Atomic Blonde (and why I’m a Sapphic who adored it)
Okay, first off…WOW! What a ride that film was! After having a full 24hrs
to really digest this film, I can honestly say that this film really blew my
expectations, in so many different ways. Since there seems to be so much
discourse over this film, I thought I would post a POSITIVE list of all the
reasons why this film is as important and special to me as it is, even with
That Scene. As Lorraine Broughton would say, “ Shall We?”
Okay first off, the obvious…
80′s soundtrack with phenomenal remixes.
NEON FOR DAYS!!
Charlize Theron, playing a truly Bad-Ass Bisexual MI6 Agent while still looking sexy as Hell!
The action was some of the best I have ever witnessed!
The general setting of this film, Communist Berlin, gives a remarkable window into just what the Cold War in its later stages entailed. The Cold War was perhaps one of the most deceitful wars in history, and when you figure in just how sensitive the situation was, you realize that Every. Move. Counts.
She owns my ass.
Again, we have an Openly-Bisexual Female Lead, who’s only main love interest is another woman!
Charlize Theron not only did 98% of all her own stunts, but she sustained injuries because of it.
I loved her characterization, it was one of the highlights of this film. We often forget that movies like this are hardly ever realistic, but in this film the opening scene is of Lorraine, MI6′s Top Agent, wearily trying to attend to her beaten body. She is barely alive, and as the film goes on we see just how much of a toll her physical and emotional well-being takes due to the nature of her job. As the film progresses we see her grow more cold and disconnected to the point where she is practically numb to those around her (her interrogation, mostly).
She wins all her fights, but not without repercussions. Her body takes. A. Beating. And unlike most films her wounds don’t just magically disappear or just “get better”. No, they are there for weeks, in all their ugliness, to display just how vulnerable as a person she is, whilst also reminding those who see her how tough and strong she has to be just to merely survive.
Lorraine and Delphine
Okay, first off…OMG THESE TWO!
Sofia Boutella was adorable as Delphine, and the way her innocence and naive-ness abolutely melted Lorraine was so cute!
The way Lorraine looked at Delphine with such intrigue, and the way Delphine looked at Lorraine with such awe.
The whole “Harold, they’re Lesbians”-like scenario with the dude at the bar (even tho Lorraine is Bi).
Again, we get another glimpse into Lorraine’s characterization here, which is basically she gets distracted by pretty girls we see that, even though Lorraine is still skeptical of Delphine at first, she very easily falls for her, a softness that we up until that point had yet to see in her.
Delphine’s slight hesitance when she gives Lorraine that adorably soft kiss and Lorraine’s shyness in returning it!
The way we see Lorraine follow Delphine into a more private place and being so dazed and transfixed by this tiny French Girl is mesmerizing and makes my heart skip a beat!
OMG their wicked make-out session and the slamming against the wall and the WHOLE SCENE THAT FOLLOWS I COULD NOT BREATH!
“…So you made contact with the French Operative?” “Obviously”
Lorrainein nothing but a sweater looking over Delphine as she sleeps-watching, wondering, worrying aboutwhat will happen to her.
THEY GOT TOGETHER MORE THAN ONCE!
Honestly, them snuggling was one of the most tender moments in the whole film. For once it feels as though Lorraine is being genuine with Delphine, which she picks up on.
Lorraine stroking Delphine’s hair while Delphine nudges her head in Lorraine’s neck is so precious. The way Lorraine is so gentle with her and laughs and smiles at her makes my heart melt so much! She cares so much for this one woman she just met and it is so beautiful!
Tiny Soft Nose Kisses!
The fact their relationship, no matter how brief, is actually a small subplot means so much because it really feels like this was for us Sapphics, despite what happens later.
That Scene among other things
Oh boy, here we go. In my opinion, I did not see this as partaking in the horrid “Kill Your Gays” trope.
We saw it coming in the trailer you guys, and I was fully prepared for this scenario.
She was a naive, inexperienced spy who got too close to Lorraine, and suffered the ultimate price for it. This happened to all of Lorraine’s lovers (although I honestly think she was just using her first one for information, where as she truly cared for Delphine).
Delphine Fought. Back. Hard! And she did a damn good job at keeping up. But unfortunately she did not have the skill nor the experience to win that battle. She is not Lorraine, who barely came out the mission alive!
This is a spy film about the Cold War, there were going to be many, many casualties. Lorraine (Another Queer) was the only one to make it out alive.
When Lorraine found Delphine, I truly felt for her then. This is the first time we see her fully shut down as she Empathetically mourns her girlfriend (which we hardly get to see in general, the LGBT Hero mourning the death of their lover).
At this point, after all that she has gone through (the beatings, the betrayals, the loss of intelligence, etc) this is the one thing that finally breaks her, and LORRAINE. IS. FUCKING. DONE.
She is done with everything around her, and we see this as she goes from on-the-ground vulnerable to STONE. COLD. NOTHING. And she goes out for blood, and Damn-It does she get it! She shows no mercy for Delphine’s killer, and it is obvious that this is revenge in its most raw form.
In the end this is a story about a spy in the Cold War, and in a genre like this things are going to be very brutal. We see this brutality play out on Lorraine, and how it affects her and all of those involved. She made it out with her life, and that was her reward.
So Delphine’s death, to me, was the final Plot Point to move us into the final act, as it was portrayed as the one act of Evil that Crossed That Line, and to further the Characterization of Lorraine.
