i-don't-like-myself

“did you survive the avada kedavra curse? because you’re drop-dead gorgeous

there’s cheesier ones don’t worry

for @yoiauweek-2017!

more hp au

  • Anyone in 17: sometimes I don't like myself
  • Jun: *ear twitches, races in their direction at 120 mph, knocks random innocent staff member down the stairs, breaks down the door, backflips over the couch, pulls that members love binder from the 12 binder pile that he carries on his back* My 1007th favorite thing about you is your nose, here's my collage of it and a summary about why I think it's perfect, my 1006th favorite thing about you is-
Musing over my loneliness led me back to myself, and showed me that I hold onto the shadows of mere memories better than I do to the people in my life.
—  # I know that the day when everyone leaves is inevitable, so I choose to simply let them go.

Is it still worth it?

I think one of the kindest things you can do for yourself as an artist is to accept that you will make bad drawings sometimes and just…stop caring about it. It’s not like that bad sketch you drew was your one and only chance to ever draw the thing. It’s so much easier emotionally to just say “lol what is that?” delete it and start over than it is to spend the next six hours crying about it. Once you stop treating every single thing you draw as something precious and learn to just throw stuff away it takes so much stress away. One bad drawing doesn’t make you a bad artist, or a fraud. Even the best pro artists are gonna have moments where they draw things wrong. You’re going to make bad drawings so just go out there and make them so you can move on with your life. Chances are your second attempt will be better. 

I feel like everything I do and say and am is gross and worthless but I know those are just yucky Thoughts. I still wish I don’t think it.

I'm happy.

No I’m not.

If someone asked why, all I could say is I don’t know.

Maybe because I’m my own worst enemy. 

I don’t like myself. I don’t think I’m pretty, or beautiful, or gorgeous. I don’t think I’m smart enough. I don’t think I dance well enough. I’m not skinny enough. I’m not. 

I am so afraid of so many things. 

I am afraid of loving, caring, and feeling. Pushing people away is much easier than letting them in. 

I am afraid of being needed. I can’t even help myself. 

And what I can’t stand the most? Letting someone down. I’m always causing pain, hurt, and trouble. I feel like I can’t get anything right. I can’t say the right thing. I can’t do the right thing. 

Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Maybe I wasn’t put together right. I’m missing something. Maybe someone took something away from me. It’s times like these where all those painful, burning memories come back. They haunt me so much. I can’t stand it. It all just echoes through my head, drowning out the world. Sometimes I can’t help but think about it all. I can’t help but feel it all again. It’s like a bad dream that I’m never waking up from. It’s easy to play make pretend around people. But even I can’t hide from myself.