i-cries

Sana Bakkoush put a chest of drawers against her door before she let herself cry.

Before she allowed herself a moment of vulnerability she had to make sure that no one was able to see her.

She has reached out so much to people and loved them through their pain but she just can’t burden someone with her own. So she locks herself in her room, probably scolding herself as she feels the tears coming as her throat aches with the strength of a sob. But she doesn’t allow herself this she only lets a just a few tears fall and then composes herself.

Sana Bakkoush is probably the strongest person in this show and that very quality is also her weakness.

things no one told me about moving:

it will be great. you can go places alone and not answer to anyone and do whatever you want.

it will suck. a lot. one day you will be making grilled cheese and burst into tears at the stove because that was always your dad’s thing and he’s 3,000 miles away and you just want a hug.

you will feel empowered. decorating your room and building IKEA furniture and navigating a new city: you will take all of this as it comes and you will figure it out and you will feel strong.

you will feel alone. people you thought were your friends are not. you will spend a lot of afternoons in your apartment wishing you had someone to sit on a couch and watch netflix with. you will stop yourself from texting everyone you know and whining to them, because you don’t want to be a bother.

you can reinvent. no one knows you here. this is both overwhelmingly freeing and frighteningly awful.

people will let you down. people in your new city, people in your old city, no one is immune. all you can do is roll with it.

it will suck to put yourself out there sometimes. you will constantly worry if you are doing the right thing and saying the right thing and if you are too much. you will get home and lay on your bed and wonder why it’s so hard. keep trying.

you will miss out. family dinners, bachelorette weekends, the championship sports game. you will have to learn to be okay with this.

you will cry. a lot. even if you’re not a crier. even if you know this was the right choice. you will still cry. this is alright.

you will never question if you did the right thing. because change is good and important and necessary, and you are going to be okay.

or: i moved 3,000 miles away and all i have is this shitty poem

nothing makes sense……. why would yousef flirt with Sana like there’s no tomorrow while playing basketball and making her smile and the next day he literally breaks her heart and makes her cry
i swear if I see my baby girl heartbroken or crying again I will sue NRK, Julie and yousef