I could go one about the phenomenal action sequences, because I have never witnessed such raw and realistic fighting in an action movie, and to have a Female Bisexual as the lead taking as much as she dishes out was both horrifying yet empowering!
Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion, and if you think this film will seriously trigger you, then by all means please take care of your well-being, because that is ultimately the most important thing.
Was I sad that Delphine died? Yes, of course! Did I see it as strictly because she was gay? No, I did not. Do I see this as good representation? Ultimately, yes because I still felt incredibly valid as a Bisexual in more ways than one with this film, and the last time I felt this good about myself was when I first saw Carol (2015) dir. Todd Haynes in theaters (which nothing will ever top that film).
But for everyone else, please GO SEE THIS FILM. For the one negative we must also see all it’s Astonishing Positives this film has, and for it to get the attention and praise that it has is such a big deal for all of us, because if we show our support for this truly Rare Gem then they will make a sequel, and other films like it! Only then can we move forward!
UPDATE: So I just saw Atomic Blonde today for the second time in one week, and upon my second viewing I’ve come to realize just how much I love this film, and why it beat out my expectations originally! And it mainly falls back to what I discussed earlier, about Lorraine and Delphine’s romance and Lorraine herself, for instance:
Again, I love Lorraine’s characterization! Being more aware of the story my second time-round, I got to focus more on Lorraine herself, and I think I underestimated just how cold and numb and positively DONE she is by the “end” of her mission (again, in reference to her interrogation).
The physical and emotional toll on her and her body really is just as prominent as I remember, and my goodness I cannot recall another film where I actually left the theatre physically exhausted by what I just watched. Everything she’s endured sort of rubs off on you, and if that isn’t the most engrossing experience a character can portray, than I do not know what is.
Delphine and Lorraine, my god I love their relationship! It is the only relationship in the whole film solely built on attraction and Mutual Trust, so much so where they would rather protect each other over their mission.
In fact, going in this movie the first time all I was expecting between them was the “One Night Stand” that was so heavily portrayed in the trailers-which I would of been happy with-and, (just like in the trailers) I prepared myself for Delphine’s demise soon after-But we had an entire subplot dedicated to their relationship, right up to the very end!
Because of this Lorraine’s and Delphine’s romance felt genuine, filled with love and tenderness and worry and drive to protect each other-and that really is beautiful representation.
Which, I believe, is why Lorraine truly shuts down when it all goes south, and why we see the Lorraine we do in her interrogation. SHE IS COLD. SHE IS BEATEN. AND SHE IS TIRED.
In the end, I do think she cared more for Delphine than past lovers, which is why she seems so utterly broken when we first see her. She went back to Delphine even after her superiors threatened to end her, and she lied about Delphine to protect her from them, even though she was gone.
Anyway, as you can see this film really did a number on me, and I am absolutely fine with that! I apologize for making my crazy long post even longer, but there were things I still wanted to get off my chest, because this really is a Dream Film-a Queer, Female Lead 80′s Spy Film actually exists, and I think Atomic Blonde really hit it out of the park-and has ruined all other action films for me here-on out!
Can you do a reaction to getting locked in the school overnight with your crush, the bad boy, BTS
These are more like scenarios if anything but I still hope that it was close to what you wanted, and I apologize for taking so long to post this
[Gifs do not belong to me, all credit goes to rightful owners]
Being locked up in school isn’t great. Especially when it’s dark. And alone. Well at least you were until you ran into namjoon, the bad boy of the school and honestly you were thinking that it possibly couldn’t get any better. You liked him and now you were alone with him. He seemed quite surprised to see you out of all people in school so late. Namjoon did know you, kinda, since he sees you in like half his classes and getting the sense that you weren’t ok with being alone he dragged you along to an empty classroom. Great. The whole time you two were in there you personally felt like you were about to explode. Yeah, he made you swoon that much. “So why are you stuck in here?” his head tilts a bit and his gaze meets yours. “I could ask you the same thing,” he smirks a little and pick his head back up, still looking into your eyes. “Fell asleep in class, and the teacher didn’t bother to wake me up.” The way he rolled his eyes told pretty much what he thought of his teacher. “Now you tell me your story.” “Well lets just say last minute restroom breaks aren’t a good idea,” you chuckled awkwardly as he grinned. He opened his mouth to speak but the lights of the room turned off and you instantly cuddled yourself into namjoon without a second thought. After realizing this you blushed muttering a quick sorry and pulled back from him but he put his around you and kept you close. “It’s ok, I don’t mind holding you.”
You never thought you’d get detention, you weren’t perfect but you never did anything wrong, and you didn’t think that detention would be the reason you’d be locked up in school. It was already dark and school was already scary enough you didn’t need this. Seokjin soon came along when you found him asleep in one of the schools closets, and all because he wanted alone time. The whole time you guys talked and just strolled the dimly lit halls which was a little more comforting with him. He might of been the bad boy but he was actually pretty nice. Being with him in a situation like this just made being locked in school not so bad. “You know how I got stuck here, what’s your story?” “Detention,” you groaned slightly. “Oh someone’s been naughty,” he says teasingly making you blush. “I didn’t do anything bad, my teacher is just strict, and he ‘forgot’ that I was there and left me.” You grumbled under your breath and jin laughed a little when seeing you puff your cheeks out of irritation. “Ah, cute,” he mumbles to himself. “Hey well on the bright side you’re stuck with me,” he winks at you and you swear you stopped breathing for two seconds. “Yeah, I’m with you,” you smiled.
