Tagged by: @ittybittycrystalcommittee

Rules: Tag 20 followers you want to get to know better.

Nicknames:  Jake, Jay.
Gender: Male 
If I had a cat, what would I name it: Chalrie
Height: 6′
Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff
Favorite color: Green
Time right now: 11:23PM
Average hours of sleep: 6 to 8
Favorite number: 8
Last thing you googled: How many cm in a foot?
Blankets you sleep with: 1, additional blankets as needed.
Fictional character you want as your younger sibling: I dunno really, I love my actual siblings too much.
Favorite Band/ Artists: I’m really bad at these, I really like lots and lots. I can never pick favorites.
Dream trip: Norway to visit family.
What am I wearing right now: …Nothing… What? I don’t like wearing clothes in my room, sue me.
When I made this blog: A year and a half ago? I don’t exactly remember.
How many blogs I follow: 87
What I post about: FFXIV stuff mostly, I try to keep it fairly relevant at least.


no one fucking tells you this so here it is:

when signing out forms to apply for disability / filling out a form for diagnosis

you’re supposed to fill it out as you on your worst days

like, I filled out forms that said I could do most things usually

like, my doctor added in the conditions like “yeah, they can feed themselves when not stressed” “they can do this when not stressed

but how I should have filled it out was more like

“some days I can’t feed myself” “some days I can’t leave the house”

My doctor didn’t even know this, but I talked to someone who had worked with people with both developmental and intellectual disabilities for a number of years, and she told me to write down how it is for your bad days

this should be a thing they tell you, but it isn’t

part of the reason I didn’t get my autism diagnosis as soon as I should have is because I filled out forms wrong!

Dan’s eyes are too pretty to not draw


6 Years of Dan

@danisnotonfire posted his first video six years ago today and since then he’s met his best friend, created his own unique video series such as ‘reasons why dan’s a fail’ and ‘internet support group,’ been on and now has a show on BBC radio 1, made many great collaborations with other YouTubers, created a gaming channel, written an incredible book, gone on tour, and effected the lives of over 5 million people. Dan has done a lot in these six years and I personally am glad I got to watch it all happen. He’s inspired many people and managed to make them laugh. He’s creative, intelligent, well articulated, kind, and has a unique ‘relatable’ sense of humour. I’m so glad that he chose to share his life with us and would like to say thank you. 

Thank you, Dan, for posting that iconic video that makes you cringe so much. If not for you posting that video and continuing to make the great content you do, then many of us would not be the people we are today. In the book you said that you felt that you and Phil were writing it to thank us for being there so you could share your lives and ideas with us, but really we should be thanking you for allowing us to get to know you and for making us smile.

Nobody wonders what happens to Allmates when the owners die. It’s obvious, in a way; parents buy their children their own Allmates when the time is right, hardly ever handing one down throughout a family line. Allmates are too precious for that. Too personal to be gifted from one person to the next.

Allmates don’t live without their owners.

Perhaps it’s selfish, then.  

Because when they grow old, hair turned white or grey, faces riddled with wrinkles and lines…

Koujaku cups Beni in his hands and gently runs his thumb along the feathers on his back. The gaze they share is long, silent words shifting between them, before Koujaku gives Beni a watery smile, draws him close to his face, and gently whispers for him to sleep, letting his tears fall as soon as the tiny body held gently in his hands falls still.

Noiz spreads the cubes out in front of him on a desk, lips pulled into a thin line. They’re silent, somber, no longer filled with the energy to bounce or squeak. He calls the command, and slowly their programmes are erased, lights turning off within them with a soft click. He picks them up, one by one, carefully, tenderly, cups them in his hands, and gently taps his fingers against them, wondering why the silence bothers him as much as it does.

Tori, perched as always on Mink’s shoulder, goes limp with a soft click. He falls to the floor, lifeless, but is caught before he hits the ground in a wide palm. It means nothing, will bring him nothing, but Mink draws Tori up to his face, presses their foreheads together, and murmurs a soft prayer of thanks as he gently rubs his fingers across each of Tori’s wings. 

Aoba holds Ren close, face buried in thick blue fur. He strokes his fingers through soft fluff, chokes back a sob, laughs as Ren’s pink tongue laps comfortingly at his ear. They whisper back and forth for hours, voices low and choked - Ren’s with sadness, Aoba’s with tears. Ren’s fur is soaked by the time Aoba whispers I love you, Ren. He lies back in his hospital bed and waits, Ren sitting on his chest, both keeping their gazes firmly fixed on each other. And when Aoba’s eyes start to shut with something other than sleep, Ren starts to shut himself down, their lifeless heads dropping to the side at exactly the same time.

“I don’t care what you do in bed” is not actually a kind response to being come out to

When someone comes out as other-than-heterosexual to a religious fundamentalist (or someone who for whatever reason has an anti-gay ideology as part of their identity), the conversation often goes this way:

  • Sue: I know you’re really religious and… I think you should know… I’m gay.
  • Fred: No big deal. I don’t care what you do in bed. Hey, it’s not like I tell you what I get up to with my wife, right?

