i-ate-cake

from this weekend: vegan carrot cake pancakes with banana, peanut butter, chocolate chips, coconut, granola and lemon ‘cream cheese’ drizzle

vegan food instagram: @tumblinbumblincrumblincookie

Analysis: Astro as Boyfriends...

To the anon that requested this: I sincerely apologize about how ridiculously long this is;;; it’s like rly long i’m so sry but once you get me started on Astro as BFs, I could go on for hours, okay? like they’d be the best boyfriends EVER don’t fight me on this <3 T~T

JinJin

  • literally the softest boyfriend in the world
  • always wants to make sure you’re happy and comfortable
  • if you’re not though
  • he becomes like this unstoppable pillar of emotional and physical reassurance and support <3
  • he’ll always snuggle you until you feel better
  • or until you’re ready to talk about whatever’s bothering you
  • loves to bear-hug you from behind
  • and just totally wrap you up in his arms
  • SUCH a good listener
  • incredibly patient!!
  • loves showing off for you but gets embarrassed about it easily
  • buys you little presents all the time
  • just lil things
  • like “i saw this and thought of you” type of gifts
  • bc you’re always lowkey on his mind
  • lowkey what am i saying?? ur highkey on his mind

now.

  • let’s talk about skinship =u=

Keep reading

Random Starters!

Send one! Change pronouns to suit muse. 

  • “Does your masochism extend to an enjoyment of being put in your place like the little bitch you are?”
  • “I’m going to furiously shit lava onto your phone if you text me another three hundred Japanese emoji.”
  • “What the fuck is swiping left and swiping right? I don’t fucking swipe anything, fuck that subtle shit. If I see it I take it and I don’t give a FUCK who’s looking, it’s mine.“
  • “I was using my Grandma’s computer and the last three searches on google were for the price of rat poison, some quotes on cheep funerals, and what the best dating sites are. Should I be worried about Grandpa?”
  • “Once I get paid that Hello Kitty Assault Rifle is MINE.”
  • “Godzilla must have a dick the size of a Winnebago, but we never get to see it? COME-ON TOHO COMPANY, GIVE US THE BUS SIZED LIZARD DICK”
  • “I am a gift from god himself, a treasure amongst you heathens, and I deserve to be fed as such.”
  • “Some people just, eat onions? Like they’re apples? Like they take a fucking bite out of an onion like it’s nothing? How do you fuck up as a person like that?”
  • “How do you super glue a four generation family tree back to its stump? Asking for a friend. His name is Redwood.”
  • “Nobody invited me out, which is too bad for them because my presence is a grace upon your otherwise lifeless existences.”
  • “You commit so much property damage when you’re drunk we should just call you Hurricane Fuckface.”
  • “You ever see a cake so beautiful you wanna fuck it? That’s how I felt when I ate my first phallic cake.”
  • “Having the flu isn’t an excuse to lay around all day sniffling. You know what would make you feel better? Infecting complete strangers, that’s what. Let’s go bowling!!”
  • “I!! Am not!! A person!! NO!!!”
  • “My friend tried to pull the ‘dick in the box’ joke on me, and then I kicked it. Now he’s in the hospital.”
  • “I tried to fuck an apple pie like in that one movie. It was pretty nice, until the next day when I found out I had a yeast infection.”
  • “Good morning. The cat took a shit in your shoes. Both of them. What do you want for breakfast?”
  • “Eat my food again and I’ll fling you into the sun by your ankles.”
  • “Girl, are you a plasma screen TV? Cause you be MAKING UP MOST OF THE ELECTRICITY BILL. FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? WHAT’S EVEN PLUGGED IN IN YOUR ROOM?”
  • “You know someone who’s like, sort of ugly, sort of okay looking, but then their personality just pushes it over the edge and they’re just ugly? That’s you.”
  • “Here lies your reputation, in the trash next to the empty bear bottles and a dead raccoon.”
  • “Yeah asshole, reading my diary was EXACTLY the key to mending our relationship.”
  • “Ever since I let you borrow my laptop, Google won’t stop giving me ads for ammonia in bulk and empty storage lots nearby. What exactly were you doing last weekend?”
Tales of Miss Fortune(Part 6)

AKA, God is dead and we are getting almost nsfw. RIP Adrien’s dick. And congratulations to everybody who guessed who is getting drunk.