You weren’t all that surprised when you realized that you were locked in. It’s what you get for hiding away to ditch you’re last hour only because you were trying to avoid your crush. New seating charts aren’t that all great because now you sit right next to him. And at the moment you thought you were screwed because he suddenly popped up decided to tag along with you at some point even though he seemed to pay no mind to you. You were already hating life at the moment and you were hating it even more because he was here alone with you and you knew you were going to embarrass yourself at some point. The cafeteria was left unlocked so you sat across from each other in silence and glancing at each other every now and then to. Perfect, you thought. I’m not doing anything and I’m already embarrassing, you mentally slapped yourself as you tried avoiding eye contact with yoongi. “So you weren’t in class today,” he says and you finally look at him, but he was staring at his hands. “Why not?” his eye looked up and you looked down again and blushed. “I-I wasn’t feeling it today,” you say. “Just for that class?” he raises a brow. “I mean- well- no it’s just,” you groaned and your hands rubbed at your face making yoongi chuckle. “You don’t gotta explain it’s fine,” your eyes meet with his now and he smiles slightly. “Just don’t skip it next time, it’s lame when you’re gone.”
So you’re in school, and it’s way past school hours. And you’re also alone…in the dark…and locked in.What could go wrong? To say were scared was an understatement. You were terrified and who wouldn’t be when you’re stuck in school at night. You were sure you were going to die in here, it was the perfect set up for a horror flick. When you heard a sudden bang you screamed and another scream followed, a scream that wasn’t yours. “God you scared me!” Hoseok huffed and held his hand to his chest. You stared at him relieved that you weren’t the only one her now but also wondering why he was here. “S-sorry I didn’t mean to,” you rubbed your arm sheepishly. “It’s fine, kinda my fault to since I dropped that trash can back there,” he points behind him and laugh. You couldn’t help but giggle “and how did that happen?” Hoseok stood by you now with a shy expression. “Don’t tell anyone but I got a little freaked out and ended up running into it.” You smirked a bit and cross your arms “the famous bad boy, Jung Hoseok, was scared?” you said dramatically. “Yeah, yeah whatever you were even more scared you screamed like you were about to die,” “Well because I thought I was,” you shared a laugh before he gently held your forearm and smiled as you felt the heat rush to your cheeks. Good thing it was dark. “Maybe we should stay close just in case anything else happens,” “O-ok”
Never in your life did you ever think you’d be stuck in a dark room alone with your crush jimin. Well of course you have. And it was happening, but not the way you thought (you dirty person you;)) You were in a dark room alright but that room was the janitors closet…at school…locked in. Now you didn’t know this would happen you were just trying to hide away from the douches that were bugging you. Jimin was hiding away to but that’s for a whole other reason and apparently he had the same idea as you. He startled you as he swung open the door and slipped in with no questions asked. He shut the door and quickly put his ear against it and just as you were about to say something you felt his hands roam around your shoulders then your face before cover your mouth and bringing your head to his chest. “Stay quiet,” he says, ear still pressed against the door. Seconds past and you squirmed out of his grasp “what are yo-” “shh!” you sigh “what are you doing?” you whispered. Jimin stayed there for a moment before leaning away from the door and turned around to face what he assumed to be you. “I was running away from a friend of mine,” “why?” “I pranked him, and I got him good this time.” You couldn’t see but you knew he was grinning ear to ear. “Who are you by the way?” he asks. “Oh y/n, not sure if you know me but we have the same history class.” He stood silently for a second. “Do you have your phone?” “Yeah, why?” “Turn on the flashlight so I can see you.” You did as you were told and it wasn’t until you turned on the light you realized how close he was. You dropped your phone out of surprise and you both reached for it. At that very moment there was a click. “Did you hear that?” You got up and jiggled the knob only to groan when realizing that you were locked in. “Well were stuck in here,” you huffed and hit you back against the door. Jimin had the light on you and he giggled suddenly. “W-what?” you were beginning to blush. “Nothing, you’re just cute when you’re angry,” “B-but I’m not,” what was he saying? “well, you’re still cute.”
When taehyung asked you to help him out with studying after school you were quite happy and took the offer. How could say no to him? Yes he’s the bad boy but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t strive for good grades. Plus you liked him so you were down to help him out. But there you were, by the classroom two hours after the last bell had rung waiting on taehyung to show up. A few more minutes, you thought. And after those few minuets you already made your down the hall. Of course he didn’t show, you scoffed to yourself. You found yourself at the main entrance just about to push open the doors when you hear your name being called. “Hey where are you going?” “Home,” you said a bit harshly. “Why? I thought you were gonna help me out?” he pouted almost. “I was but then you showed up tow hours late and I have to be home.” There was really no reason to be mad but if was gonna be busy before hand he should’ve said something! You tried pushing open the door but it wouldn’t budge so you tried the other one but to no avail it didn’t open either. Taehyung then went in to help but that didn’t work. “We’re stuck in here,” he said all too calmly. “Stuck!?” you eyes widened. “As in we’re locked in here?!” You ended up going through the whole school just to get out but everything was locked. Eventually you gave up and sat in a hall hugging your knees. Taehyung looked at you and really couldn’t help but think it was his fault (really wasn’t) and sat by you. “It’s not so bad y/n, I’m here,” he smiles at you and you sigh and return a slanted smile. “Well I hope you’re good company,” you joked. “I guess to pass the time we can study?” you say unsurely. Taehyung smirks suddenly and his eyes lock with yours. “I have a better Idea.”
