i-am-now-22

Last time we had a conversation was last year when there was an active shooter in UCLA campus. I was truly worried about her.
We haven’t been talking or met each other before this conversation.
Some of you would probably say a 13-year-old has not gained the ability to distinguish between friendship and homosexual love. But I did love her back at 13 and I probably still do somewhere at the bottom of my heart. She is still straight and I am 22 and bisexual now.
Flashback to that boarding school; bunch of arrogant elite students thrown together at the age of 13. Bunk beds: she was the upper bed I was the lower. First person I talked to when I arrived at the school and my parents later said I was totally blown away by her. She was townie but my home was 2 hr drive away. We were both introverts and clung to each other for the 1st year. We teamed up for every single class project. I went to medical room several times with blood all over either this or that body part but she would always be there and we always treated ourselves with sunset meal after blood was cleaned up.
on one day during the 2nd year we met, I started to show eagerness of an “exclusive friendship” and that was when she flinched away. Another girl stepped in and she and I were never the same again. I tried to fix it but she only thought I was sick. She was saying “I’m not your property; I will be friends with whoever I want and you are the one who always wish to live in a cocoon. Pathetic.” But every time she had a nightmare in the middle of night, she still woke me up and I would accompany her to the dark public restroom down the hallway (boarding school remember? Lights out after 10pm.)
When the sun came out, however, she went back to that cold person. Like we were literally at a Cold War.
We were still in the same high school for freshman year and sophomore year. I’m just glad we didn’t run into each other much.
After high school graduation we somehow made peace but a broken mug can never hold water any more.

Imagine waking Woozi up on his birthday with some kisses and a warm cup of coffee. Then, seeing his groggy face turn into a happy one after realizing who woke him up and for what reason.

Tomorrow I am making a scary phone call I’ve been avoiding making for way too long and I’m terrified but I can do it! Basically I have been. Ignoring my student loan stuff because it scares me, and this is something I am just accustomed to doing- I am not used to being scared, or used to having bad feelings, so I tend to sort of shove them away and ignore them. Anyway I am 22 now, I am a grown adult, and it’s about time I stop just running from money stuff, and I have to keep in mind that actually the US government really would eventually like their money back and might be willing to work something out that does indeed allow me to go back to school. So I’m gonna calm myself down with some deep breathing first, pick up the phone, and just deal with messy grownup shit and stop letting my own embarrassment/shame at how out of hand I let this get keep getting in the way of me going back to school. I’m making good headway on the bill to my university itself. I can get this done, maybe even by the end of this year. If it takes another year or 3 o or  to finish school, I will get it done and I will live and I will be fine. This is way too much for this blog but this year I am trying to work really hard on the things I want to change about myself- I really like myself, I have for several years, and I am emotionally stable and have reached a level of maturity where I feel ready (sort of) to start pushing my own boundaries and getting uncomfortable and just dealing with uncomfortable shit. Should I have let it get this bad? No. Could I have avoided this? I’m sure! I’m positive I could have worked out a payment plan to keep me from defaulting. But I didn’t, I made poor choices, and it’s time to be a grownup and just fucking deal with it. It will be uncomfortable and painful and embarrassing but that’s life! I’ll be fine, and will learn from the experience. I am feeling very proud of this because I have literally been putting off this phone call for a year and a half.

Tip Toe

Pairing: Hermione Granger x Draco Malfoy

AU: Modern, non-magical, high school AU

Word Count: 1,223

Written For: muclbloods + the iconic yellow BMW


Draco has loathed Hermione Granger from a safe, perfectly practical distance for about as long as he can remember.

She’d shown up on the first day of sixth grade with her powder-blue Kipling backpack stuffed with five individually labeled plastic folders—fucking color-coded, too—and she’d proceeded to beat him at everything.

Everything.

If he got a 99 on an algebra test, she got a 100. If he was publicly praised by their English teacher for his astute use of simile in an essay, she was invited to participate in a district-wide writing contest. She took pristine notes on college-rule notepaper and she stole the state spelling bee trophy right out of his elegant, neatly-manicured hands after he misspelled the word ‘sanctimonious’ and she won the mock Continental Congress debate in their eighth grade history class—while playing as Alexander Hamilton.