Sin warning! Well, sort of.

First | Next


Marinette tapped her chin thoughtfully as she stared at the six rococo paintings propped against the wall. Sticking her tongue out she began sketching fastly, trying to make the imagine in her head take a form on the paper. She had this rococo inspired collection in her mind for a while now, she just needed the time to gather the reference material. Or in this case, oil paintings. Marinette looked at the paintings again. That was the problem with inspired collections. You always had to be careful how much you take, how much you put from you and how well it can blend so it actually looks good. After about twenty minutes Marinette was moderately satisfied with the sketch. Taking a sip from her tea, she glanced at her kwami, Tikki who was sleeping soundly on the puffy pillow Marinette had made for her three years ago. The little god had not been very happy with the way Marinette decided to use one of the most powerful miraculouses. It began by trying to convince Marinette to change her ways. But if you knew Marinette Dupain-Cheng you knew she was a stubborn one, so that attempt failed. And when the little god saw it was in vain, she just gave Marinette the silent treatment for almost two years. It had been… awkward. And then the accident with her father happened and her mother decided to move back to China and it was just Marinette in an empty apartment studio. In the end, she and Tikki had to speak. It turned out better than expected. She wasn’t approving Marinette’s behavior but she was being more amused by it than annoyed nowadays. Shaking her head she returned her attention to her sketches, only to be interrupted by a message.

Odd. If Alya wanted to talk with hr they would Skype. Picking up her phone, Marinette opened the message. And had to read it two more times to make sure she wasn’t seeing things.

I know this message could be interpreted as lacking properness, and you are under no circumstances forced to agree, but I am in a state that requires quite the distraction, but I’m not emotionally stable enough to get the respective distraction on my own. So this is my official invitation for you to share an alcoholic beverage with me. ω(=^・^=)ω 

Marinette covered her mouth and giggled. Oh, that awkward precious bean. Well, isn’t like she could refuse the offer of getting drunk with her sweet kitten. Marinette smirked. this was bound to be interesting.


It seemed like he was already drunk when she arrived, if his wobbly moves and foggy look were anything to go by. Adrien held the door open as he looked at Marinette, his eyes zeroing on her low v neck. He giggled.

“I can see your ladyboobies.” he burst into another fit of giggles.

Marinette raised one eyebrow: “I can take my shirt off so you can see them even better.”

As Adrien almost fell on his ass from the shock, Marinette strutted in, and took a seat in one of the armchairs before pouring herself a glass. That was some expensive wine, but isn’t like she should be surprised. Adrien joined her sitting in the armchair across from her and picking a bottle and beginning to gulp the wine down. Marinette let her gaze size him up, wondering just what got him into this state. She certainly hoped it was her. Adrien stared at his bottle as if it hid the answers to the deepest, darker secrets of the universe. With a dramatic sigh, he turned his eyes to her.

“I have to confess my sins.” Marinette was too taken aback to even answer to that. “I used to dress up as Sailor Moon for multiple years. I was the biggest Ouran High School Host Club fan out there, Tamaki was my role model. Once I ate a whole cake in one sitting cause my sweet tooth got out of control.”

Marinette wasn’t that surprised he was an anime fan. He probably liked memes too.

“I have a praise kink.”

“Oh!” Marinette sipped her wine and leaned forward, propping her chin in her hand, cause hell yeah, just hit the jackpot right here. He should have gotten drunk sooner. “Do tell me more.”

Adrien leaned against the back of the armchair and continued a rant. “And a bondage kink. That’s Miss Fortune fault. And I’m into pegging. And I really need to go to church these days or cleanse myself from all the sex dreams I have about her. And sometimes you. Oh, shit, forget I just said that. Anyway, I’m also into gags and pet play and… “

Marinette’s smirk was growing bigger with every kink Adrien was sharing. This night was way more fun than she could have ever imagined. And so informative. Oh, she will make good use of this newfound information. For noble purposes, of course.

“Marinette?” Adrien whined.

“Yes?”

“Do you think Miss Fortune thinks I’m sexy?”

Oh, only if you knew, she thought.

Leaning back, she feigned indifference. “Well, she mentioned she is into blondes, so maybe.”

