i was feeling pretty crappy today

7

I’m exhausted. Today was so long. But I feel good.
I went to be at like 930 last night but I still felt terrible when I woke up at 7. I laid there for 10 extra minute just cause I felt crappy.
But i did some yoga and had some toast and felt a little better.
It was on and off raining all day today. But I was pretty lucky and didn’t get rained on at all. I biked to work and set up the classroom.
One of my campers from last year, paloma, who I love, was back form being sick! Her mom was concerned that she wouldn’t be able to finish the project and asked if she could stay behind when we went to the musuem but I wouldn’t have that. We would get this together!
We looked at the books and decided to make a koala. I directed and found the pieces for the head and she chose the arms and legs and body. She also found a stick to have her holding on to. We got it all glued together and painted in under 45 minutes. Speed sculpture! So she was pretty much caught up with everyone else. Awesome.
The rest of the day was good. Since it was pouring outside we went to the library for snack. I only felt a little embarrass when one of my campers went behind the circulation desk. She didn’t know though not her fault. It was a nice change of pace. And Kathrynm, the other councelor, really loves the library so she was happy.
We worked on geasture drawings. Doing one animal and then moving a seat to the left to so the animal they chose. I did a bat, a jagular, a seahorse, and a frog. It was fun.
I was nervous about getting to skating because of the rain. So I left 5 minutes early to catch a bus. But like I said I was lucky and it didn’t rain on my quick bike ride to the bus stop. But even though I left early the bus was late. Amazing. It was fine though.
Sherry, my friend from mcad, was on the bus and we talked until she had to get off. And I was on time for work.
It was a good day. We decorated t shirts. I felt really good and helpful with this. I helped glue on lots of gems and helped make some sweet gem designs.
We did have an allergy scare but thankfully Jerre was there, and she’s a much more adultier adult and was able to handle it.
Today was good but We had a few falls on the ice. And a brand new skater I hung out with. But we had fun.
I was really hungry by the end of the day. At 5 after the last kid was picked up me and Kea went across the street and got a pizza to share. We chilled and ate and talked. It was a nice time but we were both just real tired.
When we got back to the rink Niky was there. We stretched and finally got on the ice. This week wasn’t as great as last week. Not as playful. But still a good class. My shoulder was really tight and my back hurt but I felt powerful. I figured out I was better when I don’t think so hard. And I had a lot of fun once I figured out my waltz jumps are getting better especially when I skate backwards into the jump instead of trying to do it from standing. Awesome.
Kea was nice enough to give me a ride home. She dropped me off where I left my bike and I headed home.
I took a bath with lots of salt and bubbles. Washed my hair and did a face mask. I feel really relaxed and just ready to sleep. Tomorrow more Mcad and skating. But then i can just go home. Get some shopping done and clean in here.
I hope you all feel good and safe. Sleep well.

sorry about the caption this is from my insta story (follow me @ella.lucy)
I’m feeling pretty crappy today after my English exam went badly; 2/3 of my a levels are now complete and I feel as though none of them really demonstrate my knowledge or the amount of work and stress I’ve put into them 😕 also still not doing what I’m doing about university just makes the prospect of results day even more stressful 😔

I’m probably going to delete this in two seconds, but I actually don’t like days like today. I feel pretty crappy when people I thought like my work, don’t mention it, which is fine. It just makes me a bit sad, y’know. It’s kinda why I don’t have lists at all on my website. No matter who I mention, I’m sure I’ll leave someone out, and I hate making people sad.  

