A/N: I want to thank everybody for reading my fics and showing me so much love. Its been great hearing back from you guys it honestly makes my day! This is kinda long but it was just so much fun to write, so I kept writing! I hope you guys like it!
I want to thank
disneylandequalssecondhome for asking me to add how the avengers react to the reader being gone.
Warnings: All the avengers are pretty angsty in this, cursing, violence
I could still taste Y/N on my lips. I can still feel her hands in my hair. I can still feel her frame leaning against me. I don’t know how long I laid there on the floor staring up at the ceiling, but it didn’t matter anymore. Not much did.
I felt empty once again. The only thing I seemed to be able to feel was this ache somewhere in my heart. I didn’t ask to feel this way. But the moment she said she loved me, well I never felt so happy before. But she took that away with her. So I didn’t move. I stayed on the floor trying to make sense of it all.
“Bucky!” Steve knelt down next to me “What the fuck happened?” Under different circumstances I might have told him to watch his language.
“She left” I said. The words tasted strange in my mouth. “Y/N left. And she tased me”
“She tased you?” Steve looked equal parts shocked and confused. I heard a whimper and a sob. I think they came from me. I think I’m crying.
She kissed me. She held me. She wanted me. She told me she loved me. She loves me. She loves me. she loves me. she loves me. she loves me. she loves me.
She left me.
She’s gone. I was standing up now looking into Steves eyes. Once upon a time he was my best friend. Once upon a time I knew what that meant. His eyes were sad too. He hugged me I didn’t hesitate to hug him back. His arms tightened around me as I fell apart. Maybe this is what being a best friend is. Being there for someone you love regardless of the situation.
“She ran away” Steve’s voice is all kinds of soft.
“She left” I spit out the words, anger rising up in my mind. But I couldn’t be angry at her. I think that was physically impossible. Instead I was left with the bitter thoughts of what could have been. All I had now was this pain in my chest and the words “what if” in my mind.
I should have known something was wrong last night. I should have known that she wasn’t as okay as she out off. Y/N had this habit of wanting to take care of everyone else. She wanted us to be okay, so she acted okay. I should have known.
Nothing was making sense this morning. FRIDAY woke everyone up. I was annoyed to say the least. There was a meeting. It was fucking 4:43 am.Steve was an early bird and I cursed him as I changed and rolled out of bed. I think everyone was thinking that Steve was being ridiculous. I think we all thought this meeting was going to be about training or a mission. But we all thought it could wait until a more decent hour.
But when we say Bucky’s red eyes and Steve’s clenched jaw, his arm around Bucky, everything changed.
“Buck go sit” Steve’s voice was broken and sad. Suddenly the hour didn’t matter anymore, I needed to know what was wrong. I kept my face stoic and my body languid. I gave off an air that was strong and careless all at once.
“Roger’s what going on” I asked raising an eyebrow. Tony looked around the room. He looked Bucky. Even Stark was concerned. That was saying something. Pietro and Wanda walked in together, both confused and fearful of the situation. Speedy scanned the room and I felt Banner come closer to me. I was on high alert.
“Where’s Y/N” Pietro’s accented voice rang. I looked around for her her familiar Y/H/C, her kind Y/E/C, her small frame. But there was nothing.
“She left” Bucky answered looking up at Pietro. There was something about his tone that made me look twice at the man. He was usually tense and alert. Even though he had warmed up to us he had retained this stiffness that only Y/N could ever really melt. He looked defeated. His shoulders were slumped, his gaze glazed over as if he was remembering something. I walked over to him, fury in every step.
“What do you mean Y/N left” He turned to meet my gaze.
“I mean she left. She walked out of this building and she’s not coming back” My heart sank and everything became heavy. I think I showed my heartbreak because Banner walked over to me and took my hand. I yanked my hand away and put away Nat, and became the Black Window.
“She wouldn’t” Wanda walked closer to Banner and me.
“She was scared” Steve said, “She was terrified of what would happen if HYDRA found her, if they found us”. There was a weight in Steve’s very being that he didn’t have before. The world was spinning but my reality stopped. Y/N was gone.I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. She couldn’t be gone. But the more I thought about the more real it became. My girl, my best friend was gone. She was my link back to normaldome. Back to being just Nat. I lost Y/N. I was getting her back by whatever means necessary. I promised Seth I would keep her safe, I was going to keep my word.