Adrien got the silliest grin in the world. It was so cute. Marinette bit her lip. She really had to keep from pouncing on him. “But what do you think? Do you think I am sexy?”

Oh, minou, you are far too entertaining, she smiled a little, glancing at her glass contemplatively. Now it was the time for her to play her cards right.

“You reminds me of Chat Noir, actually.” she pouted, her eyes sliding over Adrien. “And given I want to ride him so hard he won’t be able to work for a week, then yeah, I’d say yo are sexy.”

Adrien’s face turned red in seconds and he took another gulp of wine. “You think Chat Noir is sexy?” he must have realized he was being a little too obvious and added. “Funny, I think so too.”

Marinette crossed her legs, trying to hide her amusement at his failed attempts at subtility. “I’m sure you do. What about Miss Fortune, though?”

Adrien got a dreamy look. “Oh, she’s so gorgeous. Her blue eyes just wow, and when she smirks, it’s aaaaaaahhh, and when she teases me, it’s frustrating, but then mmmmmmmmmmm.” h actually moaned at that, before focusing his attention back on her. “ You kind of look like her, a little.” he sighed finally.

Marinette tapped her fingers against her glass, thinking carefully about her next move. She took another sip, finishing whatever was left in the glass and settled it on the table in front of her. Then, slowly, but surely, she got up and made her way towards him, slipping in his lap. “What if I tease you then?”

Adrien put his bottle down and laughed half-heartedly. “Nice try but I can only get hard when it’s Miss Fortune doing it with her yoyo.”

Marinette smirked. This night kept on giving. But back to the problem at hand. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she whispered. “Is this a challenge, angel?”

Adrien seemed to snap back out of his utter drunkness for a moment. He grabbed her wrists gently and took off her arms off his shoulders. “No. You are very pretty, but I am loyal to Miss Fortune.”

Marinette kept from growling. Really now? Really? What must a girl do to get the dick she had been thirsting over for years?

Striking his hair slowly, Marinette decided to play along some more. “And if Miss Fortune was here?”

She could have sworn thee was drool in the corner of his mouth. “My dream threesome.”

Seeing Adrien hadn’t entirely pushed her off, Marinette decided to test something out. Moving slowly, she rolled her hips, grinding against him. Adrien’s eyes were still far away, but his body reacted, his hips pushing back just slightly. Biting her bottom lip, Marinette kept the slow moves. Until she felt something hard against her thigh. Adrien finally seemed to snap out of his threesome dream land.

“Ignore the boner. My dick is more drunk than me. It probably thinks you are Miss Fortune.”

Tilting her head, Marinette gave him a curious look. “Can’t we pretend?”

Honestly, this night was becoming more hilarious with every move. Her whole charade will start to wear thing if Adrien kept being so ‘loyal’. And her hormones weren’t exactly easy to ignore. She was a woman with a healthy sex appetite thank you very much.

“No, no. I’m not as easy to fool as my dick.”

Well, his dick had obvious something to say on the matter, cause it only became harder and started testing the resistance of his jeans and Marinette could feel it perfectly.

“Ignore him, he is rude.”

“Does he have a name?” Marinette asked, glancing quickly between them.

Adrien nodded solemnly. “His name is Adrien Junior.”

Marinette cooed mockingly, which he probably didn’t pick on. “How cute!’ running her fingers through his hair, Marinette assured him. "Don’t worry, Adrien Junior isn’t rude at all. I could even play with him a little.”

“Ah, ah, ah.” Adrien wiggled his index finger in front of her eyes. “I said he only wants to play with Miss Fortune.”

Yeah, she knew how much Adrien Junior wanted to play with her. But Adrien Senior refused every damn time because of some morality bullshit. Marinette sighed. It was obviously she won’t get anything else out of him. If only she hadn’t left Tikki at home… wait.

Adrien gasped as she jumped off him and picked her purse, running out of the apartment.

“I forgot the oven on, I’ll be back soon!” she screamed over her shoulder.