But then again, it’s nothing new. The positivity blog left me off the first time. I just think it’s always ironic how positive days/things always make me sad. 

juhaku-inspired  asked:

Once you get this you have to name five things you love about yourself. Then send this to ten of your favorite followers ♥♥♥♥

i feel so loved today, thank you ^^

now i just have to come up with new ones otl

1) i own some punny shirts that i love (and everyone hates)

2) i can learn new things quickly

3) when i try hard i can draw pretty well

4) animals tend to like me

5) i like my crappy music taste, not gonna lie

I was gunna reply to my threads today but I’m feeling pretty crappy. I’m going to take a long shower and see if it makes me feel better.

anonymous asked:

To Dean, this is Evans. We've never spoken before, but here we are. Today was the first truly crappy day I've had in a long time, and I've forgotten how to cope. I used to feel either numb or angry every day, and had ways to survive until the next day, but I've moved on from that phase in my life. I moved out, got a job, live with my boyfriend that I love dearly. Everything's been going pretty well. This past week I've been stressed from working more than usual, I've got a new job (Evans, 1)

so I’ve been working both jobs this week. I’m getting burned out. I had a really great day yesterday at a concert, but I didn’t get enough rest on my day off to deal with today, tomorrow, and Saturday being long days. Today I had really grating people to deal with, so I was already annoyed at just the littlest things. I felt like my boyfriend wasn’t listening as I tried to explain why I was agitated, yet proclaimed he wasn’t deaf when I got a bit shrill. We didn’t have any clean towels. I realized AFTER taking a shower of course. I feel like I’m the only one who’s done the chores around the house, and to be fair my boyfriend looks long hours and is a bit of a workaholic. I knew that when I moved in, and I’m still okay with it. I think what really is the stem of why I’m upset is b/c he was complaining that we needed to watch a TV show (that I had lost interest in) b/c it was taking up space on the DVR. I told him to watch it without me. He grumbled about how he was waiting on me to watch it with him, and how I “had more time to watch TV” than he did. It was pretty innocuous, but it’s just set me off to be upset for the whole rest of the night. I’ve been working myself to the bone, I’ve barely seen him this past week because of our conflicted schedules, and I didn’t have clean dishes or towels. But I have more time to watch TV than he does. I work in retail, and he’s always voiced that it isn’t hard. It isn’t. That being said it isn’t exactly a walk in the park. I have to deal with the mass populace, and being an introvert I get mentally exhausted from it faster. I feel like he was belittling what I do, which isn’t huge in the grand scheme of things, but I still work hard everyday. Don’t I deserve to want to flop onto my couch and re-read Harry Potter after a bad day? But I have all that time to watch TV. To try to be coherent in this stream of consciousness, I’ve been nitpicking that phrase. I tried to relax in our bedroom, after doing some laundry, and read for a few hours with relaxing music. But it didn’t help, I ended up crying at an unexpectedly sad part of my book and couldn’t stop. I feel like a rubber band being stretched, about to snap. I’m having racing thoughts, bad thoughts. The ones who tell me I’ll never be thin enough (despite being 150 lbs and going to the gym regularly). Never good enough. I won’t do anything important. The ones that tell me just to die. I’ll drink a cup of tea, distract myself for a few hours, and inevitably fall asleep. I won’t sleep well, and I’ll be set up for a long, tiring, and irritable day tomorrow. The cycle will be reborn again, and I don’t want it to. I’ve been mostly happy (is anybody ever truly happy?) and staring into the void is terrifying. I don’t know how to express myself to people, I try and nobody seems to get it. I feel like I’m speaking a different language. Any wisdom would be helpful. Thank you, Evans.

Hey there sweetheart, s’Dean. Sorry ‘bout how long it took me to reply.

It looks to me like you need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about how you’re feelin’. I know you’ve tried already, but from what you said, you tried in the middle of an already heated argument. Instead of bringin’ it up when emotions are already kinda high, try doing it on a day when you’re both relatively calm and at ease. Maybe over dinner or somethin’ like that. Make sure you’re both relaxed, and then tell your boyfriend, “Hey, there’s something I really need to talk to you about, and I need you to just not say anything until I’m done talking. I really need you to listen with no interruptions.”

