i-just-have-a-lot-of-feelings

10

happy 28th birthday kim minseok! I’ve only be lucky enough to celebrate your special day 4 times, but I hope that in the future that you’ll always be happy and healthy. it’s hard to express the unbound affection I have for you, but I’ll try my best! I hope that when you face hardship, you continue to persevere; to work hard no matter what and to never give up your dreams. regardless of your success or failures, I will always look at you with kind eyes. no matter what you decide to do in life, I will try to support you to the best of my abilities. you have so much time ahead of you, I’m certain that you’ll be able to touch even more hearts like you have with mine and so many others already. thank you for being my sunshine on a cloudy day. thank you for always inspiring me, for always giving me a reason to try harder, and helping to better myself as a person. I’m glad we are able to grow together like this, following our own respective paths. I hope that you only have to walk the flower road, but I do understand that every person must face obstacles and hardship to grow and improve as a person. no matter what, I hope that everything you face help shape you into the person you will be tomorrow and way into the future. while I don’t know everything you have gone through, I do know that whatever most of it was, it has helped mold you into the person I see you now. far from perfect, since we’re all human, I still adore you anyways. your flaws that you might nitpick about, the haters who try to bring you down, please know that me and so many others will be here to support you and to lift you up from those painful times. your family, your members and your friends are there for you and that brings comfort to me to know that you’re not alone. regardless of what the future may bring, be unabashedly yourself and don’t be afraid to show the world just how amazing you are.

anonymous asked:

I would not be opposed to hearing your Lost feelings...

FRIEND I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE FEELS THIS WAY. I will take your neutrality as a cue to share my most important thoughts about Lost, with spoilers for everything:

  • I know that daddy issues and baby-having issues are the focal points of the first three seasons intentionally but god am I glad when we move past those to the equally-societally-pressing issues of time travel and the Dharma Initiative.
  • We all talk about what a terrible leader Jack is and that is totally true but when your choices are Jack and Locke I honestly think I would choose Jack, who is an equal level of fuck-up but not mesmerized by the magic of the island.
  • There’s a very careful balance of batshit that I like in my Lost. Seasons one and two are too fairly-straightforward for me; if I want to watch people fighting on an island I watch Survivor. But once the Dharma initiative comes into play and the Others are there and there’s fucking TIME TRAVEL I am delighted. But then they introduce Jacob (as an actual actor rather than as an invisible figurehead) and I’m like “This is maybe a bridge too far?”
  • Ana-Lucia’s death is an actual fucking tragedy and I am never going to be over it.
  • What was even the POINT of killing off both Boone and Shannon within half a season of each other? They’re SIBLINGS, kill one off to prompt misery in the other! I am annoyed at how uneconomical the storytelling is to off them both.
  • I feel like there are a lot more comments about Hurley’s weight than I remembered from my first watch. That’s a part of the show that has not aged well.
  • Sawyer/Juliet is everything and I am always surprised by how much a canon het ship hits me but THERE YOU GO I GUESS. I always get through seasons three and four like “Why do I not feel more for Kate/Juliet that should be my thing?” and then hey check it out season five happens MY HEART WAS SAVING ITSELF FOR THAT. Also I totally don’t care about Sawyer for three seasons to the point that his flashback episodes bore me and then in season four I’m Invested and then season five and he’s LaFleur and I’m like FUCK I GET IT NOW
  • I spend a lot of time feeling bad that Daniel Dae Kim doesn’t get more to do because I love him.
  • I want so badly to care more about Kate than I do.
  • Ben Ben Ben Ben BEN i love Ben he’s a sociopath with no redeeming value and I love that they never try to make him more than that, including when he’s a child. Like I am sure there’s a fan base saying “Some people? Murder the entire Dharma Initiative? To cope????” but the show doesn’t support that and that pleases me.
  • On that note I hope everyone has watched the Skullcrusher Mountain fanvid for Lost because it’s the best.
  • I can never tell if the show wants me to believe that everyone’s level of fuck-uppery is equal and that’s why they’re all on the island, or just that they all feel the same level of guilt and that’s why they’re all on the island, but I would really like a third option where I don’t need to rationalize how their backgrounds are equal.
  • One cool thing about having OCD is that when I’m in sessions with my therapist and talking about my issues with numbers sometimes I think about how I sound like literally everyone on the show circa s2 and crack up in the middle of what should be my focus on my mental health.
  • Here is something that has happened to me multiple times now: I see an actor and I’m like “HOLY SHIT HE LOOKS FAMILIAR WHAT DO I KNOW HIM FROM” and it turns out it’s from earlier in the series. It wasn’t a “Hey it’s that guy” situation, it was a continuity one. I am literally the worst at watching this show.
  • I really hate Desmond and I know he’s a fan favorite but his pursuit of Penny always feels more stalkerish than romantic to me.
  • Except for his relationship with Charlotte I love Daniel Faraday with all my heart. Variable > constant 4eva
  • I keep remembering all the Lost fic I wanted to write that I never wrote and feeling vaguely guilty about it but also like there’s not enough of a fandom for me to care to write it now, especially when it would mostly be crossovers.
  • I’ve never rewatched season six before (although I loved it on first watch, INCLUDING THE FINALE, FIGHT ME (but maybe not yet I haven’t rewatched it yet)), but I am really looking forward to seeing the flash-sideways again and I’m kind of ashamed of myself for feeling that way but I’m super excited about the moments when everyone remembers they know each other are and also where Juliet finally shows up.

