i-am-not-good-enough

anonymous asked:

Hey Tink ! Good morning ! Have you a streaming link for the last episode? Possibly with English subtitles ? The French sub team gave up because they don't like the way the season is going so far * sigh * I am not good enough in English to understand all the dialogues without subtitles. It's frustrating. Thanks

Try watchseries.is / .do there’s subtitle options on my iPad when I use that

Draco: Why haven’t you told your friends about us? I just asked Granger where you were and she asked me why I wanted to know?

Harry: Um…

Draco: Are you ashamed of me or something? Am I not good enough for you?

Harry: Wait, Draco -

Draco: If you don’t want to be my boyfriend, just say so already. I don’t enjoy dating someone who can’t even -

Harry: We’re dating!??!

Draco: What do you mean “we’re dating?” We kissed four and a half days ago.

Harry: But you never said - you never asked! How was I supposed to know?

Draco: Do you think I just go around kissing everyone? That I do it for sport or something?

Harry: No, but -

Draco: So, are you going to tell your friends I’m your boyfriend or not?

Harry: Yes. Definitely. Right away.

Draco: Thank you. Was that so hard? Merlin, it’s not like I even ask for much!

I own the place.

I own and operate a comic book store in a heavily trafficked mall.  The customer doesn’t approve of a toy her son bought, so she wants a refund.  But I can’t resell it now because it’s open.  So she has a fit, because I won’t take it back.  Wants to speak to my manager.  I tell her I am the manager.  Not good enough for her, wants to speak to my boss.  Sorry, I don’t have one of those.  So she insists of complaining to my corporate owner.  I show her the receipt, where the owner’s phone number is.  She calls it in front of me to get me in deep doo-doo.  She is stunned when my personal cell phone rings, and holy shit, I am the owner.  

Then she wants mall security’s phone number because they’ll want to know my policies are bad.  So I gave her mall security’s number, because I’m pretty sure they won’t give a flying fuck.

So she waits for security, and no they don’t give a fuck.  She claims she won’t leave until I give her a refund.  Security tells her if she’s not gone from my store in 60 seconds, they’re calling the police.

Happy ending for me but aggravating it took so long to get there.

How is it possible
That a single human being
Could fuck you up so much
And make you feel as if your self worth has diminished
up to the point where you don’t even have confidence
Or believe you can find someone to make you happy

I wonder if you know,
how exactly you have broken me
How I look in the mirror and think,
I am not good enough.
I stare at myself and truly believe
no one will ever love me
at least not as much as I love them,
because I give too much and that is just exhausting.

I get anxiety all the time,
at the thought of you
At the thought of ever loving someone
The way I loved you.
Of getting attached
because I fear they will all become you,
constantly disappointing me.

I don’t have confidence anymore,
I can’t even talk to someone else
because I don’t think anything I say will be good enough
But I am fucking good enough
You just made me feel that I could never be.

I’m afraid of the world because of you,
Of people like you
That act so selfishly and call it,
“Making myself better”
When in reality
You’re a shitty indecisive person
That cannot let go of the one person
Who gave you everything
And you realize a little too late,
they are all you’ve ever wanted.

But guess what,
I’ve know that for a long time.
I’ve known you were all I ever wanted,
the sad part is
You changed.

You are not the person I fell in love with.
And I’m not the person you feel in love with

I am the person you destroyed
but I will also be the person
that will find happiness,
without you.

—  basically word vomit

anonymous asked:

If there is a will there IS a way. U may not be able to do it the same way that non disabled people can, but you still can do it

I used to think that way too, before I got sick. I used to think that if I was just stubborn enough - and I’m really stubborn - then “where there’s a will there’s a way” and somehow I could do whatever I set my mind to.

But it’s simply a fact of reality that this isn’t true. It’s not being “negative” to acknowledge reality, to acknowledge that having a disability limits my abilities. That’s literally what it means. A Deaf person can’t hear, a blind person can’t see, a paralyzed person can’t walk, an autistic person can’t be allistic, and I can’t live the life of a healthy person. That’s not me giving up, that’s me acknowledging reality.

My illness prevents me from doing many of the things I want to do. I don’t “let” it stop me, it just stops me. If I tried to “find a way” to live like a healthy person, I would get so sick that I would collapse. Positive thoughts don’t make my pain and fatigue go away, it doesn’t allow me to think clearly or have the strength to leave the house more often. 

I know this is hard to accept, but there is nothing I can do to change this.

I do what I can to improve my health, I test my boundaries to see if I can do more than I think I can do, and I keep trying every single day. But a strong will can’t change a weak body. Wishing and wanting and trying can’t stop the bacteria that are ravaging and polluting my body, it can’t stop my immune system from attacking my organs, it can’t solve the mystery illnesses of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. If the disease kills me, it won’t be because I didn’t try hard enough.