Then start talkin’, as calm as you can, about how you’re feelin’ stressed. Tell him you appreciate him workin’ so much to provide for the pair of you, but that you wish he could maybe spend a little more time at home to help you out with the chores. Explain how your job drains you emotionally and how much you’d like it if he would have a couple things done when you got home from work (if that’s a possibility, I dunno what your work schedules are) so that you don’t have to stress out both about work stuff and chores. And last, but not least, explain to him why you’re so upset by the idea he has that you have more time to watch TV than he does.

I can’t promise that he’ll completely understand, or be happy with everything you’re sayin’, but the key to a healthy relationship is communication, so that’s the first step. Hopefully, he’ll be able to take a step back from his own point of view and be able to see where you’re comin’ from, and be willin’ to help you out with some stuff. As for the bad thoughts, make sure to check out our resources page for helpful tips and suggestions.

Remembers, Evans, I’m always here to talk to if you need me. I’m more than happy to help.

Always,
Dean

writing reflection 1: low expectations

When I sat down to write today I really didn’t have a scene in mind. And I woke up feeling pretty uncreative and burnt out, after being bogged down in my own plot holes.

I did set a concrete goal though. 1,000 words, which is less than usual, when I try for 3,000 minimum. It was probably going to be a crappy 1,000 words, filler material. 

I randomly chose to put my characters in a dance club, which is pretty cliche for setting. Cliche settings can accidentally lead up to cliche dialogue and cliche scenes, just because somewhere like a dance club comes with so many associations built into it - electronic music, skimpily dressed ravers, recreational drugs, people looking for “the one” for the night. 

However, as I kept writing and kept pushing, asking myself questions, I started making the questions more specific.

“What could happen in the club to give my character an important realization? How could the characters interact to further their arcs? Can two certain characters come out of this club scene with their relationship completely changed?”

As I wrote the club scene, I answered these questions. I might change the location in of this scene in the next draft, but I was surprised that the word count today was substantially productive. What I learned today: writing without high expectations helped me face plot and character problems.


Total Word Count: 17,064

2

Woke up today feeling kinda crappy - and it was my own fault as I caved into my old ways and ordered myself a pizza yesterday.  Which I then pretty much binged on until it was gone.  Thank goodness I did not order the larger size!

Anyway when I woke up this morning I could tell my stomach felt a bit “blah” and that I felt a bit bloated.  Especially when I was trying to get the draw string on my jammers tied and my gut felt more in the way than normal.

Then I get to swimming to find out its a speed day - my immediate reaction was Oh No!  Definitely not feeling speedy after eating poorly the night before. 

But the workout was actually pretty good as the rest period increased as we had to get faster.  That said I do find myself thinking about how much faster I would be able to go if I could get this weight off and not be dragging the gut around. 

After swim I headed to the grocery store for my usual trip for the week.  Only difference was that I arrived more prepared than normal - as after I ate the pizza and was sort of ashamed of myself last night, I sat down and made a list of things to pick up at the store to give myself variety and work on getting some of this weight off.

You may recall that the one goal I was afraid of setting for the year is the weight loss goal.  And as expected (unfortunately) I am not doing very well at that.  In fact I am actually up in weight since the year started according to my scale this morning - which I deserved to see based on yesterdays lack of control .

So I really do need to plan better going forward.  I need to look up recipes and buy stuff to make new healthy things to keep myself interested and excited about the meals for the week, and not just keep falling back on the same few things over and over because they feel safe.  Safe works but not as much when you just don’t want what is safe again and you devour a pizza instead. 

I can do better.  I will do better.  I have to do better.


200 swim/kick/pull

  • 4x50 steady on 1:10
  • 4x50 2 sec faster on 1:20
  • 4x50 hold best average on 1:30
  • easy 50
  • 4x50 descend 1-4 on 1:30
  • easy 50
  • 4x50 All Out on 2:00
  • easy100

6 min vertical kick, coach choice

12x25 on :40

  1. build up
  2. fast stroke other than free
  3. 2 breaths
  4. free fast

easy 100

2300/133,500/266,500

Normally I would hide the name so I could “protect” the person.
Not this time.
I am so sick of this person, she kept harassing me bc I ship SB and her hate towards Snowflakes, Snowbabes and Danielle is sickening.