HOW DO YOU ALL FEEL?

.

OKAY BUT SO MUCH HAS CHANGED KNOWING WHAT WE KNOW IN EPISODE 10???

victor was just chillin at this banquet and this guy who lost miserably shows up and starts a dance off?? this is a formal ass banquet like

and he starts this wild dance off and takes off his jacket and yurio joins in and victor is havin a good time in the background

and theN VICTOR JOINS HIM. and let me just say victor looks like he is having SO MUCH FUN. LOOK AT HOW HAPPY HE IS.

like this boring banquet turns into victor finding this adorable guy who gets drunk and starts a dance off and strips and pole dances, and they dance together and they’re already so happy and comfortable together, having so much fun. and this guy dances on him and grinds on him and tells him all about japan and where he’s from and how he should be his coach. and victor is GONE he is HEAD OVER FUCKING HEELS.

then victor after GPF he has kinda lost motivation and doesn’t know what’s next. and then this video goes viral of some guy skating his routine from GPF. AND IT’S THE ADORABLE DRUNK GUY FROM THE PARTY. so now victor is like time to take up his offer.

he shows up in his hot spring and is like time to be your coach!!!!

and then all his advances

make so much more sense. he probably just ends up thinking “he’s probably more shy when he’s sober!” but he does think that yuuri remembers it. and he’s so confident in his eros because BOY HE HAS SEEN IT.

victor wasn’t just teasing with a flirty personality. this was legitimate flirting. victor has been trying to get with yuuri this whole time.

we thought yuuri was chasing after victor, hoping for victor to notice him…. but in reality victor was chasing yuuri. he flew across the globe chasing after him. 

3

garrison trio is best trio imo

(i was gonna draw pidge dancing w/ everyone else but then i got tired so X_X churned out these haha)

Ok but I’ve been binge watching the Narnia movies again, after not having seen them for a long ass time, and now, being a little older and (hopefully) a little more mature than I was when I first saw them, I always feel physically sick when I see the Pevensies being children after The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe because they just aren’t anymore and I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like, to grow up as kings and queens, respected and important, and full of duty, only to go back to being 8 years old (in Lucy’s case).

They didn’t remember England, or the wardrobe, or their old lives, they were Narnians and they were pushed back, not only into a world that was bound to make them miserable, but also into bodies that couldn’t reflect what they’d been through.

Just imagine Peter, waking up in the morning, not remembering that he isn’t the Magnificent anymore, imagine him subconsciously reaching for something to trim his beard, only to remember that it isn’t there anymore, to expect old battle wounds to hurt until he realises that they can’t because he doesn’t have them.

Or Edmund, who left England a stubborn selfish little boy who only wanted his mummy back, and came back the Just, the redeemed traitor, the diplomat, the man, having to resort to being ten years old and probably not even allowed to peek at a newspaper because he’s just a child after all. He plays chess, incredibly well, he doesn’t mock his siblings anymore and all the friends he knew when he was still a boy are either irritated at his behaviour or too childish, too selfish for somebody who knows very well just what selfishness can do, who has a part of the White Witch in him, always.

