I fell asleep clutching /that/ sweater,
The one that smells like dew.
To the sound of my own heartbeat and the ache of missing you.
But darling don’t get me wrong,
I don’t love you,
It’s just the sting of one more rejection
Trusting someone I shouldn’t have.
But for now,
Let me imagine.
Oh lover let me pretend
That these tears are ones of
“But I Love you”
And I am not just another wreak.
Isn’t it odd? That we’ve somehow made it into yet another December. I suppose this is how it always will go, until further notice. And, I suppose, I am marginally “okay” with that. And what a loaded word okay tends to be. Before I get vacuumed in to the rabbit hole, in which I have noted a striking similarity to that of a vortex, that are my ponderings in the realms of space and time: dedications and appreciations, shall we?
To A Certain Blue- Eyed Beauty:
No, not the one we’ve all read enough about to realign our dissertation. Darling, I realize I never wrote an entire dedication to you- I only hope you can forgive me for being so absentminded. I miss you just about every day, and it hasn’t made a trend towards lesser difficulty either. I miss the way you so easily made me feel as though I was on top of the world when I made you bellow your belly-laugh. I miss the looks in your eyes, full of affirmation and amusement. I miss hearing your voice in my ear, instructing my to come to the customer service desk or insisting that I hold “one moment”. I miss hugging you and dreaming of never letting go. I always appreciated you more than I felt I was able to effectively relay to you. Any opportunity to cross paths with you makes me hopeful, joyful, far beyond delighted. I regard you highly, more so than most. And, I s’pose it would go without saying- the roped off, VIP section of my heart devoted to you. I love you, you Solid Gold being of wit and tact, humor and extraordinary company.
To A Certain Quick- Bread:
My god, where could I begin with you? Sometimes words fail me when it comes to phrases of praise and appreciation in your name; though, you always exude support for any words of mine. I love you, so much. I never knew what page we were on throughout the summer before you moved. I always knew you’d be moving, and I worked to not become too invested into you- what if you never came back? When might I be in France to ever see you? I remember saying goodbye to you at a goddamned cash register at work- I tried not to cry and I didn’t. I wish I had, so that you could’ve known then that I did love you and care about you. I sometimes cannot even wrap my head around the fact that we live together now. I feel so lucky to come home to you, to know you are coming home to me- this whole situation has been one of immense healing for me. I only hope it has worked/can work/will work for you in a similar fashion. I love nesting with you, I love how our lives have intermingled, and I appreciate so much your words of love and kindness when I really need them- and your timing is goddamned impeccable. Thank you for always sharing your fresh packs of cigarettes with me, having coffee with me most days of the week, and letting me eat your yoghurt out of the refrigerator.
To A Certain Primal Pork Cutout:
Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn. Babe, what can I even say? Day in and day out, I am in constant contact with you. I know what you’re doing and how you’re feeling and what you’ve eaten at basically any point in time. I’ve never had a girlfriend meet all of my needs in the way that you consistently have for what feels like decades now. I commend you for such, and rejoice in the simple fact that we are one in the same in a variety of facets. In high school I typically referred to this type of this thing as a “best-friend-boyfriend” situation- but, fuck the patriarchy and know that you’re my girlfriend. In the softest of connotations, in the most pure and wholesome of ways. I live for our date days, nights, mornings, and weekends. There’s nothing quite like sharing a ‘medium”, soggy box of fries from DQ with you as we head out far and wide. You have my heart, forever and always- I swear to Pico Jesus and The Butcher, Ken.
To A Certain Baked Good:
I am using Myspace codes that you taught me at some point between 2006-2007 to format this posting appropriately. The level of love I have for you has completely created all of my standards for any other interpersonal relationship I’ve ever sought thereafter. In another life, in a perfect world- my sweet love. But as for this life, this is just fine. I’ve come to accept that things are what they are and we’ve been truckin’ forward since then. I would be softer, more delicate with you if I didn’t feel like a sappy son of a bitch for doing it. I know I can be exactly who and what I need to be whenever I am with you, though, and that’s what the bottom line is here. We’ve been through so much internally and externally and it’s amazing that we’re still here. We may go through periods of highs and extreme lows and mellow middles, but this is how it has always been and I know to anticipate such. It’s been over 1o years now, and I know it’s for life- and there is immense comfort in that. Always know that I love you to a million fucking pieces and you drive me crazy, but I know I do the same to you. I know my life will be spent somewhere close to your side, lord knows you walk 3 steps to my first. I love you, bug.