Danielle is a professional and she would never do anything to degrade another character or actor.
It isn’t her fault that she has chemistry with Grant and that Candice has none.

And as for how she “feels today” well I think she feels pretty amazing.
No one would envy Candice’s crappy character.

The writers don’t actually know what is good for the show. If they knew then they would write their leads better.

You may hate the ship but that is not a reason to hate the actress.

snoozingcat  asked:

crappy day prompt: i've been sick for the past week, so... a little stevetony where they use avengers-themed bandaids for some reason? thanks for doing these!

aw sick no :( 

you’re welcome! i hope it helps a little

“Dad got hurt?” Peter says, big brown eyes wide with concern.

“Yeah, buddy,” Tony says, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “He got scraped up pretty good today. He’s okay though, he just needs some Band-Aids. Do you wanna help him out?”

“Yeah!” Peter exclaims, face brightening with excitement. “I have some that will make him feel better!”

Tony smiles. “Why don’t you go get them?”

Peter’s off like a shot before he can suggest anything else.

Tony heads over to the couch, where Steve is sitting inspecting the series of mild scrapes decorating his arms. He looks up at Tony’s approach and smiles. “Hey.”

“Back at you,” Tony replies and bends down to get a kiss. “Told Pete you got a little roughed up.”

Steve sighs. “It’s really not bad.”

“Well, he’ll feel even less bad after he fixes you up.”

Tiny feet come pounding out from the bedroom.

“Speak of the devil.”

Steve raises his eyebrows, but his expression melts into a smile when Peter leaps onto the cushion between them, the first aid kit from his bathroom clutched in one hand. “Daddy!”

“Pete!” Steve echoes and wraps him up in his arms, kissing Peter’s face and neck until he’s giggling wildly. “What did you bring me?” he asks.

“Band-Aids!” Peter squeaks enthusiastically, and since they don’t seem inclined to let go of one another, Tony does them the favor of opening up the kit and getting out the box of Band-Aids. They’re Avengers themed. Tony hides his grin behind his fist.

“I’m going to make you feel all better, Daddy,” Peter says seriously.

“Thank you,” Steve tells him.

Peter wriggles back in his grip enough that he can get a good look at Steve, and when he spots one of the scrapes, he reaches for a Band-Aid. Tony has helpfully extracted it from the wrapping and Peter clutches it carefully. He bends forward and plants a big kiss on the first scrape. Then, with all the concentration he can muster, he puts the Band-Aid over it.

Tony’s heart bursts in his chest.

“Daddy, what did you do,” Peter asks after he kisses and applies the Band-Aid to the fourth scrape. It’s a Falcon one.

“I fell down a lot,” Steve says.

Peter gives him a very exasperated look. “You should be more careful, Daddy.”

“That’s what I told him,” Tony says and bites down on a grin at the wry look Steve shoots him over Peter’s head.

Five minutes later, Peter kisses the last scrape and sticks a Thor Band-Aid over it triumphantly. “There, Daddy. All better!”

“You’re right,” Steve says, smiling warmly, “I feel much better.”

Tony pulls up the back of Peter’s shirt and blows a raspberry in the middle of his spine. Peter shrieks with laughter. “See, told you he was okay, Squirt.”

“But now he’s more okay.”