In this scenario, Fred probably thinks that what he’s saying is liberal, kind, generous, and accepting. It isn’t. This is actually a nasty thing to say, even if you mean well.

If someone comes out to you, they are telling you something important about themself; something that was probably hard to say. They are telling you that they have the capacity to love, and that their capacity for love is stigmatized. If they know that you have an anti-gay ideology, they are telling you it is important for you to know about their capacity for love, even though they expect you to disapprove.

Saying something along the lines of “I don’t need to know what you do in bed” in response to that is unkind. It’s implying that you think they just told you something smutty or inappropriate. They didn’t. They told you something appropriate and important.

The capacity of straight men to love women is socially celebrated. The capacity of straight women to love men is also socially celebrated. It’s not treated as something dirty or smutty that needs to be hidden. Even the assumed sexuality of opposite-sex relationships is socially celebrated.

There’s nothing obscene about knowing someone’s sexual orientation or marital status. It’s an important fact about who someone is and how they are in the world.

If someone knows that a man and a woman are married (or often even if they are dating), they will assume that they have sex together. Parts of marriage ceremonies celebrate sexuality (eg: “you may now kiss the bride”). People talk about marriages being consummated, and assume that newly married couples will have a particular kind of sex on their wedding night.

And despite all of this implicit sexuality: If a straight man told someone he was married, and the response was: “I don’t need to know what you do in bed”, he would probably be very offended. He would expect you to respect his relationship and capacity for love more than that, and not to reduce them to something lewd.

It’s important to offer people who aren’t straight the same respect. Even if you disapprove of their relationships, acknowledge them as relationships. Even if you disapprove of their love, acknowledge it as love. Don’t pretend that you’re tolerating something unseemly and unimportant. 

Cas gets, like, weirdly into sweaters when he’s human for good. Dean sort of blames himself. He sent Cas out with a list of groceries one afternoon only Cas apparently wandered into a thrift store “out of curiosity” and came home with six sweaters and exactly none of the things he was actually supposed to buy. 

Some of them are okay. The plain blue one looks good on him. One of them is really soft which yeah, all right, Dean can get behind that even if it looks like it was knitted by a blind person. But the others are just varying degrees of awful. The purple sweatshirt with a glittery cartoon raincloud that’s probably been sitting in Goodwill since 1983. The yellow one spotted with bumblebees. The red and white striped chunky knit thing that makes Cas look like Waldo. The fuzzy grey one that makes him look like a koala bear. The slogan ones–oh god, the slogan ones. 

Cas loves them. He pulls the cuffs over his hands and rubs his cheek on the shoulder and bundles up in like three at once when the winter chill gets into the bunker. He says he’s “creating his own style”, whatever the hell that means, but to be honest Dean just worries what he’s going to do in the summer when long sleeves aren’t an option. (Sometimes Dean has nightmares about Cas going into a Hot Topic and coming out looking like a 1970s punk rock groupie.)

But whatever, Dean can live with it. If it makes Cas happy, who the hell is he to put the kibosh on that? But then. There’s this time. This one time that Cas comes into the kitchen one morning and he’s not wearing the sparkly cloud sweatshirt or the koala bear fuzz or the multicolored zigzag catastrophe–

–he’s wearing Dean’s hoodie. Dean’s yellow hoodie that he kinda secretly kept from a crazy case what feels like forever ago, and damn seeing Cas all bundled up and soft and warm and comfortable in something that belongs to him just flips this switch somewhere in Dean’s chest and he drops his spatula and strides across the kitchen and Cas is saying something about how he hopes it’s okay he went in Dean’s closet and Dean shuts him up by kissing the ever-loving fuck out of him. 

“Oh,” Cas says, breathless, as Dean pushes his hands underneath the layers of hoodie and shirt to run his palms over the hard muscles of Cas’s stomach and sides, “more than okay, then.” He smiles against Dean’s mouth. 

Dean laughs, delirious. “You and your fucking sweaters, man.”

I’m going to say this once because I’m not sure it’s been said but after the ESPN article…here we go.

Do not. Ask a player. About their sexual orientation. Or. Their romantic relationships. Especially implying a relationship between teammates or other players.

Don’t say “you’re so cuuuute with (teammate)”, don’t tell them how they should date, don’t tell them about any fanfiction or show them pictures depicting them in relationships with teammates: don’t do it.
Don’t be that guy.
If you want to do it on Tumblr and away from their attention, I mean..go for it. It’s your prerogative and it doesn’t affect the player directly. Just don’t go out of your way to get the player involved or shove his face into it.

There could be (statistically there probably are) gay players in the NHL and they don’t exist for you to fetishize them.
And they don’t exist just for you to point and go “LOOK HOW ACCEPTING WE ARE”.
They don’t exist so you can pair them with other players.
They might not feel comfortable coming out. They might not want their teammates to know. They might not want the media to know.
And if you say something to them or another teammate, you potentially open that door for them to feel uncomfortable and combative.