To A Certain Spook:
I love you, kiddo. Wrapped up in a floor rug like a little burrito, or in a sticky white chef’s coat. Thank you for always providing one of the best types of therapy to me- unprofessional, empowering, and beyond helpful in a multitude of fashions. I’m sorry to be in the situation we are currently in, but this is how life goes. I have a gut feeling that we’ll find our way back to each other- that’s how my sporadic heart/mind tends to operate. I can’t see a goddamn tombstone without thinking of you, I can’t listen to any Bowie without feeling you. I can’t listen to any Lynard Skynard without feeling you cringe- no matter how many miles away. You own a special piece of my heart, ain;t no question about that lil goblin bae.
To A Certain Inner- City Queen:
Thank you for always making me feel worthy and worthwhile. Thank you for all of the times you’ve told me how much you loved me and how you made me feel it through your motherly kisses and hugs. I basically just want to nest with you 10/10 times. You inspire me, you encourage me to let my inner badass out and bust this shell. I love you so much, Julie.
To A Certain Hue of Unicorn Blood:
Even though you get a huge tally for supporting Jefree Star, Unicorn Blood is a perfect shade for you and you’re a total babe. I’ll always remember how hard I worked to drive perfectly with your lit torso hanging from the sunroof of the Rover- and how you continued having small conversations with me as we drove back to Mechanicsville. Thank you for uniting your blood stained lips to my minty balm flavored ones. I appreciate the shit out of you, Katie V- and I may or may not have already developed a crush on your goofy ass.
I love y’all, each of you completes different parts of me- which aids a great deal in being who I am while continuing to grow and explore. In living and feeling and being. I hope any and/or all of you see these at some point- though I’m prepared for nobody to ever really come across them.
hello everyone!! i am finally home and tucked in my own bed (yay!). although i’m rather tired for the day - it’s been a long day of competition, stress and a 5 hour drive lol… i will be on tomorrow, though! i’m in the process of making a few more starters so if you would like a starter, please like this! (if you haven’t liked my other post). please rp blogs only!
i’m about to hit the hay so sweet dreams, darlings! i have missed you!
❛ I DIDN’T EXPECT TO BE SEEING YOU SO SOON. ❜ she’d bow if she had any manners, but she does not. she stands upright, PROVING her own authority, caring less about the other woman’s title & more about her own pride. painted pout forms into a smirk as head cants a little to the left, BLUE ORBS never leaving the regal form that approaches her. ❛ what’s the matter, darling ? did you MISS me that much ? ❜ she’s pushing her luck, something she’s GOOD AT. ❛ i’m honoured, truly. next time i’ll roll out the RED CARPET. ❜
Q// H //Q <333 Thank you kindly! There’s a LOT of information I have on Isha tbh and I miss using him QvQ I hope to draw him again at some point, as he’s one of my favs TwT Um, I can posts the basics for him <3
-22 yrs old, 5′5
-Awkward n shy, does not really like to be too close to people thanks to his abilities. Don’t let him touch your phones or any electrical device, he can see every lil thing you do on it if ya let him (he will refuse). He’s already seen too much…
-To better put it, Isha is able to manipulate electromagnetic fields around him, usually involuntarily cause he can’t control it. Somewhat of an energy sponge, he soaks it in or tends to squeeze it out depending on his moods. Very unstable set of abilities, he’s not a huge fan of it at all. You can tell what he’s feeling if you have a phone on you (Flickers means he’s not feelin too hot, brighter screens, improved productivity means he’s happy :D).
-Antennae are sensitive! They’re pretty durable but one of them has broken … it hurts every day :’)
-Woodcarving is his hobby, as well as hacking (or it used to be…)!! He enjoys it vuv <3 But also has rather extensive knowledge on animals from working in a kennel! (also can look up just about anything for ya since he’s constantly connected to internet).
-He grew up with those antennas on his head, as well as the markings. Since birth he’s had an effect on energy around him and it has progressively got worse and more uncontrollable. He is afraid of his own powers and still struggles to control them. The expansion of his abilities cause his hair and eyes to change color~
-HE CAN SHOOT ENERGY BEAMS FROM HIS HANDS, WHAT A COOL DUDE B)
That’s all i can remember for now ;w; He’s got quite the story and such but in time I hope to explore it more!
I called you lovely names, my dear.
I wrote songs about you
that described you as such a beautiful person
one might think I was obsessed.
Maybe I was obsessed.
