i am just thinking in circles now


I am just the most angry person on this planet right now.  Everything is making me so mad! I have all of this built of rage and I have kept it in for so long it is finally all exploding and taking everyone down with it.  I went off on my boss and my boyfriend so far, they needed to hear what I had to say anyways and now I made sure I got their attention.  I am just so built up with this anger I was trying to put on a fake smile but now I have to sit in solitude so no one can see me pouring out my tears and my pain.  Everything I see makes me angry because in some way it reminds me of something painful and it circles back. I drive out of my way to avoid places I don’t want to see.  I hate how this feels.  And when I talk about it to people and friends the first thing they want to do is tell me what they think I should do.  That makes me feel worse and especially I am not going to do what they want me to do.  I am myself for a reason.  I wish I had someone to vent to and no juding and they will forget what I had said in the morning.  Any personal things I have told people in a moment of weakness I have later regreted because of how they treated me afterwards and they always want an update.  Your intrested in the story not my wellbeing and yes there is a difference. 

The Watcher: Map Icon Experiment


White icon symbols

Square icons with white symbols

I have experimented with the icons on the map as I wanted something noticeably different to the user but with a small change as I felt the black icon symbols were to similar. I have opted to use the full coloured circle icons with white symbols as these coincide with the other icons making it consistent throughout. I think the square icons work nicely and are immediately recognisable as to being different from any other icon within the interface however, I feel the squares are just to sharp for the map which has many soft rounded corners. 

I am now in the process of producing final renders which will include the outsourced audio created by Irvine Cruikshank

Just talked to my aunt on the phone and I think she thinks I’m still a lesbian 😂. She was like “Jae, I’m so proud of you. Keep expressing yourself. Don’t let nobody tell you who to be” and I was like 👀👀 ahuh, thank you! I’m assuming my dad hasn’t said anything. Man… Pops thought he dodged a bullet when I came out but it just came round full circle again 😂

Lord, what have I done? I really thought I had it all figured out last summer, but here I am now. Here I am the fuck now, heavily thirstin after dick. Nahhhhh…This can’t be real life 😂

And listen… When I say I thought, I really did think! I came out to my entire family before I moved. Yes I did. I really thought I knew some shit. You know what the best part was? When my grandparents were like “yeah, we know. Bless your heart” 😩😩😩 I was so weaaaaaak. That response threw me through a brick wall. I still haven’t fully recovered 😩

Ahhhh… She was saying some other things too, but this post has taken a turn. Anyways, my aunt still thinks I’m a lesbian 😂 I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it, lol

I think I need to give Trickster’s Choice by Tamora Pierce another go. When I first read it I really was unappreciative and whiney because what I wanted was MORE KELARDY since I just had finished Protector of the Small and was unabashedly in love.

Now reading the synopsis as an adult I am like what was I thinking this sounds bawler.

Then again I do love the Immortals series too and I never did get around to reading the Beka Cooper series. So I should probably give that book a go too once I am done. I CANT BELIEVE I ONCE HAD BOTH TRICKSTER’s CHOICE AND QUEEN IN HARDBACK AND I GOT RID OF THEM UGH.

jesting replied to your post: kiiyoshi: To people getting upset abo…

As someone *in* this supposed “heatwave” (which, lemme tell you, a heatwave is certainly not here right now) I am entirely sick of this “OMG BRITISH PEOPLE ARE ALL GOING TO MELT! PROTECT BRITS!” bs. It’s patronizing as all get out :/ so yeah ia.

Yeah like??? sometimes people just go full circle and bite themselves in the rear

Yes, I am going to leave the house dressed like this, because dammit, I am too damn old to care about coordination any more.

I am finally reading Hesiod’s Theogony and honestly, I just can’t deal. I cannot cope. I mean, these guys really need to go on Who Do You Think You Are, because the sheer horror on their faces when they discover that their family tree is basically a family circle would be fantastic.

Also, a book rec from me to you - read The Tables of Less Valued Knights by Marie Phillips. It’s a parody of Arthurian legend, with LGBT representation, poc characters, badass female protagonists, wry feminist discourse, and goddamn myriad one liners. Seriously, you all need to read it. Preferably immediately.

And now I am going to the supermarket to buy a ring binder folder, because life is a fucking rollercoaster.

anonymous asked:

modest, security team, simon jones is there? wtf?

