i-am-the-plague

The two Jehovah’s Witnesses that always come to my door are alarmingly buff. Like, muscles-straining-through-their-white-dress-shirts buff. I don’t even have a joke to make about this, guys. I just feel like you should know that I am plagued by these righteously jacked proselytizers and that, for whatever reason, I’m constantly running into them at the grocery store and they always ask me how my cat is doing. It’s really somethin’.

For a split second I relive [it]. My heart begins to race, and a tidal wave of pain comes crashing back. An incredible, inconsolable sadness overcomes me. The sadness is so great it suffocates me. I can barely breathe as a deluge of tears stream down my face. My hands become hot and red and tremble with fear. I try to control the shaking by clenching my fists, but I cannot make it stop.

I am alone. No one can help me. No one understands, and I am plagued by the senselessness of it all. Just for a split second, I am home again.

—  “No One Said Life Was Fair” a poignant and humorous memoir about growing up in an alcoholic family by Mary Kate DeCraene.
Spilling Love || Junhui || Oneshot

Word Count: 1709

Genre: oneshot, fluff

Summary: Junhui has a hard time figuring out why his coworker hates him so much until he hears Jeonghan’s ridiculous suggestion. 


Junhui lives next door to his coworker. And his coworker (you) is pretty cute.

Every morning that he goes to work, he’d see you. You two would make eye contact as you are locking the door and he gives you a friendly smile, which you end up scowling at and walking away from. You would walk ahead to the elevator and then Junhui would get on with you. The two of you would stand in uncomfortable silence until the floor is reached and then you would board the same bus (with him sitting in the front and you in the back or visa versa) and you two would get to work at the same time and go to your respective seats then too.

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Cold Hearted-Jon Snow x Reader One Shot

Summary: Requested by annonymus: ‘hey could you write an imagine with Jon Snow where the reader gets like cold and badass after the death of Jon and when he comes back idk you decide. Btw loveeeee your blog ❤ keep up with the good work 💫

Characters: Jon Snow x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)= Your name
(Y/L/N)= Your last name

Warnings:

None


(A/N: Flashbacks will be within the apostrophes ’)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*

‘I scrunched up the parchment, my hands starting to shake. This couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t be dead. I thanked the man who brought me the message, who quickly scurried away. As soon as he was gone, I collapsed into my chair by the fireplace, bursting into tears. Looking at the message again, I read it out loud, still trying to process it all.

“Lady (Y/N) (Y/L/N), my deepest apologies. I too am in deep sorrow, our Lord Commander Jon Snow has passed away. My deepest condolences. Ser Davos Seaworth.”

I angrily threw the parchment into the fire, crying out in anger. He had left me here all by myself, venturing off to the Wall and now he was dead. It didn’t matter how he died. For some reason, I was furious with him. Now he was really gone, I would never see him again. All of this time spent waiting and now what? What was I supposed to do with my life?’

I stood beside Lady Sansa, looking down into the courtyard. Sansa had never been the same since arriving here, even before she married Ramsay. Although Brienne used to Sansa’s main bodyguard, I too knew how to weild a weapon, now her new protector as well as a handmaid. After Jon had died out on the Wall, I too turned cold and bitter to those around me. The only way it seemed that anyone would leave me alone was if I learnt how to fight, become intimidating. As soon as everyone else heard word of my dead lover, all I received were sympathetic looks. It drove me mad but now they all left me alone, and that’s how I wanted it to be.

However, I tried to forget about Jon. He was dead, I couldn’t let that bring me down. It was making me soft. But there was a huge problem; wherever I went, I would always see him. I knew they were hallucinations, my mind going mad with grief. At first I thought it was sort of wonderful to see him, though it soon became a curse. No matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t disappear. There were many endless nights where I would drink myself to sleep to try and make him go away.

“(Y/N).” Sansa grabbed my attention.“I must tell you something of great importance.”

I said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

“I am to leave this place soon. However, I must go alone. I need you to stay here, ensure that no one else will be harmed by Ramsay.”

“M'lady, you cannot be serious. What if you can’t get away?”

“I will.” she sighed.“I know that it has been very hard for you recently, but I must do this to get my home back.”

“I do not want you getting hurt. Please, let me come with you, I can protect you!”