Adrien frowned. That was odd, but hey, he didn’t want Marinette’s house to burn down. He raised his bottle, ready to take another sip only to discover the bottle was empty. Huffing, he went to the table, managing not to fall on his ass, and opened another expensive bottle of wine. the thing about expensive wine was that it was so good it got you drunk properly and that’s exactly what he needed to forget about the whole good kitten incident from that morning. After a couple of minutes, he was really getting too hot. Huh, alcohol was getting him hot. Interesting. He took off his shirt and pants, but kept his red boxers on. It was much better like that. He was contemplating the idea of calling it a night, when a figure stumbled through his balcony’s doors. And there was Miss Fortune in all her glory. Adrien almost dropped the bottle. Maybe she was a hallucination?

“Hey, hunk!” she waved at him.

Nope, she was certainly not a hallucination, hallucinations don’t talk. Or do they?

Well, Chat Noir isn’t here.“ she sighed dramatically. "How I wish he was here.” her eyes slid over to Adrien and she smirked. “Could you pretend to be my kitten for a while?”

Adrien’s brain wasn’t exactly working, so he could only gasp as his dick was screamed at him to accept. Miss Fortune strutted to him and sat on his lap. “Please? I really miss my kitten.”

Adrien squeaked. How could he refuse? “I can be your kitten. And anything else you want me to be.”

Miss Fortune began stroking his hair, the same way Marinette did earlier and just like then Adrien was trying his best not to purr. However, he couldn’t keep the whine in as she stopped her ministrations. However, Adrien’s eyes were about to pop out of his head as she reached for the back of her suit, making it come undone and letting the upper part slid off.

(Marinette knew she was inspired with the design and allowing it to be removable.)

She pouted, feigning shyness. “I always wanted my kitten to say they are his favourites.”

Adrien’s eyes slid to her exposed flesh and hardened nipples and he gulped. “They are my favourites! Your Ladyboobies are wonderful. I love them. I always wanted to hold them.”

Miss Fortune smiled. “Well, they are right here, a few centimeters away, so you have a chance.”

Adrien gasped in delight. Back in his teenage days, eh always wanted to hold her breasts. Not that now he didn’t want to, but he wanted to do other things some more. “Can I?”

Miss Fortune was really liking the starry look in his eyes. “Of course you can, kitten. But no claws, for now, my ladyboobies are a little bit too soft for that.”

Adrien reached for them and cupped her gently, enjoying the sensation of her skin against his palms. “They are warm.”

“Your hands are warm too, mon minou.” she purred. “I said no scratch, but you can squeeze them harder. I don’t mind a tight squeeze.”

Adrien did as she suggested, gripping the flesh tightly, enjoying the way they fit in his hands, before running his thumbs over her nipples. “I love them.”

Miss Fortune hummed, obviously satisfied with his presentation. Somewhere, his mind was screaming that he shouldn’t do things like that with a thief, but honestly, Adrien run out of fucks to give. And he was so drunk, this whole thing could be just one big hallucination. He was going to enjoy it as it lasted.

“Can I kiss them?” he asked suddenly.

“See for yourself, chaton. Can you?”

Licking his lips, Adrien lowered his head and began sucking on her left nipple while he kept massaging her right breast. His tongue teased her, before he moved his mouth, nipping at the sensitive skin above the nipple. As he kept his ministration, moving to the right breast as well, Miss Fortune moaned.

“Oh, minou, you really know how to use that tongue of yours.”

Adrien basked in the praise before a cat-like instinct took over him and he purred shortly. “They are mine. My ladyboobies.”

Miss Fortune giggled, before moaning again. Ah, this was wonderful. If only he would be sober. Tugging gently at his hair, she pulled him away from her boobs. Adrien whined, obviously not satisfied. He gasped as Miss Fortune picked him up and carried him bridal style to his bed.

“Cuddle time, pretty kitten.” she declared, settling him on the bed.

Adrien wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and hiding his face in her breasts. Miss Fortune was stroking his hair soothingly, as he purred against her bare chest. Honestly, this was paradise on earth. Why didn’t he accept her advances earlier? His poor dick had been right the whole time.

“I love your ladyboobies.” he muttered against her skin.

“But do you love me, minou?”

Adrien raised his head oh so slightly, glancing at her with those gorgeous green eyes. “This pussy loves you purry much.”

Miss Fortune kept petting him until he fell asleep soundly. She unwrapped his hands from around her, before getting out of the bed. She tucked him under the blankets and kissed his forehead.

“Sleep well, mon amour.”

instagram

Yesterday I ate cake. 🍰 now I am punishing myself for that. 🚴 😈

Made with Instagram
Imagine:

Barry Allen taking the last piece of cake even when you called it. 