Simon jones their pr was there twitter. com/ljpmaliks/status/589152938649583617

twitter. com/hausofkiersten/status/589118772285280256 Preston ?

Excuse my language I am so happy Preston was seen with Louis twitter. com/westlwt/status/588996085105823744 first the body guard now the damn member :D

Did you see that Preston is in the video of Louis arriving at the event last night? He looks like he is on bodyguard duty if you ask me! Maybe Louis has hired him again but if that was being negotiated then why has he been so public about losing his job?! Maybe he was just attending the event as part of their extended circle of friends/acquaintances? What do you think?

I think you all pretty much got the gist.  Preston is back and Simon Jones is hanging around Zayn.  For someone who publicly said he didn’t know where he next job would come from, you would think that meant they knew for sure they wouldn’t be continuing with their current team.  And yet here he is, back working for the same people.  

As for Simon Jones, he’s connected to both Syco and Modest, but obviously he wouldn’t be going to Zayn’s events if Zayn were a former client rather than a current one.

anonymous asked:

If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it. -From Kraven

“ Oh come now Ven, Just cause yer blind you don’t think I am going to make it easy on you do ya? “ She snickered as she held the sword back up, offering yet another “ Come at me “ Taunt. Watching him and learning as they spared on deck she laughed quietly, watching him lift from his bottom and grab his own sword back up once he felt around for it. 

Both moving to ready stance once more and circling each other, he grinned as he listened to her steps. “You are learning pretty good, just don’t get cocky now. Even a blind man can slit your throat if you move just right. “ She laughed and looked back, standing back up slightly. “ Wat?..I ain’ gettin’ Co–”

She huffed out the breath of air as he rushed her with his own blade, hooking the sword she held and pulling it from her hand, just as she slammed into the wall be hind them, the dull edge of his sword right where he had taunted moments ago.

“  If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.  No distractions Bralyna, focus. “ 

He listened to her breathing, felt her stiffen and he dropped the sword, his hands grasping the sides of her head as blind eyes stared back into hers. “ Focus. You want to do this again, you have to keep em away. You have to learn to control them, give in during a fight and you’re fucked.” 

Breathing heavy she nodded, gulping the air into her lungs as she practiced shoving the flashbacks away as well as learning the blade. Finally she lifted, shaking her head free of his grasp and shoved him away. Her hand swept her face and she looked back up at him with a nod.

“ Again…I am going to do this god damn it. “ 


This feeling is so unhealthy… No wonder why some people (mostly women) committed suicide because of love. Of course I won’t do it (I’ll try not to), but I’m not sure how long this will take to fully recover and how I am gonna suffer it… Most of the time I’ll somehow find another love, which helps super effectively, but I Won’t this time because it will just be a circle of mistakes and stupidity, at least until I graduate, and I don’t think there is anyone like him so it’ll take a little bit longer.. Maybe 10 years??
Damn I hate myself
But that was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? It’s happening exactly how I wanted… Why am I not feeling happy? Why am I not satisfied?
All I can see now is pieces of my broken heart and memories, and wishes that never come true.
Oh hello, welcome to my world.

im falling back into that place I was back when I first went to college where I can’t think past or plan out things beyond like today and maybe tomorrow without my brain just feeling like its overloading until eventually I just crash and shut down and its ruining pretty much every aspect of my life especially since now I actually have a sorta social circle that expects things of me

its also bad because literally every time someone talks to me I won’t shut up about how stressed I am and how my life is falling apart but that’s also cause ITS ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT

anonymous asked:

I either have a bad attitude today, or am just plain sad - but I take this tweet to mean that he just can't wait to get away from her and NYC. Meryl will go home to Michigan. Maks will go to LA. I am just hoping that no one talks bad about Meryl in Rumer's little circle now that Meryl is no longer the homie, inner circle, fam for life. By the way, where are all the pics since they are just friends and it shouldn't matter. I thought women were the fickle ones!

Aww..don’t be sad..I know I’m in a bad mood today..haha. But I don’t think Maks was implying that all..he’s just going back to LA. And honestly I think everyone loves Meryl..why wouldn’t they..what did she ever do to them? Maks is the one that’s been questionable lately..not his close friends 😊


March 29: sample of my thoughts:

“I just had eye contact with a 15-foot great white shark”

“I’m in shark infested waters”

“This is so much cooler than Shark Week”

“I am literally 4 inches away from sharkface right now”

“If I reached out to touch it, do you think he would turn around fast enough to bite my hand off?”

