i-am-out-to-ruin-all-good-things

I’ve been in a pretty good mood today, which hadn’t happened in a while! I think this has to do with forcing myself out of bed in the morning and the fact that it was sunny. We had a meeting for the conference today as well and things are starting to look way better. We’ve confirmed all our speakers, booked venues and money is finally starting to come in.

Exams are looming and I’ve not revised enough, so it’s not all great of course (there’s also still the issue of “what the hell am I gonna do next year"), but I don’t want to let panic ruin my first good day in ages! And anyway, today’s been fairly productive! Proves that I really need to fix my sleeping pattern. I can’t expect to feel good and do a lot of work if I’m always up until 5am, my (almost) Southern European ass wasn’t made to be nocturnal! Not to mention the resulting social isolation. Yikes.

P.S. I realise I’m not posting or replying to messages much. Sorry! Things are just hectic right now.

anonymous asked:

Can't wait for next weeks ep and for Zosia to really open up to Ollie. I think we are going to see him support her and be there for her. Initially I think she will only shut him out as she's never had such a good relationship and someone that loves her like Ollie does, therefore she doesn't know how to act. I think this whole kiss thing won't ruin them, I think it'll happen after Zosia finds out Digby is terminal. Tthey're a strong couple, they love each other and will get through it all :-)

i agree with all of this 100% anon!! ❤
i do also think that the cara kiss will be after digby gets this ‘news’ on the 10th. but i am trying not to think about that until it happens. - I just want to enjoy zosia finally opening up to ollie on the 3rd :) i have wanted this for soooooo long! 💕💕

I am such an awkward human being.

I completely forgot that when I start talking to someone I become completely blunt and truthful about everything. I don’t want to lie about something important. I want them to get to know the real me, you know. But I also do everything in my power to hide the fact that I have crippling anxiety, and that I dislike a lot of things about myself and talk down about myself ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Like stop. No one wants to hear my pity party. I am a good person. I am a freaking great person. People’s views of me do not make me who I am. I have good qualities. I’m fun to be around. We will have a banging time for sure. 

Don’t ruin things for me, brain. I would love for this to work out. 

anonymous asked:

About the birthday party tomorrow-it'll be okay. I know that it can be hard to not worry about things like that, or to worry that you'll ruin your friends time, but I believe that you'll have fun, and things will be good.

I hope so, but I guess it’s just me and how I am to get anxious about it, I’ll see. I mean I know her since grade 7 so for 4 years and I know all the other people, except for her family obvi, since they’re all going/were going to my school and two of them are out of my year so I don’t know I’ll see

Feeling those cute vibes

I need a boyfriend, so he can take me on cute dates, so I can wear all my cute dresses and try cute things with my hair and make up. Then some days I would fail with my hair and look like I’ve been to the gym without a brush and he would laugh at me but take me out anyway. But sometimes I would look dashing and cuter than all other girlfriends in the streets and I could snuggle against his arm while walking, like some cute annoying stalker, while he glares at all male things out there that stare at me. Then we walk into starbucks and I get my Caramel Hot Chocolate, cause I’m just cute like that, and a muffin I’ll eat messily like some stupid dork, but he’ll secretly smile about it as I tell him about my new great lipstick, that he couldn’t care less about. 

P.S.: I think fanfictions have ruined me… 

Things that have not been good today:

- a group of boys blew dandelion fuzz in my hair, which I had spent an hour and a half curling this morning. I had to brush it all out and my hair was ruined. They laughed.

-I got an ominous message from my dad telling me to fix my grades. I am failing one of my classes.

-My dad decided to tell me this morning that my eyebrows looked terrible, and made me take off the makeup.  I was actually proud of them this morning.

-My friends are sick, I haven’t seen two of them for days.

-I have not eaten anything in 8 hours

Things that have been good today:

-My outfit, jewelry, and eye-makeup looked great today

-I finally got the speech I was supposed to do in choir done

-I managed to get away without any homework

-My song list was perfect, I didn’t have to skip through any songs

-My cat decided to be friendly this morning

-My voice sounded great today in choir

Last night

Got home around 2 in the morning. Walked around the city, alone, for hours. My legs hurt but crazy how I feel better. I actually went for a walk to think about my problems, fix my thoughts, organize all the things bothering me, but that’s not what happened. I just looked back to all the good things that has happened to me. I reminisced all the happenings in my life when I realized how lucky I am to live. How lucky I am to be more fortunate than others. A lot has happened to me, good and bad. But last night, all I thought about was the good ones. 