Believe me, if wanting to be healthy made you healthy, I’d be the healthiest fucking person alive. If wanting to be abled made you abled, we would be abled. 

But a good attitude simply can’t fix a broken meat suit, and you healthy and abled people need to accept that too. 

You think you’re helping by telling me I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to, but you need to stop mindlessly pushing that ableist concept and realize that I don’t HAVE to be able to do whatever I set my mind to in order to be a worthwhile person. I don’t HAVE to “find a way” to be good enough. I AM good enough even though I can’t do the same things as healthy, abled people. 

I am disabled, and I am good enough.

Drabble List

Please specify which list you’re choosing from

Fluff:

1 - “I love you. I hope you know that.”
2 - “I bought this because I thought you’d like it.”
3 - “I just feel safe with you. Like nothing bad can happen.”
4 - “You’re adorable, and I can’t believe I have you all to myself.”
5 - “Are you warm enough? “
6 - “I don’t like when you say things like that. To me, you’re perfect.”
7 - “I like it when you say my name.”
8 - “I care about you. I’ve always cared about you.”
9 - “You’re soft and warm and I don’t want you to move.”
10 - “I love kissing you.”
11 - “I’m just glad you’re safe. I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost you.”
12 - “Welcome home.”
13 - “God, you’re so beautiful.”
14 - “You make me want to become a better person.”
15 - “She’s/he’s not my boyfriend!”
16 - “I always want to kiss you.”
17 - “I’m really lucky to have you.”
18 - “I think it’s adorable how easily you blush.”
19 - “I just want to take care of you.”
20 - “Don’t tell me not to worry, because I’m going to do that anyway.”
21 - “I made you some breakfast.”
22 - “If you’re so cold, why didn’t you say something? Come here.”
23 - “I guess time flies when you’re with somebody you love.”
24 - “I never want you to think you’re anything less than my top priority.”
25 - “You look really cute in that.”

Angst:

1 - “No, I don’t want to say goodbye. Not now.”
2 - “I think I might be better off without you.”
3 - “Don’t tell me what to do.”
4 - “I don’t want to do this without you.”
5 - “I thought we were friends.”
6 - “Stop yelling and listen for a second.”
7 - “What you did what stupid and dangerous and scared the hell out of me.”
8 - “I just want you to be safe. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.”
9 - “Please, just…be safe. Come back to me.”
10 - “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you trusted me.”
11 - “Don’t cry. Everything’s going to be okay.”
12 - “Who did this? Who hurt you?”
13 - “I love you, not them.”
14 - “Am I not good enough?” / “I’m not good enough.”
15 - “I’m so, so sorry.”
16 - “This is all your fault.”
17 - “But I only just got home.”
18 - “Don’t say that. You’re going to be okay.”
19 - “Please don’t leave.”
20 - “I know you didn’t mean it, but it still hurt.”
21 - “I wish I didn’t have these feelings, but I do.”
22 - “Why would you think something like that?”
23 - “Look me in the eye and tell me you love me.”
24 - “I thought I’d never see you again.”
25 - “You can’t just leave like this.”

Smut:

1 - “I missed you so much.”
2 - “Like what you see?”
3 - “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
4 - “You’re so perfect. And I’m so fucking lucky.”
5 - “Try to stay quiet, understand?”
6 - “We’re in public, you know.”
7 - “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”
8 - “Don’t be so rough. There can’t be any marks.”
9 - “Don’t smile at me like that. You know it drives me crazy.”
10 - “I like it when you say my name like that.”
11 - “I heard shower sex is dangerous, but right now, I’m willing to take the risk.”
12 - “I really don’t care. You still look hot and I’m trying not to kiss you senseless right now.”
13 - “You’re so much fun to touch.”
14 - “Can I at least take my shoes off before you pounce on me?”
15 - “Are you sure? Once we start, I might not be able to stop.”
16 - “No, I’m supposed to be making you feel good.”
17 - “Oh my God, do that again.”
18 - “You can be wearing a trashbag, and I’d still want you.”
19 - “I thought maybe we can do a little more than just kissing.”
20 - “I’m going to be late because you can’t keep it in your pants.”

