i-don't-know-what-to-tag-this-shit-with

so the other night I had a dream that some friends and my sister and I were all on a backpacking trip to hell. I have no idea why, I just know that we felt we had the weight of the world on our shoulders to complete this mission. I don’t even know what the mission was, but dammit we were going.

we were also keeping a cat in a cardboard box with us on this journey. This has nothing to do with the context of the dream, but I felt it was important for the mood.

so basically we’re all hiking down into the depths of the earth, (I think we got chased by some sort of massive beast that ate one of my friends, but frankly it wasn’t important enough to remember) and basically we finally get to the Foyer of Hell. And this place is essentially a food court filled with demons.

think the Mall of America on a Saturday afternoon but all the lights have a weird red tinge.

and we see a McDonald’s.

immediately I’m like “guys, listen. I really need to know if Hell McDonalds tastes the same as Minnesota McDonald’s.” So I bought a double cheeseburger meal and an egg mcmuffin meal and just fucking went to town at these shitty school-lunchroom style tables. We had the Cat Box on the table and were getting a lot of weird looks from the hellspawn around us

the verdict was that the egg mcmuffin was mediocre at best, the fries were all those really dry crunchy ones, the cheeseburgers were exactly the same, but the hashbrowns were fucking incredible. Never will I taste anything so ironically heavenly again in my entire life. Like. Fuck dude. The hashbrowns.

after that we went on our way to slay the demon king or whatever the fuck, I genuinely don’t remember.

Anyway the moral of the story kids is that if you’re in hell and you see a McDonald’s, order them out of hashbrowns you won’t fuckin regret it

                 You’re impossibly fast, and strong. Your skin is an impossible shade of tan and always warm. Your eyes change colors and sometimes you speak like—like you’re from a different species. You’re always eating or drinking something. How old are you? 

        Sixteen.

           “How long have you been sixteen?

           “For like a year what kind of question is that Paige.

            “I know what you are

         “Say it. Out loud. Say it.

            “Jacob Black.