Last time we had a conversation was last year when there was an active shooter in UCLA campus. I was truly worried about her.
We haven’t been talking or met each other before this conversation.
Some of you would probably say a 13-year-old has not gained the ability to distinguish between friendship and homosexual love. But I did love her back at 13 and I probably still do somewhere at the bottom of my heart. She is still straight and I am 22 and bisexual now.
Flashback to that boarding school; bunch of arrogant elite students thrown together at the age of 13. Bunk beds: she was the upper bed I was the lower. First person I talked to when I arrived at the school and my parents later said I was totally blown away by her. She was townie but my home was 2 hr drive away. We were both introverts and clung to each other for the 1st year. We teamed up for every single class project. I went to medical room several times with blood all over either this or that body part but she would always be there and we always treated ourselves with sunset meal after blood was cleaned up.
on one day during the 2nd year we met, I started to show eagerness of an “exclusive friendship” and that was when she flinched away. Another girl stepped in and she and I were never the same again. I tried to fix it but she only thought I was sick. She was saying “I’m not your property; I will be friends with whoever I want and you are the one who always wish to live in a cocoon. Pathetic.” But every time she had a nightmare in the middle of night, she still woke me up and I would accompany her to the dark public restroom down the hallway (boarding school remember? Lights out after 10pm.)
When the sun came out, however, she went back to that cold person. Like we were literally at a Cold War.
We were still in the same high school for freshman year and sophomore year. I’m just glad we didn’t run into each other much.
After high school graduation we somehow made peace but a broken mug can never hold water any more.
Do you ever miss Jared?