“Thomas what are you doing here?” you open the door, hiding your cold hands in the sleeves of your sweater, tucking a piece of your bed strewn hair behind your ear. His face is glowing, his eyes set on you as a smile spreads across his face. You hug your stomach, resting your head against the frame of the door.
“Look, I know that we haven’t spoken since the day in the park, and that you probably want to punch my in the face right now-”
“I do,” you force yourself not to laugh at the smirk that flickers across his face. You force yourself to remember. “Thomas I told you- I told you that I loved you and you walked away.”
“I know,” he holds up his hands, “I need you to understand that the closest I’ve gotten to talking to a girl before you was asking a girl on the tube which stop was next,” Thomas runs a hand through his hair shakily, “and the thought of love- well it scared the shit out of me to put it blankly. The idea of love is a beautiful thing, to find someone who knows you better than yourself, to feel a connection that deep, but love itself is daunting. All of the relationships in my life- my parents, my grandparents- have ended badly and left me caught in the middle of the side effects of love. Incurable side effects. I’ve grown up with this idea that love is the acceptance of an unavoidable, inevitable termination of a temporary high because of unmet expectations. Its like having a terminal disease and pretending you aren’t going to die. But then, then I met you and it made me question if maybe just maybe there is an exception to the destruction of love, that maybe there are some survivors. When you said you loved me, I was so afraid of what could happen, so afraid that I might get hurt by you, when in reality I was the one hurting myself because if I ever lost you, that would be the death of me.”
Thomas takes a deep breathe, stepping closer to you and brushing his fingers against your cheek. “And if love is what I was raised to believe, if it is my inevitable destruction then boy would I be honored to have my heart broken by you because - I love you.”