Coming out is a deeply personal and scary thing, and by you implying that they could be LGBTQA, you could cause stress and panic. AND if someone isn’t LGBTQA they find themselves to be in the awkward position of having to defend themselves.
Professional sports are a hyper masculine culture (sorry to say) and with that comes it’s own problems for LGBTQA athletes and their teammates. Don’t make additional problems by showing them an NC-17 fic or picture.

TLDR; Do not ever assume or ask a player’s sexuality. Do not break the fourth wall and imply that they are romantic with teammates directly to the players. LGBTQA players will decide when and where to come out and it’s really none of our business.

for anybody who’s noticed my absence lately

I hate doing this. First, I have to tell you that. 

It’s not like my blog has an Aesthetic™ exactly, but I do feel like asking you guys for money violates any kind of style I’ve tried to impose on it. 

However, things really have gotten that bad, bad enough that I’m collectively asking for help. And it doesn’t matter that when it comes to most of you, we never talk–I’m still here, posting this, asking 862 people I love having as followers and know I might lose now. People who I don’t expect to be able to help me. We’re all broke, right? So consider this me shouting into the void.

I live with my spouse and sister-in-law. I have SSDI income, which pays for some, but not all, of our rent. I can’t bring in extra income–which isn’t usually annoying, since if I could work I wouldn’t be on SSDI. But this month I wish I could, somehow…I wish I could find odd jobs, on the internet or in the 1950s or something, to bring in even a tiny bit of money, because when you’re without food funds, $10-15 is a lifesaver. It’s bread and peanut butter, inexpensive pasta. It’s food.

But the point is, there’s not much I can do to help my family right now. My spouse got laid off, as the only working individual among us (my sister-in-law is epileptic and also can’t work. I know, I know, we’re quite the household), and we’re fighting for all our options, including government assistance. We live in Utah, so we’ll jump through all the hoops and still be unlikely to get it. We’ve been down this road before.

So here are the details: 

  • our rent costs $220 more than what I bring in.
  • our internet is $80
  • our bus passes cost $80 for the two of us, and in order for my spouse to get a new job, we’ll need the internet, and at least one bus pass (we don’t own a car).
  • our power is $80
  • our gas bill is $20
  • and my SIL’s seizure medication is $27. 

This doesn’t include my bipolar medication or pain meds, because they’re necessary for me but not, like, SEIZURE-level of necessary. Or on the same level as food. Which you’ll notice I didn’t list with a dollar amount. Because at this point we have no food budget. None. 

My spouse is actively seeking a new job, but after getting one, there’s that period of time where you wait for the start date, then you wait for the first paycheck, and then there’s three people here who need to eat in the meantime. We’ve used up all the strange leftover ingredients we had sitting around, in order to stretch our food supply further; we’re buying only the cheapest versions of what we eat; I’m deliberately going hungry most of the day so that I can eat one late meal and know that the food I do have will go farther.

It sucks. 

It’s not unusual for me–I grew up poor and am miserably familiar with going hungry–but it still sucks. I don’t have the emotional energy to send out queries for my finished book; I don’t have the physical energy to work on my newest book. I don’t have the fangirl energy to hang out here with you guys and make graphics or return to my fic.

We’ve exhausted our options, including asking my spouse’s family for money (horrible, successful, and still not enough to help with more than the rent). I don’t have family to ask. My spouse and sister-in-law ARE my family. Without adequate food or good health, drastic measures like plasma donation aren’t possible. So here I am, doing this. 

My paypal is deandratb@gmail.com. My spouse’s post about this is here, in case you’d like to see it.

I love you all so, so much. If you can spare anything, even $5, I’d be eternally grateful. If you can’t, and are willing to reblog this, thank you. I seriously really do love you. Even if I don’t know your name, or you don’t remember mine. Especially if I don’t know your name, or you don’t remember mine. I genuinely believe that you’re the best–that’s why I spend all my social time here. :)

Thanks for reading, tumblr. I miss you.

TL;DR If you can help me survive until we have money again, please reblog or send paypal funds to deandratb@gmail.com. 

I know you’re going to break me
and I know I seem like I’m okay
with that. The truth is I won’t
ever understand you completely
because with just a slight change
in the direction of the wind you’ll
be off on another path. Why would
anyone want to contain something
so vibrant and whimsical. I will ride
this gust with you as long as it takes
us and should the wind take you
away from me, just know I was the
happiest I ever been with you.
just know that you were the first person to really see me in a very
long time. So when I fall back to
the ground I hope you know
that it was an honor to be broken
by you. And please don’t blame
yourself should you ever remember
me because I knew it was going
to happen and I loved you anyway.
—  Z.P.S // I’ll Shut The Door For You

Some laven for my soul, because I miss them and this manga and I’m about to cry

it had been years since last time i drew them and they’re still so familiar and easy to draw i may be a little emotional over how much this ship is part of me

imagine keith getting grindr….. and coming across shiro…. who happens to be his astronomy professor…

my mind puts the x-men in a completely separate category from everything else marvel. like, if you say “marvel ladies” i’ll think of women from the avengers, inhumans, ff and so on even though some of my favorite marvel characters are actually x-women, because my brain classifies them as “x-ladies”.

in my mind marvel is divided in “x-men” and “everything else” aka “things that are not as great as x-men”