She made him feel like the fucking coyote in those old Saturday morning cartoons; wily and arrogant and always just on the cusp of winning—until she inevitably arrived with her laminated book reports and her environmentally-safe highlighters and her ridiculous fucking ergonomically designed mechanical pencils—just in time to either push him off a cliff or directly into the path of an oncoming train.

He hated her.

Keep reading

“i always thought i was bi, i have only been in relationships with men. i had a crush on a girl once but she rejected me in the end because she said she liked thin girls better (looking back that was a bit fucked up because i was thin??? but every teenage girl think they are too fat i guess. but anyway, she is allowed to feel that way).

but now i am 22 and i seriously question my feelings/attraction towards men. i feel like maybe i was just with them because it was a) easy b) expected of me. i had pretty low self esteem when i was younger so i thought i was only worth something if boys liked me. however at parties i really prefered making out with one of my female friends. not to get anyone hot but because guys are .. maybe not my thing?? i worked through a lot of sexism and finally got feminism “right” in the past 3 years and now i love sourrounding myself with women.

men are always so annoying (#notallmen) and i feel like i always had to be the mature one in the relationship and teach them thing and become like a normal person??? thats literally not my job? i hate how irresponsible they always were and how i had to explain everything to them. they didnt think for themselves. annoying af. i had 3 long term boyfriends, all different ethnicities, and different education levels from high-school and then working, to university and they all had in common what i just listed.

then on the other hand i look at women and i am like: nice. they respect me. they are interesting. have their own thoughts. they are pro-active, they are idealistic, they are sweet and pretty and just perfect?? they are kind. they are responsible, like me. it’s all more 50/50. bonus of course if they are feminists. they are less violent, more open minded and just caring and cool. so yeah am i a lesbian?

i made an okcupid profile recently only looking for queer female friends because i am just so tired of men and suddenly i am like: i don’t have to date men. i feel so relieved. but i am afraid to identify as a lesbian because what if in 3 years i feel attracted to a man i want to date? i don’t want to feel like an intruder or a fraud. and i feel like girls are not interested in me. i feel like i am not gay enough for them?? everytime i flirted with them or tried to start something serious it didn’t work out. i guess that’s also why i dated men. sorry for the long post!”
(spaces added for readability)
——————
It can be super hard to separate how you feel about men because of the role you’re required to play due to misogyny, and how you just feel about men. It can even be impossibe. Like, we can ask ourselves a billion times if we’d still feel the same about men if we weren’t socialized the way we were–like, would this feeling still be the same if I was raised on a deserted island without expectations, without having ever been hurt by misogyny or male entitlement?

The great thing is… you don’t have to. Instead of worrying about a Genuine Self, just know that you as you are exist right now, and that’s what really matters. I’d go as far as to say more lesbians struggle with the idea that they might not really be a lesbian, than lesbians who are certain that they are lesbians.
What it comes down to is, you very clearly do not want to be with men–you even said you felt -relief- at allowing yourself to not date men. That’s where you are today. If you’re somewhere else three years ago, that’s perfectly fine. It doesn’t mean you can’t call yourself a lesbian, or that you have like. Sullied the label or something.

If you think you are a lesbian, if you want to call yourself as a lesbian… come as you are. We’ll take you. You don’t have to ever be 100% sure. We love you, we’re here for you, you belong. And if down the road you discover that you’re bi, or that the bi label feels better for you? We still love you, we’re still here for you, and you still belong.

4

thank you so much guys <3

i am sorry i worried you all like that but i am really ok now in fact i have exams that’s why i am on hiatus now i can’t be active until 22 January…..

thank you so much <3 

taggeroo

I was tagged by both @apricotica and @jonmichaelsux for this one. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these! If you know these already, feel free to skip it. If you’re new, here’s your stalker base … 