“Thanks to you,” Steve says and kisses his nose. He’s got cartoon pictures of the Avengers scattered across both arms and Tony can honestly say he’s never looked better.

beatdownhope  asked:

hi ^^ i really love your fics and your ficlets and your prompt fills !!! (basically, everything you write) and i'm really excited about your big bang fic!! :D that said i have a prompt! from the uh, apartment au (for stucky :D) : 'I’m pretty sure you don’t speak English but for some reason I’ve started telling you about my crappy days while we ride the elevator together and I don’t feel so alone anymore’ AU

Ahhh, thanks!! I hope you like the BB when it gets posted!

The elevator stops at the ninth floor, and attractive Russian dude walks in with attractive Russian woman close behind. They’re quiet today, slipping inside and leaning against a wall together without speaking. They’re both intimidating — he wears a black leather jacket and sunglasses, hair slicked back, and she has a tan trench coat over tailored jeans and high-heeled leather boots. If they weren’t living in the same apartment building as Steve, he would think they were supermodels of some kind, living and sleeping together like some kind of HBO show.

But they’re living in Steve’s reasonably-priced apartment complex, so he’s pretty sure that they’re just the most attractive people at their desk jobs.

They must run on a similar schedule to Steve, because they’re on the elevator together at least a few times a week, coming and going. The two typically come as a set, but sometimes he’ll ride with one or the other.

Steve thinks the guy is really cute.

Steve would never say so out loud.

When the elevator dings again, the doors open to the ground floor. The attractive woman leaves as usual, but the attractive man pauses, smiles at Steve and holds the door. Steve looks at him dumbfounded, confused, until he realizes that he’s waiting for Steve to leave. “Sorry,” Steve mutters, squaring his shoulders and heading out, feeling smaller than his already small five feet, four inches. Attractive woman waits for attractive man a few steps away from the elevator, and says something in what Steve thinks is Russian. The attractive man laughs, and Steve doesn’t see him again for three days.

“Hold the door!” Steve yells, running across the lobby as fast as he can while holding a canvas that’s bigger than he is.

By some miracle, the door stays open, and Steve struggles to catch his breath as a hand reaches out and presses the button for the tenth floor. Confused — because that’s his floor — Steve turns to see attractive guy. “Ya?” he asks, gesturing to the number.

“Oh, yeah. That’s mine.” Steve is quiet as the doors close. “Sorry about that. Tough day.”

The guy is quiet, but he smiles.

And Steve realizes that he… Probably doesn’t speak English? He’s never heard him speak anything but Russian, and this is the one time Steve has ever really addressed him, but he’s not getting much of a response.

So for some reason, Steve starts saying, “My boss wouldn’t let me hang this in the gallery, even though he said I could have the wall space for the next show…” He sighs. “I’ve been at this place three years and he promises me wall space every show, but then gives it to someone who ‘shows a lot of potential’ but hasn’t run the place.” He sighs. “Maybe I just suck.”

The elevator dings and opens up to the ninth floor. Attractive guy gives Steve a smile, reaches over and squeezes his shoulder quickly before leaving.

Steve doesn’t swoon, but my God. It’s the closest he’s ever come.

Keep reading

INTP–ENTJ Just One Thing

ENTJ: Man, I am really not feeling like going to class today. It’s just a crappy day out, with all the rain, I don’t want to walk through all of that.

INTP: Ah. Yeah, I can understand that. I think I’m okay with it, to a degree, though.

INTP: I mean, I don’t mind the rain at this time, having had snow already, too.

ENTJ: Really?

INTP: Yeah, I think so. It’s a nice change.

ENTJ: *Thinking* Hmm… You know, I guess the only I don’t really like about rain is that it… just gets everything wet.

INTP: Pffff

INTP: So, you pretty much hate everything about rain, then.

ENTJ: Ha! Yeah, there really isn’t any other way to spin that.

INTP: “I really wouldn’t mind rain at all, if it weren’t for all of its general properties.”