A few weeks later
People say you never know what you have until it’s gone. Y/N leaving was like that. I never noticed how she used to be the one to make us all smile and laugh. How she would deal with all our crap and love us even more for it. I never noticed it. And her being gone..it’s an ache that everyone’s feeling right now.
Something snapped in Bucky that day. I don’t know what happened between the two of them that night and he never talked about it. He rarely talked about Y/N. He rarely talked at all. Bucky was in the dinning room drinking out of a coffee mug. He wasn’t drinking coffee. Clint was trying to make breakfast for us. It wasn’t the safe without music blaring and Y/N voice in the background.
Nat was gone a lot of the time now. No one really asked her questions. She was gone and angry most of the time. I tried to keep everyone together but the thing was that was never my job. My job was to lead and make sure we did our job. Y/N was the one that kept everyone together. She was the glue. Y/N was there for everyone, always doing little things that made everyone happy. Y/N had this way about her that put people around her at ease. We missed it. We missed Y/N.
The twins suffered in silence. I never even knew that Pietro had anxiety. I didn’t know what do the day he had his first panic attack since Y/N left. Y/N was the one who was there when his anxiety got bad. She was the one who would help him calm down and breath. And Wanda, well she was sad a lot of the time. She rarely left her room. There was this new quietness about Wanda that unnerved everyone. No one knew how to be around her. They were afraid to break her and I think that makes it worse for her. I’ve tried to be there for them, but it’s not the same. I can’t provide the same kind of comfort that Y/N did. I try but I know that what I do is not enough for them.
Banner tried to keep a brave face but without Y/N to get him to lighten up and smile he stayed married to his work. He never really left the lab and there was even speculation that he slept there. I don’t think anyone knew how much work it took for Banner to leave his lab. I tried to get him to spend time with us but there was a sadness whenever he said no. I think he half expected Y/N to be there and when he remembered she wasn’t he just shook his head and got lost in equations and numbers.
There was something particularly unnerving in seeing Tony quiet. He went out a lot. He was in the tower in short bursts of time. When he was here he tried to be his usual snarky self but it’s like he didn’t really care to try anymore. He missed her terribly. He missed their banter. He missed the way she made him feel. I think we all missed the way she made us feel. For Tony Y/N gave him a feeling of acceptance and appreciation without making feel responsible for the world. At least that’s how he described it last night when he came in completely drunk.
I missed Y/N so much. She was my rock. The person who I could just count on to be there with a smile and hug. There are days I expect her to be home waiting to watch netflix. There are mornings when I wake up and the world is not so bad and I think maybe she’s in the living room drinking coffee.
Y/N like a ghost. Even though Y/N is gone it’s like she’s still here. The absence of her is everywhere reminding everyone of what it was like when she was here. I think as much as I hate her being gone I don’t mind missing her so much. I love the ghost of her because it’s all I have left of her.
I look around the tower. Fake smiles plastered on faces with eyes still crying. Everyone’s here right now. Maybe it’s the promise of food that kept them all here.
“Breakfast is is served” Clint calls out trying to be enthusiastic. We all meet in the kitchen met with out plates. Everyone sits down at the table, Y/N spot still missing. It’s a cruel reminder she’s not here. As everyone digs in there are muttered “thank you’s” and “this is amazing clint’s”.
“I think we should look for her” I break the silence. I’m tired of this game of pretending. I’m tired of ignoring her empty seat at the table. I’m tired of walking by her room knowing that’s it’s just the way she left it.
“Roger’s, she chose to leave” Tony says, his head in his hand.
“She was afraid Tony” I say once more more forcefully than I intended. But I can’t help it. I’m angry. I don’t want to be but I am. I’m angry at her for leaving. I’m angry that we’ve all fallen apart. We’re supposed to be the greatest heroes yet we’re reduced to nothing now. We need our best girl back. Most of all I’m angry at myself for not being there for her when she needed me the most. “She was afraid and we weren’t there for her. We just let her be scared” Tony looks at me and in that moment his gaze could kill a little bunny rabbit. His face softens and there’s pain lying in the creases of his face.
“I agree with Cap” Pietro says strongly “We’ve let this go on long enough. We need her home” Pietro has this determination that made me happy.
“Who’s to say she even wants to be found” Banner said, “I know a thing or two about wanting to hide. We can’t just go fish her out because we’re selfish” His words hurt and there’s truth to them I know.