She grabbed my shoulders, looking at me head on.“ I need you here. Promise me you’ll look after our people.”

Hesitantly, I agreed.“I promise.”

“The North remembers.”



*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


It had been so long since Sansa had left. Theon Greyjoy had helped her escape, causing Ramsay to go even more mad, if that was possible. As soon as he found out that she was gone, I had been brought in for questioning. Of course he had tortured me. He as a mad man, there was no limit to what he could do. Long cuts and bruises covered my body now, for some reason he had not killed me, not even close. It wouldn’t have mattered to me, but I made a promise to Sansa.

It was obvious that Ramsay was keeping a close eye on me. After getting nothing out of me, he needed to make sure I wasn’t sneaking behind his back. There wasn’t anything to hide, no one has contacted me in so long.

It had been quiet for quite some time in Winterfell. The people living there were scared for their lives. I acted upon my duty, looking after those who needed help. There were families who would go without money or food, I would try to help them without getting on the wrong side of the Boltons. I would go out hunting late at night or during dawn, providing for those in need. That soon had to stop when Ramsay was organising an army, for what I didn’t know. Who was attacking us?

That wasn’t important. The one thing I needed to do was make sure everyone within the walls was ok. Soldiers were everywhere, either trying to recruit more men or escape the battle themselves. Distant cried of the fighting could be heard within in the walls. Everyone was frightened.

“M'lady! M'lady!” I heard a woman scream.

With weapons in hand, I had been sneaking through the houses of the people living here, checking that no one was harmed.

I rushed to her. She was stood by her front door, frantically waving to grab my attention.“It’s ok, it’s ok. Try to calm down, what’s wrong?”

She took a deep breath.“My daughter is a scullery maid in the castle. She was supposed to be home this morning but has not yet returned. I am worried for her, I do not know what to do!” She was crying.

“I’ll go look for her. I am a handmaiden, they know I work there so they won’t question it. Just stay in your home and I’ll bring her back to you.”

I quickened my pace towards the entrance for all the servants, now hiding my weapons beneath my cloak. The servants had to be hiding, it was silent throughout the castle. Trying to remain as silent as possible, I looked in all rooms which servants had access to, seeing if any were hiding. As I went to open one, it was locked and I knew they were in there. Knocking quietly, I called out to them.

“It’s just me, it’s (Y/N)!”

They knew who I was, I could hear the locks being undone and the door opened. There were many people crammed in here, it was only a small room for some of the cleaning supplies. They dragged me in, bolting the door shut again.

“How long have you all been here?” I asked.

The girl who I was looking for stepped forward.“Ever since dawn broke, when they left for the battle.”

“Your mother is worried for you. I told her I would come looking for you.” she looked guilty though it was not her fault.“And what battle? Who are we fighting?”

A man spoke from the back.“The North.”

The North? The North was finally fighting back! Sansa…she must have had something to do with this. A small smile appeared on my face. What if we won? Would we finally be able to live in peace? Could we really defeat the Boltons?

We ended up staying there for hours. I was going to go out and see what was happening until we heard huge roars that didn’t seem human. Everyone crammed in there was either praying, crying, or holding onto one another. I stood in front of the door, ready for whatever was coming our way.

I groaned.“I’ve had enough of this. I’m going out there to see what is happening.”

The others retaliated, not wanting me to risk their hiding spot. I unsheathed my sword, making them stand back; it was an idle threat, I would never harm them. Walking out into the corridor, I checked my surroundings, everything was clear. Sneaking around the corner, I could hear yells of joy but didn’t know which side had won.

“(Y/N)?” I heard my name be said by a very familiar voice.

I sighed. Why was he here? Why were my hallucinations coming back now? I carried on walking, not wanting to be distracted by my mind tricks.

“(Y/N)! Wait!” His voice was so real.

Stopping in my tracks, I turned around to see him. There he was again, my Jon Snow. However, he didn’t look like he usually did in my dreams. Instead of the fresh faced boy who left Winterfell, he looked more like a man, covered in mud and blood from battle.

“Leave me alone. I am tired of you plaguing my mind. You died a long time ago. I can no longer live like this!” I yelled at him, hoping that would make him disappear.

Jon walked closer to me.“I don’t know what you’re talking about. (Y/N), I’m back. I’ve defeated the Boltons.”

