Things the Types Need to Hear
ESFP: Look, I get it, you leave people in the dust because you know how crazy and all over the place your life can be and you’re also crazy scared to let somebody in just to have it end up with you accidentally leaving them and both of you getting hurt, but emotional intimacy and real depth in friendships are 100% worth it in the end and it’s the struggle and fight of a lifetime to keep them in your life, but it’s also the greatest gift and you can’t keep denying yourself that intimacy and friendship.
ISFP: I know you have a lot of great desires and wonderful dreams and they might seem too far off and too crazy and too beautiful to come true, but you have them for a reason, and you gotta stop paralyzing yourself with fear and take that first step and throw yourself into the unknown, and that’s the scariest part, I know, but we both know you’re braver than you look, and that your passion can make it happen.
ENFP: I know that the moment you hit an obstacle or two when you first start working towards that far off dream, it’s scary and it makes you want to crumble and run away to a new thing like you think you always do, but don’t! You’re miles more tenacious and capable than you give yourself credit for and you’ve got to discipline yourself and trust that your talents and optimism can and will propel you through whatever is keeping you from your goals.
INFP: I know it’s hard to feel understood and it’s easy to let yourself become bitter by the ways of the world or whatever’s happening, but closing yourself off to others isn’t going to save you the pain. You have a natural capacity to understand others that’s hard for the other types to grasp and when you stop yourself from using that talent, or use it for selfish reasons, you’re doing yourself a massive injustice.
ESTP: Listen, I totally get that the world is full of fun and interesting things and you want to experience them all, but you’ve got to remember that for a lot of the people that come along with you, they’re there to experience YOU as much as they’re there for the thing itself. Don’t let yourself forget that half the fun of anything is who you’re doing it with.
ISTP: I know you generally don’t mean to yell or be rude when your irritated and that it’s really just a passing thing and you don’t generally care all that much, but just apologize to people after you’ve calmed down! Explain it to them and that you don’t mean it! Admit to yourself that you care enough about them to try to make amends, even when you’re just being a little crotchety; it means a lot to the feelers lol.
ENTP: You’re a genuinely fun person to be around and you usually rack up a reputation for that, but just because you’re funny and witty and damn smart doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings and problems that need to be externalized, and trust me, the right people will be more than willing to talk about what’s really happening in your life one minute and go back to elaborate jokes the next without a problem. Don’t stunt your emotional growth for the sake of brevity.
INTP: It’s okay to not know what to do in an emotional situation. Like, it’s genuinely okay. If somebody’s opening up to you, half the time your presence and you listening is 95% of what they need in that moment. Don’t avoid the situations just because it causes writer’s block emotionally. Emotional availability comes with experience. You’ll learn. Just, be your goofy self and the rest will come with time.
ENFJ: You’ve got to realize that although holding yourself to such a high standard is noble and praiseworthy, that it sometimes eclipses your ability to be a good friend when that was the goal in the first place. You’re human and can’t do everything for your friends that you’d want to be able to do when they need help, and profusely apologizing and beating yourself up for it just shifts the focus off of helping your friend and turns it to you. Accept your humanity, and just do what you can. They appreciate the help, I promise.
INFJ: I know you have a tendency to feel misunderstood and want people to show you that they love you and care about you, but you don’t get to say you’re fine AND disappear on people. Either say you’re not okay and pull back, or say you’re okay and stick around long enough for somebody to see through the BS. In my experience, y'all have a habit of making things a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that doesn’t do you any good! Be forward, be honest, and just be vulnerable; they care more than you convince yourself they do.
ESFJ: I need to be straight with y'all. Learn how to talk about something other than your 4-5 current fixations. In my experience, N’s have a crazy hard time being close with you because you keep bringing the topic back to one of your current Favorite Things™, whether it be the semester abroad you just got back from or the first date that’s scheduled for two weeks from now. Expand your area of interest and you’ll find people will be much more authentic with you.
ISFJ: You have this really amazing ability to notice the small things about people and that helps you show them you care about them in these really great and meaningful ways, but you can’t let yourself overthink the small things you notice about people. One of my good ISFJ friends started poking around trying to see if alcoholism ran in my family after noticing I’d been drinking wine a lot recently. You might have an intention to help, but overthinking/overanalyzing like that and trying to involve yourself in helping can hurt your friendships.
ESTJ: Your presence is powerful and intense and that’s great at times, but you’ve got to let out your goofy fun side more, and hoe we’ve all seen it before, you’re a damn riot after a beer or two. People, in general, care more about fun than having every plan go right during the night/event. Be willing to be fun more, you’re so good at it.
ISTJ: I know you get frustrated with yourself because you want to do new things and get out there and be a fun person, but the thing is, you’re so much better at being a responsible, caring person. Befriend the chaotic, crazy, lovable rascals and let them bring the fun to you (or more often than not, drag you kicking and screaming to where the fun is).
ENTJ: Look, I’m an INTJ, so I know how hard this is to swallow, but showing you care about a person sometimes isn’t so much giving them solutions to their problems or trying to correct an issue; a lot of the other types literally just want you to listen and hear them out. And you gotta do that sometimes, babe. And shut your damn mouth while they’re telling you everything, okay? Just. Let them finish.
INTJ: For the love of all that is holy, just cry already. Cry alone if you have to, or better yet, just go to the person you’d literally murder a thousand people for and freakin’ cry about all the crap you’ve been bottling up for the past two months and accept that you can have razor-sharp rationale and be a damn human at the same time. And just admit that you’re insecure about your relationship with that person because you care about them so much and you’re not the best at trusting people.