Susan forgets, we all know that. She must’ve lain awake at night, remembering just what it felt like to cover pain and viciousness and gore with a smile and a blush, remembering being the Gentle, but never in war. She must’ve cried for all the lost years, for all that she learnt and that she can never forget, for all that she has accomplished, that will bring her nothing in this world that doesn’t feel like hers. So she sits down in front of a mirror, talks herself out of believing, telling herself that it wasn’t real, that it was just a dream, that this Narnia her siblings talk about is nothing but a game.
The truth is too terrifying, to devastating to face.

Lucy, little Lucy, who grew up under Mr Tumnus’ smiles and Aslan’s approving gaze, who was loved by all, who did learn how to rule, how to negotiate but who never forgot just what it means to be a queen of Narnia, this girl who matured into a woman, who had a woman’s mind and body and a queen’s grace, she who they called the Valiant, the lion’s daughter, she shrank into herself, into a child, younger than even her siblings. She remembers, clearest of them all, she is the only one who still knows Mr Tumnus’ face, still knows Aslan, but she is just a girl, a pretty little thing who will never be the queen she was, who will never be the woman she was because queenship forms a person in ways no schools can.

They must’ve been devastated when they tumbled to the floor, short and small, and there’s a war they have no control over and Lucy is small, Edmund is skinny, so skinny and Peter and Susan have lost their glow and they’ve changed, they’ve changed so much. (The first time, somebody calls them by just their names, they feel invalidated and small. And offended. They’re kings and queens, they’ve earned their titles and now they have to sit in a dim room filled with children and listen to teachers, have to allow themselves to be insignificant and nothing more than what they were when Lucy first stepped into Narnia - frightened children in the middle of a war they wish was never there in the first place)

Just give me a chance


LMFAO U THOUGHT I WAS DONE? HA GUESS AGAIN


I don’t really like Lance sad but sometimes life puts you down but what’s amazing is what happens afterwards, after you overcome it. You’re ready to take over the world, you’re not the same person you were before, you became stronger than ever. Sometimes you just have to be pushed to your limits for you to grow and learn. Lance will overcome this and when he does, he will slay you all

listen,, i just can’t get over the fact that kent ‘once met ryan reynolds and he told him he was pretty’ parson is canonically one of the least chill people ever

honestly can you imagine him meeting tater at a bar after a game and tater who doesn’t have a single vindictive bone in his body slinging a very warm and muscley arm over kent’s shoulders and going, ‘little rat!! you win this time, next time i get you, yes??’

and meanwhile kent’s mind is just going, ‘you can get me right this goddamn second jesus flippity christ on a bicycle pick me up and fold me like a fuckin origami swan shit why is that sexy he’s so big abort abORT’ while playing a slo-mo slideshow of tater picking him up one-handed to the gentle strains of ‘gimme more’

and he kind of?? squeaks??? in response but really, tater is right there and he’s all nice smelling and weirdly handsome with his big nose and slightly wonky jaw and kent is kind of freaking out. at the same time tater is watching the blush spread under kent’s freckles and that’s the moment he decides, yes very good i’m going to keep this one

Imagine the Klance union scene like:

Keith, though he tells himself to hide it, can’t help but smile ear-to-ear when he sees Lance, safe and sound, making his way over to the rest of them.  Lance looks tired, like he’s been through hell, but the moment his eyes lay on Keith, his smile grows twice in size and he’s jogging over to them.  Lance hugs everyone, making his way down the line until he comes to stand in front of Keith.  His smile wavers, but there’s light in his eyes still.  

“Can I hug you?” It comes out quiet, afraid.  Like he was afraid Keith would reject him right then and there.  Keith can easily tell Lance is unsure and cautious, which frankly, is extremely out of character for him, but Keith appreciates it.

Keith doesn’t even answer, instead he wraps his arms around Lance and holds him tight, feeling all the anxiety and tension release from Lance’s body as his arms snake around Keith.  Lance’s hugs with the other paladins had only lasted a few seconds, but with Keith, it was longer.  Way longer.  

They finally break apart when Shiro directs their attention back to business, but they don’t move away from each other.  Instead, they stand shoulder to shoulder, almost like they’re assuring themselves that they’re both here, both safe, and will never let anything separate them again.