“Barry! I told you this morning that I wanted to have it. Now, I have to survive the afternoon without the delicious cake. What do you have to say about that?” Barry shrugged his shoulders, looking at you apologetically. You groaned and lowered your head against his chest. “I wish you didn’t eat it, but I understand that you have to eat a bunch.” 

“Sorry, Y/N… Hey! Wait, I’ll be right back.” Barry gently pushed you off him, then in a blink of an eye was gone. You smiled. You had an idea of where he had gone. In three minutes, Barry was back, grinning broadly, and you could tell that he was holding something behind his back. “Surprise!”  Barry pulled a medium sized bundt cake out in front of him.

“Oh wow, my favorite!” You quickly grabbed the cake from his hands and set it down before jumping into Barry’s arms, pecking him with kisses. “Thank you so much! You’re the best, honestly.” Barry laughed and kissed your forehead.

“No, Y/N, you’re the best. I’m sorry that I ate your cake, so I hope this makes us even.” You rolled your eyes jokingly.

“You’re too sweet sometimes. Here, we can share.” You grabbed the cake and two forks as you headed over to the couch with Barry quickly following you. “I love you, Barry. Even when you do eat my cake.” You mumbled through devouring the delicious bundt cake.

“I love you too. I’ll buy you as many cakes as you want. As long as you’re happy.”

gif credit: not mine. please message me if yours.
gif came from: google images

🌺I Feel Like I'm Going to Burst🌺

Sorry I don’t have pictures it’s too dark. I’m blasting Melanie Martinez so my Mom doesn’t hear my belly gurgling. I was eating a big bag of cheetos and cake at the same time and it was making my belly gassy to begin with. And I was already full from before. As I was rubbing and admiring how round I felt I thought I should eat more and top it off with warm Ginger ale. So I ate more cake and I had two glasses of ginger ale. I was really stuffed and I could feel my shirt rising under my hoodie the carbonation was really making my belly balloon out plus it was a bit sore to the touch and when I looked down all I saw was my bloated belly and the tips of my socks and when I sat down I had to open my legs a bit to give myself room and my boobs were resting on top of my belly (I’m only a B cup). Just rubbing my belly hurt a bit so I just sat there arching my back and leaning back on my hands until I could burp and release some of the gas from the ginger ale. I can’t really poke my belly button without it hurting me but it’s really tight in there.
(Right now I’m lying in bed amazed at how much My belly can hold)

Avenging Angel: Part 31

Summary: You’ve spent the last five years on a dangerous mission to solve the crime that wrongly imprisoned your father. When the Winchesters find you half-frozen on the side of a mountain, they make it their own mission to save your life and make sure you stay alive. But after five years of uncovering horribly dark secrets, you’ve learned not to trust anyone. Especially people who seem like they have good intentions.

Word Count: 1537

Warnings: None

A/N: I just wanna take a moment and celebrate because I GOT ACCEPTED TO GRAD SCHOOL!!! And, so everyone knows, just because someone is in grad school doesn’t mean they’re mature. I ate chocolate cake for breakfast this morning… with my hands… But anyway, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted an update to Avenging Angel, and I finally got back in the groove. Hopefully things will start to move again. The storyline has been kinda slow lately, but we’ll get some dirty talking Sam in a few parts :)

Avenging Angel Series Masterlist


Land of Hollen. Raptor. 3-6 and 2 down.

Raptor. What the hell did that even mean?

You stared at this exact sheet of notes for countless hours, trying to solve this riddle. The Land of Hollen riddle hadn’t taken you too long. And even after finding the secret storage unit that your father’s key led you to, you still couldn’t figure out this stupid raptor reference.

But your father had had his hands in so many different pots that there had to be something somewhere, right? Contact lenses, nail growth formula, lunar effects… You just weren’t looking hard enough.

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Please Come Home - Conor Maynard

Masterlist

-

I jumped up in my bed with my hand clenching onto my heart as my breathing hitched. My eyes were bleeding out tears. I shakingly picked up my phone and called Conor. The ringing sound stayed for a while in toll there was an answer. “Y/n love?” Conor’s husky voice asked as he just woke up. “Baby.” I cried out. “Y/n! What’s wrong?” He asked as he heard my cry. “Please come home.” I whimpered out as I curled my body against the pillow Conor’s head would be on.