“She wanted to stay” Bucky’s voice is raspy from it’s lack of use, “She told me she wanted to stay. She left to keep us safe” His voice dies near the end. It’s soft and rough and sad all at once. There’s a new type of silence that falls over all of us. I’m shocked that Bucky spoke.
“She might be safe now” Banner says softly
“She might not be” Nat’s voice is like honey over spikes.
“You know better than anyone what Y/N meant to all of us. But we can’t pull her into the light where HYDRA can find her. We need to be careful” Tony mentions. I know he’s right. I look over at Bucky for support. His eyes look alive for the first time since Y/N left
“Then we’ll be careful” He bangs his fist on the table. “We fucking be careful. I don’t care how it get done but we need to find her”
“We need our best girl back” I add. Everyone melts into consensus. I feel a sense of hope. I think we all do.
“I have a lead” Nat looks up into my eyes, “I’ve been looking for her”. Theres something in her eyes. There’s something she’s not telling us. I don’t push it because in this case I know we have Y/N best interest at heart. We’re still a mess, but maybe to find her we need a little bit of chaos.
It’s been a month of hardcore searching. We research and research. We try and find traces of her and her power. But nothing, absolutely nothing comes up. There’s this glimmer of hope that I’ll be able to find her. That i’ll be able to hold her I did.
I guess it’s cheesy thinking that love can fix this mess. But I want so badly to think it’s enough. I need to think that everything that we’ve done is enough to get her back. So I work and I work to try and find something, anything that can lead me back to her.
“Bucky you should get some sleep” Tony yawns, “You’re no good if you’re dead beat tired”
“I will soon” I say never looking up from the computer screen. I was getting the hang of the internet. I was still learning and didn’t quite understand some things, but I was getting there. I looked at conspiracy websites looking for people who have seen someone stop time. I kept looking and looking. But nothing.
Time went by and I didn’t even notice. I didn’t even care. This was my mission now. My mission was to find her. Nothing else seemed to matter, it all just dimmed in comparison. Suddenly another memory resurfaced. They were coming back, faster and faster now.
I saw Steve, tiny and skinny. He was sick and had no money for medicine. It’s not like I could ask my ma for medicine so I worked, I worked to help my family and to keep Steve safe. So I worked until I had enough to buy him what he needed. He refused it at all, felt guilty even but he took it. I remember that I had a habit of wanting to take care of everyone.
I want to take care of Y/N. I want her safe. With me. Maybe that is too much to ask.
“Bucky”, I heard someone sigh, “You can’t keep doing this. You need to take care of yourself too” Steve said. He was big now. I had almost forgotten. My flashbacks had a disorienting element to them. Y/N always knew how to ease me back into reality, but without her reality hit me in the face without a warning. I laughed, I laughed and laughed, Steve was confused.
“Do you remember how I used to pay for your medicine?” I asked and he blushed.
“Yeah, Bucky, I do” he takes a seat next to me.
“Strange how things change. how tables turn” I say no longer laughing at the irony of it all.
“There’s nothing wrong with needing a little help” Steve put his hand on my shoulder.”You told me that Buck. And right now you need to sleep and take care of yourself, otherwise you’re no help to her.” I looked into his blue eyes. I found comfort in them. In his presence. In this moment I felt like we were friends.
“I love her” My words feel strange out loud. His arm falls back to his side
“Anyone with eyes could see that” Steve chuckles. I look at him confused. “I’m glad you found her. She’s good for you” he adds, a sparkle in his eye.
“She told me she loved me before she tased me” I admit. Steve lets out another laugh.
“That’s a hell of a way to show it!” Steve comments. I give a slight chuckle. “We’ll find her” There’s a sincerity in his voice that makes me want to believe him.
“We need to” My words are shaky, “I need her here” the confession shocks me but I know it’s true.
“We all do Buck” I look down, away from his face. We talk for a while longer. We talk about Y/N. About Steve. About Peggy. About memories I didn’t tell him I remembered. By the end of it I feel like Steve is my best friend again. Like he was the guy who once upon a time was worth falling off a train for.
“You need to take care of yourself too. This isn’t healthy Buck. She would hate you for this.” He chastises me as we move back onto the subject of the search.I give him a smirk. I know he’s right, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t sleep without having nightmares. So if i’m not going to sleep I might as well work. But I don’t tell him that. I just nod my head.