Maybe I still am.
Don’t blame me,
for you have the most charming personality
that I have ever met.
let me explain pain to you. pain is having someone you lost love taken from you ripped out of your arms without being being able to say goodbye. not by death, at least by death you know they passed and left this works and you were everything to them. but having to see that person every week and knowing they love you, and you love them and not being able to even say hi. pain is having the memories of their voice in your head and wanting nothing but to hear it again. having the memory of their eyes but not being able to even stare at them. pain is knowing they miss you and cry for you and not being able to comfort them. that’s pain. dont tell i never loved her. because i love her more now than i ever did. because “el amor es sufrido” love is suffering. i love you. everyday i think of you. i promise i’ll keep my promise. stay focused stay humble and stay alive, darling. 12/2/16
It was a more special night… You could just feel it in your soul… And I had caught him staring at me again and I said “Darling, why do you always look at me like that?” And instead of laughing this time, or giving me that smirk, without missing a beat he says to me as his smile grows a little; “because my dear, the stars are nothing compared to what I see when I look at you.” And I don’t know but I think about that sometimes… He probably doesn’t even remember saying it but God it stuck…
You should have just seen the way he looked at me that last night
(Part 2). Also I cannot believe your man JB collaborated with Baek A Yeon! The song is sooo good i'm so proud of him!! 💕 Also I can't believe got7 gave me the greatest gift of all on my birthday this Wednesday: Serving up looks whilst on their way to Hong Kong 👏🏼👏🏼🎉😛 I have never seen Jackson look so good at an airport Chelsea!! I was truly blessed!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼😇 I am so ready for MAMA 2016 😎
MY DARLING I HAVE MISSED YOU SO I SPEND MY DAY PATIENTLY WAITING FOR YOU TO SLIDE INTO MY INBOX SCREAMING ABOUT SOMETHING LOL!! Dont apologize I know you out here on your grind!! AND GURL DONT GET ME STARTED ON HOW DIRTY THEY ARE DOING MY BABY STILES IM HONESTLY READY TO FIGHT THE WHOLE TEEN WOLF PRODUCTION TEAM😩IM SO EXCITED FOR THE FANMEET TO I HAVENT PICK AN OUTFIT YET BUT I SURE DO HAVE A WHOLE PINTEREST BOARD DEDICATED TO THE EVENT LOL AND GURL IM COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS I CANT WAIT TO SEE THEM AND MEET YOU!! Jaebum and Ayeons collab saved christmas and my whole life Iam so proud of him my babay is out here!! Have you seen his episode of flowerboy bromance yet??? and gurl They looked SOOOO good on their way to slay the MAMAS Your man looked delectable he had to do the damn thing one time for his home hong kong!! THE MAMAS ARE GONNA BE LIT AF I CANT WAIT!! are you gonna stream them tonight??
hello, my dearest darlings! I have missed you all so dearly!!! and i come to you on this first of december to ask if you know what time it is??? SECRET SANTA TIME!
yes, yes. this is me asking if we want to do secret santa again this year. i bought a new laptop (which will be here tomorrow), am in hot pursuit of a new job and have literally no plans this weekend. so i shall probably be on and around and can fill ya’ll in on my life.
but until then (then being saturday), please let me know if you’d be interested in doing secret santa again? you can reply to this post or text me or whatever and let me know. and i’ll press gang someone into handing out names say sunday or monday ish?
but i’m hoping i might be back for good sometime within a week or two *crosses fingers* and the new laptop will definitely help. so yay for things!
i hope you all are doing well!! I’VE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!! i can’t wait to be back!!
Hey there Mr. Tin Man You don’t know how lucky you are I’ve been on the road that you’re on It didn’t get me very far You ain’t missing nothing ‘Cause love is so damn hard Take it from me darling You don’t want a heart
Hey there Mr. Tin Man I’m glad we talked this out You can take mine if you want it It’s in pieces now By the way there Mr. Tin Man If you don’t mind the scars You give me your armor And you can have my heart
Hello!! I wanted to know if like Is okay call your carers mommy/daddy now??? Cause of this and other carer blogs popping up I'm confused on if it's okay to use non sexually for your carer
You can call your carer whatever you and they feel comfortable with! just ask them first if its ok if you call them it ! some people are still intimidated by certain terms or have it linked to trauma. I am happy when my darlings call me what makes them feel most comfortable and happy, be it torri, momma, miss, or anything they can think up!
these terms do not have to have nsfw connotations. They should be nice happy things that give you warm tinglies !! and make you feel safe!