(you played hide and seek you nasties)
You just wanted to work in peace and quiet get finished early so you could take a nap but no~ jungkook kept throwing wads of paper into your hair and bugged you anyway he could. And here you thought that sitting right in front of him was a blessing. (Still kinda is I mean he notices you) You tried to stop him but he wouldn’t have it and you were slowly becoming more and more irritated. You were a time bomb and any little thing at that moment could make you explode. Jungkook, of course, helped with that when he poked your back making you yelp and scream at him for not leaving you alone. And now your here. Stuck in a class room tired and annoyed. “C'mon I already said I was sorry,” he kneels in front of your desk with his arms resting on it and head sitting over them looking up at you with his big brown eyes. You rolled your eyes and avoided any eye contact with the boy. “Sorry isn’t gonna take me home now is it.” It was his turn to roll his eyes. “Why must you hate me so,” “I don’t, you just irritate me,” you said bluntly. “So you do like me,” he beamed. You choked on your own air and the blood instantly rushed to your cheeks. Jungkook laughed at your reaction letting himself fall to the ground and just kinda roll there in laughter. You glared at him with your now rosy cheeks and stood up from your seat and made your way to the door. “W-Where you goin’?” He scrambled to pick himself up from the floor and raced to the door to block you from it. “Home I don’t want to be here,” “Aw, I was only joking you seriously can’t be mad, plus you can’t just leave.”“whatever,” you moved him out of the way and reached to turn the knob but it was locked. You groan and tried the other one but you were met with the same fate. A locked door. “Great, Just great!”“Locked?”“What do you think?” He comes near you again leaving you trapped against the door. “Well if that’s the case, I have a way to make you forgive me.”
Hope you liked it😊
and again I’m sorry this took awhile it’s been a busy week and I couldn’t really work on anything.
7 Things that Require No Talent, But a lot of Hard Work
Lately I’ve seen a post floating around about “10 things that require zero talent”, and the list includes: being on time, work ethic, effort, body language, energy, attitude, passion, being coachable, doing extra, and being prepared.
Now, some of these are questionably controllable, like attitude or body language because those things people interpret differently. My overall opinion of this post was that it was meh, because most of these things DO NOT come naturally. Sure, they don’t require talent but being on time requires planning and being passionate about everything you do just isn’t possible. Not to mention that energy levels are sometimes out of our control - for example, in the spring I need to take allergy medications that make me EXTREMELY sleepy, but if I don’t take them I’m too sick to get out of bed! When I struggled with clinical depression, I always had low energy levels - it would be a shame to judge people by that.
That being SAID, making the best of the energy you have is what I attempt to do, even if that means getting up and brushing my hair and taking a shower before going back to bed. So because I felt like some of these reasons were a little unfair or really underrepresented the hard work involved in achieving them, I wanted to do a list of my own.
7 Things That Require Zero Talent, BUT a lot of Hard Work and Practice
This title, to me, is more accurate about how to achieve your goals. Nothing comes easily, and implying that there are 10 things you can do to be successful that require “zero talent” is mislabeling.
1. Being Prepared - I’m copying this one from the original list because it’s SO important, but I wouldn’t call it something that requires zero talent. Everyone has different ways of always being prepared, but I keep both a planner AND a bullet journal. It takes time and effort to do your research and to go into every meeting and every assignment prepared. BUT in the long run, reading the syllabus and the textbook before class, researching the company you’re interviewing with, will always pay off.
2. Stop Procrastinating Everything - It’s so easy to fall into a trap of saying “I’ll do this later” “I can always start tomorrow”, DON’T START TOMORROW, START NOW. If you keep putting something off, you’ll look back and say, “I wish I had started that first day all those months ago.” I do this thing I like to call “selective procrastination” - like when I avoid reading my textbook by working on a paper due in three months, or paying bills, or calling my mom. I try to procrastinate by doing something else productive when I can, but let’s be real - we all need a Netflix day sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with that.
3. Maximum productivity - Don’t do that thing where you’re half studying/half checking your phone every couple minutes. Dedicate yourself completely to studying for blocks of time, and then take breaks when you need to. If you try to multitask while studying, you’ll inevitably end up getting less done. Making one thing at a time your priority without letting yourself get distracted is the best way to make yourself more productive.
4. Always Be the Hardest Worker in the Room - This is one that I repeat to myself always. Sometimes, I get frustrated when my friends want me to go out on a Thursday night, or go to the movies on a Monday, when I know I have to study. And then I look up from my work, I look around, and think, “Am I the hardest working person in this room yet?” Sometimes I am (sometimes I’m the only person in the room). Sometimes I need to remind myself that it’s impossible to get results, and to get a 4.0, if you don’t want to work for it. Set aside time for your friends, and set aside time to study.
5. Be Patient, Don’t Rush Results - During my freshman yeah, I barely studied, so my sophomore year was a rude awakening. I didn’t go from studying 14 hours a week to 40 hours a week right away, and I was quickly overwhelmed. I had to carve out time to study, and I had to figure out how I studied best and the most efficient study methods for me (I used a pomodoro timer for a while, and now I just instinctively try to study 20 minutes on with a short break.) Find what works for you, and don’t give up: it will be hard at first and that’s okay.
