i-hate-myself-for-making-this

I hate idiots who truly believe that Tom Riddle (not voldemort) could have fallen in love with Bellatrix if he had the capability. Not just because I want that hunk all for myself, but also because did you not remember they have a 24 year old age difference? When he was out travelling and making his horcruxes, Bellatrix was just born. They did not go to school together. The “Lestrange” that Slughorn wanted the paper from in the memory was not Bella, heck she didn’t even have that last name yet until she got married.

You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece

Summary: Beca is in love with Chloe. Chloe is in love with Stacie. Stacie is in love with Aubrey. Everything is messed up. (The unrequited love AU that nobody asked for.)

Title taken from Halsey’s ‘Colors’.

Pairings: Chloe/Stacie, Chloe/Tom, Beca/OC – Beca/Chloe and Stacie/Aubrey endgame.

Words: 20k

This all started with the fandoms obsession with chacie and then i thought HEY why not make an unrequited love au because I CLEARLY HATE MYSELF. and then this happened. it was only supposed to be a short one shot but here we are at 20k because i am trash. it’s still a one shot though, but like a super long one. FUN. prepare for angst, but with a happy ending because i cannot fathom the thought of bechloe and staubrey not having a happy ending. (i say as i plan another angsty one shot) ENJOY.

[AO3]

[FF] (the site isn’t working right now but it’ll be up as soon as it is)

Here I am again. Here is my body. My body has been hard to love the last week or so.

I have to remind myself that hating my body makes me eat worse and gain weight and I don’t want to gain weight.

But this isn’t going to be about whether I want to change or not. This is about loving this body I have right now. Not they body I could have if I lost a bunch of weight, or the body I used to have. Because I may never have those bodies.

What I have, right now, is this. It’s the only one I have so I had better love it.

anonymous asked:

How would you deal with a distinctive flaw? I *hate* my nose so much. It makes me so self-conscious and feel bad about myself. :(

You breathe and smell with your nose. You are not your nose. You’re a person. Don’t forget that. You know, a lot people are trying so hard to be ‘different’ and ‘edgy’. You don’t have to if your nose is ‘distinctive’. Learn to love your nose. It belongs to you. Or just ignore it and pay more attention to the things you like about yourself. Don’t think too much about the way you look. Only shallow people do that. Focus on your personality and the people and things you like, your happiness and just smile. Outer beauty (’mainstream beauty’) fades anyway and you won’t attract ‘good’ people with outer beauty.

It is late. I don't have to be entertaining. I just have to be real

Sometimes I pretend I am okay and other times I can’t pretend and read and reread the words in my mind: “I tried, but I couldn’t make myself love you”. I say I read the words, because the fucker after 4 years of stringing me along was not man enough to say that to me directly. He broke my heart into dust with text messages.

I will always be the close, but no cigar girl.

He will fuck and leave a hundred more girls and I will be the one alone and afraid. I won’t try with anyone again.

Damn it, I hate when I am not okay.

I FUCKING HATE
Those posts that say “reblog if you care if I’d kill myself” or “reblog this if you think the person should be happy”
OR the posts that are like “reblog of your mom will die in 10000 seconds”

LIKE NO FUCK THAT AND YOUR GUILT TRIPPY BULLSHIT IM BOT REBLOGGING IT
I CANT FUCKING STAND how those posts make me feel

i hate boys so much FUCK boys like if boys didnt exist my life would be so much easier and i dont mean like all this stupid little stuff wouldnt get in my way i mean…  that boys literally destroy my self esteem make me really depressed and feel like shit about myself every day and most of all make me so fucking anxious like all my mental problems stem from them. and im sure 100% of all non-boys AND other boys have psychological damage from them too even though most of them have been brainwashed to think otherwise LOL

and they dont even fucking care… boys/men have directly destroyed me as a person and billions of other people too and they dont even care they dont care they just go on with their lives like the little cocky arrogant pieces of straight up SHIT they are laughing at girls and nonbinary people and taking their pick of them like theyre little decorations i fucking hate them. if youre a boy and youre not pro-feminist + pro-social justice go fuck yourself. i hate you. you dont have permission to ever talk to me or look at me or say anything about me. i hate you and i hope you burn in hell

anonymous asked:

You seem a lot happier in your answers and posts. I'm glad I hope you keep feeling positive. I know this sounds cliche but honestly life is way too short to spend all your years worrying about what you look like or making people like you

I still hate the way I look and what others think of me but I’m just trying to distract myself from myself so yeah

Rant//

 idk I kinda wanna get this out before I turn 16 so I can get any negativity out of me??//?/

 Anyways I’m so scared about the future and by that I mean the near future and long-term. I’m stressed about school already and volleyball is nothing but a chore to me now, like I don’t look forwards to games or practices and it’s basically in the way of school for me. The coach glares at me constantly and the setter hates me too.