As Steve gets up and leaves I call out, “Thanks”
“For what?” He turns around.
“For this” I say softer this time, unsure of what this moment meant.
“What are friends for” He shrugs. Then I remember.
“I’m with you till the end of the line” I whisper the words but Steve here’s them
“I think so” I look back up at him. He’s beaming, like he just found treasure or something.
“Goodnight Buck” He says waltzing back into his room. I stared at the computer screen once more. I got up and walked away. I need a moment. Just one more moment without the frustration of not finding her. Banner told me that it might be good for me to keep a diary or sorts to help me sort out my feelings. He said it had a calming effect on him. So I was giving it a go. It was better than punching the wall. It was better than drinking until I didn’t know what month it was. Strange how I would sooner forget my name before I forgot her.
I smiled at the thought of her. Of the way Y/N would come running into my room after nightmares. How she would let me hold her. I smiled at the countless moments I wished I could of kissed her.
I remember more now. I remember stuff from the 40′s. I remember my sister and my mother. I remember how Steve would always go looking for a fight. I remember fighting with him. I remember how often he used to get sick and how hard I worked to make sure he had his rent paid and medicine in his home. I remember going to movies with him and having a grand old time.
But there are things i'd rather forget. I remember when I woke up with my new arm. I remember the first guy the sent me to kill. I remember how brutal the training was. I remember how brutal I was when training the new recruits. I remember the time I spent in ice. I remember being so goddamn angry all the time. I remember really goddamn lonely.
I wish I could kill everyone in HYDRA for you. So you could some home. So you could be safe and not have to be afraid. I know you don’t need me to take care of you, but is it so bad that I want to.
Doll, I miss you. I miss you more than I missed you yesterday. You think i’m better off without you and thats a lie. You told me once that we sometimes find people who make the emptiness less. Thats what you do for me. You make me feel whole and alive again.
What I wouldn’t give to hear your voice singing off key in the kitchen. What I would give for you yell at Steve for being an idiot on a mission. What I wouldn’t give for you to sleep beside me again. The nightmares are worse now that you’re gone. Sometimes they’re memories but now all my worst nightmares are me losing you. I hope I haven’t lost you. I don’t think I could bear that.
Please come home Doll. And if you don’t please let me find you.
A week After the reader left
There’s music in the background. It’s something too catchy and a little bit crappy. Steve would hate it. It’s dark in here and there’s a disgusting dampness in the air. I look at my drink and try to look at ease.
“Could you look anymore uncomfortable?” I smile as I hear the voice. I could place it anywhere.
“Nat you could have picked a nicer place than this to meet” I smile, I give her a quick hug. She sits down next to me, scanning the room.
“You’ve got a tail” She tells me.
“Yeah I know. It’s been that way for the past two days. They’ve been very helpful. The idiots don’t know I hacked into their phones and laptops. I know everything they do” I tell her.
“Guess you did learn a little something from me”
“Well you don’t live on the run for 4 years without picking up on somethings Nat” I remind her. She nods. She orders some whiskey and sighs. She’s lost in thought. Silence falls between us and I can already tell what’s coming.
“You didn’t have to leave you know” Her eyebrows furrow as she stares down her drink.
“I did and you know it” My voice is steel.
“No that’s fear talking” She looks at me and I see just how much pained I caused her. I have to remind myself that the pain would be worse if HYDRA caught her. I look away from her and It’s my turn to stare at my drink.“I wasn’t sure you’de show” She changes the subject.
“How would I miss out little date” I joke, trying to lighten the darkened mood.
“Y/N” Her voice is stern. She wants an explanation and I guess she of all people deserves it.
“I knew you would find me eventually. You have a habit of getting what you want out of people”, I begin, “I figured this was my best chance of convincing you that this is the way things have to be for now. I have a plan”
“Well i’m not convinced. What’s your plan”
“Can’t tell you yet” I look back at her, “HYDRA wants me back. Badly. They think they can give me the power I need to stop time on a massive scale without killing me. But even if that doesn’t happen, they’ll risk my life in order to get their mission done. That’s what I know. They’ll do what they have to, to get to me, Nat. I’m not letting anyone get hurt because of me”
“Y/N stop the martyr act” ,Her voice is stern and hard, “You don’t have to do this alone. All of us miss you”
“I’m not being a martyr. This is my mess Nat, I have no right to drag you guys into it” I plead with her, “I love you Nat. You’re my person. But this” I motion to our surroundings, “This I have to do alone. But I promise I’ll do everything I can to come back. But if I don’t it’s because I’m keeping you safe”
“Whose going to keep you safe” Nat put her hand on mine.
