i-hate-myself-for-making-this

fuckyeahsdarko asked:

I used to be a really big fan of your videos, but I've been watching for a while and unfortunately my opinion has changed. I myself am not cis or straight, but I am white. I hate that I feel like even though I try to be an ally to POC, it'll never be enough. Because of my "internal bias" and all that shit. It seems like you try to turn everyone against each other. You make it seem like straight people, white people, cis people... are inherently problematic. No matter what efforts they make

I want everyone to read this message and read it very closely as it amplifies the reasoning for my last video.

Most people who pay attention to my content recognize how careful i am with my words and how often i even entertain the feelings of people who benefit from the oppression of marginalized people. My videos are filled with disclaimers and soft language that makes people in majority classes feel welcomed and comfortable. All too often i pander and gently handle people who benefit from the rape, murder and genocide of people. And at the end of the day thats a large reason why my content works. But telling this person that its possible for them to maintain internal biases that they were socialized with that they may unintentionally perpetuate was the last straw.


Let me make this explicitly clear; if you arent open to calling yourself out on your own shit you are not an ally. Your allyship is based in ego and your desire to be seen as a good person. Your allyship helps you and only you. It is not progressive and it is necessary in the maintaining of systems of oppression.

Calling myself out is the most uncomfortable and upsetting thing ive had to in my growing allyship to so many groups. At the center of my arguments is this desire to encourage empathy and care for people who will live lives you will never have. Unfortunately people like this do not care and i think its important for everyone to recognize there are people in our ranks who hold conditional support to out causes. This is why we should not prematurely celebrate people of majority groups who pay lipservice to our cause. No one needs to be celebrated to doing the right thing. As my momma used to say, you dont get a reward for doing what you’re supposed to do. Hold allies accountable. The people who support you will try to understand, the ones who dont will crumble and withdraw support.

Supremacy is easy to maintain, breaking it down is an endless battle and some are unfit for combat.

[growling] I told you they hate you. [chuckles; then, normally] No! They just said they needed more time! [menacingly] Time? They destroyed your life! How much time before we take revenge? [normally] But they’re my friends! [menacingly] I’m your only friend! [normally] No! [menacingly, lifting his hands into the air] Ha ha ha! [normally] No!! [menacingly] Ah ha ha ha! [normally] Nooooo!
—  Peter Pettigrew

straw-flower asked:

I just had a brain wave about the last scene in Mockingjay. What if the epilogue scene started like the opening scene of The Hunger Games, with a high pitched scream, but instead of it being Prims scream of fear, it's a toast babies squeal of joy?

I HATE YOU

katblaque​ discusses this post in a video made about a week ago.  She says,

This post honestly is just a response to people like myself who criticize these systems but are misinterpreted as hating the people who benefit from them.

I’m leaving an open question to katblaque if she reads this: Did you contact egalitarianyellowfang to ask her what in particular her post was responding to?  I see that only within the last few hours was she alerted of your post on Tumblr, which makes me doubtful, but not certain I’ll read a “no.”  Have you contacted others who’ve originated posts like this to ask them what kinds of messages they’re protesting?

And to anyone else who might be reading, can you point out some messages, posts, public statements, or so on that are referenced by statements like “Racists are a problem. White people are not”?

Can we just take a moment and talk about how bad is sims 4 texture template for accessories? Literally nothing has sense. As far as I have exported almost all of accessory textures I see those black areas which belong to none of categories, which means I can take that space for some of category to make myself bigger space for texture. This is quite problematic, cause if I use those space for earrings let’s say and someone else will use it for necklace, textures will collapse with eachother. ;/ 

This is why I really despise sims 4. It’s not only graphically cartoonish, which I personally hate, but it also extremely limits modders. All games become more and more realistic while sims is showing us plastic faces and hair. 

It’s not about having physics in game or extremely realistic characters, BUT COME ON! COME! ON!

for me as a creator, that game is just joke. 

anonymous asked:

I'm don't feel like I do enough towards my lord. I'm smothered by sin and guilt. I cannot stop it. I try and I pray 5 times as much as I can. I also do Zikhr yet the devil eludes me and I stray. I hate myself for this. I have all good things that the Lord has provided me with and I am blessed truly , yet I still commit sin and parole in bad thoughts. I truly am not worthy. I am weak, my heart is weak so is my mindset. I pray to to become stronger but I am still led astray.