“I get why Paul Walker loved sharks”

“Is that shark circling us? Yes, yes, he just circled my cage”


The past few months, I’ve been out of control. Everything in my life have been so out of shape - I’m lost, confused, distraught and have been running in circles. The control freak that I am have suddenly lost hope that I will be able to get myself out of a rut, that I have gotten myself into over and over again. 

I had to break down several times to be able to get it. and now, I think I am. and I’ve been making decisions to make a decision that will get me out for good in this grave that I’ve dug myself in. 

What is it? I’m so itching to tell or talk about it but I’ve decided to just do it instead of talking about it. Talking about it leads to nothing. I want to be quiet about it and just surprise people that I can do something quite impossible at firt thought. 

I’m about to check one of the things in my bucket list and relying on it to get me starting to really the live the life that I’ve been wanting to live. 

Anyway, for now, good night. 

Day 1 starts tomorrow.

Just friends day 15

Now you’re back to telling me your personal problems and what’s going on in your home.
I don’t know if am supposed to be happy that you still carry that much of trust in me or should I worry that me trying to figure out solutions for your problem would make me think more about you and then I fall back to that closed circle.
Maybe for a while I should just listen till am able to help without hurting myself.

I am a sleepless individual.

I spend countless days and nights laying in bed and staring at my ceiling… I am a sleepless individual and I don’t really know the cause. I constantly have dark circles around my eyes so I guess you could say that people think it’s normal for me instead of just being tired which isn’t true… At least I don’t think it is even now it’s 5:40 in the morning and I’m awake without a real purpose and that’s on top of my strange dreams that I’ve been having lately… I forget them as soon as I wake up but I’m left with the strange sense that I’ll be experiencing them again in a similarly but in a different manner… Idk everything just feels very off lately.

Day 2 Belly dance

No pics today, just my ramblings.  Also no yoga today; mostly because I wasn’t able to do all of the Belly dance that I wanted to before I went to class so I did it when I got home (after my parentals went to bed) and now I don’t have the time or energy for yoga.  It’s no big, I have skipped yoga before, I figure as long as I don’t skip it two, three, four, five…ten days…you get the idea.  

So second day of Belly dance and wow, can I feel it.  I am not doing a lot right now, just basic arm movements and hip circles.  So I feel I slight tightness in my shoulder, upper arms and, oddly, calves.  I think I feel a tightness in my calves partly because of the yoga postures but also because the belly dancing I’m doing right now isn’t a lot of movement, there’s a lot of standing and moving the hips and arms, so even though my legs aren’t locked (’cause that’s bad) I’m having to concentrate on not moving.

I’m learning that a lot of belly dance is isolating movement to one part of your body which is hard!  Whereas yoga is holding your body still in a position, belly dance has movement but it is more isolated.  That’s not to say that belly dance doesn’t have movement throughout the body but the movement tends to be isolated.  So, for example when you are moving your hips back and forth, you don’t want to be leaning with the movement, so your hips move, and your legs move slightly but your upper body remains still.  At least that’s the idea.

Both the yoga and belly dance are a definite workout just in slightly different ways.  And I can definitely feel it in my muscles.  I’m a sore, as would be expected with any new activity, but I’m not in pain.  Which, to me, is preferable.  If I’m in pain I’m not going to be motivated to do any physical activity, whereas if I’m a little tight I’m willing to work through the tightness and loosen up.

So I’m doing both the yoga and belly dance off of DVD’s and I wanted to talk about that a little bit.  First of all, the reason I’m doing that is because I have a weird schedule since I’m finishing up my AAS in Paralegal Studies I have class at night and do homework during the day.  And, yes, I could go to a yoga or belly dance class during the day but I’m not good at doing things by myself.  I always feel a little awkward doing anything by myself even something as simple as going grocery shopping and it’s, like, x1000 when it’s some sort of physical activity.  Since my only free time is during the day and the only person I know (aka my mom) who would do some sort of workout or something like that works during the day, I’m low on options.

My sister-in-law would probably do yoga with me but she lives in California so, I’m bust.

Hence, DVD’s!!  Hooray for options for socially awkward people to get fun and relaxing and rejuvenating physical activity!

