dude just dont even feel bad about deleting asks you dont want to answer. do not. people are stupid and refuse to read things and its just going to wear you down and make your blog a place you dont want to go to. just delete them and move on, theyll figure it out. good luck to you
I’m already worn down ffs lol.
I know I spend way too much time catering on this blog. It’s me trying to not make people hate me, because that happens a lot IRL - I push people away, I can be rude and callous, and I try not to give any fucks to prevent any emotional backlash. And that has gotten me dubbed “The Ice Queen.” And as much as I may laugh it off and agree, because sometimes it’s true, it still fucking hurts that I’ve gotten to be that way, that that’s how people see me.
I want you guys to like me, I don’t wanna be seen as that person on here, and I wanna contribute something useful to this community that I love. It’s hard for me to express my own opinions on here, and just in general, so I did the only thing I felt was applicable to me, what I could do, what I liked doing - spending hours of my time doing the thing that really helps define each person’s own craft, their research.
But I let it go on for far too long, and now it’s just expected of me, and if I just outright stop, Idek what would be left. It’s my own fault for continuing to do it without reaffirming my boundaries or saying, “hey don’t treat me like Google.” I fed the flames, and it seems hypocritical of me now to curse the wildfire.
I’ve talked at length to friends about this tbh. I’m aware I did nothing but encourage that behaviour towards me - again, I didn’t wanna be made the villain for having to say no, because we all know that Tumblr can definitely blow things up outta proportion sometimes. I’ve seen people on here get the worst kind of messages over really inconsequential things, and I sympathize, and I really don’t want that to be me. It comes down to my stupid brain worrying people wouldn’t like me, and me wanting to seem useful. And I let it go on far too long.
I’ve assisted in the digging of this hole. I may not have passed around the shovels, but I certainly didn’t say to stop digging in the first place.
And welcome to the side of me you guys don’t ever see, for a reason.
But I guess I can’t blame you guys for not treating me like a human, when I tried to dehumanize myself on this blog as much as possible, and basically just become the blog, so you guys wouldn’t see any of this shit. I hate being emotionally vulnerable.