That you have a social life, but that doesn’t mean you can ignore me.
That you have better friends, but that doesn’t mean I’m not good enough.
That there are people surrounding you, but that doesn’t mean I’m not there.
That other people seem more alive, but that doesn’t mean I don’t exist.
i have always kept everyone at arm’s length. as a child, i learnt from my parents that love is a made up conception. as i grew older, the habit of hurting myself became known. it started out with jagged cuts, and when i finally attempted to take away my life at eleven years of age, i needed an anchor. i began to go throughout hospitals, attaching myself to anyone who i could see fit, and as my life got darker, and darker, the melancholy made me calm. i fell in love with a girl with blue hair, and as i realized that love was even more of a lie than i thought, a wall built up. my walls had walls beyond the walls. my walls felt like they could never be torn apart, though i wanted desperately to have them come crashing down. there was a girl afterwards, that made the walls crumble a bit, but not enough to make me fall in love. just enough for an attachment to her. i hated that i attached myself to everyone, so i guess the wall got bigger, thicker, and then i met you. i met you in the aphotic of my life, where the past just kept creeping up and planting itself in my head. my shelter no longer felt safe, but i laid my head and rested in my unseeingly unending madness. you started taking my walls down one brick at a time, and before i knew it, those love songs that are on the radio began to make sense - and oh no not again. not this time, i thought. not this again. and i told you my strongest devil, thinking that maybe that might scare you away. she had blue hair, i said. i can’t believe she did that, you said. and we stayed up all night talking about the world and our most pretentious demons that had their own fears. one night i went out to eat with my family, and i cried and wanted to escape the walls i built up because i just wanted to get to you. but no, i couldn’t do that. and out of fury and anger, and oh god, her face, i asked you why you even cared. and you uttered those words. i hate those words, but i find myself saying them often. after every call. and now we disguise them in hate, which is code for love. my walls start to build back up now and then. and every time they do, you kick them down, i hate it so much that you kick them down. you love me. i hate that you love me. but i love you. i hate that i love you. and i hate that there’s black and white in this world, and i’ve never been able to find the gray; purple. but even though there’s so much madness in the crazy world, you always manage to make me calm. my demons can’t get to me when i’m in your arms. my heart can’t protect itself around you. i hate you.
something of a ramble, but this is your fault (dear god I love you) // c.r.
I think there’s something really fascinating about people who are blood related who have never met upon meeting feel a pull of some kind. Like we have an innate knowledge built in to recognize our relatives. I also find it unfortunate that sometimes this “pull” can get misunderstood and cause to relatives to “fall in love”
Jeez, I haven’t been on Tumblr for a while :/. You just can’t help the busy times.
Aaaanyway; this is a scene from an absolutely fantastic story… That I can’t remember the name of -_-. Cut me a break, I read this a while ago! :3
It was a wing fic, with Tony being Steve’s guardian angel. Tony was late getting to Steve, though, because he tired himself out with other clients and because the paperwork detailing Steve’s need of an angel was lost.
The fic starts out with tiny!Steve in college for art; one night, he picks a fight with a bunch of hecklers, and Tony shows up to help him, dressed like “he’s going to the beach,” (he’s not wearing a toga when they first meet. I think the outfit was an open-collar white shirt and… Jeans? Maybe? Bah, I can’t remember -_-.)
The scene that I drew is of the first time Steve sees Tony in a toga, near the very beginning of the fic. Tony’s in the toga cause Steve was making fun of him for his “beach boy” ensemble, so Tony decided to show him what he usually wore.
Steve is eating his own words.
Tony is amused.
Those times you say YES I WILL READ THE THING AND TELL YOU WHAT I THINK and it’s almost midnight and then you sit down and start reading and say OKAY JUST ONE CHAPTER but then you can’t stop and suddenly it’s 8 am and you’re crying and so happy and you realize you never slept and you don’t even care because THAT WAS WORTH IT.
Honestly you cannot tell me that sea monsters don’t exist we’ve only explored like 5% of the ocean who’s the say some water demon from the time of Christ isn’t lurking at the bottom of the ocean in some trench waiting to rise up and eat us all