i-have-stabbed-myself-in-the-chest-with-this

voltron characters as things i have heard people actually say in my ap classes part two:

sendak: “i would willingly stab out my own eye with this pencil if it means i look more badass”

haxus: “sometimes i just look at myself in the mirror and think ‘holy shit i’m so attractive’ or ‘who the fuck dragged this piece of shit out of the garbage’ and there’s just no in between”

thace: “sometimes i sigh so loud that i’m genuinely surprised my lungs aren’t catapulted from my chest cavity”

prorok: “wow can you believe you get to breathe the same air as me ??? you must be blessed *finger guns*”

rolo: “wanna hear about the time i saw jesus after mixing four shots of caffeine with two red bulls and a redline ??? lol i don’t know how i’m alive either but i got my essay done in like twenty minutes”

nyma: “i got an 89 on the last essay and a 36 on the one we just got back and all i can say is get you a girl that can do both”

shay: “*shoving cloth into her bag from the theater department* i keep telling everyone that i own cats but it’s a lie. its a dirty dirty lie these are for the raccoons that visit my backyard. i also buy cat food for raccoons can you believe the predicament i’m in”

kolivan: “bitch i would punt you into the sun no hesitation”

ulaz: “my life is the bee movie except every time someone says ‘essay’ i die just a little more inside”

antok: “everyone says i’m a chill guy but my life is crashing down around me and my internal monologue is one giant keyboard smash on caps lock *takes sip of coffee*”

i’m sorry that when you found me
i was already cracked open, insides
spilling out like candy gone rotten,
stuck to the pavement and dried up
in the heat of the sun.

i didn’t used to be this way. music didn’t
always used to stab me right in the chest,
and people simply looked like people
instead of gods, always so above me.

i wish you had come sooner. i wish
you had seen my eyes back when they 
still had the light in them, and when
i had something nice to say about everything.
where were you when i was still lovely?
why did it take you so long?

i used to be so much more than this
collection of half-finished sentences 
and resigned gestures, stale words
and a heartbeat that never quite
stays in tempo. i wish you had seen it.
maybe you’d have loved me then.

—  lessons in loving an optimist // j.d.k.

anonymous asked:

what do you mean you died in an alternate reality?

Okay well I believe in alternate realities. So let’s say you have three choices: a, b, and c. In our current universe/reality you pick a, in another you pick b, in another you pick c, and in another you said fuck nah and don’t choose any at all.

So anyway I’m doing an art project where I have to take something apart but the screws are so small I have to use a knife. I put too much pressure on the knife and it slipped and it came towards my chest but I stopped an inch before it made contact. In another reality I used even more pressure and totally just stabbed myself in the chest. So yeah, I always take note of when an alternate self has died. 🙃

  • Van Helsing: You’re going to give her an ash stake directly to her heart. But she’s got, uh, breastplate… [taps Lucy’s chest.] So you gotta pierce through that. So what you have to do is, you have to bring the stake down in a stabbing motion. [He demonstrates]
  • Arthur: I-I gotta stab her three times?
  • Van Helsing: No, you don’t gotta fucking stab her three times! You gotta stab her once, but it’s gotta be hard enough to break through her breastplate into her heart, and then once you do that, you bring down the hammer.
  • Arthur: What happens after that?
  • Van Helsing: I’m kinda curious about that myself…