The first time Damian had a nightmare in front of Dick they were still getting started as Batman and Robin. Dick didn’t hesitate a moment when he heard his little brother’s distress. He slid into bed next to Damian ignoring Tim’s voice in his head chanting how dangerous Damian was and pulled the boy close to him. Because that’s what Damian was. A little boy terrified in the night, and Dick knew exactly what to do. He sung quietly until Damian fell back into a deep restful sleep.

The first time Jason was around Damian during one of the kid’s nightmares was an odd time for them both. Jason had somehow ended up watching him when they both came down with a cold. Damian had fallen asleep on his couch watching some horror movie Bruce would never allow. Jason had no idea what to do at first when Damian started thrashing on the couch. But then the boy cried out for his mother and Jason’s instincts kicked in as he carefully lifted Damian into his arms whispering soothing words, his arms a tight comfort.

Damian’s first nightmare around Tim was completely different. They’d been out fighting together and it had somehow turned into a mid-patrol argument. Out of the blue Tim took a bullet for Damian. Damian who’d been crowing about being a blood son. Damian whose blood didn’t match Tim’s and had to watch as Bruce found someone else to donate. Damian who crawled up next to his brother because his nightmare was losing the family he’d worked so hard to gain. And when Tim woke up, half aware of himself half on painkillers he knew exactly what to do when he found Damian stubbornly pressed against his side. He wrapped an arm around his brother and whispered the words. “It’s ok”

Bruce hadn’t been back but a few weeks when Damian had a nightmare. Grayson had stopped living with them and Damian was at the Manor. Strange and foreign he’d never admit to jumping at shadows in the night. He stood outside his fathers room for a solid half hour before going in. He had no idea what to expect from the man. He’d known distance so far, the opposite of Grayson’s warmth, but there was no one else. So he climbed into Father’s huge bed and perched at the edge. Happy to be close at least. A minute later Father was getting up and Damian had squished his eyes closed against any anger. Instead strong arms picked him up then they were lying together, Damian pressed against his father’s chest, stiff as a board because Father had never done this before. A hand pressed to his hair and Damian realized that his father had done this before. With each of his children. So Damian let himself relax and curl closer to his father who knew exactly what to do to comfort him.

You know who’s beautiful?

Viktor Nikiforov

You know who else is beautiful?

Yuuri Katsuki

You know who else is beautiful??

Everyone in the show and those around it.


Okay good night, just wanted to get that off my chest. Phew, feels good.

Last night episode was personally the best episode arrow has ever produced. This was a very deep character study of oliver queen. It tied perfectly to his time in the island, his state of mind when he came back to starling as the hood, and present day oliver. After all, they are the same man just in very different states of mind.

To understand this episode properly I think we must remember that for five years Oliver Queen was a slave of circumstances and others. For five years his entire existence was out of his control. He had no control over his circumstances, over his body, over how his body was shaped into a weapon and how his body was used as a means to an end. For five years Oliver Queen wasn’t treated as a human being but shaped into a weapon that you could use as you pleased to achieve whatever purpose you had. 

That matters because all that contributed to how and why Oliver slowly but surely stopped seeing himself as a person as a human being. Instead for five years the darkest side of human nature were fostered and used and abused. He was constantly pushed into dark headspaces were he still had no control. Slowly he began to think of himself as a monster who carried great darkness with him. He began thinking he was irredeemable. 

Talia confirmed that for him. She saw that monster and that darkness. And she provided him with a mask to channel that into action. Oliver bought into that. I think for him that was who he really was…he wasn’t someone he was something. something else. He was the weapon that was in the making for five years. 

When Oliver came back to Starling city he really didn’t think himself as a person he thought of himself as something. Oliver Queen was just a vessel for the monster. He needed him because it gave him a form but really all he cared about was The Hood. 

S1 Oliver probably did find pay off in killing and to an extent it did probably bring him a sort of enjoyment. Not in the sense that he wanted to kill just to kill but in the sense that he believed he was helping but also he was finally in control again. Killing gave him control. This is a man who for five years was used and abused and forced into a weapon. So yes, finally having control over your body and skills was probably exhilarating to him. S1 Oliver was darkness. He was a man who believed he was a monster and irredeemable but if he had to live he was going to be in control and try to do something good. That’s why he did. But at first he had no motivation to try to find another way because he had no concerns over his humanity simply because he didn’t believe he had one. 

