hope you brought a change of clothes, ‘cause your eyes are about to piss tears.
I made my money the old fashioned way: ♪ I got run over by a Lexussssss ♪
Tommy T! You just missed the craziest of crazies. clubs. girls. dancing. naked--mom?! argument. fleeing the scene. hiding in a dumpster. coming here. crashing on your couch for a week 'cause ♪technically i'm homeless♪
When life gives you lemons, steal your grandma’s jewellery and go clubbin’
no, no... that's too mu- that's too much responsibility for me. I got- I gotta find a way out of this
♪ she's the wooOOoOorst ♪ she is the worst person in the world
I guess sometimes I call men 'beautiful', too. I guess that means ♪I'm open-minded as heeeelll♪
live your life like that cow from that video
♪K to the N to the O P E she's the dopest little short in all Pawnee, Indiana♪
step one: we buy into this club step two: we roll over to the club either in your mercedes benz which is gorgeous or my pre-owned acura legend which is alright step three: i dagger you on the dance floor just bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce now everybodys watching us
are you do ding-dongs making fake drugs for sophomores, because if true, this guy wants in!
ricka ricka ricka ricka! [imitating DJ scratching] [Whispering] Swanson.
A/N: There aren’t enough emojis in the world to describe how I’m feeling rn.
Hey guys; today I’m posting a smut piece (as if it’s some 19th century painting - this piece is from the Victorian era and it’s crafted by hand) no, it’s not, well it was crafted by hand (and a lot of hormonal pent up feelings) but this is just smut. Just some filth, and I also feel as if I have to put a warning before? So:
⚠️ Warning: contains smut ⚠️
Enjoy! And feedback would be lovely! I might write a part 2 if y'all want it?
18+ I guess?
Requests: open? (Smut pieces will take longer and I also can’t see the future - sadly - so I dunno how long it’ll take)
MASTERLIST: Come and check out some of my other mildly average writing!
It’s pathetic really, the way he’s watching her.
He knows that he shouldn’t be, but damn, he’s sure that even the Lord could forgive him for sneaking a peak at the beauty before him.
Moving her hips languidly to the beat flooding through the speakers she dances, the globe of her ass rolling along with her wide hips and her hands flutter down, clasping her hips as she whines, turning full circle.
He’s surprised that no one else is watching, but then he glances around the patio and sees that she’s caught the attention of a few others – men and women alike.
He can’t help but feel jealous, even if he is the one dating her – even if he was the one who had his hands on those hips hours before, guiding them to meet his aching cock.
Their eyes flicker over her sculpted body and they flush, turning red as if they’ve walked in on a private moment, but his girlfriend doesn’t care. She’s having fun and so is Shawn, sitting on the couch and dreaming of all of the ways he’s gonna take her – and let her take him – later on.
(cracks knuckles) Dragon Age: Origins social media au
Leliana has a youtube where she does these fucking phenomenal acoustic covers of like. everything. if it exists, she’s got an acoustic cover of it.
also has an inspirational quote blog. not nearly as popular. a little too much Jesus to be mainstream.
Alistair is Meme King
Zevran is both a famous viner and one of those insta-famous people who’s simultaneously unreal-beautiful and hilarious
think chaotic neutral thomas sanders
Oghren is vine famous, but he’s not a viner. Zevran just films him doing weird shit a lot.
Wynne is the benign older relative who comments “beautiful! tell your mother i said hi. Missing you!” on all your facebook posts but also shares zillions of articles about, like, homeopathic medicine and veganism
Morrigan is tumblr famous for her radical feminism, cutting retorts, and killer contour
also runs a less popular youtube makeup tutorial channel frequented by wannabe goths
the mabari has his own facebook page run by the Warden
Sten has an unintentionally iconic twitter
horse_ebooks but on accident
everyone assumes it’s a comedy/parody twitter but it’s not. that’s just who he is.
Shale has a specialized youtube channel a la the hydraulic press guys. it’s just her crushing things in her fist i guess.
Your last post made me wonder, do you not like Chaol or something (i'm not trying to start a fight or anything btw, I'm just curious)?
*KINDA MAYBE SPOILERY ANSWERS COMING*
Okay, so I have to preface all of this with:I love the series.But, no, Chaol is not one of my favourite characters. I guess I opened a can of worms with that answer!