Said “I love you”? to my mom and to my goddaughter Vitoria
Waited all night for a phone call? No
Stayed out literally all night? No
Snuck out? No
Smoked a cigarette? No
Slept in a bed with a person of the same sex? no
Stolen money from a friend? no
Been on an airplane? yes
Slept all day? I wish
Missed someone so much it hurt? no
Fallen asleep during school? All the time
Been lonely? Always,I’m Lonely person,but I like it
Cheated at a game? always Gotten lost? no
Been in a car accident? no
Had detention? no
Given money to a homeless person? yes
Been so happy you cried? no
Regretted loving someone? No yet
Got in trouble with the law? no
Have you ever had a secret admirer? Idk
Been scuba diving? no
Broken a bone? no
Been told you have an accent? Well,where I live,we have a very
distinguished way totalk,we call it
Uai, sô! Fired a gun? no
I’ll be forever thankful to my lovely beta, Dyenya <3
Gif does not belong to me.
all-to-familiar voice erupts behind you without any prior warning. You would
have jumped on your stool had you not been as drunk as you were. Instead, you
just snarled something obscure under your breath, not bothering to even look
“I missed you
just as much, believe me.” the notorious King of Hell sits down next to you,
ignoring the bartender’s questioning look as when he catches sight of the
unfamiliar glass of whiskey nursed Crowley’s hands.
“I never pegged
you as one to be so clingy,” you teased, taking a sip of the cheap liquor in
your own glass.
things change when you’ve got work to do.”
“Don’t you even
start on work,” you warned him, growing even more gloomy than you already were.
“I’m busy and I have no intention of helping you with any of your mess.”
He grew silent,
you almost believed for a moment he’d vanish and annoy someone else.
“Bad hunt?” he
asked, though without his usual cockiness.
sighed deeply, rubbing the bags under your red eyes. You would kill for a few
hours of sleep, but the images that appear every time you closed your eyes were
still too fresh, too haunting for sleep to even be a possibility. You can still
remember the metallic smell of rotten flesh that days earlier was one of the
children you swore you were gonna return to their mother…
“You wanna talk
You raised your
head, not believing what you heard. He looked back at you, lifting one brow
waiting for your response.
“Your eyes are so
hazel, it’s almost impossible. Are you wearing lenses?” you blurt out dreamily,
half-drunk and only centimeters away from the demon.
He chuckled and
for a few moments, there were no words between the two of you but the ones sang
in the background of the bar. You seemed to already forget what happened,
drifting elsewhere into the heavy, warm sleep. Crowley took your glass and set
it aside before you spilled the rest of your drink on yourself. You didn’t even
“This isn’t the
best place to fall asleep,” he spotted, poking you gently. You stirred, yawning
“I’m a bit short
of money, so if you don’t borrow me some, I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
“I thought you
had quite a lot from your last hunt.”
“Yeah, but I left
them in the car.”
“And the car
“In the lake. It
had a ghoul in it.”
“Last time I
checked, wild ghouls don’t appear out of nowhere.”
they do. Especially when you don’t run as fast as you think you do.”
He barely held
back a snort of laughter, but you noticed it and cracked a small smile. He
wasn’t as bad as he liked to pretend.
“So, I suppose
you wouldn’t mind a small lift to a hotel room free of charge?”
“Right now? Not
at all. But don’t tell the boys I had a chance to kill you and was too drunk to
handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? I’m with you ‘til the end of the line, darling. And it would be to @therealjamesbarnes <3
name three wishes and why you wish for them. I wish to be back in Oregon because I miss it so much, I wish to finally go to a psychiatrist someday since my brain is so jumbled and I don’t know what’s wrong anymore or what’s really wrong with me, and I wish to have more confidence in my writing skills since half the time I feel like I’m horrible at it.
Hey, doll. Sorry I disappeared for a little bit on ya. I haven't been having the best day, just got news that I've gotta head out on another mission soon.. I hope you'll forgive me. *wraps my arms around you from behind, nuzzling my face into your neck*
*sighs softly and laces my fingers with yours over my stomach as I lean back against you* It’s alright, darling. Of course I forgive you. But don’t be sorry about your job, you’re a good man and you’re helping the world. I’m proud of you for that, okay? I will miss you, though. A lot. A ton, actually. Who’s going to take me swing dance classes? Steve has two left feet… *chuckles softly and snuggles back against your chest more*