6. Don’t Just Memorize, Actually Understand - I have a really good memory, so sometimes I cheat myself and memorize concepts instead of actually understanding them deeply. Every single time I do this, it comes back around to bite me. Having a solid understanding of the concepts is important in subjects like biology, economics, and psychology, among many many others. It’s worth putting in extra time to understand concepts instead of trying to take the easy way out and memorize info that you think will be a short cut. There are no short cuts to success.
7. Give Yourself a Break - If you actually hate studying, or if you’re not passionate about what you’re doing, all of this will be so much harder. Studying came so much more naturally once I found something I was interested in studying! But here’s the thing - even once I found what I wanted to study, I still got burned out and needed breaks. I needed to just lay in bed and watch Netflix sometimes, or watch food videos on my phone during my lunch breaks. You don’t have to study 24/7 to be successful, efficient studying is the key. It’s all about balance: don’t forget to make time for your friends and family and hobbies.
Wow I apologize for this very long, rambling post! These are just a few tips that have really helped me to be successful in college, and will be really helpful to look back on once I get into the stress of junior year 😅
Why is Key so pretty? I mean sometimes I can't even look at his photos without crying or taking a minute to digest. Like i know he's not your bias but I iii iiiii iiii can't be suffering alone right? :'/ :'( :'D
at the end of the day I am fully biased towards all members so yes you’re far from being alone in this friend
shinee is obviously a visual group but like. kibum. kim kibum. kim key. he’s so… holy shit he’s so, so beautiful it’s intimidating? like I’m sure if I stumbled across him in the streets I’d haul myself out of his way so as not to subject him to my ugliness
most of the time he’s really, really gorgeous half in that way super models are, bordering perfection and a bit hard to grasp around - how can someone like that exist what wh a - but still somewhat believable; half in that way you just. can’t comprehend because it shouldn’t be possible for someone to look that good. that way that makes you question if maybe he isn’t a figment of everyone’s imagination
this man isn’t real guys we collectively dreamed him up
Okay guys I apologize in advance for this long post. If you read any part of it, thank you so much! I’m not sharing this to brag in any way at all. I won a Spidey contest and it was one of the most exciting things that has ever happened to me and I really wanted to share with you guys <3
Hey vultures!! A lot of you were interested in the process I used to get the skull out of one of those tourist shop allig.ator heads. Just know that if you follow my process, you will not get a perfect skull. Also, I take zero responsibility for what happens if you choose to give it a shot! If you have any specific questions, feel free to shoot me a message! Also, I apologize for the freakishly long post…
AU/Time Period: modern time, au where the whole world is black and white until you touch your soulmate
Warnings: Light swearing, threatening behavior, harsh words
Word Count: 2,568
a/n: @puns-and-fics hello this is roadblock anon speaking and i have finally revealed my identity. you told me to tag you in my fanfic, so here i am. i hope y’all enjoy my work :) (also, my computer would not let me as a “READ MORE” button so i SINCERELY apologize for the long post)
Eliza had a bad habit of holding her breath in crowds. It had gotten to the point where she couldn’t control it- she’d just be walking through a big, people-littered area and just forget to breathe. It had started when she was little and her older sister, Angelica, had told her to be careful in crowds, because if you somehow walked past your soulmate and brushed hands, you would see color- but not know who your soulmate was. So, Eliza found herself walking without breathing, her arms always tucked close to her body. She didn’t want to risk it.
Summary: In 2000, John Winchester opened the door to his current motel room and found a little girl at his feet, sleeping peacefully with a fuzzy white blanket tucking her in a wicker basket. Now, nearly 16 years later, (Y/N) has still yet to find herself in the world of the Winchesters.
Warning: Slight season 10/11 spoilers, moody teenager, cursing, angry Dean, mentions of character death
A/N: Hi again, just wanted to thank everyone for the notes on the prologue. After a while of thinking over the story, I have discovered what I wish to do with it! And I apologize in advance for long periods between posts. Enjoy!
My bare feet feel cold against the bunker’s tile floor as I make my way to the kitchen in the dark. The sleeves of the huge hoodie Sam bought me last Christmas cover my hands, keeping them warm from the chilly air. Expecting to see my brothers sitting at the table, their faces glued to computer screens and bodies jittery from caffeine, my heart sinks closer to my stomach when I find the kitchen empty.
“Where the hell are you?” I breathe into the empty space.
I check my phone, reloading my messages. Nothing. Radio silence.
Sam left me at the bunker a week ago, telling me he had to stop Dean from doing something stupid again. He’d given me a hug, a kiss on the forehead and then rushed out the door in a blur. Other than a message explaining how I have to stay in the bunker and that they’ll call me out of school until further notice three days ago, there’s been nothing.
Balling the ends of my sleeve into my hands, I cross my arms and sink into the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. The dark thoughts I have been fighting so hard to keep back come creeping back in.
I haven’t even heard anything from Castiel or Charlie… At least one of them would give me some kind of update.
I run my fingers through my hair, slightly pulling at the strands as I can feel the tears weld up in my eyes. They can’t be dead. They’re Winchesters.