2

Is it bad that whenever people try to shame me for loving Dan and Phil I literally don’t care? Like they got me out of pretty crappy situations so stfu lmao but anyway a couple people came up to me today that’s why I wanna say that if people try to shame your likes and interests, the best thing to do is tell them to chill bc if it means something to you, it’s fucking important.

omg_I_drew_a_happy_old_lady.png

PokeHalloween Challenge: Day 8 - A Fossil Pokémon 

Yesterday I had one of my migraines episodes… I could not look at my laptop screen without feeling pain so I had to stop, lay down, take my pills, sleep and finish this drawing today.

I already drew my favorite fossil for another challenge, so I went with my second favorite: Relincanth. I’m really happy with this experiment with underwater lights so… everything is fine! This pokegirl is happy (and my headache is in the bearable levels today so, yay!)

Now to do the one for day 9!

muchvodkasohumor  asked:

Hey first off. I just wanted to compliment you on your skill and talent! I've been drawing for about 6 years now but I have a real problem finding my art different or even "good". I don't exactly have a prodigy type situation going on. I also haven't really had the resources to help me a long the way. but it is something I do for piece of mind. It just kind of does the opposite of what I want when I have to think I suck in yet another aspect of my life. Especially one that's so personal. Advice?

Lol I totally understand. Maybe a bit too well. Like seriously, today was such a crappy day, my self-esteem is pretty low, and my eyes hurt and I’m starting to ask myself questions about life and death on a crappy freezing cold train. So I definitely know Art is NOT going to be any type of remedy for me. In fact, it’s just an annoying effing problem that I have to handle, and will put off till later after I go to sleep. 

But I’m sooo thankful you gave ME this question. I feel so honored. I feel like you KNOW I’m NOT going to give you the feel-good answer you think you’re going to get. You subconsciously KNOW I’m going to give you the medicine. I’d love to answer this so simply, but my inner Che Guevara has been invoked for the last 12 hours, since I first read this. Sooo… 

What’s happening right now is something I’ve been trying to combat (very lonesomely) for quite a while now. You are experiencing the lifting of the veil, the dispelling of the illusion, The TRUTH of the art world (someone remind me to use that as a novel idea in the future.) 

There are two worlds when it comes to art. The Art WORLD, and the world of the artist. Two distinctively different concepts. The first world is where the fluff happens. This is the most dangerous world, because it’s highly uninformed, unrealistic, and very idealistic. People have EMOTIONS in this world, and FEELINGS, which is ironically NOT a concept that is prominent in the artists world. People, have been brain washed, into believing these Thingy things, that do not exist in the artists world. These thingys are myths that continue to be propagated from century to century, simply because the world at large, is highly ignorant. Remember that KONY incident? and the whole shutting down the internet thing? there’s more examples of collective ignorance, but those two always make me laugh. 

In this first world you have weird things like Left brain and right brain. It does not exist in the artists world, or what we will call the professional world, as opposed to the world of the hobbyist aka the first world. You Logically have a BRAIN, It has two hemispheres… Right and Left. If you want to succeed in the professional world, you use both. And by professional, on a side note, I’m referring to a “serious” artist, not necessarily a conforming, egotistic, dick-riding, yessuh-massah, common-type-individual, whom are very prominent in this second world.

And these THINGS, these ultimately unimportant THINGS continue to be propagated by people who aren’t in the professional world. A lot of it are coming from grandmas, people like Gertrude Stein… and her very naive interpretation of art(literally, artistically, speaking.) And so it trickles down into the fledglings who will become the seeds of the professional world, and they end up discussing unnecessary things like brain hemispheres. 

The Idea of “talent” is another myth. People go to greeeaaattt lengths to prove the existence of “talent.” I really don’t think, any serious artist, after stretching their curved backs, carpal-tunnel wrists, with a heavy sigh, is thinking about talent. Whether talent exists or not, doesn’t change the fact that decades of practice is necessary. 

In the first world, I remember there was a huge discussion a few years back about “what is art?”… in the professional world, it doesn’t MATTER what art is or isn’t. Art is produced, with or without inspiration, through endless practice and trial and error. “inspiration” is a reliant concept only in that first world. 