Yes we are weak so always prays that Ya Allah make my connection with you stronger and don’t leave me to myself even for the blink of an eye and I am nothing without you so please save me from sin and guide me to the straight path. Keep striving and never give up. When we shortfall repent to Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. Our eman is not consistent sometime we like to do more good deeds and sometime we find it hard to do. When you find hard to do remind yourself Allah Subhanahu wa ta’aala will reward me more for my struggle and when we feel our eman is low then surround yourself with dhikr and make lots of dua that Ya Allah make my connection with you stronger and make me rely only on you.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy!  Surely,  Allah forgives all sins.   He indeed is the All Forgiving,  All Merciful.   Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you;  for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

On our shortcomings we should repent to Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala he is the most most forgiving and merciful. Desire will always be there, nafs and shaitan is our enemy and this battle will continue till our last breath. We don’t know our deeds will be accepted or not. So we have to keep striving towards Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala till our last breath in shaa Allah

“The believer does the best deeds yet is most fearful [that his deeds will not be accepted]. If he were to spend a mountain of wealth [in charity],he would not feel sure [of the reward] until he sees it. The more righteous and pious he becomes,the more he fears. But the hypocrite (munafiq) says, ‘There are so many people, I will be forgiven, no problem.’ So he does wrong and evil deeds, yet holds foolish wishes about Allah.”

-[Al-Dhahabi, Siyar A’lam Al-Nubala` 4:586.]

Following are some tips.

1, Fix your prayers. Don’t ever leave salaah. This is the best act to pray salaah at the fixed time.

2. Be dutiful to your parents. Be good with them for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. Love them and spend quality time with them.

3. The most beloved of deeds to Allah are those that are most consistent, even if it is small.

4. Be good with people for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala.

5. Be patient when something goes wrong and don’t get angry. Patience is difficult to do but it has countless reward.

6. Make habit of doing dhikr all the time. It will help in shaa Allah.

7. Send blessing upon Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him.

8. Gain knowledge and try to implement in your life.

9. Implement Sunnah in your daily life.

10. Make lots of dua. Ask Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala to help us to do deeds that will please Him  and grant us jannah and save us from punishment of Hell.

11. Spread Salaam when you meet a Muslim say Assalamu Alaikum.

12. Never think you are better than others. Always be humble

13. Don’t get jealous and pray for others

14. Be happy with Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala decree and always be thankful. It will increase your blessings in shaa Allah.

I hope it will be helpful. May Allah guide us to the straight path.

Ameen

anonymous asked:

What skins characters of each generation do you relate to most and why

Sid (gen 1): because I’m lazy, crap in the mornings, I make bad decisions, I always want someone who’s not on my level and the best person for me is always by my side but I only realise that when it’s already too late.

Naomi (gen 2): I’m insecure, I like being alone but I don’t like being lonely, I’m afraid of my own feelings, I keep things to myself and it hurts me a lot and I hate injustice.

Rich (gen 3): I love music, I have a huge heart and I care a lot about people

anonymous asked:

i am bi and honestly i am scared as shit to tell anyone, all of my friends except like 4 or 5 say they wouldn't be friends with someone gay and are uncomfortable and are against it. i have a gay uncle but i don't want to tell anyone not even him. i dont hate myself but i don't know how to come out. i am younger and i don't want my family to say its a phase. i am fully aware that i am bi. any ideas?

if people don’t want to believe something, they will always find an excuse to make it false. So they might say it’s a phase, but they will come around! Be you! 

So I was going through a box of stationary tonight and I found a couple of pictures of myself (and myself only) from my wedding. I’d tucked them away in this box and have kept them for a decade because they are a few of the only shots I actually like of myself. Like, I was feeling myself in these pictures. And it makes me so sad that I can’t display them (and don’t want to because of all the stuff the wedding and its aftermath entailed) because they’re just…kind of pretty? Like, I will never look like that again, and I probably will never get decked out all South Asian bride like that again. And sometimes I wanna be like, hey! This is me, too! I don’t know. I literally hate every picture of myself except for these ones and it’s just…another one of those things. : /

realteen101 asked:

What advice do you have for junior year cuz rn im freaking out and i dont want my grades to end up like sophmore year especially since im doing ib, sat/psat prep and doing college apps and all that

1. BREATHE

2. Expect to be stressed. Everything isn’t going to be easy, breezy, beautiful.

3. Focus. Know you have work to do, goals to reach. Don’t stray so far away you stop caring or slack in your work.

4. Study. I hate doing it myself, but try studying techniques as soon as you get the material.

5. Take (good!) notes. They can be a life saver.

6. Take time to meditate, to refocus, get grounded. Take a walk. Read a chapter or two of a good book. Working too hard for too long makes anyone go crazy. Breaks are mandatory.