Just as I’m edging on the ledge of an anxiety attack, my phone lights up and vibrates against the tile floor. I scramble to pick it up, dropping it in the process of switching the small green icon to answer the call from Sam.
“Sammy?” I ask weakly, biting on my thumbnail and hoping it’s not an officer calling me because they found their bodies.
“Hey, (Y/N),” Sam says calmly and releasing a sigh. “I’ve been meaning to call, but things have been… busy.”
I roll my eyes. They’re always hiding things, or trying to hide things from me. They dropped me off at a library before they asked the man who cut off his arm questions and they also tried to cover up the fact that that man’s family was going to burn the bunker to the ground (I wasn’t home for that either, they thought it would be best to drop me off at Jody’s for the weekend).
They can never tell me everything.
“Is Dean okay? And have you heard anything from Charlie, she hasn’t been answering.”
Sam takes a moment to breathe deeply, and I can just imagine how tired and stressed he looks. A heartbeat later, Sam’s ready to talk.
“(Y/N), Charlie’s dead.”
“She’s been dead for a couple of weeks, (Y/N/N).” Tears well up in my eyes, and I have to fight them from falling. “Dean killed the men that did it.”
Of course he did.
“Castiel isn’t doing to well, but the three of us will be home soon.” With that, Sam hangs up and I close my eyes as a few tears trail down my cheek. She was my best friend. How could they not tell me? How come it took so long to tell me?!
I can feel the slow simmer of my blood beneath my flesh and my eyes flicker to the digital clock on my phone’s screen. I have an hour to get to school.
My fingers hold the ice pack against my eye lid as my body shifts in the chair across from the principal’s office door. The secretary judges me from her thick pink rimmed glasses, and I glare back at her in response. My leg bounces with the left over adrenaline from the fight that had just taken place in my math class. To be honest, I don’t know the kid that I started this fight with, I’m not even sure he deserved it, but I had to do something.
“Winchester,” Principal Young calls from her office door, just as Dean and Sam walk into the front office. They both catch the eye of the secretary, and I snicker as she ogles at them. Dean glares at me, silently asking me if I think this is funny (he’s completely unaware of the old woman practically drooling over them).
I quickly make my way to the small office and take a seat in front of the wooden desk, my hands between my legs and my head ducked down. Young takes his seat at the desk, pointing to the other two uncomfortable chairs for my brothers to sit. Once they do, he sets to work, explaining that I have one last chance to clean up my act or I’ll be expelled.
Young finishes by giving the same spiel that he’s given me before. “You’re a good student,” “You have good grade, you just need a better attitude.” The same tune… yadda yadda.
Frustrated, I drop kick the ice pack into the parking lot once we were excused. Dean is the first to speak up.
“So, what? We come home and you decide you just have to punch the first kid you see?” He hollers, tossing my book bag at me. My bag drops to the concrete, the zipper undoing and spilling the contents. I watch the blank notebook papers dance in the air, tucking my hair behind my ears before bending down to pick it up.
“No, Sam! I wanna know!” Dean continues to yell, tossing his hands up. “Every time we’re gone, you’re “the best student of the school” but when we’re here, you seem to lose your fucking mind!”
“Dean!” Sam shouts at our brother, pulling on his shoulder to force him to stop. “You’re making it worse.”
My body feels extremely warm and my cheeks are damp with tears I hadn’t realized I was shedding. My stomach clenches tight and my vision blurs with the unsheded salty water and my shoulders quiver and the palms of my hands dig into my eyes as the reality really sets in that Charlie is gone.
“(Y/N)?” Dean kneels down and places a hand on my shoulder.
“I miss her,” I meet his eyes, my voice quivering. I haven’t cried this hard since Sam dragged Dean’s wounded body to his room, telling me that Metatron killed him.
Dean pulls me into his chest, my fingers wrapping tightly around the flannel. Dean hugs me tight, smoothing out my hair, mumbling, “I miss her too.”
After several long minutes of my brothers giving me hugs, Sam walks me to the car with me tucked under his arm, promising me that we’ll get back to the bunker and we’ll sit down and watch whatever movie I want. No matter how cheesy and romantic it is, we’ll watch it.
Castiel greets me with a weak smile as I take my spot in the back of the Impala, and my eyes drift to the cuffs around his wrist. My eyebrows raise, “why is he cuffed?”
“Rowena did something,” Sam answers bluntly. “We’re taking precautions.” Nodding along to Sam’s words, I tuck my bag between the seats and smile at Cas.
“Would you like me to heal that?” Castiel huffs out, slowly raising a hand towards his own eye. Before I can speak, Dean interrupts.
“Cas, you need your strength.” Cas seems to ignore my brother, still watching me as he waits for an answer.
“No, I’m good.” I sniffle, forcing a large smile. “It adds character anyways.”
Castiel smiles weakly before resting his head back and slightly closing his eyes. Dean speeds out of the parking lot, Sam grumbling something underneath his breath, and I lean back into the seat, my eyes growing heavy as I watch the trees pass by.
I’ll never forget you, Charlie. I close my eyes, hoping that maybe, just maybe, she can hear me wherever she is.
For the anon who wanted to know why I believe Kane and Toews are in a relationship!
Hey so I decided to just aggregate everything here instead of posting exclusively links. But basically anon, there are a lot of reasons. No one thing convinced me. It was the combination of all these things put together. (I apologize this took me so long to post anon, this got WAY longer than I planned, so I added a cut in between the text and all the pictures/gifs/videos.)