“Bucky said something like that” My heart hurts and aches. Just thinking about him sent me down a bittersweet road of maybe’s and could have beens. He deserved someone with less shit than me. I wanted to be that girl for him. And maybe I could have been, But HYDRA had to fuck things up again. I love him and everyday I hope that i’ll see him again. That I’ll be able to just be in his arms again and feel safe.
“He’s a mess without you” Her words are knives.
“He’ll be alright” I say, hoping he will be.
“I don’t think he will be. You were this light for him. This good thing he never thought he could have and you left. I think he thinks you took the good with you” She explains. Tears prickle my eyes, I wipe them away furiously. “He loves you, you know. He’s heartbroken without you” Her voice is sweeter now.
“I know” I can hardly get the words out as I recall the night I left. “I do too” I admit to her. “I left my good bits with him. I’m not Y/N right now. I can’t afford to be. I have to be what I was created to do” I look over at Nat. There’s understanding in her eyes even if everything else in her body is stiff and filled with the determination to get me home. “I can’t do that with everybody here”
“Y/N when are going to get it. This is bigger than just you or me. This is HYDRA. You can’t do it alone. You need us. Besides we can take care of ourselves” Nat’s voice breaks. She softened. In this moment she’s a girl pleading for her
best friend sister to come home. I reach out and tuck a red strand of hair behind her ear.
“I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. I can’t do that with you guys in the battle with me. I need you to just live for me. I need you to just let me do this”
“How can you ask that of me?” Nat’s voice is hurt, betrayed even “I was there when you escaped, when Seth died. You needed me then. How is this any different”
“I’m not a little girl you need to mother Nat” My words are harsh and cold. But I need to push her away “I’m all grown up. I can do this”
“Y/N” There are unshed tears in her eyes
“I love you Nat. You’re a great person and I love you” I say getting up from my seat. I turn to leave but she catches my wrist. I turn around to face her warm eyes.
“Y/N you stupid bitch. There’s no stopping you is there” She gives me her famous half smirk. She slides papers into my hand. “I had them made just incase”. I looked into the yellow envelope. There were birth certificates, a new passport, everything. “Just promise me whatever your plan is, you won’t play the hero”
“Wasn’t planning on it” I give her a hug. I was never the hero. I was the villain. It’s time for me to start playing the role.
“You’re not gonna tase me right?” She jokes I laugh. I think that’s the first time I laughed since I left.
“No, you’re too quick for that”
“Damn right I am” She pulls away from me. “Y/N, keep in touch?”
“I promise” I nod, “take care ‘em for me, yeah” I ask her
“I’ll try. We’re a bit of a mess without you.” She admits sheepishly.
“Come on, you guys are the greatest, mightiest heroes!”
“But you were the glue” Sadness hits me in a wave.
“I’ll try and come back” There’s a hint of a promise in the words I utter, but we both know that the chances of that happening are slim to none. Not until HYDRA is defeated.
“I love you” She whispers one last time as I leave the bar. The stupid catchy song is stuck in my head and I want to cry. I walk out into the cold night and I find myself wishing desperately to be holding a metal hand. I hear two pairs of footsteps behind me. I bury my emotions away. There’s no room for that in war.
A Few Months Later
“Fuck!” I curse. I was sitting on the floor, a crappy laptop in my lap. It was buffering just when I needed it to be working. I was about to hack into a little group of HYDRA’s that was in Boston. Boston was different than New York. I missed the big apple. Mostly I missed the people I left behind. Suddenly the buffering turned into a warning. The tracked back the signal to me. I cleared the hard drive of the computer. Then took a bat and smashed the computer. it was quite cathartic.Once I was satisfied I got up, grabbed my bag and made my way to the door. The one good thing about finding abandoned buildings is not feeling bad about burning them to the ground. This fire would provide just enough cover for me to ditch my tail and relocate.
The plus side is that it would be a signal to Nat. By the time people stop the fire they’ll find one thing. A metal rose. It’s kind of my thing. Or it was my thing when I was with HYDRA. It’s my own person snub at HYDRA for being so close yet so far. I lit a match and dropped it. I had already dumped gasoline so the fire grew and grew rapidly. I ran out and watched as people gathered near the burning building. I stayed a moment to make sure that no one was left inside. I heard nothing but the crackling of flames. I stayed until the fire department came. People muttered that they were glad that it was empty.
