i was feeling pretty crappy today

Hellooooooooo peeps
I feel like I’ve not been around alot and been a little inactive.
A few things have been going on,
My health is still crappy but I went to the rheumatologists today and I’ve got Reynauds disease and hypermobility syndrome. Also I probably have lupus and I’m getting a shit ton more tests done.

Also I feel comfortable with telling you guys now, so I’m gay. Dundundun! Well I’m pretty sure I am. Who knows really, either way I ain’t straight so that’s that.

So yeah, ummn
Now you’ve been caught up with my life.
Hope you’re all doing well

Today

It is such a nice day out and I am
Inside the library ALL DAY interviewing high schoolers. Boooo. And I actually got up early enough to run but ate a big breakfast and watched Pretty Little Liars instead.

Yesterday was keto day one, but I had a top few many carbs (net 37 grams). Today is shaping up better so far, if I have my planned dinner I’ll be up to 6 TOTAL carbs. I’ll have a bit more cause I am going to make something for dessert I think. I can’t tell if I feel crappy because I have had a hard week and been feeling sore and tired anyways!

Also, exercise yesterday was a personal training session plus one mile. I’m going to try to do a real run outside today if I can get out of here before the sun sets!

things i feel like doing today:

watching anime (a short one) (maybe finish beautiful bones)

drawing lily in a duct tape prom dress

complaining

watching more mega man gameplay because i’m obsessed now

making statistics fun by doing an in depth investigation of exactly how unusual luxuria’s 14 inch dick is by using the normal model and a graphing calculator and then documenting my entire journey through a series of screenshots and doodles using crappy self portraits and more illegible writing. did i mention that i love statistics and i’m pretty sure dick sizes follow a normal model

should i do that last one for you guys?

anonymous asked:

no offence to luis suarez but neymar deserved to score the last goal, and idk why but I always get annoyed when suarez scores even though im a culé i mean neymar ws the only one that played very well & i found it kinda unfair how he just took the ball from messi & scored, it seemed like messi wanted to pass to Neymar & i feel like suarez only scores randomly good goals bc he cant even run with the ball and dribble like neymar he just kicks and it sometimess ends up in the goal

welp i think suarez maybe isn’t as good at dribbling as ney and messi are but he’s very physical and he’s a really clinical finisher! i think they all played pretty crappy today, even ney had a chance in the box and he kept dribbling when he should of passed or scored. hopefully ney will score soon though because i think he really, really needs it for his own state of mind and his confidence going forward

I’ve been thinking really negatively lately. I don’t know why.

I feel like every time I look in the mirror lately, I don’t like what I see? I just feel ugly for some reason. And I’ve been getting inside myself and taking myself places I don’t normally go and I just dislike it all.

I had one of my regulars come in today and ask me how my day was going. I didn’t lie - it was a pretty crappy day. But what he said put things in perspective for me. He said - “See, it sucks to have bad days, but its kind of nice, because… you need to have contrast. Without contrast, how do you enjoy good days or happiness when you know you’ve truly got ‘em?”

So yeah, I’ve been feeling ugly, and undesirable and maybe even unloveable lately. But I know I’m wrong. I think I’ve just been letting myself feel this way because I need to appreciate what sadness really is.
At 22 now, I think I understand fairly well that to want happiness all the time is not only unrealistic, but its selfish. And a little unhealthy. And I’m trying to cope with the lesser days, but its an uphill battle, for the most part.

I am desirable.

I think enough people have mentioned to me that I’m an attractive guy, and I feel that, up to this point in my life, I should be confident in knowing that I am.
But I’m also so much more than that. I’m intelligent. I’m well-spoken (for the most part). I am creative - I am talented. I’m loving; I am attentive. A little too trusting, but trusting nonetheless. I’m trustworthy. I’m patient. And above all, I think I’m an interesting person! From the many languages I speak, to the things I’m capable of doing, to being capable, period - I’m a character through and through. And I shouldn’t beat myself up if someone else doesn’t see it all. There’s a lot of me to process.

I’m a little too ready and a little too willing, and I’ve always thought those two character flaws would be my ultimate downfall… but now I’m starting to see that those flaws are a part of me - they’re part of who I am, and I should own them. I care. I care a lot. I care too much. But being thoughtful is in my blood. And I shouldn’t suppress it. I should share it. And I don’t think I need to work on myself anymore… there was never anything wrong with me in the first place. 

I am desirable. And I’m a catch, if I do say so myself. And any guy I call mine is the luckiest guy in the world, and I don’t care if it sounds like I’m tooting my own horn because hey - what’s the harm in making a little noise every now and then?

So through lesser days, or better days, I need to remind myself to be true to who I am and be me. After all - being me is all I know how to be.