This is why s1 Oliver struggled so much with reconnecting with his family and friends. This is why s1 Oliver couldn’t trust his best friend, mother, and sister  would love present day him because in his mind there was nothing left of that person. Now he was a weapon. He was darkness and a monster. He still loved them though. Oliver has always loved them. It doesn’t matter how people used him or how they destroyed his perception of himself the one thing he never lost was his ability to love his family and friends with everything he’s got. But even then he loved them in the best way he could and for him that was loving them by keeping them away from the monster he saw when he looked in the mirror. He wanted to let them believe he was still the man they loved and lost because that would help them. And he could give them that mask. 

I think that changed slowly through Diggle & Felicity because Diggle & Felicity met Oliver at his lowest and darkest time. When he had given up on his humanity and his ability to be someone other than a weapon. Earning their trust and love changed him because they saw goodness in him. This was later extended to Tommy, Moira and Thea. Tommy finding out his secret and before he died telling him he wasn’t all those awful things. Moira telling him she knew and she was proud of him. Thea reacting with love, support, and pride when she found out about his secret. All these things scraped the rust that had formed over his perception of himself. So yes, he started to believe he is a hero and that made all the difference in his life. Oliver found a purpose in his mission of helping people. 

Its a beautiful story because when Oliver told Prometheus his friends are his strength he wasn’t lying.

 Oliver’s entire journey has been shaped by love. The love he has for his family and friends and the love they have for him. The love he has because at the end of the day he guarded this in the deepest part of his heart and never let anyone take that from him. He never stopped loving them. Their love for him because in a way it slowly began to rescue him. Their love prove to him that he was worth loving that he must have some light in him- even when he didn’t know what that was. He knew it was there.

Now the hardest part is that unfortunately that is all not enough. It is not enough if he can’t love himself. And at the end of the day that has always been Oliver’s biggest and hardest battle. The one within. Learning to love himself again. Learning to believe in himself again. Learning to see himself as someone who is human, flawed, but at the end of the day still good and worth it. This is all something Oliver has to do for himself. Felicity can’t do it for him. Thea can’t do it for him. Diggle can’t do it for him. It is something only Oliver Queen can do for himself. 

I love Arrow and Oliver Queen because Oliver’s journey is one grounded on the resilience of the human soul and our ability to come back from the darkest of places and find goodness within ourselves. It is a journey about learning to love oneself despite our flaws and our darkest parts. It is about learning to harness the goodness and light without ignoring that most of us carry darkness within. It is about choosing to be good despite our losses, circumstances and flaws. 

Oliver’s most courageous battle has always been the one to save himself. 

my headcanons for real!graves include:

  • how he’d saved tina’s headstrong ass multiple times over her career and was the one to personally recommend her promotion to senior auror despite this
  • started checking in on Credence as a favor to Tina b/c he’s got a soft spot for orphans and hotheaded subordinates 
  • genuinely made the offer to teach Credence magic before Grindelwald ruined everything
  • he went to school with Picquery, back when he called her Phina, and they were fiercely competitive frenemies
  • worked with Picquery for over 20 years
  • he has the driest wit and could say the most outrageous thing with a straight face
  • his sense of justice is only matched by his protectiveness, esp. when it comes to his department of aurors
  • like he would literally take a magic bullet for any of them
  • he’s a lonely guy married to his work with no social life to speak of, his retirement plan consists of “die fighting the good fight”
  • nice clothes are his guilty pleasure and he’s secretly a flashy guy, aka scorpion collar pins
  • never throws his family name around and likes to think that he made it on his own merits
  • never forgets his secretary’s birthday, always lowkey gets her a gift
  • a little self-conscious about aging, has no idea how well he’s rocking that salt and pepper look 
  • truly just a dedicated wizard cop at heart

and that is why i cry at night thinking about how no one noticed Graves was replaced by a homicidal terrorist.

 

shout out to the trans kids who have come out and still aren’t recognized 

who’s family misgender and dead name them on a daily basis

who are told “it’s a phase” and they’ll “get over it”

who are told that their family wont help or support any kind of transition because their families can’t “morally agree with it”

who’s families act like a trans child is an inconvenience or something to be ashamed of

we deserve better