They are very physically close to each other. Every time you see them, they are standing in each others space, touching in some way. Toews is constantly seen pulling Kane into his side, wrapping his arm around Kane somewhere, and in general, they are standing in an intimate manner. They also seem to have no concept of personal space with regards to one another. (I’ll post pictures of all these things at the end)
They are also the only players who’ve stated that their hotel rooms share and door and they leave it open. I’ll post evidence of that below as well.
Pay attention to the way they look at one another. The looks on their faces are very intimate. Their smiles are more real and go all the way to their eyes. The looks they give one another are not “that’s my best friend” they’re “I’m in love with him” (i’ll post pictures)
Toews mother has said on multiple occasions that Kane and Toews are “perfect for one another” and “remind her of herself and her husband”. She has never said anything of the sort about LV and Toews.
Kane and Toews have plans to purchase residences in the same community as soon as it is completed and while they’ve never lived in the same building, they’ve always lived very close to one another.
I believe their relationships with their “girlfriends” are manufactured for the following reasons.
Both of them are seen in public with LV and AG extremely rarely, and almost all of these occasions are official Hawks functions.
On the rare occasions they’re seen outside official events, they usually split immediately. For example, a friend of mine saw Kane and AG arrive at a Cubs game together, then immediately separate. Kane went to a box and AG went into the stands to watch the game with an unidentified man.
Both of them started “dating” LV and AG at almost the exact same time. The women both also have ties to acting/modeling agencies which I find… interesting.
Neither of them live with the women. While Toews and LV do live in the same building, they do not live in the same apartment and in fact, LV has introduced multitudes of people to her female roommate, Nikki. There is clear evidence of this as LV hosted Kristy’s baby shower and the photographs show that her apartment is on a different floor from the one Toews lives in and posts from. Additionally, her apartment has a balcony and Toews doesn’t. I’ll post photographic evidence of this below the cut. In the interest of full disclosure, Toews gives LV an allowance as she’s unable to hold down a job. She is a licensed cosmetologist but refuses to see anyone who wasn’t referred by an existing client or is a WAG. Her list of “existing clients” is… Tiny.
In an interview, Kane was asked what photos he had hanging in his place. He stated that he had some with friends, teammates, and family and when asked, that he was “pretty sure” he didn’t have any of AG.
Compare how rarely the women show up on their social media posts compared to say Claude Giroux or even Conor Sheary. Sheary’s partner is rarely IN photos, but she’s the one taking them (especially with their puppies). LV and AG almost never show up on Kane and Toews timelines, certainly not as often as you’d expect them to if they’ve been in a relationship for four years.
Frankly the biggest thing about their relationships with these women is the way they interact with them versus how they interact with one another. The rare photos that are taken with Toews and LV together, there are almost always multiple people in between them. And in the instances where there isn’t someone between them, look how he stands with her versus how he stands with Kane. Toews barely touches her, does not look at her at all (much less with a look of love on his face), he’s not in her space, touching her back, guiding her, etc etc. And Kane is the same with AG. (I posted a pic below with Toews, LV, and a fan. Toews is leaning much closer to the fan than he is to LV)
Kane and Toews are no longer allowed to do panels together after the one where Kane literally blew on Toews face. I did post a gif of this below the cut.
On a personal note, as a member of the LGTBQ community, I think it’s likely that a lot of Kane’s issues with drinking came from being closeted and not accepting himself. He was raised Catholic and I was as well. Catholic guilt is a hell of a thing. It’s only been very recently that the Pope has started insisting that the Catholic church accept members of the LGTBQ community. And that’s a hard thing to deal with. Knowing that your family likely hates you for something that you can’t change, especially when you’re very close as he seems to be with his family. And I may be wrong, his parents and sisters may not care. But even so, working up the courage to tell YOURSELF that you’re not straight is incredibly difficult, not to even mention trying to tell your religious family. There’s always that terror that they won’t accept you. So you hate yourself for being “wrong” like you’ve been told all your life and drink to forget.
I’ll start posting pictures and videos below the cut because it got even longer than I anticipated. It’s kind of crazy how many things there are and honestly, i had to stop myself from posting a lot more. There’s some damn good videos and pictures.
Anonymous asked: Hya! Can I request a Bts reaction to their s/o calling them “papa” (daddy in Spanish) casually Like: “papi can you pass me the salt”
Author’s note: If I’m gonna be honest, I call everyone papi. Anywho, here’s your request and I apologize for how long it took to post this I’ve just been juggling work and school and the musical I’m in and family and I just need to organize my life out but enjoy.
Jin: He gives off the feel of papi material to me. I think he would enjoy being called papi or papa but then get butthurt because he’s getting older and he’d think that you’re taking a jab at his age. Then he’d realize he’s acting cray cray and just let it go.
Yoongi: I don’t think he would notice to be honest. He would treat it like any other situation like if you called him by his name or called him babe or something.
Jhope: You’ve already been calling him papi since day one.
Namjoon: Well its not daddy but it’ll do.
Jimin: Calling him papi would probably make him feel more manly and he’ll just be all giggly and whatever.
Taehyung: Low-key he kinky as hell and this would make him so daddy. Like for real this boy probably makes you call him something like that anyway.