Nickname: twinkle toes, hunterbaby, drool
Star sign: Gemini (gregarious but shifty)
Height: 5′3″ and ¾ (but I sometimes lie and say I’m 5′4″ because that makes me sound less insane than putting in that ¾ of an inch and I’ll be damned if I’m leaving it out and letting people think I’m ¾ of an inch shorter than I am.)
Time right now: 10:22 p.m.
Last thing googled: “Princess Leia” so Adelaide could see a picture. She was getting Leia confused with Clara from the nutcracker – the white nightgown maybe? – and that had to be remedied immediately.
Favorite music artists: naval-gazing male or female hipster types who make music with good harmonies
Song stuck in your head: the Arabian Dance from the Nutcracker Suite, which Adelaide’s been humming nonstop for over a week now. (If you’re more familiar with Fantasia, it’s the one with the coy – literally and figuratively – fish.)
Last movie watched: Anesthesia. HIGHLY recommend. 
Last TV show watched: Masters of Sex. I’m catching up. 
What are you wearing now: Clothing. That’ll do. 
When did you create your blog: 2012, which makes you guys my longest relationship since the divorce … yikes.
What kind of stuff do you post: Funny, occasionally poignant stuff, I hope?
Do you have any other blogs: Not really (she says cryptically)
Do you get asks regularly: Nope. I get the occasional (very nice) anonymous or not anonymous note, but it’s rare that I get asks. You guys should send asks sometime! Just not for nudes. Cause fuck off.
Why did you choose your URL: Adelaide was maybe a year and a half old and confused the word tiger with taco. It is not, as is occasionally asked, a reference to my vagina. I would never in a million years refer to something as delightful and beloved as my vagina as a “taco.” 
Gender: Female
Hogwarts House: Apparently I’m a Hufflepuff? 
Pokemon team: *shrugs*
Favorite color: Green
Average hours of sleep: Not enough 
How many blankets do you sleep with: I have to agree with @apricotica here: I’m sorry, but I just think this is a really boring question, and I’m skipping it.
Dream job: 1) Writer; 2) The voice of a (or several) cartoon character(s); 3) Being independently wealthy enough to be a stay-at-home mom without needing a (working) partner
Followers: 995 porn sites catering exclusively to women over 50 who gratify themselves by sitting on cakes

I imagine a lot of you have been tagged already (especially since everyone’s passing it on to 20 people) but I’m not going to check because that’s insanity. If you want to do it a second time, go for it. If you don’t, skip it. You’re an adult. You get to make that choice.

@dickensnyc @blastoffbabyboy @unrelentingoptimist @delgrosso @alwysthetkncrzy @thedaddycomplex @bluegreen-marina @unexceptionallyfit @slowdissolveto @mywildloves @trans-parenting @mamamusement @paytonpics @ifjanetranit @awkwarditch @gabuland @halcyonsynthesis @abundanceofcalm @wanderingwithhope @babyoblog @breakthecitysky @odysseyofabe @yperspective @beerformysunshines @falsepalindrome @kickthecanrevolution @aaronbleyaert 

I was asked to post a before and after picture of when I started lifting compared to now.

The first picture was 2009, where the extent of my “fitness” was dancing 3-4 days a week, being the “big girl” in my ballet class, and eating literally whatever I wanted to. I remember being on the beach in that swimsuit next to my older cousins, who were thinner and more fit than me (but were also 4 years older) and being so self-conscious. I was 15 in this picture.

The second picture was 2013 and the end of my freshman year of college. I was 19 and my “fitness routine” consisted on running 45-60 minutes A DAY. Every day. And eating about 1000-1200 calories. I was afraid of lifting, thinking it would make me bulky and ruin my progress to get thinner.

The third picture is me only a few weeks ago (2015). I’m now 22 and am in love with lifting. I’m eating roughly 2000-2500 calories a day and am doing much less cardio than I was 2-3 years ago.

Lifting is the best thing I have ever done for myself. It’s given me confidence, mental and physical strength, and has helped me overcome so much.

anonymous asked:

Do you ever miss Jared?

he and i are friend now, also it was a very young relationship he and i had, so even tho i wish i could say i do miss him like that, in sake of the people who followed us for our relationship, i gotta say, it was way too young, and there is so much life left for us to live and for us to find love. So 18 and 17 is too young to me. I am very happy at almost 22 and single now, so just wait its all good live your life and be happy there is no rush! so in short no i dont miss him and im very happy right now and so is he! and thats how he and i are friends too haha

Tired of all your favourite characters having Daddy Angst™? Wondering where all the problematic mothers are in the series you love?

