i-honestly-don't-know-what-this-is

Honestly, there are times when Johnlcok seems so explicit, starting from episode one, that I sometimes wonder whether they originally intended for the romance to be a deeply buried secret. I mean, obviously they wouldn’t have told us the ending; but there are moments when I can’t help wondering whether Mofftiss originally meant it to be a typical will-they-won’t-they romance, in which everyone watching wonders whether the couple will end up together. Because again—without the heteronormative lens and the assumption that the original Holmes and Watson were definitely straight, at the very least the possibility of a romance seems pretty blatant. 

For the record I don’t actually think that’s what happened; but it’s sort of a fun lens through which to imagine the writing process. So, just for the fun of it, I typed up a conversation imagining what might have been going through their heads during the writing process if they genuinely expected people to catch on from the start.

The ‘conversation’ is quite long, so I’m putting it below the cut:

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Stop waiting for the “right time” or “perfect moment” to start what you love because that’s never going to happen. If you want something, if you love something, fucking fight for it. Push yourself when you think you can’t go any further. If you want to be a photographer, edit photos instead of distracting yourself with the telly. If you want to start a business, do your research. If you want to paint, get off the couch and start again. You’re in control of your actions and if you feel like you can’t do this on your own, ask for help. 

story time: presidential edition
  • so you know how everyone has a story
  • you know
  • like the story
  • like if you’re at a party and someone turns to you and says, tell the story
  • and you know exactly what they mean
  • the story
  • well 
  • i have a story
  • and not unlike most good stories, it involves three key components:
  • barack obama
  • pre-2008 reebok sneakers 
  • and the absolute earth-shattering horror you can only feel after making the worst mistake of your life

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  • Me, an emotionally unstable teenager who's never been in love, almost never gets crushes, and has the bare minimum of a romantic history: Time to write some romance, bitches

movies that should exist: a pride & prejudice modern adaptation
starring mindy kaling as elizabeth bennet & jessica chastain as darcy fitzwilliam

“ugh. you LOVE me?”
“don’t make that face. it’s not like i want to. you’re loud and you talk too much about television for an adult and every single member of your family has friended me on facebook despite the fact that i’ve never spoken to most of them, and most of them have very poor punctuation. in fact, this whole situation is very embarrassing. like herpes. but like herpes, i don’t think it’s curable without taking action. so here i am. telling you. i love you.”
“can you even hear yourself right now?”
“so … what are your thoughts?”
“what are my thoughts? about your i-love-you-like-herpes speech?? which, p.s., herpes is incurable. that shit’s always gonna flare up again.”
“exactly. the metaphor is appropriate.”

An oldie nobody cared about but I still like it.

I wanted to draw a classic old-school action movie scene where the hero and villain have their final showdown, but with women only.

It makes me think of something I heard somewhere “Showing women bloody and wounded because they’re in a fight is not the same as showing violence against women”
Love, and who knows it

Fundamental truths of Sherlock: Sherlock loves John, and John loves Sherlock. That is simply true, and there is no counter argument. You can (if you like) get into the finer details about what kind of love and what it means, what specific desires it implies, but the fact of it (love, mutual) is not in question. So, within this narrative so far, does John know that Sherlock loves him? 

Is there any possible way that he doesn’t already know this? 

John has learned a lot about Sherlock’s feelings in the last year or so. There was the whole faked death situation (not good), but since then, Sherlock has both inadvertently and deliberately articulated his feelings about John to John. 

When John asked Sherlock to be his best man, John got a look into Sherlock’s inner workings: for all his ego, Sherlock had no idea that he was John’s best friend. Would anyone guess that Sherlock Holmes required that kind of explicit conversation to understand the nature of his most critical relationship? So what did Sherlock think had been going on on this time, John must have asked himself. I’m not sure he’d come up with an easy answer.

You could comfortably say, because of that profound misunderstanding, that it would be difficult for John to be certain that Sherlock loves him.  John has a lot of questions about Sherlock (99% of which are about his sexuality and romantic inclinations) that Sherlock has never answered.

But then there was that speech Sherlock wrote and delivered. And it was pretty clear from his speech that John is the greatest thing Sherlock’s ever seen, greater, even than crime solving and drugs. Sherlock expressed his love for John in that speech, so much so that John and the entire audience had a cry. Is it a surprise to him at that point? I think it is. Is the surprise that Sherlock feels these things at all, or is it that he was (finally) willing to say so, and that he said so in front of an audience? Or all these of those things? In any case, there it is: Sherlock loves you, John.

If, by some chance, Sherlock’s speech failed to communicate to John that Sherlock loves him, Sherlock goes ahead and makes the point it a few more times.

John most definitely sees the look on Sherlock’s face at his reception, post pregnancy deduction. That is the face of a man with a broken heart. Is there any way John doesn’t know what he’s seeing? I don’t think there is. He ducks away from it. He jokes his way out of it, badly. If there’s one moment where John has to unequivocally confront Sherlock’s feelings about him, that had to be it. And Sherlock walks away alone.

Sure: Sherlock lies to John about his fake heterosexual relationship with Janine just to watch jealous steam rise out of his ears, but it’s possible John was in no state to process that little tidbit as the passive aggressive bullshit it is. And sure: Sherlock comes back to life for love of John. But John doesn’t know that, only we know that. Sherlock then risks his life again and ends up in an ambulance with a cardiac arrest so he can unmask Mary because John is in danger. But John doesn’t know exactly why Sherlock did that, either. John wasn’t in Sherlock’s mind palace with us, so he won’t know those details.

But Sherlock’s more overt emotional demonstrations continue. He throws his life away by putting a bullet in the head of the guy threatening John’s future. Oh, but that was for Mary, I hear you saying. Well, okay. That sounds fake, but okay, I’ll give you that. Even if you say that’s for Mary, there’s yet another moment that’s pretty undeniable.

What do you think John is expecting Sherlock to say on the tarmac? I don’t know if John’s ready to hear it, but do you think it’s possible that he isn’t expecting a love confession in that moment?

Sherlock hasn’t said so in those precise three words to John before, but I’m pretty sure John already knows that Sherlock loves him.

Just thought this would be useful to consider as context. Who knows what might happen next.