I can appreciate him for the character he is, and his part in the plot (and I just adore Sarah for writing female characters that move on from love interests.) But I never got Chaol. I was never on board the Chaol train. I always found him to be a bit of a wet blanket to be honest? I mentioned before not really falling for the series until Heir of Fire.
I like characters that have a bit more umpf to them: I always thought Dorian was a cutie, a roguishly sweet and charming character despite being a player, if you will (although I was never bothered about him romantically.) But I literally slammed my book shut and almost threw it across the room screaming ‘THERE’S MY GUY’ when Rowan turned up. Brutal, loyal Rowan. (I’ll stop there cause I could ramble all day about Rowan.) I HAVE A LOTTA FEELINGS. There’s no other pairing for me besides A&R - and I’m a little baffled by anyone still pining for Chaol.
I’m still looking forward to Tower of Dawn(!) and seeing what he gets up to - maybe then he’ll grow on me.
Summary: Since getting a new dog, Yoongi has started to grow closer to you, his neighbor. Little does he know that you have something to hide.
Word Count: 7.1k
Member: Yoongi ft. Min Holly and Taehyung, mostly Holly
Genre: Fluff, Smut, Werewolf!AU
A/N: Dedicated to Min Holly. Also technically a late Halloween thing, but werewolves are always in season, right? Inspired by a drabble I once did for @pjimns.
Yoongi didn’t consider himself particularly a dog person or a cat person. Sure they’re both very cute, but he never had a particular preference for either. In fact he’s not sure if he considers himself an animal person at all. Which is why he is completely baffled when Taehyung asks him to come look at a litter of puppies. Apparently, someone his friend knows just gave birth to a litter of toy poodles (well his friend’s dog, not the friend).
Taehyung dragged Yoongi with him to supposedly help pick one out. Yoongi had assumed the dog was for Taehyung, but that day he comes home holding a dog of his own. He decided on the name Holly, and despite never really being the biggest fan of dogs, he can’t help but want to coo over this adorable creature. His adorable creature.
Harrison Osterfield Imagine - Late Night Loving (smut)
request: Can I get an Harrison Osterfield imagine (smut) where it’s the Spider-Man hoco premier after party and there both wasted and they have a one. Igor stand and they don’t see each other for a few months after words and some how they hit it off in the end and start dating or like it ends in pure fluff??
a/n: i guess this is open for a part 2? maybe
word count: 1842
Harrison was a lot of things when he was drunk; he was confident and cocky; he was a terrible dancer and he sung along loudly to the music, even when he didn’t know the words; he was unsteady on his feet and spent most of the night clinging onto the bar so he didn’t fall over - but above all, Harrison was awfully flirty.
Handing you the drink he just bought for you, he moved fractionally closer to you so that his knee brushed yours every now and then. Politely thanking him, you took a sip of your cocktail, maintaining his eye contact as you sucked on the plastic straw.
Request: Can you write a Shawn imagine where you guys are visiting your parents for the weekend and Shawn isn’t feeling very well at the end of the day when you guys are laying down to go to sleep and he is upset because he doesn’t want to feel sick when you guys are at your parents ?? And maybe he can’t sleep because he starts feeling really bad and throws up a bunch throughout then night? Thanks love!
A/N: !!!!!first request ever!!!! woo!! hope you like it anon, hope it was what you pictured! ✨ I guess requests are open? send me all ur ideas and I’ll see what I can do!!✨💖
Warnings: N/A (if ur afraid of puking i guess this isnt the one for u)
MASTERLIST - Hey come and check out some of my other mildly average writing!
He wasn’t as chatty as usual.
You had thought, naively, that
he was just nervous – that he was just too busy over thinking the idea of staying over at your parents. Yet he was sweating, his forehead was slick with
perspiration despite having the AC blasting throughout his jeep and the windows
Boyband and s/o went on hunting and before they could attack the animals, one of the animals starts to mate with another animal, s/o is all like, oh my... so do we attack or do we wait for it to be over?
LOL- let’s see how the chocobros react to this little
scenario, huh? Gonna keep these short and sweet :)
gaze switched between looking at you and wincing at the Garula and Garulessa
mating rather vigorously before the two of you. You clutched the hilt of your
rapier in your hand, unable to rip your eyes away from the rather disturbing
scene in front of you. You and Noctis ended up staring silently at each other,
only able to hear the loud grunts and whines of the animals mating. After a few
moments of contemplation, Noctis cocked his head in the direction of the river.