“Babe I’m in Brighton.” Conor replied. “Babe please.” I cried out. “Three hours will you be okay for that long?” Conor asked. “I think.” I replied without a cry. “Watch some Disney movies or anything just don’t fall back to sleep okay?” Conor said. “I’ll try not to.” I said with a sniffle of the nose. “I’ll be there soon I love you.” He said sweetly. “I love you too.” I replied a small smile forming on my lips before disappearing.

“I’ll be there soon. Bye.” He replied. “Okay, bye.” I said before hanging up. I sighed and got up slowly and grabbed Conor’s jumper which he left here And pulled it onto my body and made my way out of my room and found myself going towards the kitchen. I opened my pantry and grabbed the chocolate cake and s fork and made my way to the couch and sat down and started to eat the cake as I began to cry a little.

The moon shined through the black felt that hung above the big window. I ate the cake slow as my tears feel onto it. I was so tired land just wanted to just fall asleep but I’m afraid the nightmare will start again.

Conor’s Point of View

I pulled out the key to our shared flat and turned it in the keyhole to unlock the door. Once I got in I closed it behind me and locked it and found Y/n on the couch with her face against the chocolate cake. I chuckled at her and dropped my suitcase and backpack on the floor and walked to her. I sighed and grabbed the cake out of her hands and face and put it back. I grabbed out my phone and took a picture before picking her up.

She snarled a bit before opening her eyes and found mine. “I fell asleep.” She mumbled looking sad at me. “It’s fine beautiful.” I whispered as I brought her into the bathroom sitting her on the counter. “Thank you.” She then mumbled. “What do you mean Y/n?” I asked as I grabbed the rag and wet it. “For coming home.” She mumbled looking up at me as I started to wipe off the chocolate on her face. “Don’t worry babe. I don’t like when you cry.” I frowned kissing her cheek.

I saw as her cheeks became a rosy color. I love that I still have that effect on her. “You wanna go back to bed now?” I asked. She nodded and I pulled her back up and brought her to our bed placing her down. I took off my shoes and crawled in with her and pulled her closer to me. “You won’t get any more nightmares. I promise.” I whispered. She looked at me and gave me a small smile. “I love you.” She whispered. “I love you to darling.” I said kissing her lips.

  • Disatvantages of baking too many muffins: I can't carry all those muffins to work tomorrow!
  • Advantages of baking too many muffins: I will eat all the goddamn leftover muffins today by myself and probably get a stomachace but it will be worth it!
Ramblings of a girl who eats a shit ton of yogurt

So I have a cringe hit counter that I keep adding to when I read fanfiction


But I just realized


Their not cringy


I’m just experiencing a real bad case of second-hand embarrassment


Originally posted by n-wordbelike

Dear Diarist

High school AU where Dean finds a diary, and it just so happens to contain his name - and details of the mystery writer’s intense crush on him. But Dean’s also got a crush… it’s too much to hope for that the diarist is Castiel, right?

happy birthday to @destieldrabblesdaily!!! love you Shirley <3

(read here on AO3 if you prefer!)

Dear Diary,

I think I’m a ghost. No one ever seems to see me at all.

Dean frowned, staring down at the first page of the book that he’d found on top of the lockers, pushed back out of sight. He’d never have found it at all, if Sam hadn’t taken his Physics textbook and hidden it up there, just to show off that he was taller than Dean now.

I don’t talk to anyone and no one talks to me. It’s not that they don’t like me, it’s that they don’t seem to see me at all. I swear I really am a ghost.

Dean stopped reading, frowning. Was this supposed to be an actual diary, or some kind of story? He checked the front cover of the book for a name, a clue to whom it might belong - but found nothing. He opened it up again.

One day, I think I’m just going to stand up and walk right out of class. And no one will even look up. I’m going to walk out of class and never come back and not one person at this school will miss me. And I won’t miss any of them, either. Except…

Dean leaned back against his locker and flipped the page, his attention caught. He wondered briefly whether he should stop reading - but then he got a glimpse of the next few words, and his curiosity escalated out of control.

… there is one boy. Dean Winchester, his name is Dean Winchester. 

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