 I keep hating my body that’s the only thing I think about. There isn’t a day where I don’t think about my legs and how short and ugly they are and I just wish I would stop comparing myself to my friend but I keep doing that and it’s doing nothing to help me. I hate that I have barely any boobs and even though everyone tells me I should be glad, I’m not. I feel less feminine and even if sometimes I make fun of me being flat chested when others do that I feel terrible, because it’s my body and not theirs to laugh at. I hate my proportions and I wish they would just even out because sometimes I feel like a freak. 

 I don’t know what I want to do in the future. My parents keep bringing up college and jobs and I’m still 15, and I have no idea what I REALLY want to do that my parents would approve of. I’ve told a few people what I genuinely find passionate but I don’t have the body for it, I’m not the ethnicity for it, and I don’t have the talent needed for it. My mom doubts at me each time I ask her if I can audition and my dad would flip.

 I’m just so stressed and lost and I wish things would be easier but it’s not. I’m seeing a doctor soon to see if I have anything wrong with me but I doubt it I don’t know I just really want to be happy

52 - Sudden Realization

I’m not white myself, but I really dislike how whites are treated on this website. I’m going to be completely honest. If I were white, I would be in tears from all the hate directed towards me. I have depression, I loathe myself, and automatically think that everything is my fault. I can’t take even the smallest of insults, I’d break down and cry. There’s nothing funny about making white people cry and hate themselves. It’s not called “being butthurt”, it’s called “having feelings”. Not everyone is emotionally strong and that’s OKAY. There are very few posts on this site that tell white people not to get down and that it’s okay to be who they are, and when there is a post like that, people mock it and say “white tears lol”. I’d be fine if the hate was geared towards “racist people” and all the “white people posts” we’re instead “racist people posts”. Racist people are who we should truly be hating anyway. I can understand why white people are offended by the negative posts about them. I would find it even stranger if they WEREN’T offended. I know I’m sensitive, it’s a big problem for me. Not all people AREN’T sensitive and people should be careful what they say.

I wonder if I will ever find someone who I don’t have to make myself small for. I feel like people fall for me because they like the way I speak up about things that matter to me, but they grow to hate it and I end up silencing myself for them. And I wonder if I will ever fall in love with someone who doesn’t abandon our arguments, who wants to talk things out until all of the misunderstandings are smooth beneath our feet, who doesn’t ever want me to swallow the words that hurt when I don’t say them. The things I leave unsaid are hot coals inside my mouth.

I hate that I think I need to stand up for myself to faceless people on the internet but knowing that anyone out there thinks they have a say in how I should be doing this or that, or that I am a bad person for doing this or that, or that they have anyyyy idea about why i have made the decisions I have made makes me so fucking angry. My life is about me. This is about me. I am my biggest fan and my #1 supporter. I know what I am doing. I know why I am doing it. And in the end, that’s all that matters.


And just to clear things up, for anyone out there who might have taken all of the negative things I said about my relationship and Kyle and what was going on at that point in time and is looking at me or us or him in any negative light, I was angry. He really is a fucking great guy and I was angry. I was hurt. I was sad. I said and did a lot of things I didn’t mean and I know that my personal life is absolutely none of your business and it shouldn’t matter but I care about him and our relationship enough that I do need to stand up for them. I want to stand up for the things that I love and care about.

sometimes i wanna make a post about what i’m doing like “watching horror movies and drinking whiskey haha” but then i hate myself instead

tomorrrrrrow I have to get up early to go to a working interview for a bakery job which is really exciting but right now I feel very depressed and anxious and angry and not good. I didn’t really do anything today which made me feel pretty bad and I ate something that made me feel bad and getting up early to go somewhere that isn’t super close by also makes me feel really stressed out. I hate the idea of a working interview and I wish employers understood how stressful it is to be watched when you’re working. I really wish I could just work for myself because I feel like I’m constantly so anxious and on the brink of freaking out and I have backed out of a lot of things lately because of fear / because of protecting myself, or at least feeling like I am or trying to, but realistically I am always wondering if I’m hindering potential opportunities. I get stressed about work related things really easily and feel very embarrassed or low and it makes me want to shrivel into a ball and die. I finally figured out today how to manage to see a psychiatric through my health insurance but the list is kind of confusing because there aren’t any blurbs or anything about the people who can help me, just names, which is pretty overwhelming but I’m at the point where I definitely just need to do it because ummmmm fuck suffering, I am so very very tired of suffering