“Change of plans,” he whispered as he gently took your wrist in his grasp and
tugged you in the direction of the river, “we’re having fish tonight.”
almost laughed at how flustered Prompto was at your question. He glanced down
at his gun before glancing at you, a pink flush on his adorably freckled
cheeks. “Um, I don’t know. I guess we have an opening…” Prompto began, but was
interrupted by a loud snort from the, um, pleasured animals in front of the two
of you. You giggled behind your hand and shook your head at Prompto’s cute
reactions. Prompto glanced at you, shaking his head and shutting his eyes
momentarily before shaking his head again- almost like he was trying to
convince himself of something extremely important. “No- killing them while they’re
making a baby would be rude. Or something… let’s go find something else!”
Prompto immediately pulled you away from the debauched scene, as you continued
to giggle in mirth at the whole situation.
raised his eyebrows at the two Spiracorns going at it before him. You could
barely keep yourself from laughing at the shocked, yet curious look on Gladio’s
ruggedly handsome face. “Babe… that thing is HUNG!” Gladio suddenly exclaimed
softly, nudging you and pointing right at the male Spiracorn’s sexual organ.
You rolled your eyes at where Gladio’s attention was at, swatting at his
muscled arms in response. Gladio chuckled dorkily before shaking his head and
shouldering his broadsword, swatting you on your backside as he retreated from
the scene. “Good on that Spiracorn- showing his lady a good time. Let’s come
back when they’re done fucking.”
cleared his throat at the awkward scene unfolding before him. You could barely
suppress your laughter at the clearly disturbed look on Ignis’ face. Stepping
up right beside Ignis, you glanced at the mating Coeurls briefly before nudging
Ignis in the ribs gently. “So… should we wait until they’re done, or…?”
Ignis shook his head and cleared his throat once more
before gripping his daggers in his hands firmly and stepping forward quietly. “No,
this should be an easy kill. They’re rather distracted- we will not get a
better opportunity to rid the area of these beasts.”
You frowned a little at Ignis’ clinical mind-set. “Okay…
so now I can tell people that I’ve killed living beings while they were having ‘the
sex’. Interesting dinner table story, for sure!” you jibed as you followed
“Shut up, y/n. This is as awkward for me as it is for you.”
merely stared impassively at the mating behemoths before glancing your way and
giving you an affirmative signal to attack. Your jaw dropped immediately, and
you pointed at the two beasts caught up in a haze of passion. “Are you crazy Cor? This is so dishonourable!”
You exclaimed. Cor shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.
“No one ever said I was honourable, did they? Let’s
kill these fuckers- heh, get it?”
You stared at Cor, your very being the epitome of
Requested by @newts-fan-case:
think about how hot this
would be: reader dry humping Sherlock to get him out of his mind palace, at
first he ignores it but when he can’t take it anymore he roughly takes her on
his way to his room (against the wall maybe) cause he is that desperate.
& anon: A fic where the reader is bored/horny while Sherlock is in his mind palace so the reader tries to get his attention by touching him and smutty stuff? & anon:
Will you do a sherlockxreader imagine where the reader goes down on him and then he returns the favor?? (I have a dirty mind 😂)
Pairing: Sherlock x reader
Word count: 1,625
Warnings: Smut - unprotected, oral (female and male receiving), rough, dry humping.
A/N: I couldn’t help but to mix the requests because I felt like they would fit and this… This was… Wow.
had been sitting at the exact same spot for two and a half hours. He didn’t
move, he didn’t flinch, and he definitely didn’t pay attention to (Y/N).
used to it, really, but that night was different. Maybe the hormones, or simply
her need to relieve stress, but she was horny as hell and she needed Sherlock
to get her off.
whispered flirtingly in his ear. The detective ignored her. “I need you to help
me with a little something.”
didn’t show any sign of concern about her innuendo. (Y/N) sighed heavily and
started rubbing his shoulders. He was sitting at his usual chair. “Sherlock…”
detective remained indifferent to her. (Y/N) was starting to get desperate, so
she did what she had never thought of doing. She got on his lap and started moving
her hips back and forth as she pressed herself tightly around one of his