i-crying

A mix of things I love: summer, beaches and Lance ☆

My first digital piece in years and i had to do it with a mouse. sigh. couldve added a little more detail with a tablet but ya know. Anyway, thought itd be interesting to do comics about how the ghosts died and this is sorta my take on Ember. i might do the others but idk.

jedidiahjenkins: Look closely at the photo. There is beauty in this story.
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After speaking at @yellowconference I had to run to my car and drive to Sophia’s house. She sent a text out the day before to our close group of friends. She said ‘Patch is in a bad way. I’m wondering if you, my chosen family, can come over and spend the day with me and him and let’s send him to heaven surrounded by the love he’s given us for fourteen years.’
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Everyone had been there all day by the time I pulled up. I saw cars lined down the whole street. I had that tight throat that comes with tears seeing all my friends in one place, rallied last minute to be the love Sophia needed. To show Patch the love he deserved.
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Patch was a pitbull rescue with one eye. He lost the other from a fight or abuse or we don’t know. But Sophia rescued this rejected broken dog and he traveled with her everywhere. He napped in our laps and licked us clean.
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Patch couldn’t really walk anymore or control his functions. So yesterday, on his glorious last day as a dog, we fed him so much bacon, salami, ice cream, all the things a dog could dream of. He must’ve gone numb from being rubbed and pet.
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When the kind hearted vet showed up, Sophia assumed most of us would leave. Everyone stayed. The group just quieted and took the posture of reverence. Patch was given something to make him fall into the deepest loveliest sleep. Sophia lay beside him, spooning him on his bed. She whispered to him things I couldn’t hear. She giggled. He was snoring loudly. Then, he went to be with all the dogs that have loved before him. We were crying.
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I said to my friend @azitaloves, 'take note. I want this when I go. I want this exact day.’
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There are many lonely humans who have never known the love this dog knew. He earned it by his love, but first, someone took a chance on him. He was a reject. He was probably mean and sad. A 'dangerous dog.’ Sophia said 'I will be your home. Your safe place.’ And he became the best dog in history. That’s what love does.

“I love you.”

Castiel heard the words, his eyes were clouded by the warm flow of blood from his brow, but his ears could make out the three words perfectly. The cold numb fuzziness of death was starting to erupt form his toes and fingers but all his mind was focused on was those three words.

“Cas, do you hear me?”

He thinks maybe someone is shaking his shoulders, maybe there is a palm pressed to his cheek, but he can’t psychically feel anything anymore. His nerves are dying as quickly as his heart rate is slowing, as quickly as his pulse is fading. All he can do is attach his weakening subconscious to the sound of those three words over and over and over again.

“Do not do this to me, sweetheart. You can’t die. Not like this. I’m in love with you, do you hear me? I fucking love you and you aren’t allowed to leave me! Goddammit, Cas! You promised me we would turn gray together!”

Cas thinks maybe a tear escapes his eye but he’s too drained to fight to keep air in his lungs. He wants to see that infinite green one more time but he can’t move anything, every muscle is locked into its final place. With one last thought, I love you, Dean, his light flickered into nothing.

SOME TIME LATER

“His vitals are rapidly improving. We are going to keep him here for some time to make sure everything is doing well and what was damaged is either repaired or repairing on its own.” A deep voice was slowly bleeding into Cas’ head.

It felt like he had been hibernating, like months or ever years had passed with his eyes closed and his mind shut off. Very foggily he started to register his own breathing, the rising and falling of his chest, the sense of a soft fabric wrapped around his skin, the warmth of lights above him, and the crisp taste of air in his lungs.

“Is there any chance he won’t pull through?” His husband’s voice filled his ears and seemed to expand his heart until he could feel his pulse quicken rapidly.

Suddenly he could feel people’s presences all around him, buttons being pushed and beeping that matched his heart’s pounding. Someone was yelling that his heart rate was escalated and he wished he could say, ‘no shit, I want to see my husband’. But all he managed was a simple twitch of his lips.

“Did you see that!?” His favorite voice wailed. “His lip moved! It moved! Cas!” All at once Dean’s voice was right in his ear, and he thanked every God he knew the name of for being able to feel his husband’s breath on his cheek. “Cas, you’re in there. I know you are. I’m right here, baby.”

“Sir, can you please-“

“Cas, listen to me.” Dean’s voice was heartbreak soaked in desperation. “You come back to me. You get your ass back to me or else-or else-“

“Sir-“

Lips pressed to Cas’ forehead, they were dry and quivering. “Please.”

“Mr. Winchester, we need you to-“ The doctor sounded exhausted yet sympathetic.

“I’m backing up.” And then Cas was alone and cold.

SOME MORE TIME LATER

The first thing Cas saw was a white ceiling. It pissed him off a little before he wanted Dean to be the first thing he saw. It only took a few seconds for him to move his gaze until he fell on his husband’s slouched figure. Dean was snoozing loudly all contorted on a chair in the corner of the room. Even though Cas knew he had died, knew he had been brought back to life, he thought Dean looked like he was the one that died.

Guilt wormed its way into his veins.

“Dean?” His voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper, and caused him to break into a coughing fit.

It was the fit that got the other man to startle awake. Wide-eyed and full of panic, Dean met Cas’ eyes and the world seemed to stop. Cas was too busy trying to cling to Dean’s eyes in hopes that this wasn’t a dream, and Dean… Dean was mesmerizing each detail of Cas’ face in case it was the last time he saw it.

“Swee-“ Dean’s face contorted into a painful pinched grimace as his voice simply gave out. Without a care in the world except to touch Cas, Dean leapt from his chair onto the hospital bed where he could gather up his frail husband in his arms. Pressing kiss to his head, Dean couldn’t help the sobs now the only sound in the room.

Castiel closed his eyes and simply gave in to the warmth of his husband. He relived his last moments and couldn’t believe he had the second chance to see Dean again. Tomorrow he may die, or the day after that, but right now he had the love of his life in his arms and he wouldn’t ever take in for granted again.

Still with a fragile voice, Cas painstakingly used his shaking pointer finger to draw the words ‘I love you’ against Dean’s back. Even if the other man didn’t understand what Cas was trying to say, he knew that Dean would never doubt the love they shared.