Then I made a dash for it. I found a care just around the corner. I jumped in and hot wired it. Thank you Rogers, I thought to myself. I set up my raidio that was intune to my tails phones. I needed to know what they know at all times. There was silence for the first few hours of driving.
“She’s headed for Quincy” I heard.
“Are you postive” A heavily accented voice asked.
“It’s an estimation sir”
“Then go, follow her”. I was going to drive south toward Quincy, make a call, then drive North. It was my best shot. Besides there was one last thing I needed. And it was in New York. Once i got what I needed I could inact my plan. Granted it was a really stupid plan, and quite dangerous, but it was the only plan in which HYDRA was shut down. I already knew where they were taking me. It was the main HYDRA base. It had their main intellgience files, their main scientists, their main everything. Taking this out wouldn’t be like cutting off a head. It would be cutting out the heart. If all goes well and it works only clean up would be needed.
So I drove. I turned off my radio and used the car radio. I sang along to some new pop song in order to calm myself down. I was terrfied. The closer I got to New York, the more nervous I got. Maybe it’s because all the months of preperation were finally about to pay off. I stopped somewhere, I’m not entirley sure. Nighttime was already here and this place was beyond sketchy. I parked next to what my new car would be. I stayed in. I had a call to make.
“Y/N” Her voice was quiet.
“Nice to hear your voice Nat” I joked.
“How are you? Are you okay? I just heard about the fire. What the fuck where you thinking? You’re supposed to be subtle. A fire is not subtle!”
“Nat breath. I was just having some fun with HYDRA” I explain “They think i’m still in Boston on my way to Quincy”
“That was still reckless” Her voice is calmer but there’s still an edge.
“I’m still alive Nat” I smile, “Look I don’t have much time. I need you and Wanda to meet me in Central Park”
“I’ve been working like crazy to avoid her. If she looks in my mind and knows I helped-”
“Nat, it’s fine, she needs to know. I need her to do somthing for me. If she doesn’t my plan might not work”
“Y/N you’re going to do somehting stupid arent you”
“It’s the only way I know how to function”
“And I thought Roger’s was bad” she groans.
“Nat? Will you do it?”
“Yes” she breath. We say out goodbyes. I turn off the burner and leave it in the car. The windows are rolled down so I can unlock the car door. I hop in, hot wire it and make my way towards New York. Well hell, if I thought I was nervous then, i’m about to have a heart attack right now. I took a deep breath and readied myself for the four hour drive.
I was waiting in Central Park. I was wearing a hoodie and jeans. I sat on a bench reading a book as I analyzed my surrounding. There were no HYDRA personel yet. I waited and waited. I was nervous to say the least. I honed in my skills and hid my fear rather well.
“Y/N” I heard her before I say her. I felt her arms around me before I had a moment to process anything. “Where have you been” Her voice is airy.
“That story takes more time than I have.” I pull away from her.
“I understand. Are you coming home?” Her face is hopeful and I hate to be the one to take that hope away from her.
“After I do one last thing” I tell her, “But the thing is I need you’re help to get it done”
“What is it”
“Can you protect memories?” I ask her, my own hope was hanging in the balance. “You can manpulate minds. Can you manipulate mine so that I remember certain things”
“I’ve never done something like that” Her eyebrows scruch together.
“What are you planning to do?” Nat voices.
“It’s better if you don’t know”
“Like hell it is” She places a hand to her hip. I think about it for a minute. I decide that it was the only way for them to understand was for them to know.
“I’m going into HYDRA’s base” I say.
“Are you insane?” Nat’s disbelif is palpable.
“Y/N, You can’t!” Wanda exclaims.
“This is the only way. Trust me” I try and calm them down.
“But-” Nat begins.
“No, this is my mess and this is my solution”
“And what exactly is your plan”.
“Just stay tuned. If i’m not back in 6 months, then just asume the worse okay” I warn them
“This is stupid, reckless even!” Nat said.
“I never said it wasn’t. But I can get in. I can use my power to end them.” I find myself pleading with them, hoping they understand. “I can’t come home with them still out there with a gun to your heads”
Wanda nods. She understands. She doens’t like it, that much is evident but there’s a sense of understanding. I hold her hand in mine.