Why did he look so different? How could I possibly imagine what he would look like? I stared at him for a little longer before it clicked.

“Jon? Is it actually you?” I whispered, reaching out to touch his face.

He grabbed my hand, smiling.“It is. I’ve come back for you.”

For the first time in a while I laughed, crying with happiness as I threw my arms around him. He spun us around, placing kisses on my neck before setting me down and kissing my lips.

As we pulled apart, I whispered out.“Don’t you ever leave me again.”

shitty things malaria has done

A Comprehensive Study by snarkydarkling: 

  • ignores alina’s existence for ¾ of S&B even tho he’s supposed to be her best friend like ??? ok there friend of year 
  • “omg alina is actually fucking hot now??? hands off! i saw her first!” 
  • shames alina for daring to fit in at the little palace
  • shames alina for ….wearing black?? ha ha ha ha ok who made malaria the fashion police????
  • shames alina for daring to crush on someone who isn’t him even tho he’s probably banged half the first army 
  • shames alina for being well off for once (”And here you are, safe and sound, dancing and flirting like some cosseted little princess.”) yEAH FUCK YOU TOO MALARIA AJSHAKJDHSFK (ノಥ益ಥ)ノ ┻━┻
  • “I love you, Alina, even the part of you that loved him” like whoa talk about a backhanded compliment and if we’re gonna keep holding ex-lovers against each other then alina might as well have responded with “yeahhh i love you too malware, even the part of you that fucked zoya, kissed ruby, and fingered anya” like oh my god mal get a fucking grip
  • he’s literally the happiest son of a bitch in the entire country at the beginning of s&s, completely ignoring the fact that alina is now sickly, weak, and terribly unhealthy because she’s suppressing her powers like he literally could not give two shits about alina’s well-being aS LONG AS HE’S DOING WELL THATS ALL THAT MATTERS (And you know he’s extra gross when even the villain of the fucking series is like ?? da fuq are you holding yourself back for ??? you look miserable??) 
  • when they’re on the darkling’s ship he’s more worried that alina might end up enjoying herself with darkles than like…oh, idk..getting fucking tortured by him???
  • actually ATTACKS nikolai for daring to make a sensible proposal to alina 
  • mal@nikolai: “You don’t have a right to her.” me@mal: HAHAHAHA STFU YOU SELFISH ENTITLED PIECE OF SHIT OH MY GOD THE IRONY
  • doesn’t even let alina answer nikolai’s proposal bc why would his girlfriend need to think for herself??? have her own agency??? 
  • straight up admits he doesn’t even want to help ravka he just wants to get in alina’s pants 
  • whines and complains and generally acts like an oppressed fuckboi the entire time alina is trying to rebuild the second army and save her goddamn country 
  • “since i dont fit in for once in my life, im gonna act like an immature shithead and make your life miserable too wah wah wah” 
  • omg alina dares to flinch when malaria tries to kiss her? should we let her explain herself or should we act like crybaby and go shove our tongues down zoya’s throat? 
  • “psshhh its YOUR fault i kissed zoya!!! if you hadn’t dared to reject my magnificent self then i wouldn’t have had to kiss her obvs!!!11!” 
  • “omg i can’t believe you care about saving your country more than fucking me?? selfish bitch!!!” 
  • “i dont care that ravkas in a civil war and you’re our only hope of winning!! im going thru an identity crisis and i need you to stroke my ego 24/7!!!! im not a soldier, im not a tracker, so who am i alina/?? TELL ME WHO AM I???” a plague is what you are, you diseased prick 
  • i liked you better when you were insecure and powerless. where is that girl??? i want her back!!!!” 
  • “how dare you crush on a prince who actually treats with the respect you deserve??? fucking gold-digger!!!” 
  • abandons alina during his shift because he was too busy getting drunk and nearly lets her fucking die if toyla hadn’t intervened like yOU HAD ONE GODDAMN JOB MALARIA 
  • sabotages alina’s plan to kill the darkling 
  • spends all of r&r resenting having to help alina & nikolai save the goddamn country like can you make it any more obvious you’re only here to try and get into alina’s pants again???? 
  • “i am become a blade” is probably the most unintentionally hilarious and anti-climatic conclusion to mal’s irrelevant identity crisis like yes, good for you malaria, you’ve finally embraced your identity as a tool 
  • “listen i don’t have an army or a crown but if you don’t choose me you’re basically a gold-digging materialistic whore but no pressure lmao” 
  • hades was so repulsed by mal’s gross ass that he sent him back two seconds later 
How to Lucid Dream for Magickal Purposes

Lucid dreaming can be used for divination, astral projection, and communicating with the spirit world. I am a Lucid dreamer, and after learning about the link between lucid dreaming and hag syndrome (a terrible thing I am plagued by) I did a lot of research about it. I found some scientifically backed ways to learn to lucid dream.