I could go on, but I think you get the point. Which is, that its TOTALLY NOT YOUR FAULT. In fact, you should be hugged and snuggled and given a giant hot beverage. You don’t deserve such feelings, and our predecessors have failed us, with their outdated, elitist, racially-biased, ideologies. And our current rank of superiors are content with being silent lapdogs. 

And so… now… by way of the artists journey and nature, you have arrived at a beautiful point in your art journey. You can now see the reality of both worlds… an unfair… disadvantaged… crab-crawling, abode. A combined world where conformity and ironically non-free-thinking, expression or ideas, are affluent. Freedom of speech, freedom of thinking… these are ideals… the rich mans propaganda. 

And once you’ve seen the truth, you learn that art is… psychological and physiologically encompassing of all assets of life… not just the emotional. Therefore, with or without emotion, the psychological makeup of the artist, is the key to unlocking the happiness you seek. The art then, is truly the cultivation of the self. You are ultimately the product, the masterpiece, creating the product, that will be PERCEIVED as a masterpiece.

 So my advice, is rooted in the vedic idea of working without expectation. I’m saying Vedic, and using eastern philosophy, because clearly the west failed us. Neutrality is a very powerful concept. You breathe, you urinate, and your heart beats… likewise… don’t just “do art”… just “art.” The way you have to brush your teeth, and establish daily maintenance, likewise, maintain the sharpness of your sword. You’re also subsequently learning to kill off desire. Desire is an endless tunnel, and gets bigger with expectation, or smaller without, but there is always a tunnel, and there is always the black hole known as desire. The art of self-cultivation, is learning to see the world as-is. 

As you practice these things, you learn how to be “happy” (read as content, and sometimes neutral. Since western “happy” is a shift in the balanced fulcrum.) You cannot escape the tunnel, but you have options on which sub-section you’d like to traverse through. So, I’m implying, that happiness, in this case, specifically in art, is the meticulously meditated process of forcing yourself to accept, and then observe the tranquility of your production. 

Does that make sense? Trust me, it’s not easy. It took a good year+ for me to put up art that people might think is “bad.” Don’t wait for the inspiration, just practice each day, for many hours, don’t worry about the result, outcome or what people think, and in some cases, what you yourself think. Be pure and clear, accept yourself, your beautiful flaws, your beautiful expressions, your perfect imperfections. Transform back into a child, love yourself without judgment. :) 

I always ask myself 3 things. Am I happy? Am I free? Are these MY thoughts? 

I found a closer sense of happiness by trying to come close to always answer “Yes.” to all 3.
————————————————————————————
Ok so some TECHNICAL notes now however ;). 

1. Make sure, that by drawing for 6 years, you actually drew for 6 years lol. For example, if you drew for one hour in 2014… and one hour in 2013… you did NOT do art for 2 years. You did art for TWO hours. Always measure your time in art based on hand movement, because that’s how you’ll know the truth. I personally keep a timer on my table at all times ;). If you know you’re not actually being consistent, set a timeframe for yourself. For example, make it a goal to draw 3 hours everyday. At the end of the day, the victor is going to be the woman who drew more. Art-objectively speaking, is mileage. 

For example If John, and Dick drew for 3 hours everyday, And Bonquisha drew for 8 hours everyday, then objectively speaking (As long as she’s practicing relevant, important, and FOUNDATIONAL things)… Bonquisha will have clocked in 2,920 hours at year end, as compared to the dynamic duo’s 1,095 hours. Therefore… Objectively speaking (because SKILL can be MEASURED)… Bonquisha is Twice as better off and skilled. 