Jungkook: High-key kinky. Again, he not fooling nobody with that ‘I’m afraid of vagina’ bullshit. He would pass you the salt but not without making some kinky treat like “Call me that again and I’ll bend you over this table and the only thing you’ll be eating for the rest of the night is….”
Author’s note: Well again, I am so sorry for all the late responses I’ve just been hella busy and shit lately but I’m trying so be patient with me. As always, thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoyed this.
- I think you enjoy shooting people. - No, I don’t. I hate it. But it’s what I’m good at. And it’s what I have to do. - You don’t have to save everyone. - Yes, I do. There are far too many bad people in this world. And not enough good. […] if I don’t save these people nobody else will.
Person of Interest - 4x05
So, this is a man who chose, as his profession, to do something he hates, by duty. This is John Reese, selfless to a fault. Never thinking about himself, only thinking of what needs to be done, saving and protecting people.
And that is what makes John such a good person at heart, despite the fact he did kill 62 persons. Because he wants to protect the good people from the bad. And he believes it so deeply. And killing people does cost him, but he still does it, by duty. Because he needs to save the good people, even at the price of his own soul.
(I apologize for taking so long to post the second part of this episode’s gifset, I’ve been travelling)
Hey @zerocarb today’s dark circles and frizzy hair are brought to you by the letter H–for humidity. I always tell people I live in the armpit of America…hot and damp. Wanna come visit? It’s like a sauna…haha
July was a weird month, fitness-wise. I didn’t do much. So many other things took priority; mainly soccer (Abby, not me, gosh I’m not that coordinated) and a crazy work schedule, but also lots of trips to Vanderbilt. My husband is going to have DBS (deep brain stimulation) surgery soon for Parkinson’s disease, so that’s been something. If you’re not squeamish, look it up–it’s an interesting surgery and hopefully he will regain some semblance of normalcy for a few years. I don’t talk about him much because we have a difficult relationship sometimes, and caring for a person with a disability is hard and lonely and often garners a lot of pity (and god, I despise being pitied). But if y'all want to hear more about that whole thing I might be willing to talk about it some. Anyway, my own fitness just wasn’t a priority in July.
I do have a little break from school until September, which is great. But then I’ll essentially be working two jobs because I’ve taken on a teaching position at one of the universities in the city (glutton for punishment?)…so I’ll be working 4 days at the cancer center and teaching baby nurses one day a week. Trying to finish grad school by this time next year and run my household as well. So fitness/health is going to be tricky but imperative for me…so if I disappear for more than a day or two from here, someone please reach out! Y'all really help me keep my sanity. I’m so lucky and happy to have formed friendships and relationships with you guys. I want to tag everyone I’m thinking of but I’m afraid I’ll miss someone and I don’t want to do that. Y'all are always so supportive and I really appreciate that.
Apologies for the long post/weird selfie… I have had a few tags & messages about my whereabouts lately.
OMG UR USER do you have any headcanons for robin??? and her relationship with andrew n neil? no one ever talks about her rip
DO I? OF COURSE I DO. sorry, they are all over the place and this got really long.
robin’s first time on the court is very similar to neil’s first time on the court. She just has this look on her face of complete awe bc she’s never been in a stadium this big? She’s seen it on tv multiple times, watched countless of games but now she’s here and she can’t believe it? it’s frightening but exciting
now, neil pays very close attention to robin(main reason being is Andrew chose her, of course it draws neil’s interest esp bc Andrew is still very ~vague~ about what he plans to do with her)
neil recognizes that look because it reminds him of his first time on the court, in that moment he gets to understand what exy is to her (and it’s something he can strongly relate to. Vaguely he remembers nicky’s commentary of ‘no wonder he chose you’ but he knows andrew’s reasoning for robin is much different than kevin choosing neil)
Andrew wants to see what she’s made of so he leaves her to her fend off for herself
and well it’s actually kind of pathetic to watch her? All the foxes come in having some sort of bite, robin has none whatsoever. It’s learned helplessness (robin never learned how to fight back but rather come to terms and accepts her situation. It doesn’t help that she really doesn’t know how to deal with such aggression being directed towards her)
She’s a walking doormat, letting herself be pushed around (she just wants to go home. Home. Home. Back with her parents. And
sometimes when it gets really bad and the world is too much to take, she imagines herself back in the little room where steven used to keep. At
least she was safe there.)
It’s probably no surprise that robin has a lot of bad days in the beginning (everything is overwhelming, too many people, the university is so big)
She still carries her exy raquet around everywhere with her (later when she learns to use renee’s knives, she stops carrying it and carries those instead)
Andrew on convincing robin to defend herself:
‘what are you going to do wait them out? Hope that one day they’ll stop and be nice to you? Ever the optimist? Answer me were you this optimistic with steven? did you think that one day he was going to let you go free? People like us won’t survive if we don’t fight back” (it
throws her off. Him grouping himself with her. And well, Andrew knows all about trying to wait people out, he knows all too well the consequences.)
her lessons with andrew are just… brutal. he doesn’t just teach her how to use renee’s knives but also self defense in general. how to throw a punch.
Okay, so we also know that she struggles with her feelings of guilt and
Andrew is really the first to address this issue and kind of get through
to her (talking to betsy helps too) but like neil is there for her too?
He understands on another level about feeling guilty(bc Andrew doesn’t)
but neil remembers the drake incident and even though it wasn’t his
fault he had a hand in it. that conversation doesn’t come till neil and
her are really close