I like the ones I’ve got because both of the instructors on them are very encouraging.  They both tell you not to push yourself too far, they tell you “if it hurts, stop, take a step back and do smaller or go back to the beginning.”  Which I prefer, and personally think is safer, to the whole “PAIN IS GAIN,” ‘IF IT HURTS THAT MEANS YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT RAAA!!” shit.  And I’ve done a Jillian Michaels workout DVD, there was no understanding of people’s comfort and/or current activity level, it was all “push, push, push, don’t stop, if you’re tired keep going, there’s no time for weakness.”  It was exhausting and, because I couldn’t go, go, go, I felt like a failure and stopped doing it.

So, I appreciate that these instructors tell you not to push too hard or go too far too fast and that if you’re in pain to stop, that pain shouldn’t be part of the yoga pose or belly dance movement.

I also really like the woman who does the belly dance instruction because you can tell she really loves what she is doing and there’s so much joy.  And, she also mentions a few times that you’re movements are going to look different from hers because your body is unique.

One last thing, the movement I’ve had the hardest time with is the shoulder shimmies.  I can get the shoulders going forward and back one after the other but it falls apart when I have to go faster.  I know a lot of it is that because of my acculturation I feel like having the fat (what little of it there is, but it’s there) under my upper arms along with my little pooch and chest shouldn’t be moving and flopping about so I try to control it when I really shouldn’t.  I appreciate the instructor though, ‘cause she points out the Western ideal that the fat under your arms shouldn’t move and points out that in this style of belly dance it’s actually considered part of the movement and there’s nothing wrong with it.  It makes me feel better that she points out that it should move and it kind of makes me feel less awkward.

Day two done, sorry for the super long post.

April 9, 2015 - 2 : 20 am

This is becoming more like a late night diary. No matter, I have no one to talk to… or at least let’s just say that i don’t want to talk to anybody right now..

Didn’t really like to go to school today.. but I pushed myself because i don’t want to sulk and mope around in bed all day. It was great tho, it felt lighter.. for a while. I saw him - his usual self circling around being busy. I didn’t think he saw me tho, but it was okay. Not that i have anything to say..

Also.. I kinda felt sad i wasn’t be able to go to yesterday’s Hale concert and what not. They said it was nice. But then again, I think I really needed a time off.

By the way, I was home early today, 6-ish or so i dunno. It kinda felt light for I have no responsibilities to take care off. I assigned photogs and all and i don’t think it’d help me to see him every now and then.. anyway, I really wanted to watch chick flicks / drama movies with him the whole day or marathon.. but i don’t think it would still happen.. It has been 2 years and I think if it’d happen, it would have happened but no. Missed opportunities, missed chances.. Main reason is because it’s not really his priority to spend time with me.. he even considered the last time was a waste of time.. Lol, i can still remember the Jem 2 years ago, the Jem who doesn’t watch these kind of movies. He, introduced them to me.. and I think the first one we saw is the Perks of Being a wallflower..  but i think i should watch them by myself now.. I really have to get used watching these alone.

I watched this movie called “When Harry met Sally”. I copied it from Pau.  It was beautiful. They have these mini clips of old couples narrating how their love story started until they get married. Others by accident, others were sure that they will marry that person the first time they saw her. I felt happy, because I know that there are different kinds of love out there… and mine’s waiting to unfold. Who knows, maybe it’d be a new story, or an old one, or this would continue.. :)

An open letter to people telling me to be less antisocial.

Part of me strongly disagrees with the notion that technology has made us less prone to communicate and interact. I mean, maybe I don’t spend a great deal of time conversing with the people I am in physical proximity to. But I also don’t have to do so in order to have a meaningful social interaction.
Advances in technology have continuously made the world smaller. And when I say ‘technology’, understand that I don’t just mean iPhones and tumbler, but cars, the postal system and railroads!
As a result, my potential social circle doesn’t just consist of the people a day’s walk or a stage coach ride away, as people only 200 years ago might have been limited to, but now encompasses the entire globe. Which is pretty amazing when you think about it.
If there aren’t that many people with whom I share interests in my immediate vicinity, I can spend a few hours driving to a neighboring city or flying to a neighboring country to supplement that lack. Or, even more amazingly, spend seconds connecting with someone a half a world away via the web!
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I would argue that technology doesn’t necessarily make us antisocial, but rather gives us the ability to be more socially selective. We have more options!
Now, whether or not we’re making the right decisions is another problem. But I would put to you that it’s not a new one either.