1.) Every morning, take a few minutes to reflect on what you dreampt. Most people remember dreams immediately after waking up, and then forget them shortly after. If you don’t normally remember dreams, taking a few minutes just after waking up to think about them can help you develop the ability to remember your dreams! Write down details, do your best to remember everything you can. The more often you take time in the morning to try and remember dreams, the more naturally it will come to you. This is also useful for dream interpretation!
2.) As you fall asleep each night, try to focus on what you would like to dream about. Don’t start out trying to do anything magical with your dreams, just tell yourself a story you’d like to act out. Imagine yourself flying, on an adventure, on a date. Completely immerse yourself in the fantasy as you fall asleep. Think of the details, focus on your senses. What do you hear? How does the grass feel under your feet? What do you see? This is also helpful for people who suffer from anxiety and toss and turn all night thinking about past or future stresses. Instead of pouring over the conversation you had 3 years ago, you can imagine you’re flying on the back of a dragon. This is another thing that gets easier the more you do it. The first few times you may find your mind wandering to other things, or just feel awkward. Keep trying!
3.) After a while of trying steps one and two, you will find yourself dreaming closer to what you imagine at night and remembering it more vividly in the morning. The next step is the one that is the hardest to start, and usually ends up being like switch flipping: taking control from within the dream. While dreaming, try to alter small details. This will take time, don’t be discouraged! You can get there. Eventually, you will be lucid dreaming with the best of them, and can utilize this skill for different types of magic.

WARNING
Lucid dreaming is scientifically linked to sleep paralysis, or hag syndrome. It has to do with REM sleep. If you don’t know what it is, it is when you lay awake, eyes open, completely paralyzed with the sense that there is something horrible in your peripheral vision (yes, you hallucinate) attempting to harm you. They used to believe that hag syndrome was when a demon or an evil spirit attacks or possesses you. If you believe lucid dreaming helps you navigate the spirit world, i suppose that makes sense. I experience it a lot, and it is terrible. It would feel immoral to post about lucid dreaming without including a warning about the increased likelihood of hag syndrom.

Fic recs vol. 14

I am plagued with guilt that I haven’t done a fic rec post in a long time! My only excuse is that I’ve been working like mad because I’m transitioning from being employed to self-employed, so I’ve been doing both for a while. I’ve also been a hot mess of anxiety because it is such a huge leap of faith to do this. Many thanks to my wonderful friends @tdgal1 and @hope-for-olicity for all the encouragement and hand holding in the past few weeks. 

Originally posted by thisishowilearnedtolovenerdom

Anyway, enough about me…let’s talk about fics! Here’s some of what I’ve been reading. I hopefully will be able to do this more frequently so I can get many of your awesome fics on the list!

Why are so many people hostile to reformed theology? Because reformed theology has a fundamental banner over everything that we say: "God is sovereign, I am not.” What has plagued humanity since the very beginning is this—we think we’re sovereign. It was the lie that got Satan cast out of God’s presence, it was the lie that got humanity cast out of the garden, it’s the lie that we embrace all the time—that we’re the sovereign and we will determine. Here’s the truth: you’ll never be the sovereign in God’s universe, He is; and nothing will ever change that. I believe with all of my heart that one of the main reasons people resist reformed theology and the doctrines of grace is because fundamentally we don’t like the idea of “God being sovereign over me.
—  Jeff Durbin
A Child’s Innocence (and a Demon’s Desire)

Rating: T+ (Sebastian is a creepy demon.)

Warnings: Pre-canon, so Ciel is about 10. Sexual themes, parallels between a demon’s hunger and lust. Oddly fluffy-ish at the end.