2. You don’t need resources :) We have the internet :) and we have real life! We also have other artists work. Copying is the best way to improve, rapidly. Copying from artists will help tremendously, especially the ones you like, because it’ll keep you interested longer… HOWEVER… copying from LIFE.. (and this could mean looking at nude models online, via your favorite porn site… or… copying stills from a Marshawn Lynch Compilation on youtube….. for example) is where you’ll truly jump up. And all it costs is time and whatever you pay for internet, unless your stealing it from the neighbors >_>. This is because copying an artist, is like copying their eyesight and their lens, and their perspective of life. Copying from life… is.. literally copying from the source. 

3. As you work without emotion and expectation, and learn to accept the process and smile at the end result, make sure you don’t get addicted or fall in love with any piece or study. You have to find your sweet spot. A timer is soo important. For example, if Daquan drew 24 different naked transgendered models and Thurston only spent the entire 24 hours working on 2 models, then there are benefits and drawbacks to each method. Daquan will have more poses and information in his brain to pull out later, but Thurston will have more detailed information, but less variety. Sooo they must both find their balance, and utilize both techniques.

I think I’m getting out of hand so I shall stop here lol. 

I do hope all of it helped though :)
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I also just now randomly thought that, a lot of times, it SEEMS like people agree or like my rebellious art-heretic thoughts. It’s almost like I’m NOT alone. But we also need tangible evidence also.

I never ever once asked anyone to like my work, subscribe, follow, etc, because I always feel if I mattered enough people will just come. I still think that’s true, and is one of the many integral art-things I stand for. 

However, I do invite you guys who might be reading this to please share or reblog this, and future or past posts where you feel that my voice was loud enough to capture your ears. Maybe I’m saying things you’d want to say, but can’t. 

Planting the seeds of artistic reformation, and simultaneously brainstorming new, robust and abstract ways of artistic survival, and pioneering a new generation, is an overwhelming task to do alone. With many people throwing around seeds, we’ll have enough tree houses to … camp in *scratches head*…

We need discussion in the art world. The problem has always been a lot of talking about the status quo, but no talking about the injustices, partially because again, the mass as a whole are generally ignorant or blind to change. 

Maybe enough people can see these things one day, maybe even when I’m dead and gone, but my tumblr is still around (?)… it might one day spark anger or thought. Let’s discuss, let’s talk. Tell me. 

Tell me how the earth is EH without ART, while most of us are starving, undercutting or being undercut. 

Tell me how art is universal, but all that comes out of your mouth is Picasso, Matisse and Dali. 

Tell me how you think Da Vinci was a Genius and Godly Talented, even though there’s a billion Indians and Africans who never got bank-rolled, marketed and propagated for centuries by the rich and elite.

Tell me how Sargeant is your favorite artist, and he’s the Godfather of the stroke, but a person of color was never given the opportunity to dream. 

Tell me about the “Great” Masters, that can all be found in one tiny focused area of art-education. 

Tell me how you’re black, and your favorite artist is Basquiat, but you never heard of Aaron Douglas or Jacob Lawrence. 

Tell me how your favorite director is Miyazaki,  but you don’t truly know why, besides the fact that everyone else loves him.

Tell me how you’re an art major but can’t name 5 black or female painters who reached the overly exaggerated position as a Warhol. 

Tell me how you’re a fine artist, and a unique original painter, (in third person of course), but how your body of work is either abstract or impressionistic. 

Tell me how I’m an idiot and mock me for mentioning “primary financial markets,” while you sit back and NOT figure a way out. 

Tell me how you’re a seasoned professional with politically correct opinions whose paycheck is coming from a third party, with no stability, but you have stern opinions you’d like to very grammatically and pseudo-friendly  share in regards to my ideas of survival and pioneering. 

Tell me how you’re a puppet, working long slave hours for mega corporations, voiceless and in fear of thought, because you don’t want to be black listed. 

Tell me how you’re okay with spending your entire artistic life doing work for other people, working on other peoples Intellectual properties, and not being able to ever truly express yourself. If you even EXIST. 
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Welp. That’s enough chaos today. I’m off to sleep.