Sorry for not updating guys. I’m having a really bad and unproductive week in terms of depression and lack of motivation to do pretty much anything.
On top of it all, my doctor called with my blood results today and told me my cholesterol is sky high again so I feel crappy about my diet lately.
Anyways, I have my Harvard alumni interview tomorrow so please please send me good vibes that I’ll feel social and happy and productive tomorrow. The interview is really important to me.

anonymous asked:

I just kinda had a crappy day today... A little while ago I found out the guy I really liked started dating this other girl. I've just really felt down about myself, not just about that but everything and I feel like I'm never going to make it through high school and my self esteem was already hurt by him but everyone just makes me feel like I shouldn't like myself and I feel like there isn't anyone out there that likes me or even just thinks I'm pretty! I hate it... Sorry for the rant!

I’m sorry:( it always sucks when that happens but sometimes things just aren’t meant to be you’ll find someone better someone who knows how gorgeous you are and loves you for everything you do he just wasn’t that person

Day 15: today was kinda crappy, I woke up feeling like hot garbage with a fever, so I slept in and didn’t go to class(:-/). My body just sort of hurt and ached today so working out was pretty rough, but I’m happy I did it. Kinda depressed/dumpy/sad whatever today, probably just cuz I’m not feeling well but I don’t like it anyway. I’m off to drown myself in my headphones and shame buy some cool shirts online

I adulted today and felt pretty proud of myself. I separated all my washing into whites, colours to wash in warm water, and colours to wash in cold water. Did two loads of washing, hung both loads out to dry, filled the dishwasher and made myself pancakes that were vegan for breakfast which ended up feeding me for lunch as well. Heck I even socialised by video chatting with friends.

I can safely say that I am feeling it now though. Now I just have a migraine which is making me feel not good at all. Who knows how exhausted I’ll be feeling tomorrow, I imagine it won’t be so great.

THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING HAPPENED TO ME TODAY! And I’m going to share it all with you.

So I got a spot of food poisoning yesterday and had a poor night’s rest because I was feeling awful. When I woke up this morning I was still feeling pretty gross, but I was determined to make it to lab. So I go to lab, and for the most part it is fine, I’m a little sluggish and still feeling kinda crappy, but nothing major. Turns out we’re doing internal anatomy today, which normally is no big deal, but today I’m not right so this is gonna end poorly. For the first half of the demonstration I’m fine, the professor is slicing this bird open and showing us things and it’s a-okay. At some point though my vision starts getting foggy and everything is going dark and I know I’m about to pass out. So I turn to the girl next to me and tell her and kinda stumble past her, SUDDENLY THIS OTHER GIRL ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM JUMPS TO THE RESCUE, GRABS ME, HOBBLES ME TO THE BATHROOM because now I’ve begun to gag and this is just great. Thank goodness I don’t normally eat when I’m feeling so poorly because if I HAD eaten I probably would have thrown up. It passes fairly quickly and I return to lab in a matter of minutes, but I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the way back to the classroom and I looked like absolute death.
I was so embarrassed and the professor kept asking if I was okay and I kept apologizing and thanking the girl. It was just terrible.
I’ve chalked it up to a combination of my being sickly yesterday, having had nothing substantial to eat for almost 24 hours, a poor night’s sleep, and taking my meds on an empty stomach. Either way it was incredibly embarrassing and I feel awful.

Apologies for not being around the past couple days; I started coming down with an awful case of the flu on saturday and still haven’t completely gotten over it. I’m hoping I’ll be better after tomorrow? But right now I still feel pretty crappy, so writing is the least of my concerns.

Its already almost 1pm here but I’m still going to try and get out a few drawings I was feeling pretty crappy Friday and yesterday and I still am today but its not as bad plus I have some cool ideas I want to work on

“88′s and Heartbreaks”

*I got an 88 on an online assignment and my roommate got broken up with*

Alexis is more mad that she got broken up with than actually being heartbroken it’s so funny. And she already has two other boys lined up for her. I don’t pity her that much right now. I’ve been thinking about how I’ve never experienced a relationship before, and like not in a “oh, poor me” way, but just like, that’s crazy. I will not know how to “relationship” if I ever get the chance to. But, yeah, must be so hard to be broken up with and then text the guy that wants to hang out with you an hour later.

I woke up pretty sad today and no clothes looked right so I was feeling crappy. But I put on a dress and handed in my RA application. I also go let out of class an hour early because my professor liked my short fiction piece so hell yeah to that. My moods have been very weird lately and I want to try to calm them down. I have been extremely happy this semester overall and I want to keep it that way.

I walked to my local library to go and study and when i walked in my psychologist is at the counter with her kids and i still feel really emotional and pretty crappy after yesterday and so i went to the library to try and distract myself instead i feel like I’m just about to burst into tears from seeing my psych because she is a form of comfort for me and i need a mum at the moment and seeing her being one to her kids and taking them to the library today that is just to much for my brain to handle.