“Wait,” the boy says, clutching Sebastian’s sleeve to keep him from leaving. He is a dainty thing, barely two feet above ground and fragile, made even more so by all the horrors he’s had to endure. Sebastian could break away easily if he wanted to, but if he did, what kind of butler would he be?

“Yes, my lord? What is it you require?” he asks.

A thoughtful look clouds Ciel’s features; after a moment, seemingly having come to the decision that it is too late to turn back now, he speaks again. “Tell me, Sebastian,” he says, “are demons anything like humans?”

The unexpected display of curiosity takes Sebastian by surprise. Nevertheless, he answers. “I cannot think of many similarities, young master.”

Ciel’s nose wrinkles in distaste. It seems this is not the answer he was looking for. “But, you’re acting like a human now, aren’t you,” he pushes.

A placid smile settles on Sebastian’s (deceptively human) features. “Yes, but that is because I am currently under a contract, it is my duty to become what best suits the young master’s needs.” His smile turns the slightest bit predatory, and for a second Ciel could swear he sees a glint of sharp teeth. “Besides,” the butler says, “you should know better than anyone that there is a difference between pretense and reality, my lord.”

Ciel harrumphs, pouting outright. “I know that,” he says, crossing two spindly arms over his chest. “But you can’t be that different! You should have some similarities, like…” he pauses, looking for an appropriate comparison. “Like, for instance, you want things too, don’t you?”

“I am not plagued by greed the same way humans are, and I am more than properly equipped to resist urges of any sort, should the need arise,” Sebastian says, almost in the same tone he uses for his Latin lectures.

“What about my soul, then? You want that, don’t you?”

Something in the air shifts, the words fill the room, and, under Sebastian’s glimmering red gaze, Ciel finds it a lot harder to breathe evenly than he did a moment before. He almost considers ducking under the covers, if only so that he doesn’t have to face the piercing intensity in those hellish eyes.

“That, young master,” the butler says, leaning closer to the boy in a way that makes the young Earl’s heartbeat speed up considerably, “is not mere want.”

Ciel gulps. “W-Why not?” he asks, voice stammering a lot more visibly than he would’ve liked it to.

“It simply is not. It is not the same craving you feel for sweets, nor is it anything as superficial and fleeting as what a human feels.” This time, Ciel is quite certain Sebastian’s smile is not entirely human.

“Not all human emotions are fleeting and superficial,” he protests, ignoring the foreboding feeling in his stomach the same way he refuses to acknowledge the obvious threat looming somewhere just below Sebastian’s blood red gaze. “There’s, there’s love, for instance.”

Sebastian’s answering chuckle is wholly demonic. “Love? My, my, and what would the young master know of that?”

Ciel feels his face grow warmer. “I know that it lasts,” he says, “I know it isn’t fleeting.” A pause, then, much more quietly, “I love Lizzie, for one.”

Sebastian brushes a hand against Ciel’s cheek in a gesture so gentle it can be nothing but deliberate. “Such purity,” he murmurs, almost to himself. His gaze, already a murky red, grows even darker.

It reminds Ciel of things from his ever-present nightmares… and yet, he finds he cannot (does not want to) tear his own gaze away. Still, he musters up the courage to ask, “Why are you looking at me like that, Sebastian?”

Sebastian’s hand tangles in his hair, moving to caress the back of his neck. He doesn’t answer.

When the silence grows too much to bear, Ciel asks, “You’re hungry, is that it?”

“Yes, my lord, but I fear it is not the kind of hunger your soul alone would succeed in appeasing.” And suddenly, he’s so close that Ciel can feel his breath ghosting over his cheek as he speaks, and he knows he should push him away, order him to stop, break this sinister spell that has taken him captive.

He doesn’t.

Instead he asks, “What would? Appease your hunger, I mean?”

Sebastian’s answer comes in the form of a bruising smash of his mouth on Ciel’s. It is anything but gentle, anything but human. Maybe that is why Ciel doesn’t push him away.

Part of him is afraid; part of him fears Sebastian is going to tear him apart any moment now. He fears those sharp fangs will rip past tender skin and underdeveloped muscle, smash his brittle bones and sink straight into his heart. The other part wants to see what it would feel like if he did.

But then, much too soon, before he can even fully grasp it, Sebastian is pulling away, dragging one black-nailed thumb gingerly across his lower lip, which is the only thing he deigned to sink his teeth into. Ciel is overcome by an entirely unreasonable sort of anger. He glares at the demon. “You always tell me not to spoil my appetite,” he complains.