7. GO. TO. SLEEP. Try as hard as you can to get as much sleep as you can because I swear last school year I was up past 1 am every night.

8. Drink water! Keeps you healthy and the brain hydrated.

9. Talk to teachers if you need help! DO THIS.

10. YouTube is your friend! Can’t understand a difficult concept? YouTube has hundreds of videos that could help!

11. Don’t think you can get hard/a lot of homework the night before or right before the class. If you have extra time to do something, use it!

BREATH!

Hope this helped ya!

With what you are doing to me, the trauma and the fear, that I’ve buried deep down at the back of my head not so long time ago, is making its way up to my head invading my thoughts making me palpitate and feel uncomfortable with every bit of my body. Making me feel uncomfortable with the memory of that scenario that caused me to have this trauma. I hate myself for putting ‘myself’ again in this situation. I should’ve listen to my instincts when it told me not to follow my heart. That I should always think about what happened years ago and remember that people will leave when they don’t get what they want.

I’m so stupid. I want to do something that will lessen this pain. Something that will make me forget this fear.

I’m tired ignoring it. I’m tired pushing it away from me. Cause with what you are doing to me, it is making its way to destroy me again. I hate myself.

So I did a pin up girl photo shoot today. I got asked a lot the reasoning behind it. “Is it for a man?” No, it is for me. I did it for me. There is no man remotely in the picture for me. I did it for me because I love my very curvy body and instead of hating it decided to love it in all its squishy entirety. Don’t get me wrong, I was terrified, but this was on my Bucket List and I was not going to wait for a man to make it “make sense” for me to do it.

It was such a hard concept for people to grasp. It was my birthday gift to myself. I may post pictures because I was gorgeous…am gorgeous. Plus, the hair and makeup looked amazing. As did my boobs. My cancer scars looked pretty fantastic and I almost forgot they were there.

I will try to post the whole process soon.

im not going 2 finish school??????? as soon as i am of age of dropping out, . honestly idc abt my future at all??? and ik thats bad, but i cant handle doing school work and having someone grading me and probably constantlY thinking im an idiot 4 not answering things correctly. . i get cold sweats Just thinking abt it ????????? i rlly hate feeling d*mb and getting graded papers back just makes me so mad @ myself and then i HATE myself more and i cannto DO IT !!!

anonymous asked:

hey i need to tell you i really like your blog! it's very inspiring and i wish you the best in reaching your goal :) i just wanted to ask you what a normal day looks for you when it comes to meals? like, what you eat for breakfast, snacks, lunch etc. and where do you find inspiration and recipes for healthy food? Keep up the good work! :D

I’m really a fussy eater so when i like something i stick to it. I have sooo many food i hate that are really healthy, but they just make me throw up. Like i tried watermelon a few times now because i know is really healthy, but i can’t bring myself to eat it…maybe someday i don’t know…

Breakfast: 1 cup of water to get my digestive system working ! is really important

3-4 wholegrain biscuits with a plain greek yoghurt and some fresh fruits that i have in my kitchen

or is it’s winter i like to eat something more consistent like

1 slice of bread with a slice of ham, cucumber, one leaf of salad

Lunch: i usually just make myself a salad and these are the ingredients i usually use: 5-6 leafs of salad (depends on their size), 2 medium pieces of grilled chicken breast, sliced chicken breast of course not a whole piece haha, a handfull of spinach (uncooked of course), one slice of cheese (the slice is pretty average is already sliced when i buy it), one small cucumber, crutons and yoghurt based low-fat dressing. And let me tell you ! Is to die for !!!! 

or i know many people don’t like it, but if i’m in the mood i’ll make myself some soup because i love soup haha

Snack: 2-3 wholegrain biscuits or any kind of fruit i have in the house

Dinner: usually my mom cooks dinner, but this is what i usually eat 

if she makes spaghetti i’ll have a small portion

or she usually makes grilled chicken breast with baked potatoes and fresh cabbage salad with carrots 

I don’t eat more than 2-3 slices of bread a week and i drink at least 5 cups of water everyday. Anyway this is a regular day, but my menu doesn’t really change that much.

i cant roll my Rs and it makes me wanna kill myself becayse im trying so hard and i hate not being able to do shit easily lmao. i hate being white