i-ate-my-twin

Pitch Perfect Sentence Starters

“I ate my twin in the womb.”
“I set fires to feel joy.”
“I like to watch babies cry.”
“I like it when pretty boys dress up in drag and perform for me.”
“I was born with gills like fish.”
“Do you want to see a dead body?”
“I’m horizontal running.”
“You have a fat heart, and that’s what matters.”
“You’re gonna get pitch-slapped so hard, your (man) boobs are gonna concave.”
“If we let them penetrate us, we are giving them our power!”
“Not a good enough reason to use the word ‘penetrate.’”
“I have a feeling we should kiss.”
“Is that a good feeling or an incorrect feeling?”
“Sometimes I have the feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, mmm… better not.”
“A-ca-scuse me?”
“You are awesome… ly horrible. I hate you. Kill yourself.”
“ I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously.”
“You’re really drunk right now. I don’t think you’re gonna remember any of this.”
“ No, I’m not drunk at all. You’re just blurry.”
“It’s like when my doctor told me not to have sex for six weeks, and I did it anyway.”
“ Damn. Prison changed you.”
“Well, at least it’s not herpes. Or do you have that as well?”
“I can’t concentrate on anything you’re saying until you cover your junk.”
“ His butt is so tiny that I can hold it with, like, one hand.”
“ Excuse me bitch, you don’t need to shout.”
“ Don’t worry, it’s just God punishing you ‘cause you’re a ginger.”
“Don’t just bring it, sing it, and let’s do this.”
“Nothing makes a woman feel more like a girl than a man who sings like a boy.”
“Give me the sharp weapon, I wanna put it up his butt!”
“Yeah, no don’t put me down for cardio.”
“Huh. Not a dude. It’s not a dude.”
“This ginger needs her jiggle juice!”
“Wanna do something else? We could re-live my parents’ divorce. Or visit a gynecologist.”
“Leave it. It fuels my hate fire.”
“The kraken has been unleashed! Feel the fat power!”
“You are probably the grossest human being I have ever met.”
“Here’s your official rape whistle! Don’t blow it unless it’s actually happening!”
“I’m willing to sign breasts!”
“Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally. It’s just easier.”

I hate my bed, I hate my home, I hate my job
I hate the wife, I hate the kids, I hate the dog
I hate the sun, I hate the rain, I hate the clouds
I hate the TV, hate the dinner, hate the couch
I hate the car, I hate the bus, I hate the road
I hate the bar, I hate to drink, I hate to smoke
I hate a stranger, hate his boss, I hate his friend
I hate the womb, I needed room, I ate my twin
I hate my hands, handshakes, pancakes, milkshakes
Child-resistant locks on the pill case
I hate inflation, hate the store, I hate to choose
I hate the war, I hate the poor, I hate the news
I hate the late, I can’t be early, hate to wait
I hate my lovers cause the way they suffocate
I fuck to hurt, it hurt to date, I hate to date
I fuck to hate, I hate to love, I hate to hate
And it just don’t
And it just don’t
And it just don’t
It don’t get no better
It don’t get no
It don’t get no better
It just don’t get no better
I hate to lose, I hate to try, I hate to win
I hate to cruise, I hate to fly, I hate to swim
I hate the optimistic smirks on the face of children
I hate the government and those who deface its buildings
I hate artists, hate creatives, I hate bright people
I hate darkness, I hate racists, I hate white people
I hate small speakers, I hate loud speakers
I hate great concerts, I don’t like crowds neither
I hate money, I hate change, I hate hope
I hate funny, I hate strange, I hate dope
I hate charities and parodies and tragedies
I hate carrots, peas, asparagus
Virtually all vegetables, circuses, all festivals
Texts that are oversexual, emotion because it’s perpetual
I hate schedules, calendars, reminders cause’ they just remind us That tomorrow gon’ be just as timeless
I fuckin’ hate you
—  The social experiment, no better blues

I hate my bed, I hate my home, I hate my job
I hate the wife, I hate the kids, I hate the dog
I hate the sun, I hate the rain, I hate the clouds
I hate the TV, hate the dinner, hate the couch
I hate the car, I hate the bus, I hate the road
I hate the bar, I hate to drink, I hate to smoke
I hate a stranger, hate his boss, I hate his friend
I hate the womb, I needed room, I ate my twin
I hate my hands, handshakes, pancakes, milkshakes
Child-resistant locks on the pill case
I hate inflation, hate the store, I hate to choose
I hate the war, I hate the poor, I hate the news
I hate the late, I can’t be early, hate to wait
I hate my lovers cause the way they suffocate
I fuck to hurt, it hurt to date, I hate to date
I fuck to hate, I hate to love, I hate to hate

And it just don’t
And it just don’t
And it just don’t

I hate to lose, I hate to try, I hate to win
I hate to cruise, I hate to fly, I hate to swim
I hate the optimistic smirks on the face of children
I hate the government and those who deface its buildings
I hate artists, hate creatives, I hate bright people
I hate darkness, I hate racists, I hate white people
I hate small speakers, I hate loud speakers
I hate great concerts, I don’t like crowds neither
I hate money, I hate change, I hate hope
I hate funny, I hate strange, I hate dope
I hate charities and parodies and tragedies
I hate carrots, peas, asparagus
Virtually all vegetables, circuses, all festivals
Texts that are oversexual, emotion because it’s perpetual
I hate schedules, calendars, reminders cause’ they just remind us That tomorrow gon’ be just as timeless
I fuckin’ hate you

—  Chance The Rapper
Pitch Perfect - Starter Sentences
  • I set fires to feel joy.
  • That’s adorable.
  • Look, just so you know, I’m not a total nerd. I also happen to be super into close-up magic.
  • I should have taken that cardio tip more seriously.
  • Well, at least it’s not herpes. Or do you have that as well?
  • I have a feeling we should kiss. Is that a good feeling or an incorrect feeling?
  • Sometimes I have the feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, mmm… better not.
  • No, I’m not drunk at all. You’re just blurry.
  • I’m gonna kill him! I’m gonna finish him like a cheesecake!
  • I ate my twin in the womb.
  • Don’t worry, it’s just God punishing you ‘cause you’re a ginger.
  • I’ve wrestled crocodiles and dingoes simultaneously.
  • could you please get your head out of your ass? It’s not a hat!
  • I have a confession. I have a lot of sex.
  • Is it me, or did we just take a left turn into snooze-ville?
  • You are probably the grossest human being I have ever met.
  • Do you want to see a dead body?
  • Who do you think would be easier to sleep with, Captain America or a great white shark?
  • I have a confession to make.
  • You’re really drunk right now. I don’t think you’re gonna remember any of this.
  • Not a good enough reason to use the word ‘penetrate.’

okay story time
so today at school this girl was gettin real close to me like rEAL close like intimate close and i got nervous and didnt know what to do so i just whisper “i ate my twin in the womb” and you would not believe the look of terror that erupted on hER FACE AND SHE JUST LIKE SCREAMED AND THEN THIS OTHER GIRL THATS FRIENDS WITH HER IS LAUGHING SO HARD AND GOES “i kNOW WHERE THATS FROM” and i dONT EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM I DONT EVEN LIKE PITCH PERFECT

anonymous asked:

one time during an ice breaker thing at school i had to say my name and a fact about myself and my fact was that i ate my twin in the womb

I have absolutely no idea what to do with this information.