i’m tired of empty promise and apologies. your words mean nothing if your actions prove otherwise. i’m tired of going to bed not quite content with anything, staying up until the last possible second to avoid old memories from taking over. i’m tired of looking at you and thinking “what if” because every “what if” is dangerous. “what if” kills you faster than cigarettes. i’m tired of being able to close my eyes and remember the good because for that moment all the bad disappears. in my mind there are no disappointments. in my mind you are perfect. imagine the devastation every time i open my eyes and realize you’re not there but it might as well be a lie because the second you need me i am there. everything is good. then you’re gone just as fast as you came. the sad part is that i’d still be here if you ever decided to get drunk and call me at 2 am. the sad part is that even your drunk self relates my name with “i want to feel better” but your sober self is so lost in a downward spiral of despair that i don’t exist anymore. am i a masochist? i don’t know. i don’t have an answer to most things regarding you. if there’s one thing i do know, though, is that one day years from now you’ll be walking down the street in a new city. the sky will be painted like that one picture of a sunset i sent you, and there’ll be cute little breakfast diner on the corner with a sign saying there’s a special for pancakes. everything will come back to you and you will remember how much i loved sunsets and how you promised to make me pancakes because you felt bad for forgetting to answer me. you will realize that my love for sunsets was never a hoax because the passion in my voice and fire in my eyes were the same as when i told you, “i’m here for you.” you will stop mid-stride and realize how wrong you were and wonder why in the world would you hurt someone who cared so much, only this time, i won’t be there to tell you it’s okay. it’s not okay—it never was, but it doesn’t matter. i’ll be long gone.
—  4 am thoughts

Featuring The Signless and The Grand High Blood as Jean Valjean and Javert, The Handmaid as Fantine, Aradia as her daughter Cosette, and The Midnight Crew as Le Minuit Bande, who have been raising the newly-orphaned child in an environment of questionable suitability. Also featuring Equius as Marius However-You-Spell-His-Name, Nepeta as Eponine his moirail, The Summoner as Enjolras, leader of the rebellion, and Karkat and Gamzee as random rebellion dudes. :I  KK was going to be Enjolras, but then Toasty suggested The Summoner and since Eponine/Enjolras isn’t a thing in the musical anyway, I moved KK back into the ranks.


See this stuff on my hands?