep composure and look forward to the better days… But I swear there’s nothing left to look forward to… I don’t know how I can come back from any of these things… I just want to give up so so fucking bad.