“Can you do it?” I look into her eyes. She waits a minute trying to think about it.
“I can try” everything about her is determined. She reminded me of Peitro for a moment. They had the same set of their jaw, the same determined look. My heart hurt. Her eyes glow crimson. I lock eyes with her and get lost in the redness of them. There are different red hues. Burgondy, bright red, even pinky reds. Her hands release a red smoke almost as I begin to feel my head beguin to reel. I feel like i’m falling. I close my eyes.
I can see my plan visually. I can see it unfold. I focus on them, I focus on making them real. Then I see Bucky’s face. Sepcifically the way he looked after I told him I loved him. His hair was a mess and I probably looked like crap but he still grinned like an idiot. When I open my eyes Wanda is smiling.
“I think it worked” my voice is weak.
“It did. I figured You might need a Bucky memory” Wanda assures me. “Now you need to do what you need to do, but you need to come back” I smile at her.
“thank you for that last memory especially” I squeeze her hand.
“You’re even more headstrong than Seth” Nat say as I get up, “Come here” She pulls me into a hug. She holds on a little longer than normal. I guess that’s the closest i’ll get to “i’ll miss you”. We pull away and I can tell she’s hearbroken.
“I love you Nat, i’ll be fine” I assure her, although I don’t belive myself. I turn to give Wanda a hug. She pulls me in tightly as if she never planned on letting me go. As I pull away she kisses both of my cheeks. “Don’t you worry, Wanda. It’s takes more than HYDRA to get rid of me” I joke.
“Be safe” Her eyes are littered with worry.
“wish me luck” I say turning and walking away. With every step I take my heart pounds faster. I’m terrfied that this won’t turn out well. But if I don’t do this, then HYDRA will just find some other girl to be me and fufill this mission. I’m not their top choice for this mission. But with me, they wouldn’t have to start with scratch. I walk down the familair streets of New York. I smile as I breath it all in for maybe, but hopefully not, the last time. I close my eyes for a minute. I open them and leave behind me thought and memories and feeling. I walk to an old building. There eyes everywhere. I can feel their greedy gazes on me. I take a deep breath and walk into the building. I make my way to my old aprtment
I look around. It’s just how we left it. It’s still a mess and I find myself starting to fall apart. I walk into Seth’s room. His stuff is mostly gone but there are few things littered here and there. I pick up an old book. I could never find the will to throw away his things. So I left them as they were. I walked into my room. There wasn’t a lot left since Tony and Nat moved my stuff into the tower.
I feel like crying and breaking down and theres only one person I want with me right now. I pull myself together as I let one tear fall from my eyes. I move toward the nightstand. I take out the false bottom. There it is. Four vials of a bright blue liquid that almost glows. I stuff them into my backpack and pull out my gun and my knife. I tunk my gun in my boot and walk out of the aprtment, ready for a fight.
I make my way out of the building and that’s when they attack me. I punch, kick, and use my knife. I can hear the gasps from people around me as black HYDRA personell attack me. I take down about 20 agents and I feel myself start to tire. I hear a gunshot and that wakes me up right away.
I tke out my own gun. It was my favorite gun. It was nothing fancy but it got the job done. I began to shoot as well as contunue hand to hand combat. I had to put on a show before I let them take me. They needed to think that had made me sibmit to them or else they would be suspisious.
Then something hit my leg. I fell and hit the ground hard.
I shoot the agents closer to me and they fall with thuds around me. But more people swarm towads me. My heart races.
“Y/N!!!” I hear someone call, my heart skips a beat. I would know that husky voice anywhere. Bucky. I look over my right shoulder and I see him. He does look like hell. He’s got bags under his eyes and his hair is even more unruly than normal. He hasn’t shaved in a while either, but when he see’s me he looks almost happy. Thats soon gone as he realizes the predicament I’m in.
“Bucky RUN” I yell as loud as I can, but it’s too late the jerk is running twards me. He lands punshes and kicks trying to make his way towards me. I feel arms pick me up roughly. The last thing I see is Bucky fighting two agents as a HYDRA worker carries me and puts me in a black car. I hear him scream my name but it’s too late, HYDRA has me. Tears stream down my face as I hear him call my name as we drive away. Then everything goes black
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Lots of Love,
Ellie from Physics of Fangirling