When we think about the happy thoughts, that’s all that comes into out heads because nobody wants their happy vibe to be lost, nobody wants to spend time making themselves smile and just let it be ruined by a single thought that couldn’t have been thought of.

I just feel so helpless and I wish I could help myself and stop being the way I am but I can’t. It’s like I’m determined to ruin anything good that happens to me. I’ve maxed out and stretched out all my support options and I just feel like I’m falling down this huge black hole alone and I cannot do it anymore. I’m not even close to who I used to be yet I’ll never be able to let go of the things that have happened to me. I should be over it all by now because everyone goes through stuff but I feel like it’s just one bad thing after another and irs never little bad things they’re@ always nearly life changing. I don’t want to be me anymore, which is really sad when I used to absolutely love myself and who I was. Now what I am? A miserable angry piece of shit

You’re are mad because I pushed you and you fell on the floor but don’t forget that you slapped me first for no reason. You think I betrayed you by adding that bitch but I didn’t. I didn’t add her. I could careless about her. After that, you also tried to turn my friends against me by lying to them that I use them andI am not a good person. So to protect myself, I had to reach out to my friends and tell them all the truth. You are still trying to ruin my reputation by telling people that I am abusive but you were the one who hit me first. The only thing that hurts is that we ended things on such a bad terms. I am not talking shit on you neither I want to ruin your reputation. I just don’t want any drama. You even banned me from coming to JH even though I wasn’t even going to come to you. Why? Why are you trying to ruin me. I am capable of a lot of things that could ruin but I am not going to do that because even though I hate you, I still care about you. It just hurts to see that the person I loved the most in past is trying to ruin me now. I swear to God, love is dangerous man. 

It sucks to have friends who always want to go out, do fun stuff and go to new places when you emotionally can’t do it and your left feeling like a loser and boring. But then truly you do want to go out and have fun and enjoy all those things but.. Just.. Can’t.. So you force yourself to go out even when you don’t feel good just to make them happy that I am finally out of my den and end up ruining it at the end of the night because you are forced to go home because of the crippling anxiety and depression.

Originally posted by fightingborderline

Realization

I’m a complete fuck up. I have this perfect relationship with the girl of my dreams. A goddess in my eyes. But my overthinking and overreacting has YET AGAIN fucked things up. I overthink EVERYTHING and have at least 3 outcomes to everything that I find major in my life. Well my outcomes were all wrong. And what do I do? I overreact. I say stuff that looking back at makes utterly no sense and what she tells me makes sense. So now here I am feeling like a joke, a fool. Who probably just ruined the relationship I had and is now thinking of every possible outcome that could happen to what I did. And so far. Nothing is coming out good for this. Fuck

downs

update 4/18/16

Well, Lol I just binged. Bought some chips, cookies, bread and choco milk from the CU at midnight. I didn’t eat all of it…in fact probably around less than half? I literally just throw it out. But still, I just ruined my eating schedule and sugar resistance, which I have been struggling to build up over the past month. BUT i did notice my taste buds changed. Nothing tasted as good as it used to and I actually ate three cookies before chucking the thing in the trash. Yay? Also its 3 am…and I can’t sleep. I didn’t drink enough water today either..today was a bad day….

Probably because two weeks ago I was eating so bad since my hometown friends were over and now I’m back to being addicted to sugar.

#tbt #throwbackthursday
Once upon a time many many years ago I used to be quite the handsome devil.
I was quite the ladies man and a heartbreaker. So I know all the shuck and jive. I ruined many good opportunities and wasted a lot of time and threw away shitloads of money.
You live and learn.
These days very few are interested, the looks are gone, and I’m considered a creepy dirty old man. Jajajajajajaja
Without even knowing who I really am. Not even listening, or paying attention, I’m just judged outright.
It’s all good. Human beings seem to enjoy figuring things out the hard way when it comes to judging.
As for all you players…
Mind what you’re doing with your time and your life. You might end up in an efficiency by yourself, with laundry all over the place, eating Taco Bell for dinner, involved in your own conversations, sitting on the front porch watching cars go by and drinking at bars where nobody really sees you.
Oh yeah and remembering which girls you should have kept.
It gets really quiet at night too.
Too quiet.

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