i-don't-matter

No Laughing Matter


OOOOO

They were going around in circles. For the better part of the last thirty minutes, Lucifer had been trying to convince her to join him on his quest to break the Guinness Book of World Records for most pranks committed on April Fool’s Day.

Chloe had rolled her eyes so many times at this point from his antics she’d lost count. 

“The answer is still ‘No.’ Lucifer,” Chloe said exasperated, but there was a touch of hidden mirth in her words. 

She really couldn’t stay mad at him for any real length of time, and he still claimed his mojo didn’t affect her. Right, she thought. Chloe carried their latest case file as she made her way back to her desk, Lucifer hot on her heels. 

“But Detective, you’ve been telling me recently how much you’re trying to have a bit more fun! What better way to have more fun than to go around pranking our dear friends at the precinct!” 

She could hear the undulated joy coming from his words. Chloe looked up at him to meet his gaze and she saw the slight mischievous gleam that shone through his eyes. She sighed and plopped the file down on her desk with resignation. 

“Lucifer…,” she huffed out. 

He saddled up beside her and peered down in anticipation, “Yes, Detective?” he said innocently. 

He can read her too well these days.

Chloe broke his gaze and mumbled more to herself than to him, “I’m absolutely going to regret this.” 

“That’s the spirit Detective!” Lucifer crowed, his supernatural hearing picking up her words. “I assure you, you will not regret joining me in this venture.” 

She laughed at that. How could she say no now when it seemed to bring him this much happiness? For what ever reasons, she’ll probably never know. 

Chloe nudged him out of the way and grabbed her keys to head out of the precinct. She laughed to herself as she walked towards the exit, and could hear him rattle off at a rapid fire pace of all the things they were going to plan together as the time got closer. Chloe turned to him as she reached the top of staircase and placed her hand on the door.

“You’re just lucky I happen to love you so much, that I’m willing to put up with your shenanigans and….” As she spoke to him, her words slowly started to grind to a halt with realization of what she just revealed to him. 

Chloe closed her mouth abruptly and eyes widened to an impossibly large size not understanding how those words just left her. She hadn’t even…..they weren’t even together

Panic welled up inside her at an alarming rate, and she chanced a look at Lucifer who had stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of the staircase. From her position, it looked as if the staircase railing was about to buckle under his grip. And his face, he looked utterly lost and confused with his jaw left ajar. Like he couldn’t quite believe what she said to him. 

Shit. She couldn’t believe what she blurted out. How could she be so stupid?

It could have been seconds, minutes or hours, but it was as if everything seemed to stop. Nothing else existed but the two of them. They both continued to stare at each other like deer in the headlights. 

The moment was broken when an officer brushed against Chloe’s shoulder in passing. She jolted upright and swallowed hard trying to reign in her emotions. 

Not knowing what to do, Chloe blurted out the first thing that came to mind, “I-I’ll see you Monday.” She pressed against the door causing it to open and flew out into the sunlight not once looking back. 

She couldn’t be sure as she raced to her car, but she swore she could have heard the sound of Lucifer’s voice shouting after her in the distance. 

They were no where near ready to have that conversation. 

She wasn’t ready for that conversation. Not even with herself.

So for once she broke the rules. She drove as fast and far as she could to avoid what would be the inevitable.

She needed more time. 

Chloe was so caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t notice the SUV that blew through the red light and was careening towards her.  

OOOOO

Boy, was I wrong

Have you ever been lowkey emotionally abused? Like, you’re not even aware it’s happening but then you think about it later and you realize that something wasn’t quite right. All of a sudden, you start to think you’re not good enough and that your feelings aren’t valid and don’t matter and if you bring it up to the person, they act like you’re being dramatic and emotional and irrational even though you know that something isn’t right. Sucks doesn’t it?

Anyone else? Just me? Okay…