Well TIRE NO LONGER. The Lunar Chronicles is proud to provide you with…

MUMMY ANGST™.

FEAT. such wonders as 
“my mother was a cruel and frivolous woman who tried to BURN her sister alive”, 
“my step-mother hates me and sold off my LIMB”, 
“my aunt also tried to BURN me alive”
“my mother is DEAD and i’m having to give her crown to my ARCH ENEMY”, 
“I’d give ANYTHING for my grandmere but now she has been EATEN alive in front of me”, 
“my mother has had her entire family taken away from her and now I am 22 years old and a mutant and oh god she probably despises me… mummy i love you oh no she’s DEAD because of me”,
“my own mother willingly GAVE ME UP for EXECUTION when I was a baby”, 
“my mummy is rich and i want attention, WHY doesn’t she love me?”, 
“I must BEHAVE or my mummy will DIE”,
“my mummy is DEAD, and now my step-mummy has KILLED MY DADDY and SCARRED me and is cruel and EVIL to me and millions of people every day and now I GUESS she wants to KILL ME TOO”.

When I was 14 I picked up the guitar for the first time because I wanted to be like Taylor, I wanted to write music like Taylor and I wanted to inspire people just like Taylor does. I am now 22 and have been playing guitar for 8 years, I write a little bit of my own music and I have learnt that being yourself is the best thing in this world full of people trying to be something they are not. I had a rough time going through school and every day I would come home and play some guitar and listen to Taylor’s music on repeat. People in the world can be really mean but you can either let that hold you down or get back up and realise that life is worth living and it is your life, live it the way you would like to.
Thank you doesn’t seem to be enough to express how grateful I truly am for Taylor’s influence in my life but for now I’ll stick with thank you 💕😊🌟 @taylorswift

i watched the tatinof documentary and i just…looooook. i’ve been a viewer since i was 15/16. i am 22 now. i’m kinda old, i’ve been around a while. but they still have me absolutely captivated in every way. their personalities, the way they are with us all, how appreciative they are. dan and phil are exceptional guys and i’ll never be able to say enough how wonderful i think they are. they just get it. and it’s so rare to say you wholeheartedly and genuinely think someone is brilliant but they are exactly that.

Hello Tumblr people. This is me. I have Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I am absolutely terrified to make this post, which is why it needs to be done. #NoShameDay is a very cool thing and I want to help end the stigma. 

While my disability isn’t physically visible and I am now able to pass as neurotypical, it still affects my life. I am aware of the ways I think and process things differently and I face unique challenges pretty much every day. Yet, only my absolute closest friends know.

I was diagnosed at 3 years old and have undergone tons of therapies to help me function. I am now 22 years old and about to graduate from one of the top 20 universities in the US and will continue on to get my master’s degree. I have an amazing group of friends and an active social life. Funny how when I was first diagnosed, the doctor told my mom to put me in an institution and I would “never be normal.”

I get so ticked off when neurotypicals say that people with autism can’t function in society or don’t have empathy or can’t be smart and if they are smart they are just savants in one thing. I function fine (some social anxiety, but loads of other people have that too), I am filled to the brim with empathy (all I want to do is help people), and screw you I’m brilliant. I just think differently than you do. Different isn’t bad, it’s just different.

ASD is a very misunderstood disorder. It is also very “trendy” to talk about, which really doesn’t help resolve the misunderstandings tbh. 

Like it’s recently been trendy to use autism as the big bad monster in the closet that can be caused by vaccines or eating wrong or whatever unscientific ableist nonsense they want to preach. As though autism is worse than death. It’s offensive. I have been living with ASD for 22 years and I am doing great. 

I welcome anyone who has any questions. Sometimes people with ASD have difficulty speaking for themselves; I am fortunate to have a voice, so I intend to use it.

Happy No Shame Day! I love all of you brave people out there who shared your stories. I also love y’all who are still working up to sharing what makes you unique. You are all beautiful souls. <3 

jtrohomo  asked:

spell icup

3.7 doomybot but i love this year,or will I find. its 5:22 am right now would sound like she did was name a time capsule Racing down a wall// I WILL EAT ASS ON OCCASION. HELL YA. (alsgo i think it will be disrupted.”.