sorry the old rika can’t come to the phone right now… why? oh.

because she’s dead

Strip Tutoring // Jeff Atkins // requested

Request : please do a jeff atkins imagine but please dont let him die there iM BEGGIN U

This imagine doesn’t mention his death or the party or anything! Just a regular ‘dating Jeff Atkins’ imagine. Lol

Requests are closed. xx

Warnings : not really smut but… stripping ?…. cheeky!Jeff

Pairings : Jeff x Fem.Reader

Originally posted by jeffreysatkins

Originally posted by ardevaas88

Walking into the library, my eyes scanned over everyone’s faces until I saw my boyfriend sitting with Clay. He looked irritated and pinched the bridge of his nose. Taking a seat at the table, Jeff’s eyes lit up.

“Hey babe.” He smiled. 

I grinned, “How’s he doing, Clay?”

“Depends. Did Abraham Jefferson write the Declaration of Independence?” Clay responded smartly. 

Keep reading

out in the back of the church we told each other we’d grow up and keep being odd with our fingertips stained and our knees all bruised and you took a deep breath and told me that you can’t teach a fish to climb a tree and if someone tried to make you survive through a lifetime of cubicles you’d explode like a firework and i laughed and said okay what color firework 

i figured you’d say something sarcastic and strange like chartreuse or evergreen or wintermint

but you looked at me with those eyes that meant you had glimpsed something of your future and sort of hated it and you said “you know the color you feel when someone you love slowly forgets you”

and i swallowed hard and said yes, yes i had lived through a couple of those

you looked at the sky then. “i’d be one of those,” you said, “a whole sunset of them.” 

Context: Currently our four person party has split up to try and find information on how to contact the Matrons of the underground city we are in, as they are the only ones who can help us try and get our bodies back. Karlie, a previous half-elf, now dwarf ranger and Salt, a previous dragon-born, now wood elf witch (me) have reached a brothel where after a few questions, we now have a lead on were they can find one of the Matrons son. Previously, due to the body swap, Salt has lost her son, which due to her witch archetype of Matriarch, she needs a child to get advantage on saving throws and ability checks. So this is where I decide to try and remedy that

Karlie (OOC): So are we done here?

Salt (OOC): Wait hold up. (In character, to the Brothel owner) Excuse me, I have an odd request.

DM: Certainly! We have plenty fine specimen here to help you with any needs you may have.

Salt: Alright, well to be frank I just need sperm? 

The entire party starts to laugh.

Salt: You see I have no need for physical pleasures and I just need to get pregnant so…

DM: Well I’ll show what we have and then you can decide, hmm?

Karlie: *completely done with me already* I’m staying here!

After a brief conversation, and seeing as I seem uninterested in the men the owner has shown me, the DM then says.

DM: Well, we do have one more, (she laughs,OOC) okay so the Owner of the Brothel leads you upstairs to a large suite, with a round king size bed in the center. On that bed is a completely naked dragon-born who is in a “paint me like one your french girls” pose with a sheet covering his crotch.

I start to cackle as the guy who plays Karlie screams into his hands.

Salt: Oh yes definitely this guy. Okay so do you have a bucket he can just jack and go in?

DM (OOC): You’re gonna have to role disadvantage for the bucket.

Salt: Oh, um (OOC) I need a second opinion. I go get Karlie and bring him upstairs.

Karlie (OOC): NO

Salt: So I don’t know what to do here, and I need to get pregnant, but I don’t want to do him.

Karlie: If you won’t do him I will.

Salt (OOC): *Laughing* okay, fine, I do it.

DM: Do you role to have a good time?

Salt (OOC): Okay sure. *roles a 18*

DM: You have a VERY good time.

Karlie (OOC): Karlie is just sobbing into his hands downstairs. 

Salt (OOC): So am I pregnant?

DM: Yeah, congratulations!

I cheer and fist bump the air as the Karlie player lays his head on the table.  

Fast forward to the final boss fight, Karlie pulls a card from his Deck of Many Things. The party seeing the DM smile, fear the worst.

DM: Okay I can’t believe I’m doing this but Karlie flings his card down onto the ground and there is a bright flash of light and there stands Salt’s baby daddy, completely naked, because you pulled the summon a level four fighter. 

I die of laughter as Karlie’s player actual dies.

fanfic prompts for writers

send a number and pairing to the blogger!

  1. we pretend to be a couple to get on a couples game show and win the prize money
  2. laundry mix-up, we have to find a way to exchange our bags, but I don’t know how to tell you your DC underwear sucks- marvel is better
  3. I need to save you from the beep test before one of us passes out
  4. you are the announcer at an event, I am the participant, you accidently hit on me during the game/fair/dance & I go to talk to you after I stop laughing
  5. “okay, so you’re looking for our daughter who time traveled here?”
  6. you are the witch/wizard on 9th street and I am the poor patron who’s cursed been cursed by a succubus. Help me.
  7. your sexy dance is giving me a migraine, I go to show you how it’s done
  8. We are both in limbo and our deaths were somehow connected, we don’t know how, but we might as well go together to find out
  9. I am the museum curator and you can’t sleep inside the exhibit!! Stop moving the displays around at night for fun 
  10. DND game gone wrong
  11. revolution is upon us, I am the plucky newspaper reporter sent to stab you, you are the moderate trying to stop the bloodshed
  12. “Okay, I have to draw your freckles. Right now.”
  13. there is a rogue Roomba in our dorm playing music in the middle of the night, I go to try and track down the owner
This Valentines Day
  • Whether you're spending it longing
  • Fisherman: Would you stop putting chocolates in the ocean? You're probably poisoning the dolphins!
  • Laughing
  • Laurens: Okay, way way mon amay Jeh mapple Lafayette?
  • Lafayette: *chokes on drink*
  • Working
  • Mulligan: If someone asks me to sew one more pair of god damn assless chaps for another "valentines day surprise" I'm swear to god
  • Traveling
  • Madison: Sir you smell like you haven't showered in weeks
  • Jefferson: I know isn't France great
  • Or even mourning
  • Burr: Dear Theodosia, what to say to you...
  • Just remember th-
  • *cough*
  • Just reme-
  • *cough*
  • What is that loud coughing nois-
  • Peggy: AND PEGGY!
  • Oh, right! Ahem
  • Or even being forgotten
  • Peggy: Finally thank y- heYWAITASEC-
  • JUST remember that no matter how you're spending your Valentine's Day
  • Eliza: *opens door to Alexander with a half eaten box of chocolate*
  • You're always loved
  • Hamilton: Mmrph?
  • Eliza: *sigh* I love you too honey
  • ~<3