Sebastian’s chuckle is, once again, wholly inhuman in its somewhat-cruel sincerity. “Worry not, young master, my appetite isn’t spoiled in the least, this sampling only served to whet it further.”

“You’re a liar, you know.”

“I do not lie, my—”

“But you did, you said you could control any urge, and you can’t. You lied, Sebastian.” Ciel’s tone is sharp and accusing.

“Any human urge, my lord,” Sebastian corrects, with his placid smile back in place. “Demonic urges are a different matter, and generally much harder to rein in.”

That irrational anger flares within Ciel once more. “And yet you managed to rein it in without much trouble,” he scoffs. “You mustn’t desire my soul very much at all, then.” He isn’t quite sure why, but he finds that to be a grave offense.

“Tell me, young master, do you enjoy your sweets more when you gobble them up all at once or when you take the time to savour them?” Sebastian asks.

“When I take the time to properly savour them, I suppose,” Ciel says, “but what does that have to do with—”

“It is a poor comparison at best, but you could say it is the same with my meals, young lord. I wish to properly savour every part of you. That is why I refrained from more than a small taste.”

A small, surprised, “Oh…” is all Ciel can manage.

“Besides,” Sebastian adds, “you are still a bit too young for the kind of eating I intend to partake in.” There is something in his voice that makes Ciel’s stomach knot. The promise, perhaps. It is not an unpleasant feeling, all in all.

Ciel wants to respond, to say something, anything to prolong the moment, but Sebastian makes a show of checking his pocket watch. “It has gotten rather late,” he says. “You would do well to rest, my lord.”

As if prompted by Sebastian’s words, a yawn stretches Ciel’s mouth wide. “You’ll be here in the morning, won’t you?” Ciel asks, blinking sleepily, and Sebastian is reminded again that he is but a child.

“Of course, young master,” he assures, leaning down to plant a kiss on the boy’s forehead as he whispers, “Good night.”

When Sebastian turns to close the door, his eyes fall on his contractor’s slumbering form, and, for a brief moment, he wonders if he has more in common with humans than he originally realised.

… … … … … …

A/N: This is all pre-canon, so Ciel and Sebastian aren’t quite Ciel and Sebastian. Plus, Ciel feels all kinds of conflicting things in this fic, and I guess I was trying to emphasize the imperfections, the cracks that (even in canon) were there before they properly became Ciel and Sebastian.

anonymous asked:

I want a psychologist or someone who specialises in body language to look at Taekook and give us some answers because every day, I am plagued with the same question: is it real or am I being played?

If you want them to be real they’re real.

And personally, I don’t think we need a psychologist to see just how close Jeongguk and Tae are tbh. We know for a fact that whatever they do isn’t fanservice because they’re so subtle and cautious about everything and their surroundings, they rarely have public skinship because most Taekook moments are behind the scenes (Bon voyage sleeping scene that was low-key edited to seem less gay *cough*) and majority of the taekook moments we have they either because they forgot that they had an audience or they accidentally slip up (mostly Tae). Bighit being blatantly obvious about cutting taekook interactions from Bangtan bombs etc…Idk they aren’t obvious enough to be playing us lmao but they’re still there.

Although, I would love to get a professional to back me up just cause lmao 

(IDK if this makes sense I’m about to take a nap so I’m really loopy ;-;)

4

So…While scrolling through internet memes and Kingdom Hearts news and all the Jokes about Woody saying “Sora look a Heartless!” I found some gems pertaining to Overwatch. I literally downloaded these from iFunny.

What is my life? All I could do was think of Gremlin!D.Va!?

This is where my art skills have gone…

Is it even funny? I don’t know…

Rude Awakening

I hear a voice, before I even feel anything else, before I can even feel my own limbs.

Hearing is the last sense to go, but also the first to come back.

I… don’t know how I know, but I do. I do.

Link.

It’s my name. I recognize it. The way you say it feels so familiar. Do we know each other? I feel like we do. I see a light– it is golden and warm and, somehow, I know that is the voice. What is your name? I want to ask, but my tongue is lead and my throat sandpaper. I barely part my lips.

Open your eyes.

It hits me then, all at once. And it is terrifying.

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