oh my father; who came before me, and his father, who died early, and his father, who liked whiskey, and his father, who ran drugs through countries, and his father, who ate too much and shouted plenty, and his father - was this the one that started the cycle? who first raised fist like man raises torch with fire? who first called down thunder onto cowering heads, who brought storms into houses? was it his father before him? where does the blame rest? on whose shoulders do i shrug it? do i pass it off and make my father a better man? cut out the pieces of him that make him a catastrophe? without rage do his hands become carpenter hard but soft and loving, do i no longer flinch when he moves them towards me. without anger do his words become lighter, balloon up and trail on our ceiling and float around without us fearing they will catch on fire. will i see the father of better mornings, when he is at his best, when he is smiling over pancakes and being the man my mother fell in love with. will i no longer guess which father i get today, which switch is flicked, which creature comes out of him. and oh my father, and his father, and so on to the first who raised sons to be a rifle - when i meet him, will he finally be the one to tell me i am loved? that i’m a good enough daughter? when i meet him - god, what if i meet him and the only thing i know how to do is beat him? what if i start the cycle myself, the way that it threatens to keep breathing in me when i raise children. what if. what if.

i see his hands, and carpenter scars and a laugh that shakes a building.

happy father’s day, i write him. oh my father. there will be no more raised hands after me. it doesn’t matter who started it, he’d say to me, i’m ending it. and i’m ending it. after all of this i forgive you, or i’m learning to, or at least i’m learning how not to let it ruin me.

oh my father. i am sorry. and i am free.

#MondayMotivation

12 Powerful Affirmations To Use Daily

Affirmations are a great way to prime our minds for success, repeating positive affirmations daily can have a profound effect on the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Starting the day with positive affirmations can help us to set the tone for anything we want to achieve thereafter. 

1. I am worthy of what I seek.

2. I am capable of greatness.

3. I am good enough.

4. I am worthy of love.

5. I am grateful to be alive today.

6. I can have anything I desire.

7. I am worthy of a loving relationship.

8. I see myself with unconditional positive regard.

9. I am in the process of manifesting my dream life.

10. I attract others of a similar vibrational nature to me.

11. I refuse to settle for anything less than my true worth.

12. I am grateful for the people I surround myself with.

Use affirmations to prime the brain for success.

Peace & positive vibes.

Halloween Prompts

Because as a spooky bitch, I love spooky things. 

Originally posted by xxfallintowinterxx

I told you guys I’d do something fun for October though! Since I slacked so incredibly on those drabbles, I thought I’d make it up to you guys and post this list! So feel free to request these (multiple numbers will be accepted) with a Star Wars character (or the Solo triplets) and I will gladly fill your request!


Trick-or-Treat and Costume Themed:

1.  “We should do a couples costume.”

2. “Who ate all my candy?!!”

3. “You’re too old to go trick-or-treating.”

4. “What God-awful demon possessed you to wear that?”

5. “I know the neighborhood by heart, which also means I know exactly which houses give out the King Size bars.”

6. “That costume really is convincing. You might terrify a few too many children.”

7. “I hate costumes, just get me a shirt.”

8. “I will dress up as literally anything else, but don’t make me wear this..”

9. “Look, I dressed up as you.”

10. “Oh we’re going all the way around. I want this sack to be filled to the brim with sugar.”

11. “Well, they were out of mens costumes so…”

12. “And…what are you supposed to be?”

13. “I thought you agreed I should wear this costume to the party tonight?” “Oh I agreed to you wearing it tonight, but I had no party in mind”

14. “Shit we’re out of candy, and those kids are on their way.”

15. “Come on, just let me scare a few trick-or-treaters.” “You’re going to horrify them!” “It’ll build character.”

Paranormal:

16. ”If you say let’s split up, I swear to God.”

17. “Did you hear that?”

18.  “I swear I saw that move!“

19.  “Hey, this isn’t funny.”

20. “We shouldn’t be in here.”

21. “Oh my gaud, I think the crystal ball is working. The spirits are telling me you’re a dumbass.”

22. “Anybody else notice the small child staring at us?”

23. “The house is not haunted.”

24. “Why are you so determined to see this ghost anyway?”

25. “Why the hell did you bring a ouija board? You know how I feel about that shit.”

26. “I dare you to go down there.”

27. “Mmm, I appreciated that little murmuring you did in my ear.” “….That wasn’t me.”

28. “Is it just me or did it just get really cold in here?”

29. “That wasn’t there before.”

Monsters:

 30. “H-holy shit, why-why is there no reflection?”

 31. “The moon looks beautiful tonight.”

 32. “What are you?!”

 33. “No, don’t come any closer!!“

 34. “Take off that mask….that is a mask right?”

 35. “I thought I saw…nevermind.”

 36. “I am centuries old. You need to do more than that to get rid of me.”

37. “Just one bite.”

38. “HOLY MOTHERF- IT BIT ME!”

39. “Lock the doors!”

40. “What’s that in the water?”

41. “We aren’t all that bad.”

42. “No! I can’t shoot you!”

43. “Do you know what I am?”

44. “You look good enough to eat.”

45. “You humans are always so gullible.”

46. “Nobody’s ever gotten past that cove.” “Why?” “Have you not heard the tale?”

47. “I thought I was the only one.”

48. “Would you like to join me?”

49. “…Sarcophagus’ aren’t supposed to open…right?”

50. “What the hell is it doing?”

51. “Get away from me!!”

52. “I suppose my secret’s out.”

53. “Don’t go out there. Especially once the sun goes down.” “Why not?” “You don’t wanna know.”

54. “Come closer.”

55. ”I just want to be normal again.”

Other:

56. “Trust no one tonight.”

57. “What are you doing out here?”

58. “Making out in a graveyard?”

59. “Did you seriously injure yourself carving a pumpkin?”

60. “There are some things about Halloween you don’t understand.”

61. “He’s gonna get you! He’s gonna get you!!”

62. “Humans are idiots.”

63. “I’m the tall dark stranger your parents warned you about.”

64. “How did you do that?”

65. “Why don’t you just take your broomstick and shove it?”

66. “You did this!!”

67. “This is disgusting.”

68. “There will be a lot of screaming tonight.”

69. “Can’t you like wiggle your nose or something and everything works out?”

70. “I hate Halloween.”

71. “I’m scared.”

72. “If you can’t wake up from the nightmare, maybe you’re not asleep.”

73. “Do you think keeping your eyes shut will keep you safe?”

74. “You don’t feel it yet…but you will. Soon.”

75. “What did you do to me?!”

76. “Somebody’s watching us.”

77. “The legend said it only goes after virgins…so sucks for you I guess.”

78. “Y-your eyes, what’s happening to your eyes?”

79. “Feed me.”

80. “I just found out my best friend and love of my life isn’t human and you’re criticizing me for being shocked?!”

The Inner Dialogue of Someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder and is in a Relationship

First of all, I’d like to make it clear that my relationship is honestly quite amazing. We have a very honest, open, secure, accepting, understanding, and supportive relationship. But when you have BPD, your illness tells you things and makes you think things that are extremely hard to deal with, even in the best relationship.

What do you even see in me?
I’m filth. I’m trash. I am the emperor of garbage.
When are you going to realize I’m a horrible person?
Am I good enough for you?
Am I being too clingy, too needy, too emotional, too much? 
Am I being too distant, too detached, too little?
Will I be enough this time?
Are you going to abandon me? 
When are going to abandon me?
Are you lying to me?
Do you actually love me or are you just saying that?
Do I have too much baggage?
I’m such a burden to you.
You deserve so much better..
You’re going to leave me, everybody leaves
… Am I just a back up option? Something to use until something better comes along? 
… Why are you with me, I’m nothing..
Does my risky behaviour stress you out? Do I stress you out? Am I difficult?
… I can’t “handle” myself, how is anybody else supposed to?
I hate myself, how can anybody actually love me?
If I don’t love myself and they say you can’t love somebody else if you don’t love yourself does that mean I’m lying to myself? Oh god I’m such a piece of shit… 
Am I good enough?
Tell me I’m good enough… tell me it’s okay… tell me you love me
Should I tell you how I feel? No, no, no, you wouldn’t understand
I’m always so depressed and boring… are you bored with me?
You’ll get bored.
Until I do something impulsive or destructive.
Then I’ll stress you out and add drama to your life.
Omg I’m a horrible person, you deserve better
Nothing will ever help me, you don’t deserve this
Oh shit, I’m so annoying
How do you put up with me? 
Fuck I love you, so so so so much, but I’m terrified you’re going to hurt me or I’m going to be bad for you …


It doesn’t matter how many times he reassures me or tells me being mentally ill doesn’t make me a burden, my illness convinces me I am.. I practice skills and go to therapy and do my best every single day. Some people get into a relationship with someone with BPD or another mental illness and have this idea they can ‘fix’ them or it will magically ‘go away’, it won’t. It doesn’t mean their feelings for you are any less or that they want to be this way… the support is amazing, being loved is amazing, but it doesn’t cure illnesses.

Your patience and support and encouragement and reassurance is always appreciated, but don’t get into the mindset that you have to be our therapists. Be our partners. That’s all we want from you, a partner.

And if you’re the one with bpd, don’t think that these thoughts mean your love is any less valid. You are deserving and capable of giving and receiving love, despite what your illness tells you 💖💖💖

I think what kills me most is knowing I will never have a chance to ask you questions about us. I so desperately wish I could ask you why you don’t love me. Why am I not good enough? Why don’t you see everything I’ve given up to make you happy?
—  m.a | things I wish I could tell him #1